Meeting a Man at his house?

[kmac13]

So I met this guy online. I told him what bar I was going to on Friday and we attempted to meet up. We played a flirty game of cat mouse around the bar, giving each other hints on snapchat as to where in the bar we were. By the time we met up, my friend's man was calling her and she wasn't having fun so I had to go not 10 minutes after we met up.

So I've been texting him non stop since then, and we've made a great connection. We've been talking about a lot of 'deep' stuff like dreams and goals etc.

So he wants to meet up again, and I do too. He wants me to come over Tuesday after work. He knows my intentions and I know his and we made that very clear that no sexual things would take place. My friends will know where I am etc.

My questions are,

what even happens when i go there. I expect a lot of talking and chatting and getting to know each other but ? idk

 

I never had the chance to really 'Date' someone. I just got out of a 3 year relationship that was different as we went to high school together.

 

I trust him, I'm just not sure what to expect from it all. What happened if you ever did this?

[Wiseman2]

Only go if you are comfortable. If it gets uncomfortable, leave.

I told him what bar I was going to on Friday and I had to go not 10 minutes after we met up. He wants me to come over Tuesday after work. I'm just not sure what to expect from it all.

[missmarple]

I've never done that and never would, either. What's the point of going to his house if you don't plan on doing anything sexual? Also..so what if your friends will know where you are? There are too many psychos around, you know.

Tell him you've had second thoughts and decided it's better if you meet somewhere else. If he doesn't want to, you'll know what he's after, no matter what you've 'agreed' on. You hardly know the guy!

[Robin2904]

I've always kind of thought someone wanting to come over or have me come over right away was a little weird as a 'date'. I mean if the intention is to hookup I get it but when someone insists it isn't but wants to meetup at either of our houses it strikes me as odd and kind of shady. I kind of would doubt sex isn't at least somewhere in their mind. Who knows though, maybe that isn't the case, I would just rather much prefer a public place with someone you don't really know- never mind the potential danger- it seems like it would be kind of awkward unless I knew someone a little better to go to their house like that. Just my thoughts though, just be careful.

[DancingFool]

Simple common sense - don't go into a situation that you are uncomfortable with.

 

In this case, what it all boils down to is that you've seen this guy a total of 10 minute in real life, yet you think you can totally trust him. You don't know him from Adam and all that texting and talking connection, anyone can bs you 100 times before breakfast if they so wish.

 

In short, if you are not prepared to have sex with him, then don't put yourself into a situation where that may happen, be demanded, attempted, or worse. So what if your friends know where you are? They are not there if he gets pushy and manipulative with you. Even if he stops short of actual rape, imagine an evening of fighting off groping? Also, don't assume that would be able just to get up and leave.

 

Then there is the don't teach a guy that coming over to his place so early on counts as a date. There is low maintenance and then there is easy. Don't be the latter. You don't really know each other, so have a proper date. Outside, in public where you can both be comfortable and safe and have fun getting to know each other that way. Never ever take someone's words as Gospel in terms of what they will and won't do in real life.

[ThatwasThen]

^^^ I agree with Marple.

I never had the chance to really 'Date' someone. I just got out of a 3 year relationship that was different as we went to high school together.

That is not a "date" that is what they call "hanging out" which is exactly what you likely did with your boyfriend in highschool. I think you would be silly to go to his house this early in. Tell him you'd love to still see him but could you go to _______ instead (a pub or a restaurant or something fun to do). Make your dates actual dates as you get to know him and keep yourselves away from either your or his bedroom.

 

Treat yourself and go on dates instead of settling for stuff you did when you didn't "date." If he won't take you then screw him and the horse he rode in on because you can do better, luv.

[reinventmyself]

Nope and no.

It may be all innocent but just make it a practice to not go a man's house you barely know. You were only together for 10 minutes.

It doesn't matter how many long philosophical phone conversations you've had with him.

 

Even the best guys let it cross their mind what your intentions might be for having accepted such an invitation just like that.

Everyone should instinctively know that if you want to get to know someone, (either gender) it's best to do so in a neutral environment.

[TMifune]

He knows my intentions and I know his and we made that very clear that no sexual things would take place. My friends will know where I am etc.

 

$10 says you choose to wear your best pair of underwear anyway.....you know....just in case.

[greta96]

This is a big fat no in my books. Actually, my interest in him would drop to half after such an "invite".

First of all, you don't know him from Adam, he can be an ex convict, could have escaped from a mental institution, there are a number of bad things he could be, and you have no way of knowing. I don't really care how nice he seemed at the bar, anyone can seem very nice if they try hard enough. The point is, he is a stranger.

 

Secondly, an invitation to his place usually implies sex, despite you telling him otherwise. A lot of men think that once you're at their place, it's just a matter of time until the panties drop, with a little bit of sweet talking, flattery, future faking and some wine. They will invoke the "irresistible chemistry" and how "right" it feels, and before you know it the damage is done.

 

And last but not least, assuming 1) and 2) don't happen and he really is a good guy who wants to get to know you, asking you to go to his place is sheer laziness. If he can't even think of a fun thing to do on a first real date with you, it's not a good sign. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, you can just go for a bite to eat, or a walk, or a coffee shop (and remember to offer to split the bill).

 

I think the best approach is to tell him that since you don't know one another, you would much rather do something outdoors, and that you need to know someone much better before you go to their place. And make sure you stick to it and don't end the date at his or your place. This is the only way to weed out the casual dudes and have a fair chance at avoiding heartbreak.

[ThatwasThen]

$10 says you choose to wear your best pair of underwear anyway.....you know....just in case.

