deviousj420

i didnt mean to, i learned my lesson, now i just want to make it right and guarantee it never happens again. i kno he deserves better cuz im so edited up but if i lose him ive lost everything then ive got nuthin and i want to hurt myself - he made me a better person, without him id be jack edit - i need him - i love him he loves me but he says im not the girl for him because the way i treated him - its been almost 3 years we were together , i dont want it to end

i understand completely because i totattly sabotaged my relationship and he doesnt want any contact with me n i cant take it - i want him, i need him, i love him so very much and i took advantage that he would always be there just kno that halfway accross the world, there is sum1 in the same situation as you, and its not any easier over here....

He said he doesnt want to talk to me n he thinks ive cheated on him and the past is filled with so many bad memories he could never be with me again, ive been messing up alot lately; haning out with friends, dicthing him to hang out with these friends - he doesnt trust me AT ALL and ive givin him reasons for that so i can understand, but i dont want anyone else and i tell him ill spend forever making it up to him and says yea whatever but hes never coming to my house again and he cant sleep with me cuz he thinks im 'dirty' cuz i cheated on him and i duno what to do - cuz my one 'friend' that i thought was ran his mouth about all this *mod edit* but its not the first time cuz he did it to my other girlfriend too, he has sucha screwed up relationship life that he tries to ruin everyone elses happiness i feel so sick and sad, and i mean he did see me last nyte n kissed me on the cheek and hugged me after ALOT of crying and persuasion but we texted each other today and he is insanely jealous and always has been, how do i win him back? i want/need him in my life - i love this man to death and i dont want anyone else even tho there are a few other people at this time who would LOVE to be with me but im hung up on this guy, i cant just let it go i love him, hes leaving, i want to stop him, he might let me but probably not, and im not ok with this - i cant deal

That is deep- that is an awesome poem May I ask what inspired you to write that? i feel the same way...

I have been with M for a little over 2 years. Our relationship has been VERY rocky and trust is majorly lacking because I have lied to him. I can say I honestly DO NOT see myself with him in the future because he wont even tell me he loves me. He doesnt do the 'little' things like ask how my day was, offer a back rub when im sore, etc... I love him though and I dont want to hurt him, but I am... only he doesnt know it... I have been talking to G for the past month or so and hung out with him a few times. I really like him, he has a career going for him whereas M has no motivation, he is complacent were he is now and wouldnt mind staying there forever. G is caring, sweet, makes me laugh, affectionate, which M is not and doesnt have the greatest car which had attracted me to M in the beginning anyways... So, my problem is: *I feel horrible for lying to M but almost justified because of how he is towards me - He is verbally abusive. *G makes me happy, he does live about 30 mins away tho and seeing him often would be difficult because of his job. *I could possibly see myself with G, however I still need to get to know him better and I cant say the same for M because I feel our relationship has allready been tainted. Jumping from one relationship to another is not a good idea i know, but i would stay single n take things slowly with G. I just dont want to hurt M more than I allready have but feel I would if I were to leave. Im hurting, confused, scared, lonely and desperate for some clarity.

So I have been with Mario for a lil over 2 years - Many posts on here about our relationship.... Anways, he does notappreciate me, doesnt ask how my day was, no longer tells me he loves me because I lied to him in JUNE of 2005!!, when i got a surprising 100% on my english paper he failed to congratulate me... I love him, I dont want to hurt him... BUt honestly, I can say I do not see myself being with him in the future, ( he said he hopes my cat dies soon cuz he was bpurring so loud last nyte) (he also gets mad if i talk to my girlfriend on the phone) hes kind of verbally abusive, but ive done my fair share of lying n stuff.... It hurts to let go, but more or less there is this other guy who is a cop, has ambition n i could actually see myself having a future with, we have been hanging out lately... i really like him! Since we have been 2gether so long I know its not really healthy for me to jump into another relationship but i guess what im lokin for in this posting is some advice or thoughts on leaving him, why i should, how, when... what to do withthis new guy..... its only me who makes my life so difficult.....](*,)

