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486dx4

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  1. 486dx4
    Hi, It has been a while since I posted something here but I thought I'd write about someone I met for coffee which in the end did not work out (fortunately perhaps). Usually everyone is nice and to not hurt your feelings you never get the real reasons why you are not for them. Well on this occasion I did get some feedback and a big turnoff for her was that my car was old and was ready for the wrecking ball as she put it. I wrote back with comments that rating someone like this is superficial and what matters is that you are compatible with each other, etc. During the coffee date the conversation was good I thought. She was the same age as I was (Late 30's), was divorced with one child which was not a problem for me. At the end my car was parked next to hers (nice german convertible car) and I guess all changed even though she said at the time we should go out again. Later I got an e-mail from her saying its not going to work out even though you are a nice person. Another turnoff for her was that I used a gift card to pay for the coffee which I did not understand at all. The question is however in the real world does having a nice car matter deep down to most women? I know the "correct" answers will be it should not but is this really an issue? In the end I'm glad things did not work out because then other things would not be right (my house would be too small or too old, etc.). Oh yes - my car is a late 80's Plymouth full size sedan. It is old but it runs well, Has heat and A/C, I can fix it, and its all paid for. And I like the car
  2. 486dx4
    Annie does bring up a good point. If you are not happy with what you are doing then just switch. It also is true that you can look at the possibilities with having a math degree with being a professor at a college . This may not be on point but just so you know, my degree is in electrical engineering and I work now in the field of IT / networking in a public school. My "dream" back in the day was to work in power systems engineering for some type of utility but the jobs were not there at the time. The thing is many concepts I learned in those classes made for a good fit in trying to design and troubleshoot things where I work. Would I have considered working in a place like this when I was in college - probably not. But now this seems like the best place to be. So you don't know sometimes. One thing you may want to consider with a doctorate math degree is teaching in a secondary school. Its not as prestigious perhaps as being a professor and you need to take additional couresowrk in eduaction to get your teaching certification but where I work teachers with doctorates who are department chairs with enough time on the job can make up to six figures at the top of the scale (starting out you make quite an amount less of course but the starting salary is real good if you have the credentials). And you get the summers off unlike me.... Something to think about perhaps.
  3. 486dx4
    Its been a while for me but going through and completing my degree in engineering I can tell you that the math does not get any easier. In my junior, senior, and super senior years (yes - did the 5 year plan...) I was taking courses involving partial differential equations, linear algebra, and vector calculus. Some of that coursework was very tough for me. Maybe you will have a better time at it but I did think things were easier in the beginning calculus courses.
  4. 486dx4
    A follow up - I have no idea if anyone will read this since the original post is real old but last Saturday I did give her a call. It was roughly about 3 months since I last heard from her and I have not contacted her in any way since. I called last Saturday afternoon and while I left a message she called back and I talked briefly to her. The tone seemed nice and friendly and she asked how I was, etc. She was at her friends and the short conversation ended with her saying that she would call me back. Well so far no call back and I think I will not hear from her again even though things seemed cordial. I do not know if she is still with her fiance or what but I suspect she is. And with that I guess I'll let things go. If she wanted to talk to me she would have called by now I think. It would have been real cool if we could have talked some more but what can you do - I tried, it was a real longshot but I did put myself out there for the chance.... Thanks for your advice back then. You never know what could have happened until you tried....
