Thinking about proposing without a ring.

[limichelle]

Congratulations!!!!

 

 

I think as long as you get wedding bands that's good enough. Then it's something you both wear to show your commitment.

 

The wedding bands don't even have to be expensive. I have a friend and both she and her husband bought sport bands. They were $20 each and perfect if you are active because of the material they are made of. They are very durable and nice looking.

 

I agree that both you and she enjoy the day mutually.

 

I never understood the concept of a fancy ring and getting down on one knee. You both are mutually making that decision to spend the rest of your lives together I think that's romantic in itself.

 

 

Lisa

[Chloee1988]

Congratulations!

 

I don't know why you think gifting her something is not a moment defined by both of you! You're giving her a gift and she's accepting it! it's all about you two so I'm not quite sure why you're overthinking this!

 

I'm a girl and I would personally appreciate a man who would propose the conventional way without necessarily spending a fortune on a ring but still at least displaying the gesture. It's the principle behind it; not the amount of $ you spend on a ring.

 

If you want to invest in a vacation instead and she's all for it, go for it! But don't skip out on giving her a ring. After all, it's a symbol of love, commitment etc. Skipping on conventional things just adds more complications in an otherwise very simple matter.

 

That's just my personal opinion as a 25 year old girl

 

Good luck and congrats again!!

[faraday]

I haven't read all the responses so I don't know what others are saying...

 

but...my husband proposed to me without a ring. Which...tbh, I was kinda bummed out about. Not about the ring part. Because I had told him I didn't want a ring and I was fine with no ring (honestly)...the part that made it disappointing was that he insisted beforehand that he wanted to get me a ring regardless of how I felt about it...and then didn't get one. And then proposed in a super lame way (he woke me up while we were sleeping and asked me if I wanted to get married...which would have been fine if he hadn't rejected that idea of "hey, why don't we just get married and not do the engagement thing?" that I had proposed a few months earlier...because he "wanted to do something special"...but then didn't

 

It's clearly still a bit of a sore spot.

 

I personally don't understand the engagement thing. I think getting married is promising to share everything (your life, your goals, your money, your children etc)...for life...so things like engagement rings don't really make sense to me. I'd rather go on vacation, buy a new bed, build a new deck...whatever, with the money...just do something that benefits the couple instead of just one person.

 

But I will say this...ask her in a special way. It doesn't have to be balloon rides and champagne and caviar or whatever...but take her somewhere beautiful. Somewhere special...take her on a drive and watch the sunset from a pretty spot or whatever...and tell her that she's the best person you've ever met and that you can't ever imagine your life without her in it, and ask her if she would do you the honor of sharing the rest of her life with you, for as long as you both shall live. And that would be meaningful...and a lovely story she can share with her friends...because EVERYONE asks how you got engaged. And that's the part that annoys me, I have a crappy story to tell. Give her a nice story. But keep in mind...everyone does ask to see the ring...which...I think we need to stop as a society...because rings are a marketing ploy...but...you gotta pick your battles, you know?

 

Anyway, congrats and good luck! I hope she says yes

[faraday]

I should have read the thread before commenting. Glad you guys had a good/productive conversation about it...that's really a big part of what marriage is about...being able to talk about uncomfortable and awkward things together and coming up mutually acceptable solutions.

 

Good luck on your proposal Let us know what story she ends up being able to tell

 

 

Went ahead and discussed it. I won't be proposing with a ring, nor buying her one specifically for the occasion at a later date. Let her know I'd be more than willing to have her pick one out for her birthday or Christmas gift like I would any other piece of jewelry, even early, and if she wants to treat it as an e-ring, that'd be on her, but that it was important to me that the moment be strictly mutual. Also pitched the exchanging rings idea. We'll sort it out afterward. She might cash in on the birthday present offer but isn't sure either will be necessary. Mentioned she kinda likes the idea of buying herself one and it being hers no matter what. Said she half expected there not to be one for the proposal anyway.

 

I was raised by a single mother who happens to be both a bodybuilder and electrician. Raised me to respect women as equals, not as women. For better or worse (the worse typically translating into romance), I've always treated women as just that. This would be one of the most important moments of my life, and it's important to me that the mutuality is maintained for it. If she wouldn't get the very same amount of joy I would in agreeing to wed simply for the agreement itself, it would disturb me. I don't require a ring to be 100% happy about it, and thankfully it turns out she doesn't either.

 

Appreciate all the time and advice everyone put in here. Feel free to keep the discussion going for general purposes or to call me a stubborn idiot. And no judgment on folks who prefer the other way. Plenty of women who would love a ring just as much as a guy would love to give her one. Different strokes for different folks.

[jujusamples]

It's such great news jman!

 

I think you are just nervous about the proposal and it's not all about the ring per se! You are trying to justify everything. I say go with what makes you happy doing. You are correct, it's not about the ring. Ring or no ring, it's all up to what you want to do and what works for you.

 

My husband propose to me in Mexico and I was like "Oh wow, how did you bring the ring through customs?" He said, it's fake. I was still happy with it because I wouldn't know if it's fake or real. It's not the ring matters at the end of the day. To my surprise when we got back from Cancun, he gave me the exact ring again. I was like WTH? He said, he was joking about the fake ring, he got a fake one made for the sake of bringing it to Mexico (just in case of custom and losing it). Point is, it wouldn't have made a difference if it was the fake ring that he propose to me with. Hence, I can't tell the difference till this day. LOL

 

You could also be like Homer Simpson and propose with an Onion ring? Just follow your heart on what it wants to do. You want to be happy doing it as well. It's huge to have found the one you want to marry and I think that's all the counts. You want to marry her for a reason, at this point, you should have an idea of how much the ring matters to her? I know a lot of woman it doesn't matter to them, they rather spend the money on something else. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

[Unreasonable]

If you are her are not traditionalist, I'd say going without is fine, but you know her best. If you do, don't fall for the DeBeers propaganda about how much you need to spend. We didn't spend much and have upgraded later on in life.