i know i gave something amazing up n i regret it - it sux... i duno if i want him just cuz i cant have him, i think i want him cuz he doesnt want me n i xpected to him to wait for me to be ready... but i want something wonderful n it just wont happen with mario, im sure of it.. jon was my soul mate, the way we met, the times we had, i just dint want to leave mario once jon had come back from the military - join of course didnt xpect me to stay single while he was gone for over a year... i was scared of jon, becuase i was scared of getting hurt... n i was cotent with mario, but now i see jon is safe and how happy they are n it hurts knowing it coulda been me... i duno what to do ](*,)

i duno if this is jealousy, but the guy who i met almost story book like then decided not to be with him because i was allready ina current relationship when he finally got back from the military and after kinda essinwith hi n breakinhis heart, well now he is ina current relationship n he seems so hapy n im tryin to make contact but he doesnt reciprocate n im terribly upset - i want jon back! i coulda been so happy with him but i stayed with mario for selfish dumb reasons and i know me n jon can be so happy n seein him n his girl so happy breaks my heart, just thinkin that coulda been me instead of the rut of a relationship i am in now.... i cant stop feelin this way..... i want jon, i want to call him but he wont answer i allready tried - i message him on my space n he reads it but doesnt write back...im in despair...

i havea son that goes to school and a job and college that all require transportation and as this is my first car i will not give it up because it is a necessity..

well im living here because i bought a new car and cant afford that and insurance along with rent - plus its helpful to have someone here while i run to acme or get my hair cut or sumthin, so i dont have to bring him along since he doesnt like to go anyways... She kicked me out when i was 18, i had to stay ata friends fora month till i found a place of my own - Then she offered me to move back in to help me save money - then timmy argues with her that is houldnt be livin here.... it drives me mad - literally - its so much more than i can take... But financially i have no choice...

ima 24 yr old female - i go to college for nursing, have an 8 yr old son and dont drink or do drugs, i stay outa trouble and focus on my son and my boyfriend My father left before i was born, my mother had me when she was 17, when i was 4 i remember the cops coming and taking her away.. She moved out of the house and i was raised by my grandmother. I saw her on the weekends then when i was 12 she moved to South Carolina and that summer i went to visit her, after that i never heard from her again. She still calls here to talk to my grandma and the two of them have a good relationship - She doesnt even aknowledge me tho , if i answer when she calls she asks for her by her first name.. Whatever... thing is timmy, heidi and martha dont love me or even like me. Timmy was nice to me when i was young, i gave my grandma a hard time growin up but i was a troubled youth... despite all i am trying to do with my life every time i make a little mistake it is blown way out of porportion and i end up crying like i am, so upset that the family i was bron into doesnt even care.. my grandma is nice to me as long as no one is around, though when she talks to someone else she only has negative comments on how i dont do this or how i screwed sumthin up yet again.... If they are suppoed to be my family why do they this? I dont care that heidi left, i never really knew her to care... my grandma has raised me since birth and i still live with her, despite all my past mistakes i am trying hard with well seen effort yet im still overly critisized for my faults This hurts so bad, why do they do this? what do i do to stop feeling liek this... i am nice, im not mean, i dont talk horrible because deep inside all i want is for them to accept me, heidi had me when she weas 17 - am i just an unwanted part of this family? i love my son dearly and could never imagine anyone ever treating him in the way ive been treated I guess im just venting tho im looking for advice, opinions, sumthin - this really tears me up inside and liek know when it comes out it comes out hard

I am 24 years old, he is 26 n weve been together almost 2 years. I guess I am in my sexual prime because I want "it" all the time and he doesnt. I mean dont get me wrong, we do do it but not as often as I would like and I would like 2 or 3 times a day at the most but not always every day... Its gotten to the point were I fantasize about having mad passionate sex with anyone, Someone I work with, my girlfriends on again off again boyfriend, and old flame, Ive even dreamed about my boss and a boy younger than me who i dont know... its drivin me nuts and the dreams are buggn me out Is this normal? how do i curb these desires? Why isnt my boyfriend so into me all the time like i am into him? What should i do ?!......

