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Everything posted by Fudgie

  1. The truth is, there is a plethora of people out there that you're going to be kind of attracted to in some ways and then repelled in other ways. They can be friends but they are not right for you from a partner standpoint, and that's okay. While it's true that sexual attraction can grow over time, I doubt that is the case here. If you were saying "Well I just don't know about him/our physical chemistry but I don't find him gross/ugly/etc" then I'd say give it a bit more time, given that you two get on well, and see if it grows a little. But with what you describe, you're actually grossed
  2. I'm 31, haven't dated in a while (years). If I wanted it to happen, I certainly could. I've lost a fair bit of a weight (over 30 lb) since the start of the year, no intentions of stopping, and I notice that men have noticed me a bit more when I'm out and about, so that helps I guess. But I'm not looking to date anyone and I don't want marriage or kids and I like living alone, so I don't know - doesn't seem worth the effort to me. Opportunities are definitely fewer and yes, a lot of good ones are "taken". You can still find someone worthwhile though. It's never cut and dry.
  3. It's time to see a lawyer and in the meantime, you need to deposit your paychecks in a separate, individual account that he has no access to. Get credit monitoring to make sure he's not opening accounts in your name. If he has access to any joint credit cards, go and cancel those so he can't spend anymore. Go in and cancel any "unncessary" subscriptions. Pay for the essentials but that's it. It's time to hunker down. If he wants to spend, he can do so with his meager account, now that your paychecks aren't going into it.
  4. Haha, totally. They definitely would be slinging dirty diapers in the infamous "Mommy Wars". BTW, it appalls me to see how some women treat each other when it comes to child-rearing, the judgements, etc. Makes me glad I opted out. My favorite is when a coworker says to me "It must be nice being by yourself, having free time and sleep!" and I just smile and say "Yes, it's fantastic."
  5. Yep, and it's a waste of pity. I feel badly for people who BADLY want to be parents but can't make it happen. They are deserving of sympathy and help - not people like myself, I'm doing just fine. If I end up regretting it (highly doubtful, given that I'm in my 30s already) then I'll just have to cope with it like an adult. We all make choices in our lives, some are irreversible, and we have to live with the consequences. I feel badly for those who have not made such choices and want children so badly but cannot due to factors long out of their control. People like me, who have made the
  6. That's a good point. And yes, I don't think that someone needs to be slaving away to be dedicated to their career. Sorry if I gave that impression. I am certainly dedicated to my career. However, I shy away from the "career woman" label simply because of the stigma that career women = slaving away, working crazy hours. Which is not me. I guess the thing I've always kind of resented is this idea that when you're a woman, if you don't have kids, then it's assumed that you're probably super focused on your career or some other thing that "fills your time". If I worked a good amount of overti
  7. OP,I saw your post and was reminded of myself, years ago. I wouldn't say I agonized over the choice to have children - I didn't. I never wanted any. I think I struggled with some pressure/assumptions I was getting at the time and I also needed to "grow" into myself more and become more comfortable with myself. I am 31 now, will be 32 this year. I was sterilized in my mid-20s so even if I changed my mind, it would cost me tens of thousands of $US to get pregnant and even then, high failure rate. I have been single for over 2 years now, no dates. In my last relationship, he really wanted to
  8. Absolutely and it's okay/normal given your situation. Detaching also sort of works as a coping mechanism. You're in the emotional process of preparing to move and that's okay - good even!
  9. I get that. Also, I don't completely discount background checks. Back when I was dating (doing online dating), I would sometimes get a simple check on someone that would pull up state (not federal) arrests/convictions/some lawsits activity. It cost me $10 and it was reputable. I would not judge someone by what comes up on Google unless it's VERY, VERY clear that it's them (picture where you can identify the person, other details in a reputable site, etc.) I once was supposed to have a coffee date with a man and then I googled him before we met up and I found, via a local reputable n
  10. You said he has a very common name. I would not worry about anything you find that just references his name then. My name is VERY common and yes, I've Google'd myself and TONS of stuff pops up, good and bad, tons of different people, nothing to do with me at all. I could only find myself on maybe 2 mundane results, several pages in, and that's from an old newspaper mention. Anyone with a common name has this happen to them. It's not worth any worry.
