Betterwithout

Welcome back. I get the catharsis part. Stay on the path of journaling, whether in your home or in cyberspace, it's a very beneficial practice. Don't forget to trust your gut on you feelings too. Check out the Miracle Morning book by Hal Elrod. He has an excellent morning practice with the acronym SAVERS that is worth checking out.

Reading between the lines, Looks like you are ready for a relationship and she is not. Tread carefully and protect your heart. The mere mention of FWB is honest on her part, but could be all she can handle right now since she ended a toxic relationship of 8 years. Be ready for either outcome....I wouldn't hedge my bets on a luke warm relationship.

Sorry OP, but I agree with this ^ IMO, any hesitation of having kids/not having kids in more than one conversation means you will either need to live with the fact you will be stepdad, but not have a biological child with her. With you being 8 years younger, that is another element. Have you considered leaving the relationship before? This might be the time to have an honest conversation with yourself , especially if you really want a biological child with her. I would highly suggest start writing a journal....it's amazing what your hand will write when given the avenue.

^^this. I have a friend like this. He is a great great friend of mine, but as far as leadership, he hands it all to his wife to "take the wheel" for everything....and that dynamic is fine with many couples. I also like what ShySoul said. "Reality is that we are only going to be attracted to a small number of people we come across, and a small number will be attracted to us. Finding the intersection of those two numbers, presents a small number of viable circumstances in the first place" And on the baldness.... Own it. Ask yourself, What is going to serve you better: a) being bald and low self esteem b) being bald and giving 0 f@$! about it, and finding confidence through other assets My brother is only 5' 7" and sadly he never owned it and was convinced it was his short fall (pun intended) and he has very low self-esteem

In my experience, as trite as it sounds the first few kisses speaks volumes to me. That is my 90% accurate radar on determining if things are going to work as an intimate couple. I would also consider incompatibility if the first 3 or 4 tries are not good/or showing progress between the sheets. It's not to say you can't make it work with a lot of patience and perhaps a trained sexual therapist.

Perhaps reverse-engineering your approach to women can help? Try to determine the point in the conversation/relationship where the shift goes towards the friend zone. Learn that tipping point and erase it from your approach. The whole dance of attraction involves the keyword; confidence. Many passive men can be "nice" but not confident enough to attract. A larger majority of arrogant jerks will win out attraction to women because of their confidence alone. Yes, they can be jerks and never hold a stable relationship if they continue on as jerks, but a jerk is more likely to have confidence than a passive guy from the get go and get those initial attractiveness vibes. Just so I am clear, this DOES NOT mean be a jerk!!! It means be confident with your words, your actions, your body language and eventually with your intentions. You are going to need to find a way to strike the balance between the two. If you don't have confident flirty vibe, you will always be friend-zoned. Learn how to build confidence so it is part of your nature, and remember "faking" confidence has limited effect.

How bizarre! Is that what social has come to? The upside is that you don't have to break if off with him and you didn't waste too much time. You can just soldier on with your 0 instagram followers and draw closer to a man with substance! 😁

Just a bad experience and you dodged a bullet in a short amount of time. Don't lose hope for online dating because of this or other bad experiences, it's a numbers game. For many can lead to something !

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Such a toughie. Nobody sets out to find love with others that live far away, but it happens it's an undeniable feeling...especially with the hormonal mix, butterflies and massive sparks, it starts your brain and emotions reeling. True romantics will say "make it happen" as it's fate meeting your loved one, but personaly I am too practical and realistic. I fell in love with someone 2 hours drive away, and didn't fight to make it work. lol Good luck whatever you choose.

This ^ speaks volumes. Are you listening to your thoughts? Married people don't "date" other people. They can have platonic friends, but sounds like she is blurring the boundaries. I'd bet you are deeply in love and afraid of cutting ties and afraid of life without her, but in the long run do you want to waste more of your precious life on someone who isn't truly committed? Personally, if I don't have children with her I would leave, like yesterday. Life is too short.

