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dave_1966

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Everything posted by dave_1966

  1. Huszar, Bethany is kind of right. You're thinking too hard about it. When I've been like that women have run a mile. It's when you're comfortable with yourself and don't give a damn that women come flocking, they pick up on confidence and want some of it for themselves. Work out at the gym, buy some new clothes, and start thinking about how you feel about yourself more. I'm no expert on this, but having had a few relationships and seen how and why they failed I am now taking the attitude that i never get rejected, I merely find out if a girl has good taste or not. If I don't think like this I'd get down about things also! Seriously. And, you're only 20.
  2. Well, I had the pleasure of working today at her company. I made no effort to speak to her tho she did come over a few times to make small talk. There was a slightly uneasy silence when we were working alongside each other, and I think she's aware I'm not impressed. Before I left she said she'd call tomorrow regarding seeing a film in the evening, which I really don't want to do. If I do go out with her tomorrow, I want to sit down in a restaurant and explain that I'm not happy or comfortable with the way she talks to me and treats me (basically as a substitute gay male friend). Seeing as she has to write my purchase orders out on Monday for work I've done, I feel I can't rock the boat too much. My intention is to phase her out slowly to the status of regular work colleague over the next few weeks, and see what she makes of it. Is this the right course of action? A womans advice would be interesting!
  3. Thanks guys, but do I see her on the Saturday night, or not? I want to walk away with dignity, and at the same time not jeopardise my work. Over the next week I'll be gently removing her needy ways out of my life, it's the short term that's the problem.
  4. So, how do I play the weekend? Do I opt out, or go along and make my exit early? I've got to work with her on Monday.
  5. About a year ago a close female friend who I had not seen for a couple of years called me out of the blue. I had not seen her because my ex, who I had split with, felt very threatened by her presense (that's another story though.) The female friend, who I shall refer to as Ellen, called and arranged to meet to catch up on things. Ellen was having a affair with a married man behind her boyfriends back, and needed someone to talk to. She was being used by the married man, and having known Ellen 10 years I was able to explain to her exactly how she was being used. Her affair ended very predictably and I was proven right. Her boyfriend was working abroad, and got wind of what had happened. I told her to come clean and try to repair things with him. Over a period of several months I started spending a lot of time with her, being careful not to get too close for obvious reasons. She's very attractive and I knew I had to be careful with myself. Her relationship with her boyfriend was being eroded by her infidelity with the married man, and culminated with her being dumped by him and being told that he had a new girlfriend. That was 2 or 3 months ago. She didn't seem to acknowledge her role in the breakdown, and was very upset by effectively losing both men in a very short spell of time. I've always felt close to her, and started spending weekends with her to help her get back on track. I naturally started to develop feelings for her, pinching myself not to get TOO close. We've been sleeping in the same bed, no sex, but I've been waking up with her draped around me. I took the view that I did not want to get sexually involved until her head had cleared. This has been going on for a couple of months, and I've enjoyed a certain level of intimacy with her. We went away for a city break to Italy a few weeks ago and I really enjoyed it. I feel that I've been floating around in this void between friendship and relationship, but I haven't wanted to rush it along and just let it develop at its own pace. I've basically been nursing her I guess. Anyway, I noted her calls becoming less frequent a week or so ago and took the view that I'm not going to chase her. I would just be one of several guys chasing her if I did. The problem is that I think I do have feelings for her, not full blown love, but feelings none the less. I'm self employed, and she uses me to do work at the firm where she works. I'm currently working at her firm, and today she took the unusual step of asking me out to lunch with her and I figured there was significance to this. She told me that she had met a nice guy, that she didn't know if she should go for it with him or not as she says she still doesn't feel ready for a relationship and didn't want to hurt HIM. She was telling me this because she knew that her co-workers would be asking about him in front of me, clearly. I'm slap in the middle of a well paid contract with her firm, and she then preceded to ask me if I fancied going to the cinema on Saturday night with her (presumably because Mr New is not around, or possibly with his wife). I'll be back at her firm Monday. I don't know whether what we have/had constitutes anything at all in her mind, and don't want to mess up things with her firm either. I would have gone out on Saturday night and naturally slept with her afterwards, but now feel the notion of that ludicrous. The other thing that bothers me is that if she's with this other guy and it explodes in her face again she'll be back on the phone asking me to put her back together, something I've just spent the last 3 months doing. Does what happened between us justify me being angry, or should I act like I don't care? I actually find it a bit emasculating to be honest. It feels like a delicate situation to me, and I really need some good advice on how to play her, the weekend, and not losing work out of it. Any advice welcome....we're both in our 30s by the way.