i have choosen to be faithful to my current bf and everything is working out, of course there are ups and downs and some kinks to work thru still but all in all our relationship is better than ever and im completely smitten with my desicion to stay. Occasionally I wonder what it would have been like to be with Jon and were my life would be right now, he called the other nyte after 6 mos or so... anyways, Im satisfied and hold no regrets I learned that whatever happens will happen and honesty is always the nbest policy no matter who it hurts

this is quite disturbing... what is wrong? i just read a true crime book that took place in fl in 1993 a stepmother abused her 10 yrd old boy then he wound up dead.... it was called "No one can hurt him anymore" it was a very bothersome read, though i couldnt put it down... tell someone, what is wrong? are you ok? are you being harmed? dont wait until it is to late.... talk to someone who can help you... dont be afraid... being quite will kill you! speak up! what is thee matter? imlike stressed over this now.... are you ok?

my bf is the same way also... last nyte we got it on n then he initated it the second time - wow! we had watched a porn the first time when i initated it and maybe he was still" randy" lol after it... i duno, but i was shocked... I to need sex if not every day at least every other day - and im always the one to initate it so it leaves me feelin unattractive or undesirable.... Try external stimulation, porn, toys, talkin dirty even.... I kno that it turns us both on more if we watch porn or if we have sex in front of the mirrir and we watch ourselves, thats really hot! But i feel for you... I am in the same boat... Cmon guys! whats wrong? (Alot of people find me attractive so i kno its not that)

i should be NC but i cant help it, longest weve gone is 4 days but i broke both NC both times... I cant help it.. I love him and I know he loves me because hes always willing to get back together and give it another chance... Its so hard.... im dreading the day NC is 4ever

btbt - when u say starting fresh, do u mean breaking up and starting with someone new completey? or trying to work together to save our relationship? we really do love each other.. i just messed up

have fun and enjoy yourself he would if the situation was reversed... bring him back sumthin fun, talk every nyte but youll be so busy durin the day you wont even notice... ur only 16 - have fun! enjoy this one time since youll have 4ever to be with him anyways

how old are you & he? when was the last time u two talked? call him, if his bda is son, call to wish him a happy birthday or just call and honesty tell him that you just wanted to call and say hi. you were thinking about him, wanted to kno how hes doind... n all that sorta thing, ask how work,school,kids, whatever is going.. make small talk.. just like you would with any friend you havent talken to in quite some time... just call him.. you want to so do it... dont let anything get in the way...Pride,friends,whatever It hurts i kno, i am in a similar situation and our relationship is ruined it seems past the point of repair n it hurts n i cant imagine myself without him so i hold on, i fight and i dont let anything get in the way of how i feel for him or what i say to him n its going strong but why is is you say "our relationship had so badly broken that it couldn't be salvaged anymore" go aherad, call him, talk to him.. the hurt will subside, but not until you deal with this naggin issue inside your head that says you want to call him

just call her.... write her... ask her what happened the other day when u saw her, u curious u want to kno.. you wont kno until u try, and find out right from the person who can only truly honestly tell you... dont be pushy, just let her kno you wanna kno whats goin on then causally bring up her "new car" dont be argumentive, just be causual about it.... call her n ask her.. she knows we dont this is my advice go for it killer!