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It's not good that he had almost an once a day "episode of frustration" during an engagement period. Scrolling through wedding songs should be fun and 0% stress! I can't speak for the others, but I am not sure what his reaction would be if there are larger stresses in your life....you spilled spaghetti sauce on the white couch, or your baby s***s on his favourite shirt. Do you think he will be patient in those circumstances after you tie the knot? Again, I don't know that guy....but counselling is a must in my eyes.!

That's the hurdle you have to confront OP. You have invested many years and told everyone in your life that you are marrying this person. A tough ordeal indeed, and now you have approach this with some serious thought. People on this forum have a wide range of experiences, many first hand experiences, so please take their advice as good advice. I do worry his irritability will eventually escalate to emotional or physical abuse since these things start small. But I don't know him, so maybe he is willing to acknowledge and change his behaviour, but it has to start with you standing your ground to him and what you will tolerate. Pre-marital counselling can really help, so please do so.

Yes, counselling is a must. A must because you have to be able to openly address the issue in front of an experienced counsellor, so the words come from their mouth as well. (not just yours). Then begins the behaviour change. If he cannot manage his anger, there is no telling what else may happen down the road for you.

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Just wanted to chime in here as a guy. I find this whole conversation very interesting personally. The whole sexual chemistry is fascinating and brings back some powerful memories of dating. Had some amazing experiences and then bad experiences. The real gauge for me was the way a women kisses within the first half a dozen times. For me it is the gold standard of figuring out if we would mesh well with everything intimately. Of all the kisses from different women (probably about 25 women) my first girlfriend in high school was the best kisser I have ever had. Those kisses almost put me in a trance and it would always escalate to more. We were very sexually compatible as well. I would have married her after high school, but sadly she had developed some other deal breakers. Another women in my 20's was really great, but she was a train wreck of a person, so short lived. I have dated women with a range between very flat to DD, but ultimately it was the kiss and the shivers down the spine that did it for me. Sexual compatibility for most people is critical, I wonder if a persons age plays a role in that?

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Hi sapphire, Your story sounds like a classic case of incompatibility. Some couples realize it in the first weeks of dating, sometimes it takes months other times a year or more! I once wasted 2 years trying to make a relationship fit...and ultimately I was wise enough to know I was trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Like your girl, she was also going through family issues which greatly affected our wellbeing as a couple. Since you mentioned your ages, that is all part of the incompatibility piece as well. Kind of a big gap. I am sorry you are hurting, and you loved her deeply. I would highly recommend writing a journal to get these thoughts on paper, which will greatly help you sleep and eat. (get that continuous loop of analysis paralysis out of you head and onto paper) Eventually you will heal and be ready to move on.

gonna rewrite what I said in your last post https://www.enotalone.com/topic/456143-did-the-second-date-go-well-m21-f20/#comment-5784566 "keep things light and fun. " Flowers seem a bit needy at this stage. Also, how will the other girl feel? If you are not in the friend zone already, it's likely you will be showing up with flowers.

Happy Valentine's Day to you too mylolita!

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Sure it's kinda silly and some think it was a holiday crafted by Hallmark, confectioners and florists to sell more stuff, but it is a day where we can do that extra little bit for our special person in our life. Be sure to also look after your loved ones who find themselves alone on this day. Years back, when I was buying flowers for my wife, I noticed the cashier looked a bit low, so I picked up another bunch and added them to the bill. She was overwhelmed and could barely speak. She eventually said "thank you so very much, I really needed that" and another "thank you" as I left the store. Love always wins

FWB usually are preferred by 1 of the 2 people involved. For many people it's very difficult not to develop feelings. I think it's rare to have them continue for more than a few months. You've been warned plenty, but be realistic and do protect your heart, especially on this Hallmark time period. Real life isn't Hollywood where one can be "won over" or converted