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Everything posted by Betterwithout

  1. No dating success or no second dates happens for a wide range of reasons: -fate, -incompatibilities, -Covid, -no chemistry, -looks, -confidence, -bad gut feelings, -something that was said, and more. It's all a sheer numbers game too. Some find love on the first person they meet in person, some take several years to find a great person. Take a break from it. Do something else. Go back to it refreshed.
  2. Sorry that you are going through this. You want to do what's right for your son, but I have to say the ONLY good thing to do is to move on from her. You love her...yes, there is a lot of stuff to sort out...yes It will impact you financially...yes Your son will feel sad...yes I found out my wife was cheating over a decade ago and it hurt like hell. The lowest I have ever felt in my life and with two very young kids, I was absolutely devastated. It was a tough decision to leave her especially in that state, but let me tell you- leaving her was the BEST decision I have ever ma
  3. Bullet.... dodged! I am so happy you found out right away the level of nut job he is before you fell for his charms. You learned your lesson the easy way. Onward and upward!
  4. Once I hear the word "Casino", I'm out. Money management is so important in a relationship (as cold as that sounds) that if you guy chooses to go there instead of seeing you, massive red flag with flashing red lights and loud siren too! I don't mean any disprespect to those who enjoy gambling, but there a more horror stories than fun glories in the confines of those buildings.
  5. You have your answers with all the commenters thus far, so take that advice!! This dude isn't the whole package. The only thing I admire about this guy is that he was upfront with you about why his marriage fell apart. However, I firmly stand by "once a cheater, always a cheater" My ex was a cheater and is on BF #3 and plays the victim card of lies to find the next guy. Save yourself the misery and wait for the right guy...oh and that can and may take a long time to find...so please be patient in finding him.
  6. Hector Only Understands Neutral Directions VICES
  7. Firstly, sorry to hear you are in a tough spot. It's been really tough for a lot of people lately, and it seems that we are all "swimming" in a vast ocean and trying the best we can. I hope your Grandmother recovers well. You came here looking for help and you will receive some good advice from many who have been through some really tough shi_. SooSad33 mentions writing a journal...and I strongly recommend it. When you are upset, the mind has a way of letting everything come to a boil just seconds away from explosion. Take the time to write out what you are thinking. Keep the
  8. I sense a major contradiction here. You say you don't want a new relationship, but you are pining over two different men, who aren't all that available to you IRL.? Perhaps you are lonely and looking for some healing from your last break up and current life drama. You say yourself "this is the short version, it's very complicated" At this stage, it sounds like you are open to casual relationships, but nothing too serious. Maybe that is what you need to approach, something light fun and casual. You are young, so this is your chance to do "young" things.
  9. This information ^^ would have been great to have at the start of the post. You are describing attempted rape...no matter what you guys history is, or you were "drunk". Consider yourself lucky that she didn't call the police. Seek therapy and keep distance from her.
  10. That is not the quick fix you need. If you truly love your wife , you will probably leave with newfound guilt and shame and likely resentment too. You need to get to the root of the problem, which is your intimate relationship with your wife. Through deep conversation with the two of you. If not that, then with a therapist.
  11. Sounds like he wants to take things much slower than your pace towards living together. Perhaps his first 3 LTR's caused some grief, and he wants to learn from them. Get a place on your own closer to his place, sign a 1 year lease and see how the relationship progresses this year. Then enter in the discussion of moving in together at that time.
  12. I see. First loves are hard to forget. I still remember mine very fondly and it's been about 30 years! Well as DancingFool suggests, this could be a fine time to explore new hobbies and routines. You likely know her schedule, so go to the gym at a time where you won't run into her, and work on your healing.
  13. Theo Unfortunately Loves Irrational People RAVEN
  14. I was in her shoes once. I left on good terms, but I think I caused some hurt even though we only dated for a short time. Best way to get your mind off her is to get your mind on someone else. Are you on dating apps?
  15. Sounds like a good starting point because it's short and not too wordy. If you were close friends in primary school, you may get a friendly reply, but prepared for no response because people go through several changes from primary school to high school and again from high school to adult. Having said that, give it a try. What's the worst that can happen?
  16. Seems like she is questioning the relationship and considering her options, sorry to say. What are your ages? Maybe she is wondering after 5 years if you are husband material. However, I think you are doing an above average job of being a good boyfriend to her. Not many of your interests are aligned so that can be a curse or to some a blessing to your relationship some times. "opposites attract" Have you asked her to do the 5 love languages quiz to determine which are her top languages? My wife and I are pretty opposite that way, so I do my best to hit her top ones, but instinctively
  17. Thanks Batya33. That is something for me to consider for sure. Not all judgement is the same. Getting ahead of myself is probably something I should work on. LOL I have several differences of opinion with my wife, so looks like I have found another. Since she is the step Mom and my daughters natural Mom has a low-key relationship with her, I think it will be me siding and standing up for my daughter's wishes at the end of the day.
  18. Thank you MissCanuck, SooSad33, Batya33 and you Tinydance for calling me out on "hitting the panic button". I do get ahead of myself often. I just don't like to be blind-sided, I have my ex wife to thank for that! lol Interesting note about the spectrum. I agree there are spectrums in sexuality for sure and fluidity for that matter. Us humans have a lot more going on between our ears than we can imagine! As far as my wife goes....i had another thought. Many people make judgements about strangers, (ie: that a-hole who cuts you off in traffic)....maybe when it's within the
  19. Thanks. Yes, I will not allow anyone... including my own wife make my daughter feel less than who she is. If our marriage becomes a casuality of it all, then so be it. If my wife cannot accept the truth, then that along with other of our marriage incompatibilities, I may just move on. I guess the silver lining about reading her diary is that now I have a heads up when/if a conversation comes up with my wife around LGBTQ+ matters including random ones about work colleagues, on the news etc. I will be sure to (more than I do now) stomp out the judgement my wife might have at the time. I h
  20. Thank you for your comment. I think "time" is the key word here. In time, she will figure herself out. she may or may not come out, in time the conversations will happen too.
  21. I'd like to add a little more to my post.... As far as my marriage goes..it lacks passion and romantic closeness, and has never had it (I thought that would change after getting married, but it didn't) These days, I have learned to accept that. I bring to the marriage a number of un admirable husband flaws too. Our marriage is stable and more like very close friends than passionate lovers. If the day arrives to where my daughter comes out, I am prepared to stand by her side and support her 100%.... even at the jeopardy of our marriage. Basically, I will put my daughter first. A
  22. I agree somewhat, but as her stepmom, she does deep inside care for my daughter I think her heart is in the right place. She's not all preachy like that, but rather she instills good values (as I do for moral and ethical child raising). My daughter's natural Mom "puts in her time", but she's a pretty shallow person which is why I have majority of the custody. Sadly, my wife is more of a Mom than her natural Mom.
  23. Yes, I originally thought these are just teenage thoughts that someone shares in a journal. Maybe it's not something to worry about.
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