  5. 486dx4
    Hi Everyone, Here I am again with another issue that has come up. I met a woman a while ago online and after meeting a couple of times things seemed to click rather well and on our last date three days ago we kissed and it was wonderful. Maybe things were kind of going somewhere it seemed. So then the other shoe falls so to speak. Yesterday I'm on the phone with her and she wants to be friends for now and still hang out, etc because when she met me she broke up with her ex not long before this. She thought I was everything she was lookng for in a man but that she thinks because of issues with her ex and that the breakup was too soon that she was not ready to give 100% to a relationship right now. As far as going back to the ex she says that is not going to happen (who really knows...). He was into drugs, etc supposedly and was not treating her right. I do have to give her lots of credit for being honest in what she said to me and how she felt - it did seem genuine what she said and nothing was ambiguous. Many women would just stop returning calls, etc. and not really let you know how they felt. I am going out with her tomorrow as friends but I am wondering if I should just let it all go and not bother seeing her again. I am looking for someone else of course but she was a nice person and when we did go out it was nice. I did tell her I would try going as friends and seeing what happens but now I'm not so sure about this. I know the common pitfalls of being a rebound guy etc. if things went anywhere but some friends have told me to just go out and see what happens and don't burn any bridges yet. So what do some of you think? I seem to have rather bad luck with meeting women who have advertised that they were looking for someone online or in speed dating, etc. but turn out to have just gotten out of relationships and after meeting me for a little bit either go back to the ex or say they are not ready for a relationship now. This has happened again with someone I liked so I don't know what to say. If this was the lotto though with the odds of this happening so many times I would be loaded with cash by now... Take care...
  6. 486dx4
    I agree with Gatsby on the points of internet dating. You really do not know what this guy really wanted in a relationship. While going online is good in the way that you can possibly meet many different people it is kind of impersonal in a way and with many ads you see the real person is not quite what they say they are. I think he should have been more upfront about what he wanted or not in his reply to your last e-mail. If that was me and I was not interested I would say so (I had a good time but I don't think we really are a match or something like that). This has happened to me with women in the past as well and after it happens to you a few times you take it for what it is - another learning experience. Best of luck to you...
  7. 486dx4
    I guess the question I would ask is what were these unforeseen events that you talk about? Depending on the circumstances do you think this break is potentially a temporary one or not? Its a hard call. The thing is when you meet a new person just under the purpose of meeting other people that other person may be looking for someone to be in a relationship with. This happened to me where I was looking for someone to have a relationship with, they were still hung up on their ex (fiance actually), and just like that I was out in the cold wither her telling me that she was going to try to work things out with him. And I really did like her a lot. This was no long term thing at all but my thought was that this person was truly looking for a relationship but in reality it was not the whole story. All I'm saying is you should think about this if you do meet someone new and you happen to get into a new relationship. If you make it clear perhaps that you are looking for something casual then that might be better and the new woman you meet would understand the deal. Then its her choice whether or not she wants to continue things or not. Just my two cents.... The reason I responded was I was on the "business" end of something similar and it hurt somewhat at the time.
  8. 486dx4
    All I can say is I kind of feel like you you sometimes when going out on a date and having the feeling soemtimes that what I like to do is boring. But telling you as someone who has an engineering degree and works with computers worshipping the science world is not all that... I believe it all has to do with the company of the person you are with. Some of the best dates I have been on were at a coffee house just talking and the time just flew by. No bungee jumping, no skydiving, etc. ever happened on subsequent dates and we still had a good time. The way I see it if the person says what you are doing or are suggesting for a date is boring then ask them what they prefer to do - they should have a better answer than I don't know. What do they want to do that is more exciting to them? Maybe shat they come up with is a good idea and maybe not. If the company is good to me doing board games and movies, etc is just fine with me. Best of luck to you ....
  9. 486dx4
    Does what you say make sense? Yes, I have kind of felt like that here and there. I know who I am as a person and what I want but the process of meeting someone and having a meaningful relationship is extremely frustrating. I love my job but when you work in a place where almost every week you hear about someone is engaged or getting married or having a baby its tough. It is like so much of a different world for them from the one I know being alone. I wonder how these guys won someone's heart and made it last where with me I don't even rate a return phone call from someone I liked after a few dates or even just one date if it gets to that. I have met a decent amount of women online but it really is a numbers game. Women have the advantage on those sites where tons of responses come in to them so they can pick and choose while I can send out say 50 or so responses to ads over time with not a single reply - and no one responds to my ad. Image is everything on these sites. You send them a picture of yourself and then they stop writing back many times. What they are looking for I have no idea. If they are like those golddigging women on a recent Dr. Phil show then I'm in real trouble - I frankly would not want those women anyway. I know there are women who are not like that of course... But I keep plugging away and trying because what else can you do? I do put out a positive and open attitude but it does not seem to work too well. As for this one you met online if things seemed ok just go out with no real expectations and see what happens.
