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sdw

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  1. Sorry for the confusion - it's definitely not mine. But by workign out dates she must have gotten herself pregnant 6 months after she and I broke up. I'm not angry about it as such, it just seems so pointless, she has told some people, but she deliberately wont tell me. I wont ask her again and will leave her to it. I think it's pretty pathetic that she should choose to deliberately ignore the question, that's what she did after all.
  2. Maybe she wanted to hurt me by having me find out third hand I don;t know. I've already spent enough time worrying about it anyway, I thought since I treated her with a bit of respect she might have had the respect to realise that hearing your ex is pregnant only 6 months after breaking up with you might not be best heard third hand. Personally I think maybe she is ashamed since she was telling everyone she wanted to concentrate on here career which is why she was single and then she was even talking about moving abroad to work.
  3. i suppose she's obviously not comfortable telling me. I thought she would be proud and she knows I've moved on. When I started seeing my girlfriend I wrote my ex an email telling her since she was bound otherwise find out third hand. She obviously didn't think I was worthy of the same respect though. When she replied to my email she said she was "very excited" but said nothing else other than when it was due. I just found it all rather strange that she would be so secretive.
  4. hello, i've not posted on here for a long time. Iwas posting when I was going through a lot of pain about 10 months ago after breaking up with my then gf. All that is long behind me and I have a new gf whom things are going great with. We all used to work beside each other ex gf and new gf, I was friends with my girlfriend long before I became friends with the girl that became my ex and led me to this site. My girlfriend and the ex are not friends but used to meet now and again as part of a group, but this hasn't happened since we have been going out (about 7 or 8 months). My girlfriend told me the news about the ex being pregnant as she told the girls that were part of the group. The ex must've known thereforeeee I'd find out. Anyways - so's the ex is pregnant, i found out and sent her short congratulatry email, asked how she was doing etc, but it seems to be a bit of a secret and only a select few seem to know who the father is. She flat out wont tell me. It looks as though it was very much unplanned and she wont even tell me if she is with the father. I was just wondering why she would do this ? We didn't part on that bad terms I don't think and although I haven't seen her for a long time (9 months) we did exhange the odd chatty email. Can anyone think of what sort of reasons she might have for keeping it a secret from me ?
  5. you're not being a b****. Put it this way, if my girlfriend was still such good friends with her ex that they texted each other I wouldn't like it one bit. Maybe I'm cynical but i doubt that you're going to feel better about this until you can meet them and regard them as only friends. It all sounds a bit fishy to me.
  6. Hello everyone, just wondered what you make of the following. My ex and I broke up 5 months ago after a year and half together including 5 - 6 months of living together. It was really her who decided we weren't right for each other and we should break up. She said at the time, we'll always be friends, and I hope so much we can be friends etc etc. We have made a few attempts at being friends but things are normally a bit tense, the last time we met she was 25 minutes late and couldn't remember whether we had said 8 or 8.30. I was pretty annoyed about this and told her. So fast forward a couple of months and I have a new gf, dunno whether she is seeing anyone or not - i think she is though, a guy from her work. She emails me on Monday (Valentines day) to say "I really think we had best not be in contact with each other as I don't believe that things will manage to be friendly for a good while yet. take care of yourself." I replied to her saying "ok then if that's what you think, although I am assuming you mean that I wouldn't manage to be friendly to you which I hope would not be true, anyway I don't feel like I can try to make contact with you anymore, so it's up to you. I'm seeing someone else now anyway, but I did hope we could be friends, I guess not though. maybe see you around some time I guess." Why would she decide this - is she trying to muck me around ? I didn't tell her who I am seeing as it is a girl we both used to work beside. It looks like we'll never speak to each other again to be honest, since there is no way now I can make contact with her. Although now I'm not really too bothered about that other than a bit sad that we'll become total strangers. Just wondered what you all thought. Steve.
  7. Both of my last girlfriends were friends first. Sometimes you can be friends with someone, who you find funny and attractive - but you might be with someone else so nothing can happen. It's true though that many guys who are "just friends" with a female are probably hoping that something else will happen. If you get on great with someone, you are friends for a while and it turns out you both actually quite fancy each other too, then this is the best way for a relationship to begin. I should add that both these girls mentioned above were unavailable at the time we became friends so in many ways I was more myself than someone who was trying to appear attractive to them. It is a complicated one though, and if my gf had a very close male friend who was "juat a friend" who she shared everything with - I wouldn't like it. Neither would I expect her to like it if the opposite was true. These things are quite complicated.
