intheshadows

Calling 911 sounds like a very good idea, or whatever your emergency number is in Canada, at the time you are being physically abused. Bruises make your story very, very real. But, it sounds like most of the abuse now that you stood up to him, and told him no more, is verbal, and harassment, things that hurt more emotionally but are hard to prove. If it helps any, I believe everything you have said, and don't see why children's services wouldn't believe you also. I'm not that familiar with the Canadian children's protective services, and if it is similiar to what we have here in the states. But here, most of the time, an abuse case is investigated, but the kids are usually returned to the abusive situation if the parent promises to try and improve. It's sort of like a warning to the abusive parent. And if you are taken away from your household, and no relative can take you in, then you would probably end up in foster care, where it may be better for you, or it may be worse. In your case, you already have an investigation going, and that is a very good thing, Be very honest. Tell them everything. And also, if any of your relatives, the ones that live 3 hours or more away, have been nice to you in the past, ask them if they'd be willing to take you. If I knew a kid in a bad situation, I would love to have them stay with me. Stay positive if you can. Look beyond the now, the hurt the pain, and see something you can look forward to, say when you're 18 and you can live any where you want and be anything you want.

Question: Do you have any support from other family members or friends where you can go to and perhaps live with if it gets really bad? What about your sister, is she willing to let you stay with her? You are so young, too young to be out on your own. You need a grandma or somebody who will take you under their wing. I am so sorry you have such an abusive situation in the home, and a mother who seems only to care about herself. You sound like you are a strong person, and strength is what you WILL need. Do you have a church you can go to to talk to a pastor perhaps? No matter what you think, you are a VERY precious person, who is VERY much worthly of being LOVED. And you are BEAUTIFUL too, a work of GOD.

The edge of darkness pulls me in . . . deeper and deeper, deeper within. Tossing and turning, lost in confusion. I'm swept away in disaray, Kept within bonds without a way To find the place I wanted to stay. Tossing and Turning, longing and yearning, Trying to find meaning, hot and burning. Aches and Pains, make for a restless night. When sleep grabs, I put of a fight Because I'm afraid, I know what's its like. I pray, I pray, take me away, give me peace please just tonight. Severely sleep deprived, Can't find good rest, It's always the same, The same old game, Just when I finally fall into that dark, dark place . . . I toss and turn and come awake. The aches, the tremors, the mind that won't quit . . . I tried everything, you name it, The drugs, the booze, reading in bed, Tried it all, now I think I'm going crazy, It's making me crazy, hurting my head. Nobody understands, nobody knows why . . . I try to explain, I'm going insane!

who is this man lying next to me? he says he loves me, yet he doesn't want intmacy, he says he's my husband, but where does it end? I used to think he cared, but that was back then . . . Can a promise be broken, when he no longer wants me Now he says, he's not attractive to me . . . who is this man I married? for the day we took the vows, his old self was buried, And this new man lies, and brings grief to our marriage, Never knew he owed so much money, and he would quit his job and call me honey, Says he'll never leave, of that much is true, For who would he go to? All the lies, all the bills, all the stress, a substitute mommy I now fill, He doesn't want sex, doesn't have the drive, says it's all work, and he is too tired, Now my self worth has gone down the drain, he tells me I'm not attractive and what do I have to gain? I'm stuck in this place, lying next to him, no money, thanks to him, no where to go, can't sleep, can't eat . . . hearing him snore, yes he's happy, i'm what he wants, someone to look after him, and make sure his bills are paid, and now he doesn't need to worry about giving me intimacy, he never wanted to anyway,

At first, it was sex about once a week, then once a month, now, since january, not at all. He doesn't have any fantasies or fetishes, he plain don't have "any" sex drive. I have shared mine with him and it all seems useless, he shows no interest. I told him to get help from a doctor, and he did get viagra . . . but he won't use it, it's been setting in the bottle since january. He probably does have low testerone and he is always tired, but he won't get help. That's the point . . . he doesn't seem to want to satisfy my needs. I am seriously considering having an affair.

Hi all and thanks for taking the time to read this and reply if you have good advise. I have been married a year now. Didn't know him very well before getting married, but I thought at my age 38 that I knew what I wanted. I discussed with him prior to marriage that sex was important to me, as I have a high sex drive. And he stated to the effect that he had an average sex drive. He also said that he has had problems in the past with sexual relationships, like not being able to get hard, and not staying hard very long, or not even knowing how to please a woman. These should have been red flags to me. But being me, I thought I knew a lot about sex and what I need. So I thought he could be trained, all I had to do was show him what I liked and complement him a lot. Well . . . now that we are married, I find out he has very little if any sex drive. He doesn't even lust after a beautiful woman in a bikini. In fact, he seems to like the company of men more. But he swears he is not gay. He is very narcistic. Why did he marry me if no sex drive??? Am I a mother to him??? I am very upset that he doesn't care enough about me to get help.

Silent protest unheard. Innocent mind disturbed. Body submissive to his every word. Unloved child, pain endured. Child becomes woman, in darkness she weeps. Relief from pain she seeks. A victim then, a victim now, Society's outcast, evil minds prowl. Alone in shame she feels, Burning anger, she lost her will. Her body quivers from the cold chill. The voices in her head are loud, The night is still. Cold water against her feet, Boldly she goes into water deep. The moon gives light to the darkened sea. In the tormented waves, she seeks final peace