I have a question about something...

[princess34]

Hello all. So I have a question. Is it okay for someone to be in a relationship with a guy who often talks about how beautiful other women are? So, he may say that he saw a woman somewhere and comment on how nice she looked. Also, he told me that he was watching a movie with this actress who he said "looks good" and then he mentioned that his ex-wife looks like the actress. What do you all think about this? I would really appreciate the insight. Thanks all.

[melancholy123]

Does it bother you when he says that?  Does he say it in a way that makes you think he wants to have sex with her?  Or is it a casual comment?  Have you talked to him about this?

How old are you two?

[princess34]

I was just curious as to if this is a big deal or something petty? Often when he mentions about other women, it is just  like "Oh she looked good or she was cute" or something like that. And, we are in our 30s. Is it okay for someone to constantly comment on others when they already have someone? 

[melancholy123]

Is it really constant comments or now and again?  My husband sometimes will say someone lady on tv looks pretty or has nice hair or whatever and I dont care.  It shows me he's alive and his eyes are working!  

I think it comes down to context, how the guy says it and what you think he means when he says it.  A casual comment is no big deal.  Drooling over himself at a pretty face is too much!

Again, have you talked to him about this since it seems to be bothering you.

[princess34]

I havent talked about it...Is it ok to bring up or  mention about his ex-wife looking like a beautiful actress? 

[melancholy123]

Of course it's ok to bring it up!  It's on your mind, it bothers you,, so speak up.  No point in wondering when a conversation may tell you what you want to know.  Maybe he doesn't even realize he is doing it or that it bothers you.

[poorlittlefish]

I find it disrespectful and unnecessary.  He can find other women attractive, but he doesn't need to vocalise it.  I have managed to get through life without telling any partner that I think other guys are handsome, so just tell him you'd rather he keep comments like that to himself; it's not hard and it's not unreasonable.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, princess34 said:

Is it okay for someone to be in a relationship with a guy who often talks about how beautiful other women are?

We can't tell you what is okay for you, OP. 

What we can tell you is that few women would appreciate this behaviour from a man.  It's crass and insensitive. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, princess34 said:

 he told me that he was watching a movie with this actress who he said "looks good" and then he mentioned that his ex-wife looks like the actress. 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? How long has he been separated/divorced?

If he gives you the creeps or seems disrespectful, the answer is simple. 

End it.

It's not really a question is it? You find what he's doing and saying hurtful so cut your losses.

[DarkCh0c0]

2 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

I find it disrespectful and unnecessary.  He can find other women attractive, but he doesn't need to vocalise it.  I have managed to get through life without telling any partner that I think other guys are handsome, so just tell him you'd rather he keep comments like that to himself; it's not hard and it's not unreasonable

Yea. Same.

It would honestly turn me off and I'd no longer feel interested in such man. He can be a gentleman and keep it to himself as he has a beautiful lady standing right.next.to.him.

[Rose Mosse]

You are at the point where you’re noticing it’s unusual and are asking an anonymous forum so yes, I’d think it probably sounds very inappropriate in person. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been seeing each other long so there’s no rapport either or trust. You don’t understand him yet and maybe you don’t have to. 

Trust your instincts and move away from something that seems very off. You’ll thank yourself later.

[smackie9]

Turn the tables, and start commenting on guys you saw, etc. See how that flies with him.

 

[Lambert]

I don't think it's ok for me. I would tell him so. If he keeps doing it, then I'd end it. 

It doesn't mean he's a cheater or doesn't love you.  What it means is: he knows it bothers you and he does it any way.  That's a problem.

[SooSad33]

Is this a new relationship?

If so, it may be setting you off as a behaviour that is not comfortable for you.

Have I heard guys compliment other women?  yes.. but not overly.  Of course, they always 'look', but so do we 🙂 .

AND, if he's at all going on too much about his ex, I'd consider getting out of this - may be fact he is not over her, yet.  😕 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

I would see this as immature and inconsiderate.  Have you talked to him about this?  If he's unable to understand how if affects you, it may be time to make an exit.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't like it for the reasons others said and also because I'm just not big on focusing on looks in general.  I also find that too much commentary on women's looks at some point comes across as objectifying women.  

[Cherylyn]

It's inconsiderate and in poor taste to pay attention to other women and fixate on them when he's supposed to give you the highest respect, honor and treat you with common sense dignity. 

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't behave like a gentleman.  Let him be with all those women he ogles and leers at while you're with a moral man who behaves with class.  Know the difference. 

[goddess]

I will echo the other posters and say that what he's doing is inappropriate, inconsiderate,  immature and disrespectful.  I would talk to him about it and tell him that it bothers you.  It doesn't matter how trivial something is.  If it bothers you, then he should stop his behaviour, out of respect for you.  It's not asking for too much.   If he continues to act like a teen, then I would definitely consider leaving him.  

I put up with a lot of bs from my ex in my day but now I would not put up with such disrespect.  

[waffle]

I've always wondered what goes through a man's mind when he's doing this.  What is he hoping to achieve?  The only thing I was ever able to come up with was he was trying to make the lady in question feel insecure.  I can't think of a single GOOD reason why a man would do this.

 

[Rose Mosse]

Some people (both men and women) have no filter. There's also the non-vocal, eyes up and down very obviously eyeballing someone else in the presence of a partner or date for example.

[Andrina]

If I was with a man who regularly mentioned women's looks, I'd be both bored and disgusted. Of course everyone occasionally sees someone on screen or while out and about and is wowed by the person's looks. But IMO, someone who says these things more than the norm is what I consider ogling--like what another poster said--objectifying women.

What a person talks about is what is active on their mind, and women's looks seem to take up a lot of space in his brain.

I wouldn't even bother speaking to him about shutting up about it, since he won't be changing what he enjoys thinking about. He'll just be stuffing a sock in it. Why is he so attractive to you when he behaves like this? 

[tattoobunnie]

I once dated a guy like this.

I married a MAN who doesn't even notice other women (and if and when he does, I would never know or have known).

Get with a man who is too busying talking you up.

[lostandhurt]

If he was 22 I would say you need to let him know it is not appropriate to frequently comment on other women's looks in front of you or even when you are not around.  Men can be clueless at times but this guy is 30 yrs old and should know better by now I would think.

  I am curious why he is divorced.

Give him a chance to do the right thing and stop disrespecting you.  A simple sentence the next time he says something " __________, I don't like it when you comment on other women's looks right in front of me, it is disrespectful"  Now if he throws it back on you and says you are insecure then perhaps it is time to rethink the relationship.

  Lost

[Honeycomb8]

I don't think I've ever had a bf that repeatedly made comments about other womens' looks. We can make a comment together, but it's def not much or a regular thing.