mermayd

You are absolutely right. The STD thing can be a big issue, a major concern. Of course, protection would be used at all times and the couples that participate would have to trust one another beyond just a friendly standard. Also, there are usually ground rules established with the couple. Participating in eachothers presense. Reserving making love for the one partner as to not step on anyones toes, etc. also take note that polygamy and polyamory are separate (though similar) ideas

I know that question might sound crazy, but hear me out. Humans are not monogomous creatures. Have you looked at the statistics of couples cheating on eachother??? Infidelity statistics It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent secrecy. * 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives. * 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives. * Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful. * 70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity. * 5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in the 1997. * 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past. * 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong. * 50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll. * 61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion. * 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity. Source: Associated Press Cheating has been an ongoing issue from the beginning of time. Does anyone agree with me that maybe, just maybe, swingers have it all figured out? I can almost assure you that given the above statistics, the encounters were purely sexual for the most part. Not emotional. The person who cheated does not love their partner any less. It is just they way they are wired. Men particularly, no offense. All I know is that I would rather KNOW what my man is doing than have to question his every move. Honesty and trust are the core of a relatiosnhip and with the stigma of unfaithfulness in our country, why would a partner want to be honest about straying when they think that the one they LOVE (not just the one they wanted a lay from) would leave their heart. I would choose honesty. To be honest, I would want to join in. It would be a great way to keep the sex life alive and exciting (an addition, not a replacement), be able to trust and not question the partner, and have fun yourself! So maybe swingers have it all figured out...

I have never done the LDR thing. My bf and I ahve been together for over 2 1/2 years. We are currently living together and have been for 2 years. I love him more than I could ever explain in words. I know he loves me the same. He has to move 400 miles away to go to school and finish up his degree. I have to stay here to finish up mine. I will be done in about 6 months and then I am moving to where he is (which is also back home). Over the course of these 6 months, we will be seeing each other for two weeks over spring break, and one weekend before, and one weekend after. Those are definitely going to happen. More occasions are possible but not confirmed. 6 months and seeing each other in between is not terrible right? He says he has all these plans after we both graduate. Get a home, travel, establish lives together. I must admit I am scared. Most of me is ok with the whole thing and confident. but theres this deep rooted part of me that thinks that once a person leaves, they are gone forever (abandonment issues). I also have this deep rooted fear of being mislead. I dont want to be promised something and not have it follow through. So to those of you with experience, and those of you who just have some words, should I put my heart and soul into this? Will it work like he says? Or is there a good chance that I will end up being mislead and we will grow apart over the course of the 6 months? Others in this forum have stated that LDRs work if the couple intends on being together in the end. We do, so does that mean I dont have to worry?

my bf hates when I kiss him with gloss on... but I do it anyway ;-)

The saying goes: "If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it was meant to be." Has anyone actually experienced this? Has this come true? I would like to hear your responses and experiences

no way am I going to subject myself to a donkey punch. Donkey Punch: When you are having sex with a girl and you clock her upside the head and knock her out just before you are about to come.

for guys and girls, What is your fave sex move 1) to get and 2) to give?

I TRY to be, but sometimes I get busy... I am unsure if you are asking about face of pubes too. But in response to both, as a woman, I prefer my man's face to be clean shaved or a slight stubble (5-o'clock shadow) even a "bad" scruffy look is ok. As long as it looks maintained and not trashy. As for pubes, shaven is ok, but I actually prefer a close trim. No bushyness. Just clean looking and trimmed.

we dont have sex all that often. not as often as one might think or even hope...but thats sorta ok, as long as it is exciting when we DO do it. threesomes arent out of the question. I'm working on that but it will take a while. (even w/ girl on girl action...) we have looked at porn together and surfed the net together AND on our own time. I would love to try bondage and we have dabbled in it...sorta. But he finds it to be too cliche to be creative....

My bf of 2 years and I are both sorta bored of sex. What kind of stuff do you do to keep the flame roaring? When I think about what we HAVE done, its not boring. We have tried many many different positions, included toys, exchanged dom/sub role, done it in different places... I need some new and exciting tips. One thing that I have tried recently that seems to be good for him is massaging his prostate during sex. But I need something new so it doesnt get overdone and boring. I only get eager for sex when I have a new idea to try out. He gets eager when he knows it wont be the "same old thing" so as you can see, a few tips and tricks would be appreciated by us both. Please advise. thanks