weve been together a lil over 1.5yrs he doesnt trust me because i have lied... he found out, i admitted yesterday we were supposed to spend the day together but around4ish i called my girlfriend and we wanted to go down the shore - mario got mad at and was like whatever go have fun im just gonna sit here n do nuthin so since he was agitated n whatnot i went... i called him on my way back then i called him once i got home he began to tell me he doesnt care anymore,he doesnt want to be with me anymore, im bad news n since weve been together his life has been goin down-(cuz he lost his lisense n got two tickets in like 3 days, says its cuza me, one time i wanted to go to the park n another he was out drivin around when he was mad at me) he says were not meant to be together, were two totally diff types of people,i like to go out n have picnics n go the beach n he just likes to chill.... so we argued on the phone fora bit then we agreed to get off since it was late n we needed to go to sleep.. like not even 3 minutes later my phone rang n it was him.. he asked were u at, what r u doin?were u goin? - i was in bed, goin to sleep, he knew that bt he said he called back to make sure n he asked what i did that day/nyte to make sure what i told him the 1st time wasnt a lie n i remembered.. so that means he does care ryte? he just hasa prblem showing it n openin up cuz i lied, ryte? i just called him at work n he was kewl n i told him id stop up to see him after work n he said ok so i duno.... Am i just to blind to see that he really doesnt want to be with me? am i just wishing for something that isnt? Is he sincere in telling me he doesnt want to be with me? or does he just really need me to push like i am? hes only had 1 serious gf b4 when he was 17-18 - hell be 26 this month, im 23

thank you so much for your replies - its so confusing i really love this guy but he doesnt trust me cuz we were friends b4 n he knew my past b ut i never loved anyone except like 7 yrs ago n this is love again... bu im getting hurt n i want him to hurt because i hurt but i would give anything to make our relationship work - i lied about goin out drinkin cuz he doesnt wanta girl who drinks n i dont drink like i sed to but every few months isnt bad is it? i duno, i just want to be the girl he wants because i respect him so much.. i love him

ive lied to him before I lied to him the other nyte when i told him i was goin to the movies with my friend n went out drinkin instead - i lied to him that nyte n told him i didnt drink - the next morning i told him the truth - that i did go out n drink but he said he allready knew - he said he allready knew the nyte b4 that i was lying to him he says he will never trust me again - he says it will take years to make this up - but the trust is completely gone i am willing to take the time even if it takes 4ever to prove that he can - not thru words but thru my actions i lied to him because he never really trusted me anyways and never made me feel completely loved or wanted so then i would just get so mad cuz of all the effort i put forth that i would try n hurt him because i was getting hurt too what else can i do? how can i fix this? i dont xpect it to be better in the next 3 days but how can i try to mend this and conceal the hurt n work us past this? i kno he is willing but hes also fighting it at the same time he says he wont let himself love me but i kno it is jsut going to take time what can i do?

impermenace is the only thing permenant - change is the only constant. be thankful for the experiences you had with this person. understand that there is a ying and yang to everything.. u would not of felt so happy saying hello to this person if u knew there wouldnt have been pain in saying goodbye.. i am going thru the same thing in my life n it hurts but keep busy, go out with friends u havent spent so much time with lately, excersize, write down ur feelings n thoughts, even if u skip from one thing to the lnext, just let it all out.... ull be fine in time... in a few days ull feel better, maintain NC and cry if u must, then go out n be happy later on... just accept the feelings u feel n understand u will get thru this - as much as it hurts now... u will be fine soon enough

just be glad you had the expierences you had with him. impermenance is the only permenant in life. Change is the only constant. i recently went thru the same thing n we hadnt talked since sunday but i called him yesterday n we talked n chilled but i realize we are no longer compatable. people grow and change and your very lucky if you can findone person to do that with your whole life but its not what life is about... its nice to have someone, butlife is about loving yourself and being your own best friend. think of all the oppurtunities this opened up for you, all the things you lost during the relationship can now come back again... all the people u lost touch with, they are there, waiting for you to come back into thier lives... let him go, hold ur head up high, keep ur dignity and dont let him kno how hurt/upset/angry whatever it is you feel , dont let him kno... keep ur feelings away from him.... share them with a friend or family memeber, but not him because he is not urs to share anything with anymore.... Change is the only constant. - remember this...