tylercdurden2004

Yes it was. I thought it was clear. Sorry.](*,)

So you dumped and he didnt care. What did you expect? He maintained that all along.

Wow so she guilts you into buying her stuff. Why do you let her carrying on with her goldsdiggin' ways? Really its all about you. If you hate it soooo much why do you go back?

You lost your Visa card in a hooker?! Man payment methods sure have changed.

This is a deal with the devil here. How can you be sure shes not going to "find" someone else? A break almost always means the end of the relationship and usually the one who suggests does so in order to explore what the have or havent already. Its a nice way to say " I am not too concerned about losing you."

Exactly and driving is out of the question too! The point there is very little to gain from overeating and not working out. No one has ever been awarded for this "accomplishment" and for good reason. However many books are written by and about people who have climbed everest. So these are two totally different things. Overeating and not exercising are exactly the same as smoking. They are slow insidious ways to die with no benefit to doing either. But again my argument is that there is a sense of entitlement for people who overeat and dont exercise and become obese. I understand the OP may not be referring to obesity but again being overweight is something that is largely controllable just like smoking and drinking too much. If the OP doesnt like smoking he shouldnt date a smoker. If he doesnt like drinking then he shouldnt date a drinker. Same goes for someone who lets themselves go. My whole response was in regards to the first few posters many of whom stated its "normal". Again I see mothers all the time who are fit and relatively in shape. So its not "normal" and no one is not entitled to be overweight anymore than they are entitled to smoke or drink. However we tax alcohol and cigarettes because of health issues we dont however tax junk food. I wonder why? But no one has mentioned anything about being obsessed with skinny people. I dont know where that came from? Maybe you are referring to non-obese vs obese people. Not being obese is NOT the same as being skinny.

Again it has nothing to do being athletic. Being in shape and athletic are two totally different things. Again your argument is exactly what my point is. Why is mental health (intelligence) more important than physical health? Quite frankly its total BS that its assumed somehow being smart is more important than being in shape. Both these things fade over time. Neither is enough on its own and each person should put some effort into both in my belief. However all to often is simple seen as ok that someone neglects their body but not their mind. As for a badge of honour, yes people should be proud of their physical accomplishments just as they should be proud of their mental accomplishments. Should they look down on others regardless of whether its a physical or mental accomplishment, no. But that doesnt excuse laziness whether in the physical or mental arena. Somehow society says its ok to overeat and not exercise, but its not ok to smoke. Huh? How does this flawed or lack of logic work. If you think being overweight doesnt effect other members of society think again. Family members suffer because overweight people die earlier, society has to accommodate overweight people at the cost to society (Ford making bigger seats in which the cost will be footed by everyone) I can list more. There is almost air of entitlement when it comes to obesity. "People should just like me for my inside" well guess what being lazy and lacking self control and self esteem are inside issues. The entitlement that "people should accommodate me" heck I would love nothing more than to have society (airlines in particular) accommodate my broader than average shoulders. Having said that there are genuine cases where obesity is not so easily preventable such as injury, hormonal, genetic. But these are in the minority. Again its the entitlement part that bothers me the most which is what a lot of the first responses were dealing with. The OPs girlsfriend doesnt have some entitlement for people to be attracted to her if she makes no effort. Sorry but it dont work that way. Sure some people may enjoy certain body types. But just as I dont want a girl who is super skinny because she doesnt eat or has an eating disorder I dont want a GF who eats to much and doesnt work out. Like wise I dont want a GF who spend all day studying and exercising her mind I also dont want a GF who doesnt try to exercise her mind. Its about balance and entitlement is not part of that equation. If your interest is sitting infront of the TV eating Doritos everyday just dont expect others to to understand your situation.

Interesting name. I wonder if it named after someone or if it has to do with making barrels?

I'm pretty sure that the gist of the call was her feeling me out to see if I would actually take her back. Remember that this does not mean SHE will take YOU back.

