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notalady

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  1. I would meet for a quick coffee or a 1hour lunch for a first date instead of dinner or drinks which can last several hours. Do it somewhere convenient for you if possible, like I used to go on lunch dates on work days, so it wasn’t inconvenient at all. A drink is fine too if it’s with a caveat that you have to leave by x time so you’re not stuck if it doesn’t go well. In the end I also stopped meeting people who I didn’t have reasonably engaging conversations online or ran out of things to talk about online (but only chat online for a short time before meeting, say a week?) that kinda worked out ok when I met them, conversations were at least interesting.
  2. Ah OLD, that was certainly exhausting but at the same time interesting / fun when you have a bizarre experience or meet someone fun but has no chemistry. I did OLD for 10 years on and off so kinda like you. Met my husband on OKCupid 5 years ago and the rest was history. A lot of my friends met their partners online, whether it lasted or ended some years later (including one going through divorce right now after meeting online and been together for 8 years). One of my single friends currently OLD said she now uses bumble and she’s been dating someone for about 8 or 9 weeks now seems like things are going well. I never had good experience with POF, eHarmony, Match etc, I don’t think there’s been much change in that regard from what I heard. Meeting people is hard. I felt like keep seeing the same people all the time (you’ve either written them off without meeting or you’ve met and didn’t hit it off), until my husband messaged me, he was new to my city, so new face. But before that it was very fatiguing. I think it actually helped when I raised my standards, instead of giving anyone a go (at a first meet) like I used to do, I decided to be very strict (but only on big issues, values and things) after really thinking over what kind of person I wanted, what kind of personality and values they must have to be a good fit (derived from two failed LTR prior). It made things easier, met less people but they were closer to what I may want. Maybe it’s luck, I met my husband within a couple of month after that. It’s definitely a process whether online or offline. Keep expectations low while standards high (where it actually counts) and don’t forget to have fun :) Good luck!
  3. When I was online dating it was always said to not get emotionally invested before you meet in person and figure out if there’s chemistry in person, get to know them a bit etc. of course that must be hard now with COVID. I agree with Adriana not to try and figure someone else out, he has his reasons (liked the attention from you, used your interactions to fill time etc) and all you need to know is that he’s not the right person for you and fortunately you found out early before things went further.
  4. Maybe you can pay her or give her a nice gift in return?
  5. I meant have the older siblings get involved with caring for the younger ones while mum is home and busy doing something else, say they could make a simple lunch for themselves and the 3 year old while mum look after the baby? Perhaps that would take some pressure off feeling like there’s no time to rest or even to take a shower?
  6. Since polite communication hasn’t worked in the past, I would certainly threaten to go to HR if he does it again, and make it clear that you’ve said it several times repeatedly in the past to stop, if he doesn’t you will go to HR and you will be putting this in writing (in an email) to document this. And do go to HR if he continues.
  7. I think he thinks because you said you’re not single and seem friendly when he tries to flirt (by laughing / not acting offended), he thinks if you were single he would have a chance. Definitely time to act outwardly offended when he tried to flirt and tell him that is not appropriate and you will go to HR if he does it again at or outside of work. Also being polite (as women tend to be even when the other person is making them uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY when the other person makes them uncomfortable), you might try to apologise for “misleading” him or giving him the wrong impression or haven’t been more firm. Don’t. That just gives him more reason to think he wasn’t in the wrong in continuously coming on to you. Just say stop, no more. And leave it at that.
  8. Are there family who can look after the kids occasionally so you can get some free time for yourself? Or can you afford a baby sitter or nanny sometimes to do this? Is it possible to get your older two get involved in caring for the younger siblings? I can’t imagine looking after 4 kids! I just have one 4 month old who is by all accounts an easy baby and I already feel like I’ve lost a lot of my free time. I think it’s normal to feel overwhelmed with that many kids to look after and to teach as well!
  9. J went back to work this Monday after having had 12 weeks off. I thoroughly appreciated his help in the first couple of months and still do but it was nice to be “alone” too if you know what I mean, I thought I would scramble without him but I didn’t, I just planned ahead more knowing I didn’t have someone here to help at any moment so I’d plan my meal time, pump time, and other things more than before and it was totally fine. I was also quicker in doing things baby related because I wasn’t discussing it with someone else I just did it, so in that sense it felt easier. I’ve also been going to a local mums group for a few weeks now, met some nice down to earth ladies and definitely appreciated this week for an opportunity to get out of the house and socialise! Especially when majority of my friends don’t have kids.
  10. Yes washing pump parts is a pain! Although you can actually put it in the fridge and only wash once every 24 hours. It’s definitely a hassle compared to breastfeeding only or formula only, not sure I’ll make it to a year with pumping to be honest, I think my goal is make it to 6 months then move to formula only.
  11. Hi Reinvent! Thank you! Absolutely the pressure to breastfeed is there, among other things. It doesn’t help that health advice sometimes just doesn’t match up with reality, and you feel bad doing something different to the official recommendations because you may be putting your child’s health at risk, but as you say, they’re not as fragile as you think :)
  12. Thank you! How old is your baby?
  13. Thank you! Yes there are so many conflicting views on the “right” way to do things, we found this even when in hospital with the midwives. You just have to weigh up the pros and cons and do what’s right for you :)
  14. Is there anything cuter than a baby being sound asleep? I could stare at him for hours when he’s sleeping (not that he’s not cute when he’s awake and alert, checking out his surroundings and taking it all in), I’m excited about all the things we can do together as he gets older, and looking forward to his first smile which is suppose to happen any time now! Today was a bit rough nap wise though, we try and go out for lunch somewhere on most days, typically walking distance and baby would fall asleep in the pram. today we decided to go for a drive and in the past, he was more than happy to sleep in the car seat, for some reason he didn’t really sleep in the car seat, or wakes up when the car stopped at lights, and also woke up when we took him out of the seat. I guess because he’s not so sleepy like the early days and getting more alert. As a result, he pretty much didn’t take his midday nap (usually his longest nap), and was overtired when we got home. Trying to put him to sleep was a struggle. I was annoyed at ourselves for taking the drive. And felt bad that he seemed so tired and crying for help to get him to sleep. This weekend we’re going to visit a friend who is an hour drive away, I was thinking of driving during one of his nap times but now I’m thinking we go after his morning nap and before midday nap, then I can try to do his midday nap at their place. Thank god he fell asleep at close to 6pm and still asleep 2.5 hours later, this will probably just be extending into his night time sleep. Also means I won’t get as long a sleep for the first stretch because I’m still up at close to 8:30 and missing much of the long stretch of his sleep! Wonder what the rest of the night holds!
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