  10. 486dx4
    I would go with the others and say as time goes on the less likely he will call. Usually when I get someone's number that I liked I call the next day or the day after. Definitely I would not let it go for more than a week. Some of my friends tell me to never call back someone you got their number from on the next day - the same after you go out on a date, etc. The story is that if you do call back the next day you come off as somewhat desperate, etc. Personally I think that is not true and it seems more like game playing to me. If you like someone and you get their number just call them. And if you do have this guy's number you can call him - its just a phone call and who knows what may happen....
  11. 486dx4
    I finally did read your previous post and like the other people posting have said doing the no contact thing is the way to do it. I really see you were very wrapped up and in love with him but the way he is treating you is terrible. To quote from Dr. Phil you have to take back your power and not let an IM from him drive you crazy like that. Right now your ex has your power it seems. I was devastated when my ex gf broke up with me over a year ago now. Today she is married to her ex bf (and now pregnant) that she was seeing before me and my life is going on. I am trying to see other people and although I too am alone on Valentine's day that is ok. You have to look at the way the other person is treating you in a relationship. With my ex I was really in love with "the idea" of the person and the relationship more than her (what she really was like). She was not a very responsible person (red flags all over the place) and when I looked at things rationally what kind of future would I have had with her? What kind of role model would be have been to your daughter and how would he have really treated you in the long run if things "worked out" for you? Maybe thing would change but maybe not (I thnk the latter is more the case but many may disagree). You have to think about the scenario of what if he just decided to say you are the only one for me and I want to get back together. I think you and your daughter deserve better than someone who exhibits that kind of behavior. Things will be ok. You just have to really go with NC and be firm about it. Like I did initially I counted the days which soon went to weeks, then to months. I wish you the best of luck....
  12. 486dx4
    Well my Masters Degree was in Industrial Management with a concentration in Technological Systems Management. I did not have to complete a thesis but my main project/presentation was on assembly line and workflow simulation techniques using bondgraphs. And I was much in the same boat where things were at times very abstract and there was no one to really turn to except for my advisor. You try to explain what you were doing to anyone and no one seems to understand what you are doing - that too seemed like the material was interesting on another planet. My advisor wanted me to go on to a PhD but I really wanted to get out there and start a career. And I don't regret making that choice. Well that was over 10 years ago for me. Semantics sounds interesting though although I know not all that much about it other than the basics. All I can say is soon it will be over and then the "fun" part starts when you try to find work. That alone may make you decide to go for your PhD.
  13. 486dx4
    Ok - so then it seems that it is over for you and the ex from what you say. As for how you met your ex I don't think that is an odd thing. You see people around here who date and fall in love with someone who is married and the marriage is suddenly over so that this new relationship can start - right or wrong as it may be. All I can say is give things a chance. Maybe in time the "intensity" you like will be there with this new person but who knows. I quoted the "nothing happening" which is a lack of what you call "intensity" which is what I had with this last woman I met who went back or is trying to work things out with her ex fiancee. It just all kind of fell together for me. I have been dating other women since but so far nothing has come together yet. I do like to go out on a couple of dates and see what happens with a person but if they are not for me then I keep looking elsewhere. Its all about being open minded and realizing that someone else will be different. If however the person is not for you be honest with them and let them know. Somehow you just seem to know if a person is for you or not in time.
  14. 486dx4
    I could say I was the person on the "other end" of a very new (and short) relationship and suddenly she decided to work things out with her ex fiancee after not hearing from her for over a week when things seemed to be going well. If you look at my other posts you will get the story on that. It was a very sudden thing and it hurt me because something good seemed to be happening for once after many months of nothing happening and then the rug got pulled out from under me. I have not talked to her at all since then and I'm sure things worked out with the ex and life is wonderful for them while I have to look forward to many more months (years?) of nothing happening. The point I would like to make is just be honest with yourself and really be open to this new relationship. You really have to be ready to let the ex go and give this new person a chance - things will always be differnt with someone new that you meet. And if somehow you have a chance to get back with your ex and you want to break things off be upfront about things. I do not know the circumstances about how you and your ex broke things off but maybe you are thinking about getting back together which may not be a good thing for this new person you are seeing. Would you take your ex back if she calls tomorrow and wants to see you again? As for the age difference - I don't see it as a big deal Well - back to nothing happening - take care....