  8. thanks so much for your reply, a lot of what you are saying makes sense. As for me and my ex, if she phoned tomorrow and said "lets get back together" I would ask her if she had gone totally crazy. I am not in contact with my ex at all so I never see her, although it was a painful breakup and I found it very hard, we are kind of notionally friends in that if I bumped into her then I would speak to her of course, but we don't have any reason to bump in to each other, and really it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't see her ever again. Certainly neother of us makes much effort to actually be friends. I suppose the way me and my ex got together was a bit weird in that she had a fiancee and although we were on love nothing could really happen until she broke up with him (I didn't ever think she would) so when we could actually be together it was very intense and passionate and it seemed we ere madly in love by the time the relationship actually started. I know this is not a normal situation and that most relationships don't start like that and that the more time you spend with your partner the more you should love them, I suppose with my ex the opposite was true.. I guess it's just a bit new to me and I'm frightened of hurting someone else or myself. But I wont panic, I plan just to enjoy what I've got and go with the flow. Steve.
  9. Sorry if this is a bit long, I thought it might help to get some advice from people about my situation, I'll be as frank as I can. I split up with my ex gf of a year and half, 5 months ago. I'm 28 she is 26. I am now with a girl I used to work beside who I have always been friends with but I never thought anything would happen between us. Now it has and it's very early days (i.e. 2 weeks) and I'm wondering how other people have felt in this situation. Obviously I don't know her sexually as well as my ex, and wheras it's enjoyable of course and I do fancy her, it feels different in many ways. I expect this since, it wont be the same with other people. Do other people find this ? I always told myself that I would never and must never compare others to my ex, but I find myself kind of doing it in a way...I dunno if I expect things to be the same or whether I'm just worrying about nothing...obviously I'm not as in love or even in love with my new girl as I was with my ex, again I just tell myself I need to give both of us a chance and not expect things to be as intense as it was with the ex every time....is this right ? The other thing that worries me is the age difference since she is 34 and I'm 28 - i don't think that should be a problem though .... ? I care about her an awful lot and it would be awful hard on me to break up with her or tell her any of these worries, to hurt her in any way.....and I don't think it's fair of me to compare her to my ex....does this just mean I'm not totally over my ex ? I am trying to take things very very slowly, but it does seem like a chance again and I didn't want to pass it up....I wonder if anyone out there has been in a similar situation and what they felt...what happened ? Steve.
  10. you're very wise for a 16 yr old boredguy. When I was 16 I was clueless. You're right about the point about saying you never loved someone because the two of you broke up - that's what I thought when i broke up with my first proper fairly long term gf. But looking back now it's not right, I did love her. I suppose I don't know if there is a "one" anymore, the longer a relationship lasts for the more likely they are the one since I do believe that (in theory) the longer you are with someone the stronger your love for them should be. But that doesn't always seem to be the case either.
  11. Well I haven't been posting much in this zone over the past 2 weeks as I have been feeling so much better. This I realise is probably because I have (kind of) a new girlfriend, who I am so far enjoying being with very much. But even if I broke up with her next week, I don't think I would be quite as panicked as I was when I joined this site. Looking back over my 28 years and the relationships I've had, I though it might be time to put down my thoughts on the whole thing...maybe this will help people who are in the awful pain of a recent break up I don't know.. I was 23 when I broke up with my first gf, I thought I loved her and was gutted when we broke up. A couple of years later I looked back on the whole thing and thought well I probably didn't really love her. I'm not sure if this was right, I mean I suppose at the time I believed I did and that is what is most important, because if you believe it then it becomes real in a way. Then when i was 27 I met my ex that lead me to this site, the thing about her was I never really knew her other than as a girl I thought was nice I worked in the same office as. Besides, as readers of my story would know she was engaged anyway. I did fall in love with her and as our friendship was getting to the stage where I thought her fiancee would be a bit wary of, I decided to tell her. She was in love with me too, and then 5 months later we got together. It was wonderful and again I felt elated and glad to be alive and glad to be me. Definitely I was in love with her. When she broke up with me I was devested and lost and felt like my whole world and reason for being had vanished. I felt that since we had been through so much to be together, it must be fated or some other such fanciful notion. Then I became closer friends with another girl I used to work beside and we spent more time together, we obviously always liked each other and one thing has lead to another, I think she's a great girl. So what is the point of all this....well it makes me wonder about all these romantic notions we grow up with of finding "the one". Time makes me realise too, that although I felt intensely about these relationships at the time if you look at the big picture of my life, I wasn't really madly in love for that long, i find that a wee bit scary to be honest. The fact is that as soon as I worked in an environment where there was a good social scene and girls of my own age or round about who I got on with I thought - she's a nice girl I would be happy to be her boyfriend and hang out with her a lot. This is the case with my ex and the girl I'm seeing just now. Statistically (as you would expect) my love life improved the more I was around people I could date, when I was at collge, doing a techie degree I just didn't meet any girls except in clubs. I am no closer to really knowing what "love" is, but I am now sure that we are all capable of feeling it more than once in our lives. And as for the idea of their being "one", it cannot be true since logically in order to meet someone whom you might fall in love with, they must be within your reach socially, it's not like 1 in 4 billion or whatever, there are many in a lot smaller number (15 in 500 say...LoL), depending on how many people of partner potential/quality you meet in your life.. It must be the way we are meant to relate to our potential partners if you get my drift here....in the panic of a break up we think we may never meet anyone again, our ego is destroyed, we think we're not good enough and the fact is we wont meet anyone just like our exes again but there are many others. What do you all think - and by the way, I would have balked if I read such a post 5 months ago. Steve.
