Another online daing journal

[reinventmyself]

Ps and if being a single woman is so unnatural, why is it that single women statistically live longer than married ones?

Food for thought (;

[IAmFCA]

Ps and if being a single woman is so unnatural, why is it that single women statistically live longer than married ones?

 

And yet married men live longer.

[faraday]

They suck the life out of us!

 

 

[IAmFCA]

They suck the life out of us!

 

 

Right?

 

I do see a continued shift toward humanity and away from gender stereotypes. I live in a liberal urban area, so I know that what I see isn't universal. Many teens where I am think gender fluidity is normal, nobody cares that their classmates are homosexual, nobody cares that they share the same gym etc. My daughters and their friends think the world is theirs for exploration without limits. They are a privileged bunch, granted. We need a man's revolution next. I haven't quite envisioned it's message but we are getting close to its natural evolution.

 

Now, I cross my fingers and cling to my faith in them. I'm hopeful in a generation, we will find marriage or it's proxy adds to the lifespan of both genders. I rather like the idea.

[reinventmyself]

Right?

 

I do see a continued shift toward humanity and away from gender stereotypes. I live in a liberal urban area, so I know that what I see isn't universal. Many teens where I am think gender fluidity is normal, nobody cares that their classmates are homosexual, nobody cares that they share the same gym etc. My daughters and their friends think the world is theirs for exploration without limits. They are a privileged bunch, granted. We need a man's revolution next. I haven't quite envisioned it's message but we are getting close to its natural evolution.

 

Now, I cross my fingers and cling to my faith in them. I'm hopeful in a generation, we will find marriage or it's proxy adds to the lifespan of both genders. I rather like the idea.

It will be interesting to see what the next decade has in store for us.

People can get so hung up on what they believe the be right. But everything is a cycle.

It's the upcoming generations new world. Maybe they are on to something

When it is all said and done and we are long gone, who are we to tell them how to do it . . dunno

[Sportster2005]

Ps and if being a single woman is so unnatural, why is it that single women statistically live longer than married ones?

 

Don't confuse correlation with cause and effect. Science is still debating why women live longer than men. And the difference between single women and married women is small.

 

Married men live longer than single men. There may not be cause and effect. Even if there is, I'm not going to consider that when it comes determining if I want a relationship or not.

[reinventmyself]

I didn't end it with K.

 

We had dinner, came back and watched a movie at his house. He slept through most of it. Too tired from a long week.

 

I said good night and left..

 

Cleaning house today and off to Halloween party.

[Silverbirch]

 

More important to me is living a happy life and one which is self-directed. Eventually I came to realise that the best periods of my life have been when I've been single. So many parts of my life gave been better during my single times. I'm not completely closed to meeting a person who I would genuinely want to be with but the bar is set high - and I don't actually NEED someone to be happy and live a fulfilling life.

[IAmFCA]

More important to me is living a happy life and one which is self-directed. Eventually I came to realise that the best periods of my life have been when I've been single. So many parts of my life gave been better during my single times. I'm not completely closed to meeting a person who I would genuinely want to be with but the bar is set high - and I don't actually NEED someone to be happy and live a fulfilling life.

 

True.

 

And Sportster, true!

 

My women friends, we fantasize sometimes about living together. We picture college group house fun. Maybe it would be more like The Golden Girls. I am looking forward to making my home just mine, with no kids in it. But I've 4 more years before that's possible, and I don't imagine living alone from then till I get the ultimate upgrade. I would love a group house.

[Fudgie]

They suck the life out of us!

 

 

Working with the elderly population, I see a pattern:

 

Husband slows down and gets a little demented as he ages. Women does all of the chores/crap already. She takes on more stuff. She does all of the bills, feeds, clothes, and transports him. She also manages his medications and can report his symptoms.

 

No wonder wives don't live as long as single women. And no wonder husbands live longer. But what is really going on? Would men benefit cognitively from a more equal household? I can't imagine him sitting all day watching TV is doing wonders for his mind as his wife is doing all of the work, including that which takes brain power, like managing the budget.

[itsallgrand]

Fudgie, truth be told, I think those women need a good kick to the back side. They aren't put upon victims. They are an active part of the problem.

[faraday]

I think it's a generational thing. That will shift as the decades pass....because think about it, that was the generation where the man worked, and the women had a cocktail and dinner ready when he got home. Men are cooking and cleaning now...so it will change.

