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Everything posted by faraday

  1. Wow. Just WOW. :) :) :) I'm so happy for you Sportster...it's pretty neat how that worked out for you. Life is funny that way :) I wish you all the best, you deserve it :)
  2. Wow...that’s bad. I’m glad you kept $3000 to get it repaired....I’m sorry that this has not ended as expected. All reno’s are unpleasant, but the payout is that you love the space at the end...to not love it makes the inconvenience and stress not worth it...and that really sucks.
  3. The tile work looks beautiful. You picked nice stuff :) I hope it doesn’t all need to be torn out...*fingers crossed* Your contractor isn’t getting sick of it- this is his job, he does the year round...it’s tough on you because there’s no escape. Hopefully it’s finished up soon.
  4. I’m sorry that everything is happening all at once. I understand the stress of that :) How have the reno’s been going? Did he give you a date of completion? Are you going to post pictures when they’re done? Because I’m super jealous and excited for you. My bathrooms are 1990’s time capsules...and I dream of having a shower that I can shave my legs in lol. I hope your reno’s stay on budget, finish on time, and exceed your expectations.
  5. It’s funny how therapeutic decluttering is. I just did the pantry/kitchen cupboards...and it felt so great. I’d love to go through the storage rooms but Jay wants to save everything “just in case”...it’s a bit ridiculous. I need to wait for him to go on another work trip....and purge the basement in secret. I’m glad you’re doing well :)
  6. The dress is lovely, and it sounds like the venue will be as well. This is your first time living with a partner (I think), is there anything you’re surprised about?
  7. Thanks so much for your post. I’ve been meaning to respond...I’m just struggling a bit right now- Jay has been on a job for a month (that was supposed to be only for 2 weeks), and single parenting and keeping up with housework/commissions is kicking my butt. It’s not so much that I’m bothered by him dating...because I totally understand wanting to move on. The part that bothers me is...how quickly he’s jumping in. It’s just sad to watch because I know he’s only doing this because he’s in so much pain. It makes my heart hurt for him. He’s still with this same lady...they’re both smitten and “think it’s so amazing that it feels like they’ve known each other for months, not 2 weeks!” I’ve tried explaining that when you spend a full 6/15 days together, it does feel like you know each other longer...because it’s not normal to spend this much time with a stranger. I think you’re right- she’s not being very selective (because she’s said, “I know you’re still grieving, and you’re clearly not ready to date.” And he’s also told her how much he liked/likes the first person he met, and is disappointed she wouldn’t give him a chance....And despite all of that she dates him anyway) and part of me thinks...maybe it’s because she’s a nurse, so she wants to “heal him” or “fix him” or whatever....but part of me knows...she’s not very emotionally healthy to be willing to be someone’s second choice, and also be willing to go all in with someone who still talks about his wife constantly. On one hand, I’m like, “he’s honest, you know what a sh*t show you’re signing up for”...and on the other hand, I feel really bad for her that her self worth is this low. She tells dad that she’s “never had a partner treat her so well”....and I get that my dad is a good guy...but...jeebus. Anyway...I talked to dad about how he needs to talk about dating less with me...and he’s become tolerable to be around. Easter was tough....my mom always made holidays such a big thing...so I really felt her absence. This week it’s my brother and dads birthday...it’s weird not having instructions from her....I don’t have an insane to-do list from her. I have no idea what to give either of them for gifts though...mom always knew.