 

Luckily for me, my now-wife had an eye on a ring before we even got engaged, so it was easy-peasy on me (even though the diamond was cracked and we had to exchange it).

[happyfrank]

I purchased expensive ring. Mostly because I wouldn't want her family, boss, friends thinking less of me. My wife would understand but not so much her grandmother.

 

That was my reason.

[Clio]

Congratulations As long as both of you are on the same page, which sounds that you are, it's all good.

[fabact]

This is great news. My opinion will probably be so off from everyone else's chill opinion here. Even though she may be the type who doesn't care about formalities, we ladies like to feel like it is special. Like it's OUR time, and the ring doesn't have to be a diamond - it can be a different color stone - maybe she has siblings who know this kind of stuff best. In fact, girlfriends always know everything (often before you men do), so I would ask her best gf what she thinks. I do think you need SOMETHING. It's just that this stuff happens once in a lifetime hopefully. So even though we say it's cool, we're chill, blah blah, going the extra mile to make her feel like it's HER TIME is important. Gotta have some type of ring or something is my take, even if she's the most unformal person around.

[fabact]

I'm with you on this one. I think even if she's super chill and informal.. for a woman - it's her special time and the most eventful commitment of her adult life (apart from possible kids) - so she should have SOMETHING. A woman who says she doesn't really care at all -- mmm - I don't totally buy it.

[Fudgie]

A woman who says she doesn't really care at all -- mmm - I don't totally buy it.

 

Of course, because all women think the same! Underneath this cool, calm exterior is a magpie just waiting to freak out over something sparkly. You got me! I confess! /sarcasm

[Dahl]

Weren't we promised granola bars for participating?

 

I thought I heard something about granola bars being handed out freely and without penalty.

 

/wants her granola bar

[Naomi99]

?

 

Saw this article this morning and thought of you, Jman.

[Betterwithout]

Congrats for taking the plunge!

 

All depends on the woman. Ranging from the super practical woman (I don't need a ring to prove he loves me).... to super materialistic woman ("he has to give me a ring that is the best out of all my friends rings and the most expensive, if not I won't say yes")

 

Good luck!

[tattoobunnie]

NPR just did a whole piece that the diamond industry is not strong with millennials, they they are opting for other things instead. My hubby proposed with a Taco Bell packet that said, "will you marry me?"...and my family is well off with tons of jewelry, and we all could care less. Lately, I see Emeralds, Sapphires, and Rubies as engagement rings (totally normal). In fact Burmese rubies are more rare than diamonds.

 

In reality, no one needs a ring - I think it's two months salary kind of like a dowry, or in case you bail on the wedding, and she needs to pay for the costs. And it also becomes an heirloom, and anything under a carat does not hold up in value. Or you can ask your mom or grandma if you can have their ring for her, or buy her mom's stone, and get a new setting. I mean, if you were going to get a diamond, make sure you get a stone separate, and then get the band.

 

But either way, the diamond engagment ring is a tradition by De Beers. But to be honest, a piece of jewelry from my hubby would have been nice. Granted, I have tons of jewelry, and don't even rock a wedding band these days with my kids climbing all over me all the time.

 

BTW! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! Welcome to the club! Getting married has been one of the best decisions I ever made, and wishing you awesomeness.

[BecxyRex]

I didn't read all responses, so this may have been suggested already. I'm from Germany and in my culture both the guy and girl wear an engagement ring that they pick out together. They're usually just plain rings, but come in a set of two. If you go that way, you'd both be paying for it and make it an "these are our rings" thing vs. you buying something for her only.

[Liraele]

I vote for an engagement puppy.

 

That aside, I'd consider what she wants, and what will make her feel extra special. You guys should definitely talk about it; it may be that she feels exactly the same way you do. Or it may be that she'll want some sort of symbolism to represent the commitment you guys are making. People's mileage varies, and while I get the sentiment of NOT going the traditional route, I also know that a lot of women who are otherwise unsentimental about tradition can be very sentimental about this particular one. And that's OK. It's supposed to be kind of a big deal.

[RainyCoast]

I vote for an engagement puppy.

*ear perk* that's the best engagement idea i have EVER heard.

[RainyCoast]

engagement puppy.

 

WHY IS THIS NOT A THING???

[Dahl]

When in doubt, add more puppy.

[Ms Darcy]

I didn't read all responses ...

 

I say this with all humor, but I get the feeling some folks didn't see Jman's update.

[Liraele]

When in doubt, add more puppy.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

(And I did see j.man's update after I posted. Maybe now engagement puppies will become a thing, though. )

[Dahl]

/oops

 

I'm guilty of not catching the update.

 

Sorry j.man

 

In my defense, I was super focused on RainyCoast's campaign to make engagement puppies a viable option.

[WithLove]

A friend of mine is likely to get engaged to her bf any time now, but she has told him outright that unless a puppy is involved, her answer is no.

[RainyCoast]

My thoughts exactly.

 

(And I did see j.man's update after I posted. Maybe now engagement puppies will become a thing, though. )

i know if i ever get engaged i will want us to pick up an engagement puppy. rings i will not concern myself with. make it a thing folks. shelters will love you.