I think Raykay nailed this one pretty much. Especially regarding lifestyle. No weight gain is not "natural" if it invovles eating junk food and rubbish and not being active. And NO womens weight does not "naturally" fluctuate 20-30lbs over the course of a few years. These are lifestyle habits. Sure as we get older our metabolism slows and keeping weight off or not putting it on becomes harder. Any time I have put on weight its because of ME not nature. I can blame nature I can blame the junk food but it comes down to me and the lifestyle choices I make. Sure its hard work to keep in shape. But there is a big difference between being a "fitness instructor" and being in shape. I am quite active ( i can climb mountains, go mountain biking, swim 1km a day)and eat relatively well but I dont have a six pack, I never had nor never will have one. However its all about taking care of yourself. Love is about "sickness and in health" however how many people would apply that to smoking, alcoholism etc compared to overeating and not exercising. Overeating and not exercising have just as many health risks as other "bad" habits. Somehow in our society its become acceptable to be fat, to the point where Ford Motor cars are now being designed to have 15% bigger seats to accommodate bigger people. It seems we go forward in some areas (not allowing smoking in public places) but backwards in others (accomodating people who overeat and dont exercise). I just dont understand how its contrued to be "normal". As far as looks go. Theres nothing wrong with wanting your partner to look good nor is there anything wrong with wanting to look good for your partner. Looks are part of the package just as much as the "inside" stuff. If you dont liek the way someone looks, you are hardly going to be attracted to them, which is paramount to a long term lovign relationship. Some people like heavy set people and thats cool. Its what ever floats your boat. But again weight gain seems to be accepted and excused as being "natural" and "normal" which is simply untrue. I would love to e accepted even if I didnt shower for weeks on end and never washed my clothes, heck that takes effort. I just dont imagine many girl who would dig that, although I am sure there are some out there. As for the OP YES it depends on how you approach the situation. I would approach it like I would approach any other issue of health concern. If she has gained a lot of weight now at 23 and is not interested in doing something about it it only gets worse. It is a slippery slope and a vicious cycle or low self- esteem leadig to lack of motivation leading to more low self-esteem. Mayeb you need to find someone who is willgin to put the effort in to being ain shape a looking good as you define it. Like wise maybe she needs to find someone who is OK wiht her putting on weight and not caring about appearance.

Personally I am confused by this post. What exactly is a player as you are referring to it. Everything you have listed can be found in a lot of people at some point in time in a relationship. Everyday I go onto Enotalone and I see stories like mine. "Giving" girls who are sensitive and kind and end up putting up with serious "players" that have no respect for honesty or kindness and are totally selfish. You talk of disrespect, no honesty, selfishness but what do you mean by that, the person doesnt shows you respect at all, some times? What do you mean by disrespect, spitting, swearing at someone, not doing waht you want to do? We live according to their rules ie: meet them when they're "available", call them (but they don't return our calls, they tell us we're the one for them, they "love" us, when the only person they truly love is themselves? Why do we do it? What are the rules you talk of? Of course if you are talking about self-centred, extremely selfish people well yeah they should be avoided whether its a relationship friendship etc. We believe they're going to change (just for us) but they never will. We think we are the one that might "get through" to them. Do you not think this may very well be propagating the issue. You try and change them, they try to get further away(playing in teh context of this thread). We feel its real love. When real love is giving and unselfish and is YOUR FRIEND. At what point is it real love? Love and reraltionships area all about give and take. So love has an element of taking or more precisley being open to the giving of others. Love and friendship are two different things. Real love is not unavailable at weekends Real love calls you late at night - if you left a message that you had a bad day Real love is there for you - when you need it. Where are these established rules? Unavailable on the weekends? Are you referring to the initial dating period (2-3months), are you referring to a long-term relationship (1 year)? Calling late at night? What do you consider late at night? Could they be acting considerate and not wanting to wake you up? Real love is there when you need it? Doesnt that depend on the context of the relationship? If YOU are the one constantly NEEDING the REAL love then I could imagine it would be a bit tiring for the OTHER party to the relationship. More of us need to recognise that players need less of us to "play with"... Then their game is up...but as long as we "play" along, we massage their egos and keep their sense of power. Certainly if someone is dating you for an ego boost you need to drop them ASAP. Anyway, I guess I just needed to get this OUT to all the gals who have dated or are considering dating a player Sure its a rant. Thats what enotalone is for. I just dont see anything that would constitute as solid evidence of someone being a player. But then again I dont think I've ever dated one.

Hey I think thats the same article I read. Think it mentioned something about taking bras off is healthier for ME.

Maaaaaan sometimes I really love to take a day off work, grab a cuppa joe, plop down on the couch, hit the telly, and scratch to my hearts content.