  11. Wow, bad situation. Okay, here's my take: Get a DNA test. She blows up at you for finding out that you were seeing someone else and then 1 week later, she's pregnant? Do you have any confirmation of the pregnancy? And where is the proof that its yours? DO NOT sign anything until she submits to a DNA test and then go from there. If it's not yours, you can block her for good and move on with your life. If the child is yours, then if you don't feel that you can be properly involved, then I wouldn't be outside of financially. You do have a legal responsibility to give her child support
  12. The day you stop caring about what most others think about you is the day you'll be more happy and at peace. For me, I don't care too much what my coworkers think of me. I know a lot of them think I'm quirky/weird but I don't really care. As long as they can work with me and I can work with them (I'm in a supervisory position over most of my coworkers), then I'm fine with it. I care very much what my boss thinks (considering, you know, she's in charge) but that's about it. Who gives a rat's a__ over what Jenny in Accounting thinks of you? Or Doug the Manager? Or whatever? You don't h
  13. I'm wondering if the fact that you two knew each other before dating played a part in this. I could see an adult showing up to a friend's house (knowing that they partake as well) kind of high. But in a new relationship, no, not really, especially if the person doesn't have any to share. I'm wondering if the fact that you two knew each other before dating made him more lax in regards to this than if he had just met you recently. You did the right thing, by talking to him. See if a pattern develops or not. Could be a just one-off thing.
  14. I am really happy for you and proud of you. This is a big decision to have made and many people never get to the point where you're at: realizing that you can't control your alcohol consumption and you really need to go cold turkey. You can do this.
  15. I have not taken Effexor but I know a few friends/family members who have taken it long-term and are still on it now. It has really helped them with anxiety. I echo Cheet's point that many people do find it hard to taper down from, especially if you're on it for a long while. If you're looking at it as a possible long-term treatment and not something for the short-term, it's still worth a shot, especially if you're very compliant with your medications. Then you shouldn't have any issues.
  16. You seem to have a lot of empathy. Empathy itself is a good thing but too much of it in caregiving fields will suck you dry. I think you'll continue to struggle with finding your niche and finding a job that isn't too stressful if you don't rectify this. I work in healthcare and no, I don't "love" my patients. I do what is right by them and then I go home. If you internalize people's emotional struggles, problems, and dramas, you are in for a very rough ride no matter where you work. Ultimately, you'll get burned out or too stressed and you'll be pressed into leaving.
  17. Well, I've been told I have an avoidant attachment style, and I'm inclined to agree. I'm aloof, don't show my feelings much, keep a lot of things to myself, need my space, was always the dumper in relationships, etc. I am currently not in a relationship, not trying to date, etc. I am not sure what awaits me in the future but I'm starting to think it's not in the cards for me as I'm going on 2+ years of being single, no dates, etc. But you know, going into this really doesn't help you. Who cares what "attachment style" he has? He is not right for you overall. You may really like him, or e
  18. I had my first love around age 14-15 and when I was 18, no, Looking back, I still think I had moments of yearning. I am 31 now and no, that doesn't happen anymore. In fact, I've had a lot better since then. You're only a few years out. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Trust me when I say YES, it does get better but you need to be active about leaving it in the past. Remind yourself when the feelings crop up "That's in the past, I need to move on and I will be a lot happier".
  19. Utilize the resources out there! I agree with the poster who stated that you aren't really in a position to be picky about it. So what if it's a volunteer who drives you? This happens to many women who need to have abortions but don't have the support needed to get to/from the appointment. Honestly, if I lived in your area (I don't, I'm in the US), I'd drive you to/from the appointment myself. There are many, many people, like myself, who feel strongly about supporting a woman's choice to have an abortion who would be happy to help. Again, social services is the place to go. Tell them: yo
  20. I second the doctor suggestion. I'm surprised no one suggested it yet but if your crack is wet due to sweat and such, you may have developed a topical yeast infection. If powders alone don't solve your discomfort, it may be worth picking up a tube of Monistat, or better yet, anti-fungal powder, and see if that improves things. Worth a try, can't hurt.
  21. It doesn't have to be awkward unless you make it awkward. Play it cool at work, keep it professional, and don't bring up the text. She may bring it up herself ("Oh hey! I'm sorry I didn't respond, I was already out for the night! Let me know when you want to get drinks in the future!") or she may not bring it up at all. Ball is in her court now. I would just act normal, not mention the message at all, and keep things status quo.
  22. In my city, seniors (65+) are getting vaccinated by their primary providers. They don't have to make an appointment, just wait for a call and THEN they make an appointment. It seems like most young people don't have primary doctors here any more. I know I do but I'm in the minority. However, they are savvy and I imagine sometime this year, most will be able to stroll into a pharmacy and get it done.
  23. Yes, I read that recently. I'm hoping that for you, it will be a little closer than that, maybe if vaccine production and distribution continues to be ramped up.
  24. YAY. I am so psyched for you! I, too, had the Pfizer shots. I had a short headache and some very mild fatigue for a couple days. No other issues, just like you. You may feel sicker with the 2nd shot (I did not, but many of my coworkers did!) so be sure to plan for a day off or so after the day you get your second!
  25. It's interesting how we are all wired/built differently. I think with age I've become more understanding/less judgemental but less willing to help. Receding inwards has been a coping mechanism for me during difficult times in my life and I did it during the pandemic too. I see so much suffering and I fear that getting more involved will cause my own lifeboat to capsize and then I'll be in the same position.
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