Tears May Fall

i might be over the breakup already, thats not bothering me much anymore. Perception change - been there, done that. Doesnt seem to always stay with me, and eventually i break down and lose it. I almost always go along with people and make jokes about it myself too when they make comments, but at the end of the day, nothing changes. Im not sure where i stand at this point, ill just have to wait and see if i really want to dish out $6,000 for something, where i could put that money to better use. Its all about weighing out my preferences and importances.

Myself being a pharmacy major, soon to be pharmacist, i couldnt agree more with the people who have posted earlier. Adderall is prescribed for a certain condition, and is strictly dosed and directed. If you dont take that drug exactly as directed by a healthcare professional, there will be risks involved. Just to let you know, these types of drugs are NOT those that you can just take as you feel like, when needed, it must be continued for a certain period of time, and if you are going to go off it, the dose must be tapered down gradually, and i will explain the reasons in the next paragraph. Lastcynic couldnt have put it any better than i could, she covered just about every topic you should be aware of. First of all, what you THINK of how to take adderall (the XR version) and how its working in your body, are all wrong. I wont tell you the correct way otherwise id be soliciting your usage of it. It can become very addictive, and i can almost guarantee you, not to scare you, but only to warn you, that if you were to stop taking adderall now, you might even feel worse on a day to day basis from here on forward as compared to before you even started taking it, because you're not treating a specifically diagnosed condition, but instead causing an excessive stimulation in your nervous system by a foreign substance, and then when your body doesnt have it, it forgets how to function on a normal basis. Hence, dependance and addiction. You think prescriptions drugs and street drugs are different? Think again. Morphine and Codeine differ from cocaine by the reversal of one methyl group bond, just to give you an example. Street drugs arent harmful, until you abuse them. Now these are only POSSIBLE risks, but that alone should be enough to say the drug isnt safe to be playing around with, it is a schedule II control drug for a reason, very high abuse potential. Be careful. Even concerta/ritalin/methylphenidate, althought non-amphetamine, which usually leads to less CNS side effects, but still side effects are tremendously present in these class of drugs, are very high for abuse potential. Also, like lastcynic said, if you're caught with amphetamine in your possession or it comes up in your blood, and you dont have a legal prescription to back it up, you will be held liable as possession of a controlled substance. Your parents say what they say because theyre in denial, as i have dealt with and seen in many parents, who are afraid to see and be told the reality of their child possibly having a medical condition.

Ive thought about this for some time now, im a 21 year old college student, and i basically have a big nose, atleast i think so, and the fact that ive been made fun of about it, or just been teased by friends, or just told honestly "yeah you have a big nose, its a part of you, dont worry about it." My friends have names for me, ranging from "nose" to "schnaz" "schnauzer" "gonzo" "pinochio" and youre gonna love this one "nostril-damus." To give you a little history, three years ago i was involved in an incident, where i was jumped by 6 guys, left in a hospital unconscious, with about 5 fractures and three missing teeth (yes im lucky to be alive). Two of those fractures happened to be my nose and cheekbone. Everything was surgically re-done, teeth replaced to look like they were never even missing, however, when the nose/cheekbone(t-shaped fracture) healed, it sort of left my nose with a bit of a crooked appearance at the top, and also it looks wider since the bone density increased from the healing. So in turn, my nose looks bigger than before, atleast i think. Heres a link to a page i have with some pics of me(not the greatest), perhaps you can give me your own opinion? link removed I think today kind of did it for me, cause a girl i work with, we were having a teasing fight with one another, and she said something that got to my sensitive side, and then i asked her "you really think my nose is that big," and shes like well its not that big, but i would like to see pics of you before your accident a few years back", and then she goes, "well your nose does affect your appearance a bit, i would say two whole points on a 1-10 scale, dropping you from a potential 8 or 9 to a 6 or 7". I normally dont take that personally, but somehow it hit me today, i dunno why, and it kinda is stuck in my head. I am a very confident guy, i feel i have a great appearance, great personality to add to that, i also know i have a big nose, and i am fine with being able to accept it. Ive never had a problem with women finding me attractive in my life, but then sometimes i just think, if medical technology can help, why not consider it, only for myself. Maybe im just down because me and my girlfriend broke up recently. I dunno, im confused, and acting insecure and sensitive, i dunno, can someone give me their insight, perhaps if theyve had a rhinoplasty done in the past. Im in new york, and found one surgeon who seems to be well reknown, name is Dr. Bellin. Any experience? Any suggestions?

