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dave_1966

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  1. Huszar, Bethany is kind of right. You're thinking too hard about it. When I've been like that women have run a mile. It's when you're comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn that women come flocking, they pick up on confidence and want some of it for themselves. Work out at the gym, buy some new clothes, and start thinking about how you feel about yourself more. I'm no expert on this, but having had a few relationships and seen how and why they failed I am now taking the attitude that i never get rejected, I merely find out if a girl has good taste or not. If I don't think like this I'd get down about things also! Seriously. And, you're only 20.
  2. Well, I had the pleasure of working today at her company. I made no effort to speak to her tho she did come over a few times to make small talk. There was a slightly uneasy silence when we were working alongside each other, and I think she's aware I'm not impressed. Before I left she said she'd call tomorrow regarding seeing a film in the evening, which I really don't want to do. If I do go out with her tomorrow, I want to sit down in a restaurant and explain that I'm not happy or comfortable with the way she talks to me and treats me (basically as a substitute gay male friend). Seeing as she has to write my purchase orders out on Monday for work I've done, I feel I can't rock the boat too much. My intention is to phase her out slowly to the status of regular work colleague over the next few weeks, and see what she makes of it. Is this the right course of action? A womans advice would be interesting!
  3. Thanks guys, but do I see her on the Saturday night, or not? I want to walk away with dignity, and at the same time not jeopardise my work. Over the next week I'll be gently removing her needy ways out of my life, it's the short term that's the problem.
  4. So, how do I play the weekend? Do I opt out, or go along and make my exit early? I've got to work with her on Monday.
  5. About a year ago a close female friend who I had not seen for a couple of years called me out of the blue. I had not seen her because my ex, who I had split with, felt very threatened by her presense (that's another story though.) The female friend, who I shall refer to as Ellen, called and arranged to meet to catch up on things. Ellen was having a affair with a married man behind her boyfriends back, and needed someone to talk to. She was being used by the married man, and having known Ellen 10 years I was able to explain to her exactly how she was being used. Her affair ended very predictably and I was proven right. Her boyfriend was working abroad, and got wind of what had happened. I told her to come clean and try to repair things with him. Over a period of several months I started spending a lot of time with her, being careful not to get too close for obvious reasons. She's very attractive and I knew I had to be careful with myself. Her relationship with her boyfriend was being eroded by her infidelity with the married man, and culminated with her being dumped by him and being told that he had a new girlfriend. That was 2 or 3 months ago. She didn't seem to acknowledge her role in the breakdown, and was very upset by effectively losing both men in a very short spell of time. I've always felt close to her, and started spending weekends with her to help her get back on track. I naturally started to develop feelings for her, pinching myself not to get TOO close. We've been sleeping in the same bed, no sex, but I've been waking up with her draped around me. I took the view that I did not want to get sexually involved until her head had cleared. This has been going on for a couple of months, and I've enjoyed a certain level of intimacy with her. We went away for a city break to Italy a few weeks ago and I really enjoyed it. I feel that I've been floating around in this void between friendship and relationship, but I haven't wanted to rush it along and just let it develop at its own pace. I've basically been nursing her I guess. Anyway, I noted her calls becoming less frequent a week or so ago and took the view that I'm not going to chase her. I would just be one of several guys chasing her if I did. The problem is that I think I do have feelings for her, not full blown love, but feelings none the less. I'm self employed, and she uses me to do work at the firm where she works. I'm currently working at her firm, and today she took the unusual step of asking me out to lunch with her and I figured there was significance to this. She told me that she had met a nice guy, that she didn't know if she should go for it with him or not as she says she still doesn't feel ready for a relationship and didn't want to hurt HIM. She was telling me this because she knew that her co-workers would be asking about him in front of me, clearly. I'm slap in the middle of a well paid contract with her firm, and she then preceded to ask me if I fancied going to the cinema on Saturday night with her (presumably because Mr New is not around, or possibly with his wife). I'll be back at her firm Monday. I don't know whether what we have/had constitutes anything at all in her mind, and don't want to mess up things with her firm either. I would have gone out on Saturday night and naturally slept with her afterwards, but now feel the notion of that ludicrous. The other thing that bothers me is that if she's with this other guy and it explodes in her face again she'll be back on the phone asking me to put her back together, something I've just spent the last 3 months doing. Does what happened between us justify me being angry, or should I act like I don't care? I actually find it a bit emasculating to be honest. It feels like a delicate situation to me, and I really need some good advice on how to play her, the weekend, and not losing work out of it. Any advice welcome....we're both in our 30s by the way.
  6. So, you don't love your friends? You could be such a amazing friend to her that she dumps her boyfriend in favour of you. If it's really worth that much to you, that should be your plan of action. If it's not worth the trouble, go and find more women......