We are already seeing a problem with low birth rates concerning the baby boom bubble.

Could very well be that he needs someone more sexually adventurous. Like wise maybe you need someone who is not so adventurous. Distance is a tough thing and needs a lot of attention to keep the flames going.

Quite frankly you may need to start looking at finding someone who shares the same ideals as you and she needs to find someone who needs to share the same ideals as her. I personally want a family one day and wouldnt consider dating a girl who didnt. Although on the other hand if I never get married I am sure I will keep myself busy.

Sure you shoudl ultimately make the decision yourself. Having said that however you need to really look at whether you rheart is tellign you whats best. You can love anyone and thats great but A RELATIONSHIP IS THE LOGICAL PARTNER TO LOVE. That is a relationship has to make sense to "add up". You are feeling strongly about her and looking at any positive sign as an indication and affirmation of what you really hope for and that is to be back together with her. This is the reason you want other points of veiw. What you really want is someone to affirm your belief that she wants to get back together with you in a complete and healthy way. That is without other motives such as needing to be with someone, afraid of being alone, wanting someone while she looks for someone she really wants to be with. The facts are: if she wanted to get back together with you the very thought of losing you forever would drive her to make it happen, for the relationship to work out. Plain and simple. Nothing in her email to you indicates that. Again its all about her and how she is feeling. Not what a healthy relationship is about. Most likely you will be a crutch for her until she decides you are not longer what she wants and someone better comes along. So go for it. I personally dont see anything to indicate it will work out. But if it does great if it doesnt at least it presents you with a great learning opportunity.

The great thing about public forums is it allows for the giving of a "braod" range of advice and opinion. Sometimes people want to hear only one thing. Often people will seek out others who feel the same way and lose out on the richness a variety of opinions can provide. As for whether a person takes advice is totally up to them. The onus is on the receiver not the giver. If someone gave you the advice to jump off a bridge would you?

In most countries (western anyways) there are laws regarding due process. Generally your employer will have to show they discussed the issues with you before and did everythign possible to give you a chance to change. Usually you get one verbal warning and one written warning before you can be fired. If non of this happened you may have a case. However you were a contract employee so that may change things.

That about sums it up best you can. Again her email is about HER HER HER. My ex sent me a few emails over the past few months. In fact in the last one I sent I asked her 3 specific question one being "Are you wanting to get back together" ( i am not interested myself). Her reponse said nothing about getting back and nothing about anything except HER HER HER. Actually I let a friend read that email and my response to it(which will never be sent) and they brought up the fact that it was all about her. To me that is the most telling thing. People like this are too be AVOIDED. Not because they are mean and nasty and hateful. But because they often dont have a clue about life and will use their feelings to justify their actions (callling you at 1AM!). There are many people who live troubled lives because they cannot or will not avoid letting their actions be dictated by how they feel. Its very hard to have a stable loving relationship with these types of people.

Wow! Brainwave. Of course he has to know. He has to know whether its something innocent or something not so innocent. I would not take anything she says at face value but I would be looking at her ACTIONS. Already her actions seem to be out of place for someone about to get married.

Um glancing at your other threads, I think it might be best to put the wedding on hold here. You mentioned about her secret guy friend you've never met, you mentioned red flags given by her and some of her friends, you mentioned she wants to know all the details about your friends and is insecure. Why do you want to get married if you are not 100% sure? Doesnt the pain of having to go through all this PLUS kids scare you off? Marriage doesnt cure all.

I think you should confront her about what was in the text messages. Quite frankly if you are going so far as to check her messages you are already quite suspicious so do you think you will be able to let this go with out any answers? From what you have posted I would be worried. The content sounds suspicious and the fact that her behaviour changed (lowering her voice and leaving the room) while taking a call from her friend would indicate something is possibly up. Also her staying out until 3am doesnt sound to good for a marriage especailly if she didnt call you to tell you shes ok. I would simply say to her "so XXXX, how do you know [man you suspect shes invovled with]." or "do you mind telling me about [man you suspect shes involved with]." Her initial reaction will tell you everything.

The fact is she is still confused. Regardless of gender, time, place, age etc etc. Its never a good idea to align yourself with someone who is confused and indecisive. Fact is YOU cant make decisions for them and waiting for them to get their poop together, well thats your call if its ever goign to happen. Heres my post with the email my ex sent me.