  6. So, you don't love your friends? You could be such a amazing friend to her that she dumps her boyfriend in favour of you. If it's really worth that much to you, that should be your plan of action. If it's not worth the trouble, go and find more women......
  7. You must respect her thoughts on the matter, she was calling you out of friendship and you mis-interpreted it. She can probably detect your frustration with the situation, which will only lead to you being seen as a pest. It's often the un-attainable that we find so attractive, which is clearly the case here. If she'd started a relationship with you and you then found her to be needy or possesive you would have been the one doing the running. The next time you see or speak to her apologise for your behaviour and state that you would value her friendship more than anything, then don't push it. If you get to know her on a friends basis you may see things about her that would turn you off in a relationship, or if you play it REALLY smart she may get to actually like you....
  8. Just be the person you are, don't change your eating habits and try to enjoy yourself. Remember that they're probably vetting you for their 'little soldier', but also remind yourself that you're going out with your boyfriend and NOT his family. I've personally had experiences similar to 'Meet the Parents'. If they are rude or condescending to you in any way way just grin and bear it, and vow never to go on vacation with them again. Good luck!
  9. I can't believe easyguys advice, the minute a guy hits a woman it's abuse, pure and simple. If it's your house, legally, have him kicked out by any means necessary. Good luck.
  10. Do you actually know why he split up with you? I always think in a relationship that you should make decisions together, taking in to account the other halfs feelings and thoughts on the matter. If the decision to split was purely his, then he has absolutely no right to question you on your post relationship activities and movements. Someone told me that a relationship is like a finely balanced weighing scales, and I think it's a good analogy. If you've been hurt or upset by his actions, and he wants you back, then a good starting point from him would be a explanation of his actions and a apology for doing what he did. He can't finish with you, and then question what you do with your life afterwards....that's simply selfish and unfair. Get on with things, go and enjoy life in whatever way you see fit. If he's man enough to explain why he did it and say sorry, listen to him. This happened to me a couple of years back, I got the calls etc after being ditched. It transpired the reason for her calls was that things weren't working out with the guy she had finished me for, so the attention wasn't particularly flattering. And in terms of asking the 'guys' for advice, both sexes play games like this. Basically, let him learn a lesson from his actions, you're not answerable to him in any way now. Look after no1 for the time being and enjoy yourself!
  11. Thanks guys, I guess it's all down to fate like everything else. I think it may be wise to have a chat with her about things. The funny thing is that you've both expressed a male view on it, I discussed it with a female friend and she said to be very careful and that Ellen is sounding 'needy' after breaking up with her ex. But unless people meet/get-together at a perfect point after breaking up with someone, how do you ever start dating? It really messes around with my mind, I'd love a female view on it....
  12. This is really bugging me. I'm mid 30's, and have known my friend Ellen for 10 years. She's about 3 years younger than me, we met at a firm I was contracting at. We struck up a great friendship, and have always been very supportive of each other through the trials of the last decade. We've helped each other through our respective relationship break-ups, and because she has a medical condition which sometimes has landed her in hospital it's always been me that's had the phone call in the early hours to go and take her home and make sure she's alright. So, basically, we've done the friendship bit to the max. 10 years ago Ellen was a hyper girl out for a laugh, and I never really considered her in relationship terms, too much of a handfull. My last girlfriend was really pissed off that we were so close, and practically stopped me spending too much time with her. After my ex ditched me, I had a call from Ellen to catch up on things. We met up and I really enjoyed her company again. She was in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years, and basically we put the world to rights. Her 'ex' is working abroad, and it appears to be truly over. She says as much, and she's not even bothered about it as it happened over a period of a year or so. Over the last 6 months we've been seeing a lot of each other, going out places together etc. All this has reminded me just how much I like her, she's clever, witty, and very attractive....but I've only ever considered her a friend really. She, on the other hand, tells me that if I'm not in a stable relationship with someone by 40 that she'll marry me....and I don't think she's joking. Flattering in a funny way, I guess. A few weeks ago she started getting tactile when we were out, arms forever around me. I grabbed her hand to cross the street in Central London, and when we got to the other side she didn't let go until I waved her off at the subway. I've often stayed at her place, in the spare room. Over the last few weeks she's invited me in to her bed and I've accepted, and I wake up in the morning with her draped around me. We've never even kissed, and it's making me really think of where this is going. I think I'm beginning to develop feelings for her that weren't there before, and I don't know how much to read in to all this. Do women sometimes like company in bed from friends? Do I start to enjoy her a bit too much, and then watch some guy enter her life? I met a woman before this started to happen a little while ago and Ellen found every reason for me not to see her, and that ended. There's a bit of 'When Harry met Sally' going on here and it's making me think the following, do I; A. Keep it as friends. B. Run with it. So, what does everyone think? I don't want to get to a stage where I make a fool of myself....but I think she's probably thinking the same. I would hate to mess up a really good friendship. If she wasn't so cute it would be so much easier. Any ideas?