 

Op: If you're silly enough to actually go to his house to "hang out" instead of go on a nice date then don't shave your legs. It will make you think twice before showing him that best set of knickers. lol

[dave_1966]

I'm a guy, and I'm telling you NO. Meet for a couple of dates somewhere public, there's some very strange people out there. You don't need to turn up at his place only to find his dead stuffed mother in a rocking chair.....

[reinventmyself]

I had an internet date with a guy years ago. Nice enough.

 

He lived just a couple blocks from me and a few days later on a Sunday eve he was cooking some soup.

It seemed innocent enough when he invited me to come over.

I had a couple hours to kill and thought, what the heck?

I sat at his kitchen counter watching him chop vegetables and had a glass of wine and left.

 

Later that night I had a phone call from him inquiring to `what happened?'. . had he done something wrong?

I was perplexed, but after a cat and mouse sort of conversation it dawned on me that he was wondering why if I had accepted his offer

(to what I naively thought was to watch his culinary talents) why didn't we end up in the bedroom . .as if that was given.

He also seemed a tiny bit annoyed.

 

Lesson learned. It was honestly was the furthest thing from my mind. Apparently not his.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm a guy, and I'm telling you NO. Meet for a couple of dates somewhere public, there's some very strange people out there. You don't need to turn up at his place only to find his dead stuffed mother in a rocking chair.....

 

Oh yes... If you hear someone call "Norman, who are you talking to" run like those knickers were on fire.

[Hermes]

ROFL TWT.

 

A whole new meaning to the words "Blazing Saddles."

[ParisPaulette]

Right, going to some person's house you barely know. What could possibly go wrong with that? SMH, why would you even have to ask this question.

 

And why would you even have to think about doing this????

 

I find it deeply ironic we have an entire society dedicated to the dangers of food products and guns, but when it comes to simple common sense we apparently haven't advanced beyond acting like teen characters in every horror movie cliché out there. "La, la, la. Hey, I know this is kind of dangerous and not recommended, but really nothing bad will ever happen to me."

 

Deep sigh.

 

P.S. Trust is something that should be earned, over time, with proof that you can trust someone. It's not something one should just hand out like a box of chocolates to everyone who acts nice to you. Did I mention I work as a volunteer searching for the missing in New Mexico? Yeah, way too many of those, some I 'm sure who trusted the wrong people or person. Please have some common sense and don't put yourself needlessly in a bad position just because you've decided after one date someone you've met is harmless.

 

99.99 percent of the time (I'm being optimistic here) it will be okay, but it's that 1 percent when it's not that can turn very ugly. Are you fully prepared mentally and physically to deal with that if it does?

[Doc Blaze]

Wonder if he is going to pull out the Netflix and chill line.

[dave_1966]

Oh yes... If you hear someone call "Norman, who are you talking to" run like those knickers were on fire.

 

And if you do make out at his, don't shower there afterwards. Seriously, use your common sense.

[Robin2904]

I had an internet date with a guy years ago. Nice enough.

 

He lived just a couple blocks from me and a few days later on a Sunday eve he was cooking some soup.

It seemed innocent enough when he invited me to come over.

I had a couple hours to kill and thought, what the heck?

I sat at his kitchen counter watching him chop vegetables and had a glass of wine and left.

 

Later that night I had a phone call from him inquiring to `what happened?'. . had he done something wrong?

I was perplexed, but after a cat and mouse sort of conversation it dawned on me that he was wondering why if I had accepted his offer

(to what I naively thought was to watch his culinary talents) why didn't we end up in the bedroom . .as if that was given.

He also seemed a tiny bit annoyed.

 

Lesson learned. It was honestly was the furthest thing from my mind. Apparently not his.

 

As I read this I was really expecting some sort of horror story involving the soup, I don't know why....lol

 

Anyway yes this is a good lesson, sometimes an invitation may appear innocent 'come over for some soup' oh okay cool! Really there is an underlying expectation with coming to someone's house.

 

If he mentioned anything about watching movies, also always assume there is an expectation for sex....

[HeartGoesOn]

Wonder if he is going to pull out the Netflix and chill line.

 

^

Classic.

 

"I'll cook dinner, and we can watch a movie." And, I have a bridge for sale...

[melancholy123]

OMG I hope you dont go to his place. You really dont know him at all. 10 mins. in a bar means nothing. You should be meeting him in a public place.

[sara-pezzini]

If you see this kind of scene in a horror movie it's the part where the entire audience screams, no don't go in there......so no!

 

Btw that your friends know means absolutely nothing, just that they know where the body is if things go bad.

I know it can be perfectly harmless but you don't go over to a basic stranger's house.

Get to know him outside the house, go on a real date, texting is not getting to know him

[Wiseman2]

Good point!

texting is not getting to know him

[j.man]

Going to a man's house after 10 minutes of actually knowing him for "a lot of talking and chatting" is like me going to a doughnut shop expecting there to be pizza.

 

... except in my case the biggest regret I can think of would be waking up next to a box of scones.

[Wolfshook]

I'm a man and wouldnt invite you to my place if I knew you 10 minutes (well not even after 3 dates) unless I expected to have some fun...

[Tinydance]

Personally I do think this guy is most likely looking just for sex. If you said to him that nothing sexual would happen, then it would make sense for him just to go for a coffee with you or something. You hardly know each other at all and the only times I ever had anyone invite me to their place straight away was, yep, you guessed it, for sex. I think he was just testing the waters to see if you would come over. When you don't know each other I think it's like an unspoken rule and I think he's hoping that once you're there, you'll change your mind. Just by agreeing you are giving him the wrong idea. Also the fact that previously he just wanted to meet late at night in a bar and keep sending flirtatious messages sounds like he just wants some fun. A guy looking for dating would actually take you on a date, even if it's just for coffee or a walk.