  15. 486dx4
    Its great to hear responses from two women about this becuase I cannot tell if what I said would really mean anything to her. It was how I felt so regardless of that I just put it out there. I can say this much though. I have known three couples in the past year or so (one being my ex-girlfriend) who went back to their exes after dating others and each already are married or are engaged so the odds are not too good for me perhaps with this one in trying to contact in the future. So I'll keep looking of course - thanks everyone. Any more thoughts would be welcome....
  16. 486dx4
    Well I have her numbers and e-mail so I could do that. I am looking for someone else in the meantime but if nothing is going on down the road I could give a call. Thanks - Any other thoughts??
  17. 486dx4
    Hi Everyone - I am writing more just to get this off my mind in some way but here it goes. I met a wonderful woman at a speed dating event about two months ago and we dated a coule of times. Each date was wonderful and we could talk for hours and no matter what we were doing we seemed to have a good time. And things were romantic - lots of good kissing etc. I even got to meet her family for the holidays which was rather unusual for just a few dates but I went and everyone was very nice. After New Years I hear nothing from her so of course I figured something was wrong. After some calls (not every day) and an e-mail saying it would be nice to hear from you again and how I liked her I get a message from her that she is trying to patch things up or make things work with her ex-fiancee. She said I was a fun person to be around with and I do think at the time that she did like me too. I ended up writing back to her to say I wish her the best of luck and that she was a wonderful person but that she has to do what is best for her. Also I put in that if things in the future do not run out well that you can contact me if you like. I really liked this woman and things seemed to be going really well which does not happen to me very often and when the rug got pulled out from under me today like that I was devastated. I thought things were going somewhere for once and it didn't and it hurt really bad. Now the reality is that this was nowhere near any kind of long term thing so something like this happens often perhaps. Friends tell me that her not being over her ex-fiancee and going to speed dating was not fair to me either in that she was not necessarily truly looking for a relationship like she said. I was criticized for being nice in what I wrote to her by some friends but I thought it was an appropriate thing to do. I know a few good dates cannot compete with an ex-fiancee and I know I'll never hear from her again but any thoughts on this would be nice. I just wished I did not get too wrapped up with this but it did get to me....
  18. 486dx4
    Personally I would not get intimidated from watching adult films. The guys in those films are portraying an image that I for one cannot match - it does not bother me one bit. I find it intersting sometimes when you meet people and they tell you what they want in a man/woman and over time you see who they end up being with or getting married to and many times they turned out not to be all those things on their "checklist". Yes, maybe having a "big fat one" may be an asset but if you have nothing else other than that I am sure the relationship would not last. What matters are things like how you treat each other and if you really do care for each other. Its kind of like the movie Chasing Amy where Ben Affleck's character was intimidated by a woman he met who he thought was more sexually sophisticated than him. He obsessed about this to the point where the relationship ended because of it. This happened even though she loved him for him and not the fact of how "experienced" he was. My read on this is what I talked about before - she seems to care about you and it does not matter what you may or may not have... Just be happy....
  19. 486dx4
    The key thing is that she told you that it does not matter to her. I like that you were able to talk things out and you got an answer on what was bothering you. As for getting past things - I don't know what else you really need to know or feel. If the answers she gave you were genuine then don't worry about it and just be happy...
  20. 486dx4
    Sounds like you have things together. I saw my ex gf today driving by while I was getting gas for my car. It looked like she was driving to her former ex boyfriends house (the one she went back to eventually after dumping me - they were together for many years). After all of these months since being dumped I still got this "pit" in my stomach just seeing her driving by. I just wish that I could not feel that way and be indifferent towards it all. I never begged or pleaded ar whined to her at any time. I am afraid that subconsciously I am not really letting go even though I do not call, phone, IM etc and have not done so in months. Just by posting here I guess it shows I'm not totally letting go.. Does the consensus of the people on this site think that to be "healed" something like your ex driving by should not affect you in any way? My friends tell me that I feel this way because I did care for her very much and that something like this is ok. My life is going on of course with seeing other people and keeping busy so its not like my world has stopped from this. As for your birthday I gather last year you and your ex were together. This was a similar thing to me situation. Well my birthday passed a week or two ago and no card, e-mail, or any recognition from the ex. On one had I kind of would have liked to have gotten some recognition of the day On the other hand what would have getting a card have meant in reality? She would still be with this former ex and not you so in the end what difference would it make. Well enough rambling on - best of luck to you.....