I dont really know how to say this without going into too much depth. But basically, I dont know what I want out of sex. I have never been asked. Always the pleaser, never pleased. My bf wants me to tell him what I want and it usually ends up in an argument b/c I have no idea and I dont know where to look for ideas. I know how to please him, that isnt the problem, he wants ME to be pleased and he refuses to go any further if I dont speak up. When I cant think of anything, I lose the mood and get frustrated and thats when an argument arises. Anything I DO want or have suggested, he says is too "popular" and that I should establish my own sexual creativity. I told him that it is like tying a child's hands behind their back for 10-15 years and then untying them and asking them to pain a picture. What do you think would happen? I know I can assume no picture. That is unless there are photos given to provide guide;ines and then they can copy or build off of the idea. All I am asking for are the "photos" just to build off of and I never get an answer. Ok, so to make a long story short, I am terrified to have sex with him now for fear of humiliation and the loss of the excitement. It has been 2 weeks since our last time. I just KNOW that once we start, he will ask me what I want and the whole thing will start over again. Can anyone please help? What do all you women like? I need ideas. PM me if you need to, I just need SOME input. This really sux!

My bf and I have tried quite a few different thing sexually. I think we both want to spice things up in our sex life. But I dont know what or how to do it. I feel like we have done most everything that people usually think of as "kinky" or "risque" or "dirty". We havent done EVERYTHING you can think of, but we really arent comfortable with the whole role-playing thing and pain. I have suggested bondage but he hasnt taken the offer. I also love sex in public places...or just out of the home. He doesnt want to do that. He wants our sex to be more kinky and exciting, but I feel that I am open to ideas and give suggestions, but nothing ever happens with it. He wants ME to be creative and think of things I want him to do or have done to me. I have always been the "Pleaser" in my past relationships and I honestly have no clue what I like others to do to me. I know very well what I like to do to myself. But I have never been given the offer. I want him to give me some ideas or inform me of what is out there that I may be unaware of. But he want it to come straight from me. I feel like Im going in circles. I dont think I am boring in the least. We have tried almost any position we can think of. We have included toys. We have been in different rooms. He's not a romantic guy so nix that one. So, in a nutshell, what can I do, or what ideas are there that I can incorporate into our sex life? We hardly even have sex anymore anyway. I think it may be due in part to the above reasons, but recently, I get riled up and then I know that I will be asked to tell him what I want and I can't think of anything and I end up getting completely turned off instead. Someone please please help me out! I have been trying to get ideas for MONTHS and nothing has surfaced or worked!

I am not overweight at all. I am about 5'6 and weigh 118-120 lbs. By upper body is small (about 2 in. smaller than avg) and my waist is as well. I always lose weight in places above my belly button. Everything below my belly button has gotten larger this past year. I have stretch marks and cellulite that I never have had before. I refuse to show myself in a bathingsuit this summer. I work 2 jobs and go to school full time. This leaves me very liitle time to exercise or even eat. I try to have more than one meal a day but it is often impossible. Besides, I feel that eating (when I dont have time to exercise it off) is only setting me back. When I have been involved in some exercise class, gone to the gym in my apt. complex, or done at-home exercises, it does not seem to help significantly. The foods I eat are not unhealthy either. I try to make balanced meals. How can I solve this problem?? I feel that with every suggestion or solution that is out there I have something that makes it impossible or incredibly difficult to practice it. I feel that I have tried all that my life schedule will allow me to do, and I have no results! I have even tried diet pills but they only target the areas that I don't need to lose fat. Someone please help me figure out a plan that will work for me?? How can I focus on my thighs and butt alone? How can I get rid of this FAST? thank you to all who offer any help. I know that I am not the only one who could use it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now (for those who are familiar with me---can you believe it!?) Anyway, along our journey I have come to learn that he does not open up when it comes to his emotions. Today we found out that his uncle (who was diagnosed with throat cancer last year) is going to die soon. He has not seen his uncle since he was about 5 years old and has not talked to him in at least 3 or 4 years. Nonetheless, he has admired him and holds a dear image of him...almost as though his uncle is his role model. I have never dealt with a person close to me dying. I can help anybody in almost any situation, but I am lost regarding this. I know this news is bothering him. Regardless of his witholding his emotions, he has opened up slightly and let me know that he is pretty upset about this. That only means to me that he truly is and that he needs as much support as possible. For those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, how did those around you help you through it? What would you have liked for someone to do? Right now all I feel that I can do is listen. I know that is fine, but I still feel helpless. Both of our families are 400 miles away and we have few friends, so I am close to all he has to look to for some comfort. Please help me help him. Any advice is helpful. I am lost in the dark right now.

how about its hard to trust since THEY have cheated before or have been dishonest