Another piece of advice of what im noticing about you, why are you trying to RUN from your challenges and obstacles, thats not going to help. You are giving her more power by running away, saying you cant handle it. You have to pull yourself together and say "i was better than that anyway, im staying right where i am, because im great on my own, i shouldnt have to lower myself or change for others." Why are you trying to change your life around by relocating, getting a new job, traveling for months, thats all running from your problems. They will always follow you. You have to stick put and tell your problems when they come at you, to get out of your face and that you can handle them with no problem whatsoever, you're a bigger man than that. Dont avoid things that remind you of her, instead face them and say "you dont phase me." This wasnt your wife, you werent living with her, You dont have to change who you are, because that wont do anything but lower yourself and give more power to her, and why are you consistently trying to be what SHE wants you to be, whereas you should try to be what you want yourself to be. Two people should be on equal levels providing one another with almost everything one another needs, out of pure heart and will, and if one person isnt willing to compromise or understand, then theyre not worth your time. Dont ever live in someone elses shoes and let them overpower you like that. Thats for wussies, and im sure you're better than that. Live for yourself, triumph for yourself, make your goals in life solely based on what you want, and then you will prosper. State to women what you want, what you're looking for, and what you can offer right from the beggining, and that if theyre not OK with that or they cant offer that, then you have to let them know you're going to have to cut them loose, dont be afraid to reject someone, let them meet your standards, dont try to meet theirs before you meet your own first. Its all about displaying confidence, and youre not displaying much of it at all right now. Dont ever take a step down for someone else, unless theyre family, but not for a S/O, unless you're married to her.

yea man, i thought i had it bad, but i know this girl didnt deserve me atleast, all my friends told me that, that she isnt on your level in terms of caring, shes only out to look out for herself, etc. Dont lower yourself to those type of people, theyre the ones that'll end up on the bottom, lonely and upset as to why no1 decent or worthwhile wants to stick out with them, you dont want to join them, so pull yourself together, theres other like you out there, sure the sex was good, but that isnt good enough a reason to stay with someone whom you feel isnt treating you right, or you say changed on you, you cant rely on inconsistent people like that. It wont be worth your time.

as half drunk as i am, im going to try to reply... Im a 6'2, 200 lb guy who has been told by many girls to be a good looking, very phyiscally fit guy with a amazing personality, so ive never had a problem meeting girls...this is what ive been told by friends/ex's Nowadays, even a girl is smiling or flirting at me i could care less and wont even bother to talk to her...now thats not likely of me, and this whole thing with my ex has quite a bit to do with it....anyone know how i can just get out of this phase...please help me, and it hasnt got a thing to do with trying to bag girls, but just getting out of the "whatever" plhase and feeling loose and free about things again, like nothings holding me back in the back of my mind...pardon my NYC slang

yea i kinda have that problem too...i cant sleep with someone unless im a committed relationship with them where both sides have mutually strong feelings, and it isnt going to be just a one night stand. Ive had a couple(one night stands) in the past, but i never could actually end up sleeping with the girl, did everything up until sleeping with her, but just didnt feel comfortable going all the way. All my friends are all players like that, so its even harder for me with their pressure constantly in my face. Ive always been the committed type, because i wouldnt want someone playing me like that in return if the tables were turned. I flirt with girls, talk to them, but eventually, its like i just dont care anymore about being involved with the opposite sex at this point, i dont know whats wrong with me as this isnt my normal self. I usually have no problem dating and am very confident to bring the girl on and let her get to know me and all, but this time around, somethings changed, this was a huge blow to my ego, and i cant get it out of my system. I want myself back, i miss being comfortable and confident around the opposite sex, attracting them like kids to a cookie jar. Ive never had a problem landing a second date with a girl, but this time around, i dont even want to bother with the first because i could give two sh&*s less. Its like failing an exam that you tried and studied the BEST you possibly can for, and you knew you couldnt try any harder, yet you still failed, would you really feel like wanting to take a makeup? Its messed up when people just change on someone all of the sudden out of nowhere, when you're nowhere to blame, these Dr jekyl and Mr Hyde's.