  8. It's been two months. Things are getting easier....most of the time I can think about her and not be sad. Grief is weird though, and it overtakes you at weird times. Growing up we had a plant room...a room full of beautiful plants...and we weren't allowed to go in there. No one was allowed in there except mom. Over the last few years, she had gotten rid of a lot of plants…it frustrated me because she would just throw them out…perfectly healthy plants…because she no longer wanted them. Anyway, when she died, dad said, “plants are not part of my new life.” So last week Jay and I brought them all over to my house on a warm day. After we got them in the house and repotted, Jay left to take Clem to climbing lessons, and I ugly cried for 3 hours. My mom would have loved the way they looked…I wanted to show her how beautiful her plants looked. It’s weird thinking…they aren’t her plants anymore. She’s not coming back for them…and now that they’re in my house that reality weighs so much heavier....but it's okay. I'm dealing with things pretty good, I think. Anyway, I’m posting because…my dad is very focused on “his new life.” He’s been traveling a lot (which I think is great). He’s focused on dating. He says he "doesn't want to get stuck in grief and waste years of his life." And I get it. I don’t want him to be alone forever either. And I don’t feel like it’s disrespectful or anything for him to be dating at this point…and I’m not worried about him bringing a new gf into the family dynamic…or any of the things I thought I would be worried about. I’m concerned because…it’s quite apparent that he’s looking to fill a void and he doesn’t care who it is. He went to Mexico two weeks ago, and all he could talk about was this lady he met down there. Like, he wouldn’t stop talking about her. He was obsessed. And I get it, this is exciting…infatuation is so fun…It’s neat to feel things you haven’t felt in 40 years (he was married to mom for close to that). ..but this lady was hesitant and flat out told him, “you’re not ready to date.” So…now he’s dating a friend. He’s known her for 20 years…and they met up for coffee on Friday, and now they’re dating. He spent 10 hours with her yesterday…they are meeting up again today. And he won’t stop talking about her. He’s forgotten about the first lady. He told me today he can’t sleep because he’s thinking about her all the time. He’s obsessed with “does (this new lady) like me?” and “I want to be intimate with her, but I’m worried she’ll get attached.” And the next sentence is, “Hey, can I bring her over to meet you today?” Umm….no. Because that’s a mixed message…you can’t tell her you want to go slow and then ask her to meet your family. She’s already been to his house. They’ve talked about medical conditions…dad tells me, “she has diabetes…so I don’t think she’s a long term candidate. Diabetes will shorten her life a lot, and Martin’s first wife died, and now his second wife is dying, and I just don’t want to go through that again.” He was telling me how he spent a few hours researching diabetes last night….like…it’s weird. And he doesn’t shut up. I can’t stand being around him right now. I don’t want to talk to him right now. I’ve shared my concerns with him…about how it doesn’t seem like he’s very discriminant with who he’s dating (he insists he has a “special connection” with both of them…but after the first date with this new lady, he said he didn’t feel a connection…but then that changed when he realized the Mexico vacation lady wasn’t going to pan out)…I’ve told him that I think it’s great that he’s dating, but that I’m concerned with…how it seems like he’s just looking for validation like a 16 year old collecting likes on Instagram….and how he says he’s not ready for anything serious, but he talks about medical conditions, what living together would be like (they seriously talked about this already), what would happen to her dog if he’s allergic…like this is crazy stuff for a second date. He said I don’t understand because I’ve never had a timeline when I was dating. I explained that I had a totally different kind of timeline when I was dating, as I was concerned about fertility and wanting to get married and have babies before 35…he said it’s different because “he’s older and doesn’t have much time left.” He’s 61…and I’m pretty sure he’ll outlive me. He’s in incredible shape and has awesome bloodwork. Everyone in his family lives until their late 80’s…He’s got at least 20 years left. I just don’t know what to say. …and I’m having a hard time listening to him talk non-stop about the flavour of the week. I just find it exhausting and repetitive. And I can’t say anything about me (or Clem or Jay)…he doesn’t care. He’s come over twice today and both times…I actually couldn’t wait for him to go…I normally don’t feel like that…I normally really look forward to spending time with him. But right now, I’m just here to listen to him talk….I could be anyone for the amount I’m permitted to respond. I feel like I’ve lost my dad too :( I feel kind of lost right now. I’m debating going back to the grief counselor...I need advice. As a side note…I want to thank you all for your responses when I talked about my mom’s passing. I have read through everything several times….I found it all very comforting. Thank you.