I think I really skrewed up. Maybe not as much as I feel like I have. Myt bf and I have been together about a year and a half. A while back I found out that he was talking to his ex in an intimate way. I had every right to be upset and I never have fully gotten over the thing he said to her and the fact he was talking to her in the first place that way. I have no problem with him talking to other girls or even other ex's. It was the situation and the 4 year history he had with her that irritated me. Anyway, to make an epic more like a breif, I have had trust issues ever sice. I got terribly depressed and started taking meds. They were helping significantly. Then school ended and my Dr. is at school. So my meds stopped. I have had the same feelings that I had before I started the meds. Im getting depressed again and I am not trusting my bf. Mind you, he has done everything he can to gain my trust. There is nothing that I can hold against him after the incident. He has been absolutely wonderful. Yesterday was my skrewup. While he was at work, I began snooping like I used to do. I had gotten out of the habit but I got curious yesterday for no reason at all. I didnt actually go through anything. I only shuffled through some things but didnt actually look at anything. There is this package he has of "memories" on top of his desk. I took it down but didnt even open it. I accidentally left it on his desk and when he came home he asked why it was down. I had to confess. The thing is, I finally gained HIS trust that I didnt snoop anymore. Yesterday I didnt even look at anything but I think he thinks I did. He says its ok, but I think in the back of his mind, we're back at square one. Im really upset about this because I stopped myself but that doesnt really make a difference in his mind b/c all he sees is that one of his personal private things was moved. Anything could have happened. And since I have a history of snooping, I dont blame him for thinking I did so. Even though I didnt really. I think he is taking my word for it and trusting when I say that I didn't actually go through anything. But at the same time I think in the back of his mind he has doubt. Im so pissed at myself for giving into the temptaion of curiosity because he hasnt given me any reason to doubt him in over 6 months. He has proved only the opposite. I dont know what to do or if I should do anything. I apologized to him but Im not sure if that is enough. On the other hand, I dont want to push the issue and make it a huge dramtic thing. I know he hates that anyway. It seems like he just wants to let it go and say "whatever" about it. Should I shun the whole issue and not worry about it? Or can it come back and bite me in the ass later? Someone help?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. We have been living together away from home for about 10-11 months. I just recently discovered (without his knowledge that I know) that he confided in a friend and told the person that he is bored. I read the conversation and the tone of voice he took was pretty much that he loves me (which I know he does) but that maybe things have become too comfortable for him. He stated that he was bored and that his issue is security vs. excitement. Also that we always are together. I am afraid he will drift away due to this. He may leave me at some point or cheat on me. I love him to death and want to be with him for a loooong time. I have even considered lifelong commitment, but I am too young to really contimplate it at this point. But the point is that I don't want him to be bored and desire excitement. What can I do to keep him attentive to our relationship? Keep in mind that we have little time because we both go to school full time and he is working in between. But ANY suggestion will be helpful. Please help me.

The clitoris is the small sensitive "ball" that sort of hangs from the top of the vagina. It is an external feature, so you don't have to look for it anywhere inside. When touched, it feels completely different (much better) than touching any other part of the vagina. Try going to link removed and look up the word "clitoris" and see if any of the sites help in their drawings/pictures of where it is. Don't worry, I checked it out and there wasnt any porn, but a lot of useful information on the first few that I saw. Im sorry your mother especially laughs at you. You should remind her that she is there to teach and inform you about topics like these. It is important for a mother to exercise that role/ Anyway, good luck in your new discovery. Once you find it, you will wonder how you went so long without knowing what it was all about.