wow i didnt think i had someone that was going through the SAME EXACT thing i was...except my relationship just ended a month ago. i was in a 8 month relationship with an older woman(im 21, shes 29), and at first it was just talking and hanging out, but after the physicalness, our bodies seemed to click in ways she couldnt describe. She said i was the first guy to bring her sex which was unbelievable good, but also passionate and very affectionate. She's been the type of date alot of guys when shes single, but shes been married twice by now, and i was surprised she wanted to have a committed exclusive relationship with me, over anyone else at the time, considered she had just came out a divorce a few months prior. Several months into the relationship, she would tell me things like she feels like the luckiest girl in the world to have a guy like me in her life, and that i provide her with things(affection, sweetness, caring, etc...nothing materialistic) she never had before, saying she feels for me things like she has never felt before, she said i swept her off her feet. I treated this girl with the deepest caring and affection and feelings i ever dished out in over 3 years, never did i feel so good about giving my all to someone. Our biggest problem however was that we were at different stages in life, im still a college student finishing up my graduate degree, while shes well into her career, and is a very wealthy, independent woman, and mother. The greatest times of our relationship, was when we were together, one on one, wether it was hanging out, going out socially, going on vacations together, but mainly, it was the hot, steamy amazing sex, like neither of us had it before, it literally never stopped, there was never anything but full comfort and dying desire for one another to just please each other to the fullest extreme. So eventually she started changing saying she didnt know how she let this relationship get this far, she started distancing herself from me, not calling as much, saying im not on her list of priorities at the moment, that she has alot of stress on her mind and she doesnt need the stress of a guy(me) on top of that, etc, and that we were had alot of irreconcilable differences. Eventually she just kept insisting that we're not right for each other, that aside from the sex and physical contact, theres really nothing deeper than that, etc. and after a few ups and downs, she eventually broke things off. You guys dont even want to know what happened that night, why she exactly decided to break up with me... I gave it my all, i have no regrets because i did nothing less than be myself and do the best i possibly can to try to be the greatest guy i can to her, yet it wasnt enough for her, I was real upset, i was heartbroken, and i dont know why, even though i have all the reasons to get over her and put her behind me, i cant seem to for some reason. As much as all the things i do to keep myself busy, from school, studying, work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, trying to meet new girls, etc...i cant seem to ever focus on anything and she consistently pops back into my mind, like somehow something isnt allowing me to let go, and its killing me feeling like this. The mind, boggling sex does play a factor. Its hard for me to try to just move on and find another girl. I used to be able to do that in the past, because i always had a fault in the relationship, like i couldve done this or couldve done that, but this time i felt like i did everything right, perhaps a few minor little instances where i mightve forgotten something or not been chivalrous, but only small human mistakes anyone can forgive, anyone except this girl who expects perfection out of everything(yet she denies the existence of perfection). Shes the type to always want more, always want better. In her mentality, everything in life can always be better, you should always aim higher and go for more, whereas my motto is, you should be happy with what you got, cuz it can always be worse. Both sides have their advantages, but i believe in her mentality is certain areas of life, whereas she doesnt believe in my mentality AT ALL. Someone said she might suffer from NPD, narcissitic personality disorder, because she does tend to think her way is the best way, and that she lives an amazing life, and that shes gods gift to men, etc. Normally i'd just carry on with my life and be like eh she wasnt the one for me, but this time, i dunno what it is that i cant get over it yet, and i dont even want to bother with another girl because im afraid of being hurt again, i dont even want to give another girl any effort whatsoever, not even bother saying hi, forget a date, i think my heart has turned to stone or something. I dont know what to do...can someone offer their advice as to why i cant stop thinking about her