  9. My mom died on Tuesday. She had the worst night....they couldn’t get her pain under control. Dad called me at 7am because he couldn’t get a hold of my brother. He was supposed to be on “high alert”and ready help if dad called...but he wasn’t answering. Dad wanted me to get a hold of him. I called him several times, I texted. I called his (live in) gf...no answer. I was getting ready to stop by at my brothers house and wake him up (it was now 8:30am) when dad called again asking me to go across town to pick up an intravenous morphine for her...the pharmacy said it would be ready in about an hour. I was almost there when dad called. My gps wouldn’t shut up and my Bluetooth was fuzzy over my car speakers. There was construction everywhere and I was trying to navigate around pylons and through rush hour traffic. Dad said, “turn around now and come home.” “So don’t go to the pharmacy?” “No, come home right now. I think it’s time to say goodbye.” “She’s dying?” “Yes. I think so. She didn’t want me to call 911...right?” “No, she didn’t. She wants to be at home. I’m turning around now.” I called jay and told him to go get clementine from school right now. I called the school to ask them to get Tine ready. My brother called....he was apologizing for not answering my calls and started telling me how his cat had kept him awake all night. I asked him if he had talked to dad yet. He said no....I told him...”get over there now. It’s time. Hurry.” I was trying to not be hysterical while I drove there. I kept imagining being pulled over and not making it in time. I arrived out front at 9:48. I dropped my mitten in the snow, and I left it. Dad had the front door open. We never use the front door. I walked in and....dad didn’t even have to say anything. His face said everything. We cried. He pleaded with me not to go in...he said that he didn’t want to see his parents like that and he didn’t want me to have regrets. I don’t. I needed to see her, I needed to say goodbye. Mom died at 9:44. I missed her by 4 minutes. I hate that. My brother showed up 10 minutes later....clementine and jay came 15minutes after that. On Friday we met the palliative doctor for the first time. She warned us that we have weeks...maybe months left, and it’s going to get very hard. She set up appointments for occupational therapists/respiratory therapists/ and physical therapists to come by. We ordered a hospital bed (it was supposed to arrive today). I saw mom on Monday. I went over there and laid with her for a few hours and we talked a bit. I told her about a wedding show I’m going to be in, and about Tine organizing my paints into trays for me in my studio. She told me how she wanted to go to chemo (which would have been yesterday). Dad and I didn’t want her to go to chemo. Her oncologist didn’t either...but mom wanted to, so we were going to support her with it even though we knew it would make her weaker...She was already so weak...but she didn’t want to die. She told me she wanted to see clementine grow up. She told me she couldn’t wait until summer-she wanted to have a beer with me on the patio. It made my heart hurt. I watered her plants (I had to take over-dad was killing them), and when I went to say “bye” she was asleep....but I knew I was going back tomorrow (Tuesday) so I left without saying bye. I didn’t see her alive again. Her nurse and doctor were both shocked that Mom died. They thought she might have had a stroke or a heart attack...because the doctor had left half an hour before Mom died, and she said, “I wouldn’t have left had I thought she would die...it didn’t seem like your mom was going to pass yet.” My dad is already clearing out all of her things. He took all of her meds to the pharmacy for recycling. He emptied out her things in the shower...and her things in the bathroom drawers. Yesterday he asked my brother and I to come over...and when we got there he wanted us to take car loads of things that we wanted. We didn’t. I can’t. My brother can’t. My dad wants to get rid of everything...he wants to move to an apartment. He said, “your mom wasn’t these things, she’s in our memories and that’s all I need. I don’t have room for all of these things in my new life.” He told me to take all of the things from the farm Mom grew up on- all of the things she cherished. He told me to take all of the plants...the extra duvet covers, the extra towels. He started going through the toys that clementine plays with when she stays over- asking me what he can get rid of and