HI there. I just need to vent/brag/enjoy the moment/share...whatever. My bf and I just had sex. but it wasnt just sex. For the first time in a year and a half, we MADE LOVE. There was PASSION. It didnt start off so well. I mean, it was just like every other time...nothing spectacular. And he started asking me what I want, what I want to do, what I want him to do to me. He has been asking this for some time. The past 10-15 times we have had sex. I never have an answer. I have never thought of it. He asked me what fantasies I have or what I want him to do and he wont do anything till I answer him. Then I get out of the mood and frustrated b/c I cant think of anything. We almost "lost it" and I was about to get up and just not go any further. But I asked him "why do you always ask me that? give me some ideas or something b/c I cant think of anything!" He responded with "You always aim to please, you always want to just satisfy ME, I want to satisfy YOU and you need to tell me how." Woah...NO ONE has ever said this to me. I never even really thought about what I want. He was absolutely right...it has always been about the other person in any sexual experience I have had. I never let myself enjoy it...I just want to satisfy him. So his comment hit me and a few moments later, I said "I know what I want...but it doesnt come in the form of a position or action. I want passion." At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him to make love to me. He said he cant b/c he cant put love and sex in the same category. I didnt understand it then but after he explained his past to me, I sort of do. Its just something about him. I didnt like it, but there isnt much I can do to change it. So after I said I want passion, he did it. His arms held me close, embracing me. And for the first time, I was enjoying every moment of the experience. He was soft, but passionate. He was MAKING LOVE to me. He has never done that. I cried afterwards...Im crying now b/c it was so wonderful and I have wanted it for so long. So now that this part is cleared up between he and I, it wouldnt be as special if it was like that every time. But I want to be more sexually open and not just have plain old sex all the time. I know you cant tell me what my fantasies are or what I want...I have to find that myself. But I would like any ideas on the subject that you can offer. I feel lame asking this, but what fantasies are there? I never really paid attention to the issue so I never established any. Now I have a mind block and cant think of anything. If anyone could just give me ideas on fantasies that I can contimplate or erotic ideas/positions anything I can do in bed that may make things more exciting, I'd love to hear it. If you dont feel comfortable posting it, go ahead and private message me. Thanks a bunch!

I have told him, we HAVE talked.

I am having a hrd time dealing with porn lately. I dont want to dislike it as much as I do...I depsise it. I dont know why but I do. I want to be one of those women who can enjoy it with their partner rather than hate it so much. But I cant change who I am. I just have to accept it. But I always get so bent out of shape about it. I hate the fact that he gets turned on by looking at other women, and then asks for sex. he gets turned on by me too...I know I am being really selfish in saying this but I want to be the only one who he gets aroused by. In my past relationships (not to sound conceited in any way) my ex's have always worshipped the ground I walk on. They make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and I never have been so jealous as I am in this relationship. I just dont feel very sexy and when I see him look at other women, it makes me feel less sexy. He's even starting a porn site so he can make money. Why does he have to make money by doing something I hate so much? I havent expressed my feeling about this because I know it bothers him that I dont like porn. I have tried accepting it and let him just do what he pleases with it and I used to get very angry and he hated that. I understand guys need visual stimulation and all that and I know that there's nothing about porn that I really should be concerned about at all and I know guys just do it, no matter what. But I dont like it. I have supressed my feelings about it b/c I dont feel I should get upset about it and everyone tells me its something that will never change and I will have to come to terms with it. How can I not get so frustrated about this issue? I have told him my feelings about it before and he clearly knows my veiws. I dont want to be this way, I dont want to hate it so much. What is ironic is in my last relationship, I WANTED my ex to look at porn and I thought something was wrong with him that he didnt. Now my bf DOES and I hate it. Whats wrong with me? Someone please help me out.

I think you are absolutely right that I have to do some soul searching. I am fearful that he will not always be faithful to me. In part bc of my own insecurities, and also bc many men do not stay faithful for very long. In your opinion, given the situation, do you think he did? Or do you think it could go either way just as easily? I was even thinking of asking kristi myself, next time we talked. But I am unsure if I should or not. Should I tell my bf that I think I had them before we even got together? I think that fact weighs heavily if he hears it. It will be like he doesnt have as many excuses if I do. but then if I do and he really DIDNT cheat, I have told him something that I kept hidden and brought on unnecessary issues. Thank you so much for responding. I really really need some help in this and I was afraid no one would respond.

you are out to pelase yourself, not everyone else in the world. And being a sister of a friend makes things eeasier. You could ask her to go with you and her brother. Then it wont be akward.

Im sorry for your heartbreak. Some people really can be insensitive. but it is their loss because you sound like a wonderful guy and I am sure she nor many like her will ever actually experience true love. Just remember, there is someone out there for you. Take this (as you already have) as a learning experience. It must not have been meant to be. But you will find your love in time.

well, assuming you see the girl often on a regular basis, you can compliment her by telling her she has a nice smile or pretty eyes or commenting on something she is wearing. That doesnt give away your true motive, but she will still be flattered. If you want to ask her out, dont imply a relationship right off the bat. Just say something like, "I was gonna go see that movie, ____, on Sat. with a few of my friends. Would you want to come?" having a group around on a first date is a good idea bc it takes the pressure off of you but you still can spend time together or even go off and be alone if you want. But if you do this, make sure you pay more attention to her than your friends. Or you could begin a long conversation with her whenever you see her and say, "look, I gotta go to class, but maybe we can pick this up over coffee after school?" or something to that effect. Hope this helps.