All those citations from those sites are very accurate and true, and from just about every topic ive learned in school on my way to becoming a healthcare professional(pharmacist), ill say this much as i say to just about every patient ive seen thats questioned it: Stress causes so much more harm than people will ever know...and it mainly has to do with an imbalance in hormones produced by one's neurological and homeostatis system. Let me try to put this in laymens terms, when the human body is endured to stress, caused by let's say in this scenario, loneliness, the CNS(central nervous system) has alot more work to do to maintain regular function(homeostatis), and it has to focus on other issues before it can work on just keeping your regular daily functions going. From cardiovascular(mainly bloodflow/pressure, and blood components, as well as heartrate and rhythm), gastrointestinal(ulcers, gastritis), neurological, pulmonary(related to cardio), skin, etc, are ALL effected by this element known as STRESS. Its like trying to get to work or someplace on time, but you hit traffic. Thats what stress is, like traffic, an obstacle course for your brain, and then the chemical imbalances from the various hormones/neurotransmitters (serotonin and dopamine mainly) that are either elevated or decreased from the induced stress, cause the body to "misfire" some of these chemicals, causing slow but steady harm to various other regions of the body, either by lack of certain chemicals flowing around, or too much of them, causing various types of malfunction. Just remember, your blood is what transports nutrients all around your body, and when certain forms of stress can induce a change in absorbtion, distribution, replenishment/recirculation, metabolism and excretion of these various nutrients(even including oxygen) throughout the body, it will take a toll on you. This is why it is also very important to try to get medical help when one does have a circumstance of this nature or any which effects one's day to day mood. This is all a very slow process that the CNS can endure for periods of time, but with extended periods, theres only so much the body can take, and it breaks down. This is a very difficult topic to try to sum up in just a matter of paragraps, but if you need any further advice, feel free to leave me a message anytime, its always my pleasure to help out the community. Im not a psychiatrist, but i can definitely help is allowing one to understand detailedly exactly whats going on inside the body on the second by second basis. I definitely agree with Dragongirl on her reply, and its even been professionally studied, that human babies, if theyre just kept in a tube, nurished and nutrioned properly and allowed all the necessary exercise and development, HOWEVER cut from any type of human attention and support, they will die by as soon as 8 months, to a maximum of 2-3 years, and if not, these babies almost ALL turn out to have severe neurological and health conditions/diseases. But shes right on having to go out and live it up, life isnt all about a S/O, theres so much out there for the world to offer you, go try and grab it, and you'll see that one life isnt even enough to live it all up, and 24 hours in a day arent enough to enjoy evey last bit of everything you wanted to do, because there is just SOO much for life to offer, you have to make the most of every minute you are given. If this is difficult for you to understand or want to have ambition to do, then perhaps it would be best for you to seek our counseling, and i know thats not what you might want to hear, but believe me, its not so bad, and it sure beats alot of the complications you'll physically be dealing with in your body as you grow older, i dont know your age, but believe me, if you have stress of that sort, it will only get worse as you age. The first step to recovery is admitting to the problem, then the rest will come alot easier. Im proud of you for atleast realizing there might be something wrong, and that you should attempt to seek out help. Please feel free to ask me any questions you would like further regarding this topic.

i havent ever told her yet that all she cares about is money, but i do feel that way, but am afraid of telling her so. Her reasons for wanting a bigger house or more money, im not so sure if its competing with her ex husband or friends, but its more that she came from a very poor family growing up in welfare apartments of brooklyn, and now shes just overwhelmly excited about her wealthy life. She's just too concerned about her own goals and wanting to CONSTANTLY climb higher, and her attitude with life that there is no level to ever settle at, shows that nothing is good enough for her ever, and that she always wants more, and thats why i feel the way i do, because i feel that attitude reflects onto me into our relationship as well. She is too caught up in her own things that she shouldnt be in a relationship, doesnt have enough time to satisfy a healthy relationship cause i believe to her a relationship is nothing more than a man's "company" when SHE needs it.