  13. lillady, if you were to be totally honest, you probably enjoy the attention to some extent? If i was one of these guys, I'd have given up any notion of getting anywhere with you after, probably, the fourth or so 'date'. It's really very simple, you just tell them that you're not interested in them in that way and just want to be friends.
  14. Caterina is right. Just don't tell her over a meal, you'll end up wearing it.
  15. I once read that about 5% of cheating partners are taken back by their ex, who then has to sleep with one eye open all the time. I would not take anyone back who cheated on me, all trust is shattered. The 5% are people with self-respect issues.
  16. Beautiful_monkey, I live in the UK also. What everybody is saying to you here is right, you need to get help. You're only 17, have everything to live for. Lot's of people around your age have similar feelings, it's part of becoming an adult. You will NOT feel like this forever. When I was down, I walked in to a NHS walk-in centre and was treated fantastically, and this is obviously done in strict confidentiality. The website is; nhsdirect.nhs.uk The telephone number is 0845 4647 (though bear in mind they normally take your details and call back about an hour later) I don't know what your relationship with your folks is like, but I can't help but think they care about you enormously. If you can, try to tell them how you feel. If you're not comfortable telling them, use the NHS details above (if you're not happy talking to your GP) All the things you mentioned (depression/OCD/anorexia) are amazingly common conditions, and I know that depression and OCD are linked. One of my friends suffers from OCD. A professional/Doctor will know exactly what medication you need, if you even need medication. Just don't go on suffering alone and unnecessarily. Post on this site and say what advice you've been given. Good luck.
  17. Well, Newdagaons, I know MetallicAguy isn't in your shoes, but I can't fault his advice. He's absolutely right, you should be happy at this stage of a relationship and not putting up with crap like this. Lay the law down with her, in fact why not finish with her before she does with you? Then you'll see whether she runs for you or the ex. Avoid partners with excess baggage like the plague.....
  18. You guys are absolutely right, and the reason I emailed/called for the writing advice was because: a. I thought a writer would be able to clean up the copy, etc. b. If she couldn't be bothered, then she could get lost. I went for the meal because i was amazed that she was willing to sit at a table with me without feeling embarrassment, which I think she did. Just wanted to witness it in the presense of friends. She also probably didn't want to feel like a third wheel, as you put it. However, I do find her attractive. I've no doubt that what I said may be a wake-up call for her, but I think she may have the guts to call/email me.....in which case what do I say if she does? It's a fine line between being rude but firm!