what I want to take home. I left. I cried the entire drive home and didn’t stop until I fell asleep. Today he called me and asked me to come over and go through her closet and jewlery. I told him I can’t. I told him that “I love him and I want to support him...but that right now...I keep repeating “my mom is dead” over and over to myself because it doesn’t feel real. I thought we had more time with her.” I told him that” I need more time to process....that I understand how hard it is for him being there, and that I support him moving, I support him getting rid of her things...but that Mom died three days ago, and I haven’t come to terms with it yet, and right now it feels like he’s dismantling my childhood home, erasing Mom... and that when I’m sitting on the couch downstairs, I keep expecting mom to yell down at me, “bring up an onion”..I keep expecting to walk around a corner and find her....and that clearing things out two and three days after she died...is just moving too fast for me. I feel like I lost mom and now I’m losing my childhood home, and that my dad is moving on, and is getting rid of toys like clementine is never going to go visit him again. I can’t keep up.” He cried. He said he understood. He told me “Mom always regulated me. She always made me slow down. I think this is part of how I’m grieving.” I asked him if we could go through things on Sunday or Monday. He said that made sense, and that he’ll slow down. Clementine and I are going to go over today after school for a visit. He promised that the house will look the same, that he understands we need more time (and that maybe he needs more time too). My mom died.
  10. My mom is...pretty sick. She's sleep around 22 hours a day now. I keep thinking about you and your brother doing this...it's really hard...I'm thankful dad is there with her most of the time. I know I need to up my game...I'm only there 20 hours a week...so hard trying to take care of my business...my house, my husband and my daughter...I don't know how you did it.
  11. Best update ever. I'm glad I saw it Good luck to you- I'm sending all the good vibes your way.
  12. It's been so weird here too. Like cold at night (down to 8-12) and then 30 during the day. You want to turn on the heat in the morning, but you know the house will be stifling by afternoon I've started baking in the morning. Warms up the house a little...and then we have food when it's too hot to cook lol
  13. Not judging, but an honest question....why continue to date him when you know you don't want to get attached...when he has red flags...like...why? That's enough reason to walk away. It's hard to not get attached and to not like someone that you spend time with...so if you can see that it will probably end in disaster...why not end it and look for someone without red flags? It's funny...the men that talked the most about loving me...that talked the most about the future...were always the ones that showed me with actions that they loved me the least. Always remember...action expresses priority. Talk is cheap. Look for someone that *shows* you with their actions that they care. You're too lovely to give up on dating. There are so many men that will feel like they hit the jackpot meeting you...you just have to meet one worthy. And yes, that is the tricky part....and for you, a huge piece of that puzzle is learning to cut out men that aren't long term relationship material as soon as you realize they aren't your forever...you're too nice giving these men chance after chance to show you that they can be different, that they can be better. A leopard doesn't change its spots. Find one with good "spots". Keep remembering...you are fabulous. Find someone as fabulous as you are, and you'll be golden xx
  14. I've been feeling like...this isn't the place for me anymore. I'm just not connecting...Most of the journals that I followed are inactive...and the ones that I have posted in recently...I just seem to make people mad. I've checked out new threads...new journals...nothing is really catching my interest. My favourite people have moved on...and I think it's my time to do that as well. I just didn't want to disappear without saying something...I know there are so many posters on here where people have wondered where they went. I still wonder about some posters that have left....and some disappeared a few years ago. It's neat how we can connect like that with some people...their voices resonate within us long after they're gone. Best of luck to you all.