Ill try to make this as short as possible. For 6 months now, ive been seeing a 29 yr old woman, who is well established into her career for years now, and is VERY successful, has been married twice, has a 10 year old daughter(who really likes me and i like as well), and lives very independently with her daughter in her own very expensive house. She lives a very upscale lifestyle, making alot of money, and spending money as she pleases. She hasnt been working for the past 6 months or so, but claims she is still making money. Me on the other hand, am a 21 yr old college student, finishing up my Doctor of Pharmacy degree, anticipating a graduation in two years, after which i will be making alot of money too, but perhaps not as much as her still. I pretty much work a few days a week rite now, making up whatever scrap change i can to keep myself going from week to week. I have no major responsibilities, still live with my parents, and the only main expense i have is maintaining my car. Another difference we have is, i live in the ghetto slums of new york, while she lives in a wealthy townhouse community in new jersey. About two months ago, we decided to go exclusive with one another, however she does not call me her boyfriend. Things really got escalated from that point onward. Feelings developed, emotions were strongly involved, she began saying things to me i never imagined her saying. I didnt expect for me and her to get to this point, where we were feeling really strongly about one another, and really wanted to be a part of each others lives and didnt want to let one another go. All of her friends liked me alot too, and one of them even said he doesnt act or sound like your typical 21 year old. However her brother didnt like me but thats just because he's her brother and is going to be overprotective. However, this past week, i believe she kinda snapped out of it and came to her senses, realizing she was getting way too emotionally involved with someone who wasnt at the same stage of life as her. She's like ive been looking for a new house to move to, ive been making investments, ive been really busy and have alot on my mind and dont see how i can fit you into all of this. She's like the past couple of months, ive been able to just sit bak and relax and live a very laidback life in which i can focus on us, but that cant remain forever. She mentioned to me, how she felt like being in a relationship with me was bringing her a step down in her life, that she doesnt really see being with me helping her in terms of living a better life, and that she doesnt know how she let this thing get this far. She even went as far as saying, i have my goals and me and my daughter will go forth with them alone, i will have my next bigger house soon amd i am opening a business soon and i will be making big moves, and i cant really incorporate you into that, and she even added how at this point, she has no intention of even being married again. She was going to break it off with me, but i kind of didnt let her and talked about alot things with her. I for the most part, never pushed anything upon her until this point and let her have the control of the pace of the relationship, because i didnt want her to feel uncomfortable, knowing she just recently came out of an unsuccessful marriage. She told me what she found in me, was what her ex husband couldnt provide for her, regardless of how much money he made, which was a trustfull relationship in which she felt emotionally close to the individual. But this past week, she made it seem like all that didnt matter anymore, and she said "i care about you, but you have to put me in your shoes, and tell me how this is really helping me, being that i have a house, bills, a daughter, i dont need any more stress in my life, cause i dont see how you can help me move forward with my goals." I was hurt terribly by this and in the end, our conclusion was to slow things down, to try to work out the practical side of the relationship, and then take it from there. That only time will tell. She said she will have to limit talking to me on the phone to only when she has time, because shes getting prepared to start working again and not living as laidback as before, and it wont be like it was a couple of months back. She also limited us seeing each other to maybe once a week, and that she doesnt want to allow me to get into her life so much. I think im ok with that, its understandable. My thing is, i feel as though, our relationship was doing great, and then she just stopped and said HOLD UP, and i dont know how to take it. I feel as though with her ex husband, because he made a whole lot of money, she probably had no problem when they first met of letting him into her life and moving forward with him. I feel like crap, like im not good enough, because im at a certain point in my life. I can understand where shes coming from and if i put myself in her shoes, its all understandable, however, i just want to be given a chance, and that the only thing in my way right now is college and i have to get that out of the way first, but i wish she could understand that. It hurts that all this girl cares about is her money, and shes even verbally expressed that. I dont know where to let this relationship go next. I dont even call her much anymore, cause i feel like im violating her space. This is very uncomfortable for me. Can someone help me please? Thank you. If you need anymore further information, just reply and ask and i will be glad to provide it.