  7. You must respect her thoughts on the matter, she was calling you out of friendship and you mis-interpreted it. She can probably detect your frustration with the situation, which will only lead to you being seen as a pest. It's often the un-attainable that we find so attractive, which is clearly the case here. If she'd started a relationship with you and you then found her to be needy or possesive you would have been the one doing the running. The next time you see or speak to her apologise for your behaviour and state that you would value her friendship more than anything, then don't push it. If you get to know her on a friends basis you may see things about her that would turn you off in a relationship, or if you play it REALLY smart she may get to actually like you....
  8. Just be the person you are, don't change your eating habits and try to enjoy yourself. Remember that they're probably vetting you for their 'little soldier', but also remind yourself that you're going out with your boyfriend and NOT his family. I've personally had experiences similar to 'Meet the Parents'. If they are rude or condescending to you in any way way just grin and bear it, and vow never to go on vacation with them again. Good luck!
  9. I can't believe easyguys advice, the minute a guy hits a woman it's abuse, pure and simple. If it's your house, legally, have him kicked out by any means necessary. Good luck.
  10. Do you actually know why he split up with you? I always think in a relationship that you should make decisions together, taking in to account the other halfs feelings and thoughts on the matter. If the decision to split was purely his, then he has absolutely no right to question you on your post relationship activities and movements. Someone told me that a relationship is like a finely balanced weighing scales, and I think it's a good analogy. If you've been hurt or upset by his actions, and he wants you back, then a good starting point from him would be a explanation of his actions and a apology for doing what he did. He can't finish with you, and then question what you do with your life afterwards....that's simply selfish and unfair. Get on with things, go and enjoy life in whatever way you see fit. If he's man enough to explain why he did it and say sorry, listen to him. This happened to me a couple of years back, I got the calls etc after being ditched. It transpired the reason for her calls was that things weren't working out with the guy she had finished me for, so the attention wasn't particularly flattering. And in terms of asking the 'guys' for advice, both sexes play games like this. Basically, let him learn a lesson from his actions, you're not answerable to him in any way now. Look after no1 for the time being and enjoy yourself!
  11. Thanks guys, I guess it's all down to fate like everything else. I think it may be wise to have a chat with her about things. The funny thing is that you've both expressed a male view on it, I discussed it with a female friend and she said to be very careful and that Ellen is sounding 'needy' after breaking up with her ex. But unless people meet/get-together at a perfect point after breaking up with someone, how do you ever start dating? It really messes around with my mind, I'd love a female view on it....
  12. This is really bugging me. I'm mid 30's, and have known my friend Ellen for 10 years. She's about 3 years younger than me, we met at a firm I was contracting at. We struck up a great friendship, and have always been very supportive of each other through the trials of the last decade. We've helped each other through our respective relationship break-ups, and because she has a medical condition which sometimes has landed her in hospital it's always been me that's had the phone call in the early hours to go and take her home and make sure she's alright. So, basically, we've done the friendship bit to the max. 10 years ago Ellen was a hyper girl out for a laugh, and I never really considered her in relationship terms, too much of a handfull. My last girlfriend was really pissed off that we were so close, and practically stopped me spending too much time with her. After my ex ditched me, I had a call from Ellen to catch up on things. We met up and I really enjoyed her company again. She was in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years, and basically we put the world to rights. Her 'ex' is working abroad, and it appears to be truly over. She says as much, and she's not even bothered about it as it happened over a period of a year or so. Over the last 6 months we've been seeing a lot of each other, going out places together etc. All this has reminded me just how much I like her, she's clever, witty, and very attractive....but I've only ever considered her a friend really. She, on the other hand, tells me that if I'm not in a stable relationship with someone by 40 that she'll marry me....and I don't think she's joking. Flattering in a funny way, I guess. A few weeks ago she started getting tactile when we were out, arms forever around me. I grabbed her hand to cross the street in Central London, and when we got to the other side she didn't let go until I waved her off at the subway. I've often stayed at her place, in the spare room. Over the last few weeks she's invited me in to her bed and I've accepted, and I wake up in the morning with her draped around me. We've never even kissed, and it's making me really think of where this is going. I think I'm beginning to develop feelings for her that weren't there before, and I don't know how much to read in to all this. Do women sometimes like company in bed from friends? Do I start to enjoy her a bit too much, and then watch some guy enter her life? I met a woman before this started to happen a little while ago and Ellen found every reason for me not to see her, and that ended. There's a bit of 'When Harry met Sally' going on here and it's making me think the following, do I; A. Keep it as friends. B. Run with it. So, what does everyone think? I don't want to get to a stage where I make a fool of myself....but I think she's probably thinking the same. I would hate to mess up a really good friendship. If she wasn't so cute it would be so much easier. Any ideas?
  13. lillady, if you were to be totally honest, you probably enjoy the attention to some extent? If i was one of these guys, I'd have given up any notion of getting anywhere with you after, probably, the fourth or so 'date'. It's really very simple, you just tell them that you're not interested in them in that way and just want to be friends.
  14. Caterina is right. Just don't tell her over a meal, you'll end up wearing it.
  15. I once read that about 5% of cheating partners are taken back by their ex, who then has to sleep with one eye open all the time. I would not take anyone back who cheated on me, all trust is shattered. The 5% are people with self-respect issues.
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