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Everything posted by Liraele

  1. Meeting 'as friends' implies that it's not a getting back together conversation...not that you have to be friends. Unless I missed something. If you feel like you need it for closure, give it a shot. You don't have to maintain a friendship after that if you don't think you can or should.
  2. I ghosted someone I was seeing casually because I'd tried to have the conversation about not feeling it, and he just wasn't having it. So...I just disappeared. He sent me MAIL afterwards...but aside from that, left me alone.
  3. Do you have a tent? Camp somewhere nearby. Cheaper than a hotel.
  4. This is what you need to focus on, not the what if. If he'd had a change of heart, he had ample opportunity to make that clear. He didn't. Continuing no contact and giving yourself a chance to heal is what you need now.
  5. It doesn't sound like the conversation was about who is "hotter" - nor that your boyfriend brought it up - which is the only reason this ^ response would be appropriate. (And even then, really shouldn't be necessary.) Your boyfriend doesn't exist to assuage your ego for non-existent slights. Sounds like this one is 100% on you and in your head. Your hangup is much more concerning than his response to his friend's comment. You're insecure, and you need to address that. YOU. Not him.
  6. Confused or not, she is doing this to him... she'd do it to you. Cut your losses and tell her to give you space.
  7. ...is HE cheating? Because man, that's pretty extreme, even for someone who has been cheated on in the past. It's hard to leave, but...it sounds like it's probably the healthiest thing for everyone, including your son. It's a hard thing to do, and it's going to hurt... but ultimately, you need to feel safe, loved, respected, trusted. You've been together long enough now that these issues should have dissipated. (Unless, like my first question, he's cheating... then it totally makes sense.)
  8. Well, is she just...quiet by nature? Some people don't talk a lot, and that's OK. Comfortable silences can be pretty great too.
  9. I have some questions: What training has she been provided? Is it ongoing? (including you're still training and working with her?) What do you do when she lunges or bites? Under what circumstances is she "protective" of you? Have you had her regularly and thoroughly vet checked? (eyesight, hearing, everything?)
  10. You handled it all very maturely, which I think will serve you well in the long run. I think your plan to focus on some of the things you've "let slide" (as you put it) is a great one - it'll prevent you from rebounding, and it'll give you a sense of focus and purpose during the healing process. I'm sorry for what you're going through...it's hard to deal with the loss of the potential future you thought you were building, and even harder when it feels like there is a cliffhanger there - a what if he comes back because she hasn't changed, yadda yadda. That being said, she's likely to do this again in a year, five years, ten...if it doesn't work this time.
  11. The point everyone is trying to make is that it's not about you. You're talking about your feelings, etc. Your feelings are absolutely fine and valid. I don't think anyone would say they aren't. However, your daughter's graduation isn't about you, your feelings, or the wrongs you feel you've (and your children) been dealt by your ex wife. It's about your daughter and what she wants. She wants her mom at her graduation, therefore, her mom should be at her graduation...and her dad should be able to spend the hour or so being civil for his daughter's benefit.
  12. I stopped reading after your particular sleuthing post where you went on the website for a meeting she was attending to check the minutes... because holy whoa, that is an epic level of checking up on someone in a relationship that I wouldn't want any part of. If I felt like I needed to do that... I'd just be done. You obviously don't trust her, and whether or not it is with good reason isn't really relevant at this point. Look what that mistrust turns you into. Do you really want that for yourself, or do you want better?
  13. It sounds like counseling is something much needed all around - what little you've told us about their experiences is a pretty hefty dose of trauma in and of itself. I hope that both kids realize that they don't have to deal with it all on their own and get some help at some point, if you aren't able to convince them to. That aside, I agree with what most everyone else said: set your feelings aside and don't cause a scene or drama if her mom shows (and don't badmouth her if she doesn't - just console your daughter if she's disappointed.)
  14. You loved him, you missed your friend. It happens. Shrug it off and go back to no contact and give yourself a chance to heal. No reason to beat yourself up for being weak in a vulnerable moment.
  15. These conversations never go anywhere good. I'd try to avoid them in the future. (And yes, 40-50 @ 33 and you had a 4-year monogamous relationship.... is high by most people's standards. Not necessarily a negative thing.)
  16. You learn a lot about people by the way they leave, I think.
  17. Meetup might be a good resource for you to find people who might have some of your same interests.
  18. Please, please, please listen to him. He beat me to it, but I clicked on your thread to say exactly this.
  19. I take this saying a little bit differently than most people. To me, "right person, wrong time" doesn't necessarily mean that this person is "the one." What it means to me is that they *could* have been - had the timing been better, had one thing been different, had x, y, z not happened. What you're really saying is that they aren't right for you - and that's OK. And maybe you'll meet again in the future and those feelings will be there. Who knows? Basically, I view it as yet another easy let down. Because, really... the truth is... right person, right time might happen immediately after the one you thought was just bad timing...but you'll move heaven and earth to be together and overcome whatever obstacles might prevent the relationship from working. It won't just be one of you putting in the work - you'll both do it.
  20. I'm a fan of 1 (MAX 2) photos that don't contain you - IF (and only if) they have a good story to go with them, and you can caption them with something useful. It's a good way to pique interest and invite questions, or encourage "me too!" conversations.
  21. 4-5 is a safe number; being willing to take random ones as you get to know people is good, too. One selfie is usually good. A lot of people will skip if there's not a full-body pic. (I know, I know.) Others should ideally be you doing things - do you say you love to kayak in your profile? Share a photo of you doing exactly that. Don't have any? Get out there and kayak! (And take some!) Don't steal stock photos for adventuring (or even worse, other peoples.) Only share your own stuff. Pics of you should be recent. (~6 months or more recent.)
  22. Follow his lead on the physical interaction while the girls are around. What he's comfortable with should be a primary benchmark, as well as what the kiddos are comfortable with. With the caveat: As always when kids are around, keep it classy. (Groping = not classy. A squeeze on the arm, a kiss on the cheek, etc = classy.) You can show affection in front of the kids. They learn a lot from relationships they're around - and casual affection is a good thing to show them is the norm in a committed relationship. Any convos you and your significant other have about things like boundaries, etc. should be had while not around the girls. Unless you want to discuss with them their comfort level/boundaries/let them help you establish what kind of relationship you're going to have. But getting you and your mister on the same page should happen just between the two of you first.
  23. This was the very first red flag with my ex, and I wish I had heeded it. (Exact same age difference, too.)
  24. Close the door. You don't have to lock it, necessarily... but you do have to close it and give yourself a chance to heal.
  25. I usually agree with a lot of what you say, but this seriously made me cringe. OP - if you do it, do it for you... not because you think it's what a guy will want, etc. And good grief, shame on a doctor for saying that to you back then. Ridiculous. You are more than a set of breasts.
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