im a 21 year old male, and am dating a 29 year female for 5 months now. Ive dated older women all my life, so its nothing new for me, i look older than i am and definitely act older and more mature, only cause of the situations ive been placed in growing up, and have been told so by many individuals that my mentality and maturity is well beyond that of my age. Im in college right now working on my master's. She is well established in her career, has been married (and divorced), and lives with her 9 year old daughter. None of this bothers me as everyone is entitled to their past and one cant change the mistakes of yesterday but only learn from them to make a better tomorrow. Me and her are exclusive to one another, but are not in any context of a serious relationship, not each others b/f, g/f, atleast not yet. One topic she has brought upto me lately, is that she is very "set." She basically means, that she has her lifestyle and mindset already established and that its not gonna change much. She lives in a very independent manner, financially, and on daily basis. She stresses the need for her space and freedom ALOT. She feels like me and her arent compatible in some ways because i might demand more time from her than what she can provide and feel comfortable with. Although im not demanding at all and even enjoy my own space and freedom, i enjoy spending time with my girl. She on the other hand, focuses her attention more on what she has to do and what she enjoys, and if theres any time in between all that to spare, she'll consider spending time with me, even though she absolutely LOVES every second we have together. She also stated, that this is more of an older female mentality(her age group vs. mine), as her friends act similarly and would agree to her lifestyle more. My question to other women out there of the same age group, do women in their late twenties/thirties begin thinking more solely about themselves and put their relationship needs second if not last, and want more freedom and breathing space to just relax and be to themselves? or is she just speaking about herself on this matter?

im a 21 year old college student, and am dating a 29 year old woman for about 4 months now. She is well established into her career, has been married(and divorced) twice now, and has a 9 year old daughter. None of that bothers me because everyone has their past and its unfortunate that things didnt go as expected but you have to carry on with your life. I even get along with her daughter great. Me and her met in august, and had an instant attraction, but she had just gotten out of a divorce this past summer, and so she only looked at me as a friend. However as time progressed, and we spoke more and more, eventually leading to almost speaking everyday and hanging out quite often and beginning to get physical, feelings developed and we became intimate about two months ago and since then things have been great, and we pretty much act like a couple. Im over at her place quite often hanging out, and we get along great and cant cease to amuse each other. BTW, this isnt my first time dating a much older woman, so its nothing new to me. Recently, about a month ago, she told me she wasnt interested in seeing anyone else, and i was shocked but happy at her statement. I spoke with her in the next couple of days about the situation and we both agreed to keep things exclusive between one another, as in not seeing, talking to or sleeping with anyone else. She decided to cut off whatever other "potential" ties she had with anyone else and i agreed to the same. I dont have any problem trusting her on her decision and actions. We were happy about the decision, and we both realize we dont want a committed long term relationship at the time, but she STRONGLY emphasized, and repeats quite often, that im not her boyfriend. This kinda confuses me because i dont know exactly what she wants and means. She enjoys the sex perhaps that she doesnt feel a need to get it anywhere else, but how does she really feel about having me as a companion and communicating with me(even though she can talk to me endlessly all night on the phone). One thing that bothers me particularly is that she gets annoyed if i ask her what she did in her day, but she wont mind me asking how her day was, to which the answer is usually good and busy. It kinda gets boring and annoying hearing "good, but busy" everyday, and i just wanna know what she did thruout her day very briefly, nothing detailed, only cause i care to learn more and get to know her better, but im not sure if she really thinks or feels the same, because it seems like just that little bit violates her entirely. I feel like that isnt fair to me to not be able to ask what she did in her day, or is she perhaps hiding something from me? . I have no problem with telling her what i did thruout the course of my day, but apparently its the end of the world if i ask her. Im confused on what she exactly means by this and why she might act this way. Shes always stressed her privacy issue, but i think shes pushing it a little. In agreeing not to speak to anyone else, i told her that perhaps then she would be more centered in my attention and that i'd be only talking to her and as long as that wont be overwhelming, this whole "exclusive" thing isnt a problem to me, to which she said she would love it if we spoke more. But then why does it bother her if i ask her something? I think in someways i dont feel important to her. Can anyone who has any insight on this help me with what exactly this girl wants from me? Or perhaps just look at things from her perspective and explain to me. thanks