  19. Before xmas, I went to a friends party and got chatting to a a woman I found very attractive. I'm late 30's, and estimated her to be early 40s. My friends passed information to me shortly afterwards that she really liked me, and after a few weeks later I got round to calling her and going out on a date with her. The date was very romantic, and we ended up in each others arms at the end of it. Wanting to take it easy, we left it at that, agreeing to see each other again. I called her a while later to arrange a second date, but this time she blew me out on a saturday night 2 hours before meeting up explaining that she'd been out with her ex a few days previously, and wasn't in the right state of mind to enjoy our evening together. I was obviously taken aback, but told her it was a real shame as i thought we were getting along fine. Basically, I kept calm. My friends informed me that this 'ex' was a married man, which kind of put a different spin on it. I don't know whether he finished with her, or vice versa, when I asked her about things she wouldn't talk about it. She doesn't realise that I know it was a married man either. I basically gave up on the whole thing, but she would email and suggest meeting up, and on the few occasions we met up we were once again all over each other. About a month ago I was setting up a new website, and as she's a writer I emailed her asking if she would be willing to check the copy on it, I also left a message on her phone at home to the same effect. She had just come back off a holiday with a female friend (not sure I believed that) and she basically blanked me, my response was to think that's that then. However, she emailed me last week to ask me out for a meal with some mutual friends, and I thought what the hell! I couldn't resist going just to see how she would play the evening. Well, that was last night, she kept quiet when I chatted about the website.....and then dropped the news that she was selling her home. When it came to time to pay the bill, I was so annoyed with her that I made a point of paying just my share. We all walked back together to my car and where my friends and her live, she mentioned that she was thinking of moving abroad. My friends left us chatting by my car, and I pointed out to her that it was a shame she was moving as I really liked her. She responded by saying she was unaware of the fact, which I thought was incredible in the circumstances. I told her that I would have liked something to happen between us, but that I found her difficult to communicate with. I pointed out how she'd blanked my call /email previously, which is a real pet hate of mine. She said she couldn't remember, and felt I was being too sensitive. Before getting in my car and spinning off, I told that it was all irrelevant if she was moving anyway. She was clearly uncomfortable with being confronted on these issues, and made her excuses and bolted. I do really like her, however, and want to know if I made a fool of myself or not? I prefer to be up front with things, and just needed to point a few things out to her. My friends did warn me she was complicated, and I'm thankful that they pointed out to me she was also involved (maybe still is?) with a married man. With this information on board I think I've avoided being hurt as opposed to just annoyed. So, what now?
  20. It's very easy to get complacent in a relationship, so perhaps you should tell him to his face what you have told the world on this website. I'd be very careful trying to make him feel jealous and insecure, as this could backfire on you. Basically, you don't know what you got till it's gone. Just be careful and don't intentionally hurt him, talk it through like an adult and follow what your heart says and not your buddies etc. You're the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions.
  21. My heart goes out to you, it really does. However, you sound like a really intelligent person and way too good for this girl. I went thru this a while ago, and my advice to you is to get a new email address, block all her numbers on your phone service, and get down the gym (this will make you feel more positive about yourself) and concentrate on your studies as this will ensure your future long term happiness, not this mixed up girl. If she ever attempts to call you, hang up or don't reply as it will only prolong your pain. It will also really aggrevate her at the same time, but be strict about it. NO communication! Just view it as a lesson in what you DON'T need in a relationship and take it all on board for when you meet a decent girl who'll give you what you actually need. Take care and look after your own interests in 2004![/u]
  22. Did this girl finish with you or was it mutual? Sounds like it isn't working out with her new fella and she's trying to keep you in the frame. You have to ask yourself whether you would have got this email if things were going fine for her. Strangely, I'm in a similar situation to yourself with my ex, and my feeling is that why should I bend over backwards to be understanding with her when she's climbing in to bed at the end of the day with someone else? If she did finish with you I would ignore it as it sounds quite manipulative, she could be just keeping you dangling on a false promise and you should have some pride in yourself. I'm really sorry to be so blunt, but actions speak louder than words. Anyone can type a email or SMS, ask yourself why she hasn't said I'm coming over to see you tomorrow. Be strong.
  23. He's in a re-bound relationship, or someone's shown interest in him and he's gone for it. I was in your shoes a year ago, it ruined my christmas and crushed me. My ex is now on the phone asking to get back, and no doubt yours will also in due course. The bottom line is that life isn't as simple as drifting out of a happy long term relationship, straight in to another one. For the time being look after yourself, join a gym (it's really good for releasing positive energy) and don't dwell on it. I can guarantee you he'll come back with his tail beteween his legs, but he's probably failing to appreciate with each passing day it's more unlikely you'll actually take him back. Happy new year, and make a resolution to look after your own interests for the time being......
  24. I would take it very slow with your ex, things are probably still a little raw and emotions may run high if you meet or talk right now. Give it a few weeks and see how YOU feel about things, it's likely your entire outlook on the situation may have changed by then and you won't want to be friends with him. Look after no1 for the time being. Good luck.
  25. My heart goes out to you, really. I was in a similar situation earlier this year. Basically, make yourself busy. Consider joining a gym, as this will make you feel better about yourself. Do anything to distract yourself from this person if she's hurting you. After she's got her stuff from your apartment, block all her phone numbers and consider having a word with your sister about hanging out with her. However, it is a free world and your sis can hang out with anyone she wants...... good luck, and be strong.
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