  21. 486dx4
    Perhaps this has been asked before, but I am curious for those out there how many have gone back to an ex and things worked out well? I know posing the question here probably will give skewed results since anyone who did have something like this work out would not post or read messages here anymore. For them, life is wonderful of course.... For those where it did not work out roughly how long did it take for you or the other person to realize that this was not a good idea? Did things seem to be different and what you wanted for a couple of months say after you got back together and then the old behavior/patterns came back? Or did this person or you really change to make the relationship what you wanted it to be for good? Just curious.....
  22. 486dx4
    I have met a few people where the story was similar in that they got married and how things changed drastically to the point that one spouse or the other becomes unhappy with the marriage. Yet before they were married they seemed to be the perfect couple and that they would be together forever. I just wonder why these things change - what was it after being married that made this all go wrong?
  23. 486dx4

    Help!!

    486dx4 replied to k33's topic in Getting Back Together

    The other posts are much the same as what I was thinking. A lot of this will only work if both of you are willing to give things a fresh start. You seem to care about him very much and here you see this possibility of getting back together where he does not seem to be all that plugged into this with that "don't get your hopes" up quote. To me that says quite a bit about things. So have I see these things work in terms of bouncing back? With one couple I have seen this seem to work so far where they broke up for many months, got back together, and now they are engaged. Of course who knows what is truly going on there but both seem real happy. With my ex girlfriend, she is back seeing her former long term (10 years) ex boyfriend after she dumped me and after 2 months+ of seeing each other she is planning on moving back in with him after being broke up for about 1 1/2 years. I got the whole story that things are "different now" even though the stuff I heard from her when we were going out about how badly he treated her was wild. Will this last? - I have no idea and for all I know they probably will get married in time. I think though that with the way he treated her back then that this will most likely return. All I can say is be careful and realistic about all of this which is a very easy thing to say when you are not emotionally involved. I too have the fantasy of trying to get back together with my ex but unless she was truly into it and made some real life changes this would be very unrealistic. But after all of this you still seem to care about the person - its crazy stuff....
  24. 486dx4
    Congratulations on being strong and hanging in there. Its wonderful that you enjoy the company of a "nice guy" as opposed to the bad boys you met in the past. And I hope you stick with it. What struck a chord with me was saying how you are not 18 anymore and how things look different now. My ex-gf is almost 30 and she dumped me many months ago because she missed her wild, party all the time lifestyle she had when she was 18-19. Now she is back with her presious ex bf that she was with since she was 18 (a very long time) and living the party life once again although she says now things are different. I really can't compete with a lifestyle that you lived at that age. All I can say it is nice to hear that someone out there can possibly change their perspective. I wish you the best of luck....
  25. 486dx4
    I agree with piscesprincess in that if she does care about you don't sweat it. I live in the NYC metro area myself and I am not all that wealthy compared to others out there (I do ok...). An important thing is that if you do happen to get real serious in the relationship is that there is some "realism" in things where if you two do happen to live together or even get married is that your view on finances/debt are on the same level. My ex-gf who dumped me many months ago kind of lived and still lives in a world where there was an expectation that she would be provided for (she is in her late 20's pushing 30). Right now its her parents who are doing this at a lifestyle/standard much better than mine but if things did get serious then the provider would be me - which I think I would be unable to do at the level she wants (having children and staying at home and keeping the standard of living she is used to - I could not afford it without help). She was a fun person to be around with and I still care about her very much but in the end money issues I think would have brought me down hard. But I was dumped so that was that... It seems though that your gf may not have this "expectation" as I call it so just enjoy what you have and be yourself. Like piscesprincess said before the simple things sometines are the most valuable.
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