I dunno how many of you know my little story with my recent girlfriend, now ex...but basically we went out from march to june, it was a very serious relationship for the time being, but had alotta small complications, and i broke it off with her feeling she wasnt quite ready for it and needed some time to just think herself over. Much of the commotion we had was over her ex, who had broken up wit her last summer, after a serious 4-5 year relationship, due to religion differences, in which his parents arranged a marriage for him and he had no choice but to leave the girl. Neither of them ever really wanted to split, but were forced apart. Me and her are of the same religion and have a whole lot in common, including that i can relate to her with her heartbreak as well. Now this girl, she pretty much hadnt ever gotten over him, but thought maybe if she tried moving on wit another guy(me), it'll help her. She was really into me, but when i broke it off with her, she got REALLY angry and jus basically shoved me off and said screw him(me). I tried getting her to understand but it didnt seem like at the time anything i said made a difference. So i let her cool down, and then the next time we saw each other, i gave her a card telling her how i was sorry to break it off like that(i did it in a cold, mad sorta way). She said at that point, that she needed time, and i said ok i understand. The other thing is, me and her work together, so we're bound to see each other atleast twice a week. We hang out time to time, and the last time was the most different, cuz we watched a movie and she got really emotional, and i knew immediately why, so after the movie i discussed things with her, and she basically told me how she still cries herself to sleep everynight thinking about and missing him. I tried relating to her with my past situation that i had with my ex, whom i was heartwrenched from a 3 year relationship, and i wanted her back desperately for a year and half after we broke up, and basically told this girl that time will heal all wounds, but u gotta want it, u gotta want to move on, and at this point, it seems more like she still wants to be with him regardless of anything, including him being married. They still talk often on the phone, and he still tells her he misses her and that he didnt want this to be this way, but whats worse he says, he tells her it would hurt him if she was with someone else, that he had no choice but that she does, and she falls for all his crap cuz shes still CRAZYYY about him and so weak to him. Whenever me and her talk tho, she hates me bringing up anything about our relationship and us. She said if anything were to ever be again, it wouldnt be anytime soon, she was saying like several months at the least. Now im stuck on what to do here, i enjoy helping her and trying to be there for her, but also know i cant be there for her alot as that'll seem too pushy, but i miss her a whole lot and want her back ultimately, but it seems like she totally forgot about the relationship we had and how great it was for the time being. I know i have to give her time and space to get over her past, but it almost seems like she never will, but a part of me believes in her, that she will come out of this on the other side, and will want me to be a part of her life, and will be happier than she ever couldve dreamed. But i question myself, am i blinded and stupid to think that way and am i just wasting my time, or should i give her time as she constantly says to me? Or is she just saying "i need time" as a nice way to brush me off? We dont really talk on the phone much anymore, and its only a hi and wassup at work. It seems like her feelings for me have really dissipated and her focus is entirely on him at this time, cuz she hardly acts like she even cares anymore. I just dont know how to act with her and what to do...should i try to wait and give her time, or move on wit my life? Should i still be her friend? i really really like her and want things to work out again, but its all on her at this point. I wish she knew how much i want her and feel as though i can make her the happiest girl in the world, but if she just gives me a full-hearted chance. Is there anything i can do directly to her to help her or should i leave her alone at this point and let her decide wit time? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

just outta curiosity also, how old are you K33?

its actually been a lil over a month since i broke it off wit her, so i dunno if the anger and all that is still there...it almost seems like shes already made up her mind, is it too late to show her anything?