  12. Ok mate - here are my tips for you. Hopefully these will help you find out if she's interested, and whether anything might happen. You wont get very far anyway if she's not bothered. Although it sounds a bit crass, u need to separate her from the pack. So in a social context you need to get to know her and about her life and then using this information, try to make jokes with her that others (who don't know as much about her) will not get. So then you have a unique and personal point of contact with her, and you need to keep trying to find ways to develop these. I suppose this is what you might call building up a personal relationship with her, ask her whether she enjoys or what she things about the books she reads, read them yourself, get her to discuss her ideas and tell her yours etc etc etc. Basically if this develops she will hopefully start to respect you and if you thins she really respects you then is the right time to start suggesting that you think a lot of her too. Flattery wont work unless she has respect for you. Anyways - since she works with you, you can take this approach rather than the drunken or desperate lunge you sound like you might make - don't go doing that just now. Steve.
  13. I don't think you're wrong to make an issue out of this, I guess maybe you guys haven't been going out all that long, but still she shouldn't be telling her exes all about you and hers relationship. Personally I find that staying "best friends" with an ex is a little weird, especially if it was a meaningful relationship.....not to worry you but these things are rarely as platonic as they might appear especially if there is a lot of contact between them, if you feel uncomfortable about it then you did the right thing letting her know....did she seem to understand any of your concerns ? Or did she just shoot them down...franklly telling you you "better get it over it or else" is in no way good enough. Or else what !? she'll dump you ? if that;s her answer she doesn;t sound like she'd be too upset about it either, it sounds to me like your emotions deserve a little more respect than she's giving them.
  14. Cheers Beec - that's an important one of course, be interested and listen in what she says. Focus on her and not what's going on round about. I wont ask her back to mine either, but if she asks me back to hers then I'll go (obviously!) probably wont though as it's a school night.
  15. Anyone who has seen my longish post in another forum link removed I wonder how they may have handled this sort of thing, basically this girl has been my friend for a long time and we have now become sort of more than friends after last friday. After giving it some thought I decided to email her yesterday and tell her that I had a really good time and that I didn't want things to be awkward for us and so she deserved to know what I thought of her. i went on to say that I thought she was an amazing person and I really enjoyed spending time with her and hoped we could continue to etc. I did stress that I didn't expect things to suddenly change between us (I was meaning spending all our time together) and that I wanted her to know that I didn't regret what happened on friday and that I really liked her. So the upshot is that she emailed back saying much the same, she had a good time really enjoyed spending time with me and thought I was pretty special too. We're meeting up again on Thursday. I was with my ex for a year and a half and I am well rusty at dating girls. I think I need some help, we get on well and usually have lots to talk about and if I'm not too nervous then I can usually think of vaguely humorous stuff to say in relation to her stories (or she seem to think so). But I've a feeling I'm gonna be a bit nervous on thursday since it's our first meeting since we have spoken about feelings (oh no, that word). Does anyone have any good tips for keeping the conversation going ? How to avoid nerves without drinking too much..? Also, we made out quite a bit last friday, and I'd like to do the same again Is it toally innapropriate given this relationship so far to maybe suggest we go back to my flat if we've had a good night ? I figure that she likes me for who I am since we've been friends for so long so I'm just gonna try and be myself.
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