[Sportster2005]

One theory throwing about is the difference in how men and women socialize. It's not hard to find groups of women socializing. I see it all the time running. Little clumps of women running and chatting. Indeed where I run socializing is a huge part of why a lot of women I know run. I'll sometimes run in their groups. There are very few men where I run. I sometimes run with other men. But it's less common.

 

I also see it in dancing. Women show up at the studio alone. They want to dance. They also want to meet other people. They usually make friends quickly. Some of them are married or have partners. The partners just don't want to dance. And of course if there aren't enough men there are usually women from the studio to help out. They will play the role of lead, which is usually the man. And the women don't mind dancing with one another. Contrast that with men. We are still somewhat stuck in with old societal norms. As liberal as I am I would feel awkward dancing with another man, although I'm O.K. with it. I suspect most men don't think it's wrong, but they just feel it would be weird. Europeans wayyyy ahead of us, btw.

 

Even as I sit typing this in a cafe I'm reminded how often I see groups of women meeting here regularly to just chat and catch up. Like me, most of the men that come here come alone. There seems to be plenty of examples of women bonding and socializing. The closest I can think of men doing this, is the sport bar cliché. And seeing I don't go to sport bars, I don't know if this is true. I would have to go back to my younger days in the navy to remember when I went out with a group of men. And I suspect young men may still travel in packs from bar to bar. But at my age I think it is different.

 

Most of my friends are women. Demographics and the fact it's easier to make friends with women. I've bumped into single men my age that I knew years ago. We will chat a bit. But like dancing it will feel weird to ask for a number to keep in touch or go for a beer sometimes. It's something I think a lot of men won't do. We're simply not used to it. Where I think women don't hesitate.

 

The point of all this is, women have better support systems then men. They bond easier and support each other more. Less stress, longer lives.

 

But this may also be going by the wayside. For the simple fact that I can insert myself into these circles of friendship. I have a small circle of female friends that I can lean on. I can talk to them about anything. I have one male friend I feel close to in this regard. But we've been friends for close to 40 years.

 

I hope upcoming generations of men will throw of the shackles and become more social.

 

Sorry if I'm getting a little of track RS.

[faraday]

That's actually a really interesting observation Sportster.

 

And it's true- my dad has a golf group of retirees that he's met with twice a week for 15 years...a lot of the guys have cycled out of it (because they became inactive with age, or died)...only him and one other guy are from the original group (although tons have joined and left)....and the guys that stay the longest have a lot going on- bowling groups, poker nights, golf etc. In the summer the group goes full swing and my dad golfs 5 days a week with different groups from the golf group...and I never noticed that correlation. The guys that only golf once a week aren't there 5 years later. Not sure if it's the active part or the socializing part though. Interesting.

[Hermes]

For you, Sportser.

 

 

 

Enrique & Guillermo De Fazio. Brothers!

[Batya33]

Ps and if being a single woman is so unnatural, why is it that single women statistically live longer than married ones?

 

Is a woman considered single if she's in a long term relationship but not legally married? I would want to know that as far as the claims of the study.

[Sportster2005]

For you, Sportser.

 

 

 

Enrique & Guillermo De Fazio. Brothers!

 

Love it.

 

Maybe I'll try to find a hetero male dance partner and start tearing down some walls. Actually I wouldn't care if he was gay. As long as it was about the dancing.

[Batya33]

My husband is almost 50. When he can (family schedule/work schedule permitting) he will meet male friends for lunch, dinner or a movie, sometimes for drinks, and he's been doing that for at least the 20 plus years I've known him. He's also planned and gone on vacations with his male friends -sometimes just one, sometimes more than one. He would never dance with a man though. He also has always had female friends and not just women he dated! He is on the shy/reserved side. We moved to a new city 7 years ago and he's made some new male friends but his closest one he met through me after I met the wife -but he does socialize on his own with the husband.

 

My ex boyfriend -same age now - was the same way with his friends. I do agree that women socialize more in general in the way you described. I will say I always enjoy meeting Dads in the playground especially if they are alone with the kids -if their wives are there I am far more likely only to talk to the wife since I don't want to be seen as trying to talk to someone else's husband in any inappropriate way. I never flirt or want to - but even the appearance of friendliness looking inappropriate makes me cautious.

 

I'm having a little difficulty lately with stereotypical gender roles but muddling through it (I went back to work part time over a month ago which means I do need my husband to pitch in a bit more at home - I am not against hiring people or increasing our cleaning person but as a practical matter there are things I do that it would almost be too much trouble to find someone else to do.

