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Fudgie

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Fudgie last won the day on November 26 2020

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  1. I think I asked this as well as a few other people. Do you actually want anything from this guy? A date? Friendship?
  2. That is a good point, abitbroken. Pre-nups can't dictate child support but if a woman doesn't have the means/ability to support herself, it will be hard post divorce. I don't necessarily blame prenups as a whole though. I am not getting married but I still like the idea of prenups. If it was so unfair, not sure why she signed it, or maybe she didn't even look at it before signing it. It's irresponsible to do that regardless if it's a prenup or not.
  3. Could probably avoid the police route if you threaten to Vaudeville Hook his walker the next time he knocks on your door. 😝 Should keep him away.
  4. Here is my take on why she is doing this: Inviting you to the ceremony costs $0 and benefits her. You may still feel obligated to bring a gift so cha-ching for her. And she won't pay for you because she won't pay per head like you would in a reception venue. You're another quiet body there on her "side" watching her get married. I'm wondering if maybe she is concerned about not having many people on "her side" during the ceremony (hence, it being lopsided and make it look like few people actually give a damn about her) and asking you to come is a free way to help remedy that. Maybe she asked a lot of people. Just a thought.
  5. Maybe I'm a petty b__ch but I would definitely tell her "something came up and I am unable to organize your hen party or attend your wedding ceremony - sorry" and if she got nasty with me, I would tell her "I'm so sorry you're upset, this is the place I had in mind for your party, please reach out to them!", give her the street address to the McDonalds nearest to her, and then block her. Please don't listen to me 😝
  6. OP, consider that others tell you that you are "too nice" because you are giving people chances when it's very clear very early on that they are not right for you. You don't owe everyone a sit-down type date or meetup. If you are not allowing yourself to rule out dating prospects by first impressions or other early signs, then you're asking for a world of hurt and wasted time. Self-centered men are just that, self-centered. Don't put up with bad or subpar behavior hoping that it will somehow "get better". It won't. There's a saying out there: When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
  7. Are you looking to date? Are you interested in him? If not, why would you go out with coffee if he asked? It doesn't seem like you two jive well, as you remark that his personality is harsh and seemed annoyed that he knocked on your door to gripe randomly.
  8. There's a lot of talk/distress over Viv but I don't think she should be in your focus, OP. She sounds like she has a control freak streak and she probably would not be pleasant to deal with any manner, bridesmaid duties or otherwise. OP, you need to focus on R. There is something wrong going on. You two are not really friends, you don't meaningfully interact, yet she invites you to her wedding ceremony (but not the reception?!) and now is trying to rope you into planning cough paying cough her hen party. Something is not right here. How is this woman so hard up for close friends that she has to drag you, barely a Facebook acquaintance, into planning her bachelorette party? And then you're not invited to the reception? So you're expected to put in the work and expense into planning her hen party but you're not worthy of the cost of a single more place setting at the reception? Screw that. You're being used, big time. There's a reason why she's alone and has to use you to plan a hen party. Don't let yourself be used.
  9. Agree 100%. Moderation is not possible for the majority of addicts. I mean, let's be real, CrazyWife, if you could moderate yourself with alcohol, then you would be doing that. You're going cold turkey because you can't moderate and that's not an issue with your willpower or personality or anything like that. This is just simple brain chemistry. Your brain does not process the effects of alcohol like the brains of other people. This difference is what makes you unable to moderate yourself. To your brain, alcohol is more akin to heroin and thus, you can't use it recreationally. Buspar is such a crapshoot (either it works or it doesn't, worth a try though if your doctor feels it's appropriate, it's cheap!) but it seems to work well for people with depression/anxiety who have a history of alcohol abuse. Not sure why, and actually many scientists aren't sure why either! But it may work and you can ask your doctor.
  10. Anyway, OP, not sure if you're still reading but I'll give you my $0.02. My feelings about marriage have fluctuated through my life, a bit, although I've always been somewhat sour on it. During my last relationship (I ended years ago), he really wanted to get married. I did love him, he was a good man, but this was something I really struggled with. Commitment and monogamy wasn't an issue, we were together for years, lived together, hell, we were domestic partners so he could be on my insurance. I live in a state that does not grant common law and I would never live with a partner in a state that does grant it. So really, no risk and I got a lot of benefits of a long term relationship but minus the marriage. However, it was something he really wanted. I tried to talk it over in therapy. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with my relationship that I can't go through with this? What's going on?" At the end of the day, I couldn't reconcile. At this point, I chalk it up to my own personal philosophy. The idea of getting the government involved in a personal relationship doesn't appeal to me and I don't like how marriage is so difficult to leave. No, I'm not from divorced parents, my folks are still married, and most couples I know have been together for a long time, no divorces. It's just my own personal view. I am inherently mistrustful of people and I think emotions are fickle and I'll be damned if I am going to sign a legal contract with an emotional basis. Hard pass for me. Yes, it's very important to many people, including your girlfriend. That's fair and fine but just because she wants it doesn't mean you have to give in. Best thing to do is to let her go. You risk spending many years and investing a lot of time with her only for her to fester resentment and then break up with you. Neither of you should compromise.
  11. I just wanted to point something out here. I've read a fair bit about prenups, as there was a time where I was contemplating marriage in the far future and I decided that I would never, ever get married without a prenup. Simply put, legally, courts cannot enforce prenups that try to stipulate child custody or child support. You cannot have a prenup that says so-and-so will get the kids and/or how much child support will be paid. Okay, well, you CAN have that prenup but no judge is going to uphold it and it will be thrown out. This is to protect the children. A prenup will not leave a wife who was not working and raising the children destitute. If she's destitute, then so are the kids. Will she have the same kind of lifestyle that she had when she was married? Yeah, no, probably not, but child custody and support will have to be figured out by the court and it would be done in the interests of the children.
  12. "It will be different this time" is just your brain trying to rationalize so you can have alcohol again. People do this with a TON of things that they have "fallen off the wagon" with, not just alcohol or drugs. Can also apply to food (especially sugar for sugar addicts), videogames, gambling, etc. It won't be different this time because for some people, their brains are just not able to moderate certain things. That's just how you're wired. You're doing the right thing, proud of you.
  13. I do not have a sun allergy but I do have mild rosacea on my face. Sun (direct exposure) can definitely make it flare up and then my skin gets irritated and super red, but it's not a burn as it goes away immediately with going in the shade and using cold compress on my face. I am treating my rosacea now through my PCP. I am on the first treatment. Seeing if it gets better and if not, I have a couple more I can try (all topical, I am NOT going on an oral antibiotic, I refuse) before I go to a derm. Anyway, I would suggest you do what I do currently: be judicious about sun exposure. I love being outside in good weather but I just put on a lot of sunscreen (I like Neutrogena waterboost kind, wear sunglasses, and a wide-brimmed hat to protect not only my face but my neck (front/back).
  14. I will have to check as the time gets closer but I believe I only need a COVID test prior to admittance to Canada but I don't need a test to get back home over the border. Keep in mind, I'm using land crossing, NOT air travel. For Canadians though, yeah, a test both ways, which sucks.
  15. Yep, forgot to mention in my other reply: what happens when you can't get childcare (we know how flaky people can be) during the day for M and you're just too plum exhausted? You'll probably end up having to call off work, then you won't make any $$ that day or even end up losing the job. I wonder if you factored in the pay you get at the PT job plus what you would have paid for childcare if you worked PT at another place that didn't provide it...maybe that job would come out on top overall, I don't know.
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