  15. My newsfeed is full of what happened in Charlottesville and every time I read another article I feel my throat tighten and my eyes sting. I am livid that the world has racist as*holes in it...that are grave enough to come out and protest in public. With their tiki torches. Wt f is wrong with people? Why were there so many young people in that? When I think of racists, I think of old people from small towns. Old people that grew up when there was segregation. But I guess it shouldn't be a surprise with all of the police shootings...idk why I am surprised. I guess I don't see racism in my little bubble. Most of my neighbours are mixed race couples with one spouse that was raised somewhere foreign...and I've loved it. I get authentic samosas all the time. My neighbours are kind. Good people. I'm scared. I'm scared for where we're going. I read news clips of the protest while at the waterpark with my daughter and her friend. We were surrounded by families that were laughing and playing...and many of them spoke different languages....but a child's laughter is the same in every language. The contrast between nazi protests and children's laughter was jarring, and I felt out of place at the park. I've been mourning since. I want to say something, say something public on business pages...I want to speak out and say, "this was so wrong" but idk how. I feel lost right now.
  16. My post says meet single friends. There are lots of single people in the world. Lots in your city.
  17. Glad she made it through okay. Surgeries are stressful
  18. "Making your own luck" is making opportunities. You talk about how being single is negatively impacting your social life because all of your friends are coupled up....so make new friends. Do new things that you don't normally do. Go sign up for classes learning something new that is out of your comfort zone...join a meet up group and go to it weekly...where you don't know anyone and you do something new. Don't go with the intention of meeting women...go with the intention of having fun. That's what all of the "it happens when you least expect it" anecdotes come from. Let go of the outcome. You're so focused on the endgame...of course you're not having any fun. Enjoy the process, the journey...and if you can't....if you can't even enjoy a day or evening out meeting new people...it's going to be really hard to attract a quality person.
  19. Spray=paint? I have thought about hosting paint nights...I've had a bunch of people ask about them...I might one day. I'd really like to focus on furthering my own art...I feel like I keep doing other projects and losing focus on what I want. Right now everything is going into Jays application for the fire department. He needs to take a 3 week EMT course that it's $4000...and do a few driving courses for large trucks and air brakes..he's trying to get his application to be perfect...he went to an info session last week and they said they're expecting 3-4 thousand applicants. The good news is, Jay is a great applicant, he has pretty much exactly what they're looking for....so fingers crossed all of this is going to get him where he wants to be. So last week Tine was diagnosed with ADHD. Which I thought was great- not the diagnosis, but actually being diagnosed this young...because it's good to know. We can deal with it. So I told her dad about it and he seemed okay with everything....but then his gf came over and told me how "she has ADHD too, and she doesn't believe in meds. She just doesn't do things that she doesn't want to do." Problem solved lol. Except Tine is in school...and has to do things she doesn't want to do. I feel so frustrated with his gf. She's the one that last year told me she'd take me to court (and get custody of Tine) if we had to move out of the city. I just wish she'd stop interfering so much. She doesn't even live in our country...like...mind your own business lol. I guess I'm concerned that she'll say something to Tine and make her feel bad about taking meds. I don't want her to sway Tine from doing something that could benefit her immensely. Other than that...life has been good. I've done a ton of gardening (which makes me happy)...I haven't been painting as much as I'd like to...but hopefully will be again when Jay goes back in the field.
  20. Ugh, I would want to cancel Friday too. That guy sounds exhausting...you told him where you are and it's like he's got his fingers in his ears...he's not very respectful. It sounds like he's not the person you knew when you were young.
  21. How did your procedure go? I've been thinking about you but get distracted every time I try to write. Are you back to work soon?
  22. I just started electrolysis on my moustache. Not as expensive as I thought. I have sensitive skin though...so my moustache stays red for 3 weeks after each session...and make up can't hide it for the first two weeks. But hopefully this will work...if it does...I'm doing everywhere lol
  23. "Today I feel perfectly confident pursuing her." Made me smile. I'm glad for you...glad that you know your value
  24. I didn't know you had ADHD...and I've never heard of that stimulant, I'll have to look into it. Thanks
  25. I still love people from 15 years ago. It doesn't mean I'd change my life if they had come back, or that I want to be with them. It just means that I think they're an awesome human being and look back on our time fondly.
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