[reinventmyself]

In my personal experience most women I know have a social network, married or single.

Maybe one third of the men I meet that are my age have a social circle of friends but the majority don't. They all have friends but not ones that they socialize with or rely on regularly.

I am typically on the look out for men that have full life. More than once I have found myself in a position where the man has expected me to their everything.

 

When I was going to school for my cosmetology license years ago, the majority of clients that came into the school were seniors. My heart went out the widowers that would come in. So many of them were slightly disheveled and their clothing wasn't very clean. No doubt their wife did the laundry. They seemed lost and lonely.

[notalady]

And the women don't mind dancing with one another. Contrast that with men. We are still somewhat stuck in with old societal norms. As liberal as I am I would feel awkward dancing with another man, although I'm O.K. with it. I suspect most men don't think it's wrong, but they just feel it would be weird. Europeans wayyyy ahead of us, btw.

 

This reminds me of the time I went swing dancing with J and a guy who came in late was put in the rotating circle instead of just replace one of the women that took the male/lead role. So he obviously ended up dancing with a lot of guys lol... I saw J dancing with him, it was quite funny. Poor guys, they tried that's for sure! I think they didn't mind but it was probably a bit awkward.

[Sportster2005]

This reminds me of the time I went swing dancing with J and a guy who came in late was put in the rotating circle instead of just replace one of the women that took the male/lead role. So he obviously ended up dancing with a lot of guys lol... I saw J dancing with him, it was quite funny. Poor guys, they tried that's for sure! I think they didn't mind but it was probably a bit awkward.

 

lol, a few weeks we held hands and formed a circle to begin a class. I ended up holding the male instructor's hand. Ewwwwww. I traded places with my dance partner. I ended up with females on both sides of me. Crisis averted

[reinventmyself]

I am feeling fickle.

 

I spent the day home alone yesterday by choice. K reached out in the morning and we exchanged a couple texts. He texted last and I let the conversation end.

At the end of the day I texted him something about his favorite sports team and I got no response. Very unlike him seeing he has always responded in short time and he's always has his phone out in one way or another for work. Doesn't matter if he's on a date with me, he's always responsive to everyone all the time.

 

So why no response for me last night?. . .Hmmmm?

About 3 hours later and before I go to bed I text another time `Everything ok?" No response.

 

This morning he responds first thing saying he got my texts late. 'Everything is fine'. I am driving so I didn't respond.

 

Now one would call me out on a gross double standard here. . for a man I am not intimate with and contemplating not seeing anymore.

After 3 months and I am still not sure, what would 3 more months change, right??

 

Yet, I feel a little bugged about last night.

I even have said on more than one occasion that he'll grow tired of waiting on me and disappear anyway. So why should this surprise me?

 

I just need to say this petty little moment out loud to call it what it is and check myself.

I realize I am aware that I am capable of letting it bug me enough that I may now want him more than I actually do.

This was not easy to write, but necessary.

 

Stop it!

[faraday]

I'm sorry that your buddy had plans last night. I hope you feel better soon.

[reinventmyself]

I saw Kelly for our Wed dinner. I initiated it asking if I would see him this week. I got an enthusiastic response.

 

I think dinner was the defining moment for me. He's very interesting and talkative, yet not interested in anything about me. I noticed this early on.

 

If I start to share something I can tell his attention span is very short and he glazes over.

 

Every time I see him he updates me on his current weight gain. He shared how he had all his clothes tailored and is now in getting in trouble getting dressed for work in the mornings. The change is visible every time I see him. No doubt he'll be back to where he started.

 

I've had an issue with the amount of alcohol he drinks and he feels free to update me of how much he drank the night before or how he overindulged over the weekend.

 

I sit quietly taking all this in. Is he trying to run me off? Surely he must know these things are not attractive to most women.

 

I've enjoyed his company. He's been good to me and he's a very nice man.

But there isn't that chemistry needed to turn this romantic.

 

So it's time to late this fade. I sense he knew that too. Yesterday was the first day in a couple months that I didn't get a text from him.

 

I also sense this might make him feel bad. I am ok spending 2 evenings a week with him for the past 3 mo's, but I won't let this turn romantic or sexual. I believe his last dating experience he felt taken advantage of for other reasons. Fickle women have probably taken a toll on him.

 

It's all good. I hope we can stay friends.

[WithLove]

I'm glad you're seeing it. I know it always takes each person a different time to realize when something isn't working, and I'm glad you've reached that point. Good for you. A slow fade is the best thing.