well the only reason stopping me from doing all the things i would to try to get her back is cuz she keeps saying she needs time and doesnt want a relationship...now i feel that shes only saying that towards ME cuz she doesnt wanna be with me nomore. I understand i made a real bad move and i regret it everyday, and im an idiot for doing so, but i also hear not to beg and plead to her as that will only push her away more. I could send flowers to her house, thats not a bad idea, but one lil problem, she doesnt have a doorbell cuz the entrance to her house in the back of a building, off the road. I dunno if i should be trying to go out of my way to get her see that i realize my mistake or just keep it cool and let her figure it out with time if she really still wants a relationship wit me. please help me. and BTW, dont worry bout being an "angel" for a long time, das not hard for me to do, and she knows that already.

To keep the story short, me and this girl went out for a few months, i work wit her...things went real good, but then i realized there was problems with her from her past, still hurting and having feelings from a 4 year relationship. We went through ups and downs, many conversations about the issue, until ultimately i just felt she wasnt ready for the type of relationship we both seeked, so i wrote her a long letter explaining how i felt, and i wanted to talk things out with her before giving the letter, saying that maybe we needed some time apart for bit, and then simply state that im giving you this letter just in case i mightve left out anything i wanted to say, but dont take it too crazily. Instead i had a real bad day, she got me mad, and i just handed the letter to her and didnt even say anything and then boom, two days later when i saw her at work again, hell broke loose. Ive never seen her more pissed, she was furious about the letter, and we talked that night, and basically she felt really low and she said to me "is that all i deserved, that you gimme a letter and thats it." She said "i thought u'd atleast gimme that much respect to say it to my face, but i guess i didnt amount that much to you and was just any other girl." She's been pissed about that, and said that the anger subsided but it was more so in a "moving on" sense, that she doesnt want a relationship anymore and doesnt look at me like that anymore, and said she likes it better as just friends. She keeps saying she needs time and doesnt want a relationship rite now, but i feel like a real idiot breaking it off like that in a letter and i told her how i felt horrible about it and that i was sorry and that if in the future she ever considers our relationship again, not to hold the letter against me and to try and gimme a chance to show how sorry i am, and she accepted my apology. Now we hardly ever talk and mostly just see each other at work. We hang out occasionally and she loves my company and we always have a good time. However whenever i call her or see her at work, it seems like she doesnt give a sh*t about me anymore and that im just anyone else, if even that much. Do you guys think shes really over me, or is she just really hurt by the way i broke it off and she might come back after she does feel she is ready for a relationship again? How should i act in the meantime? Should i be her friend or leave her alone? im really stumped on this and regret writing that letter everyday, and i hope i can find a way back to her heart again

Curbie, shes also a libra actually. Also to comment on cassiana's point, ive noticed that too, that she does act unusually friendly to me, and even says she enjoys being just friends with me cuz its less pressure for her. Whenever i question her on the situation, she just says i dunno rite now, only time can tell. I never disagree wit what she has to say and try to let her be and not pressure her. So do you think she still feels anything or might have an intention of wanting me back eventually? Do you think shes confused or has her mind made up? I only wanted this to be a break, and instead she took it as a breakup, so now my question is, as the guy who wants her back, without wanting her to know that, how do i act towards her?

i broke up with her in a letter because for some reason i just felt like everything i would say to her verbally hadnt made a difference up until that point and i got tired of just saying the same things to her, so i thought perhaps if i expressed how i felt in written words, since im sometimes better at doing so, i would get it through her head better. Instead i didnt realize at the time what an immature thing i was doing, and that really made her feel horrible like she didnt amount anything to me, that she didnt deserve to even have it said to her face. That was 3 weeks ago, now my question is, at this point, what can i do to try to reverse this and get her to still want me again? is there anything in my power? should i leave her alone or still be her friend? is the "time" thing she speaks of just an excuse or does she really mean it?

Me(21) and this girl(22) i was with for like 3 months recently broke up, i felt she wasnt over her past(her 4 year relationship), so i ended it. I did it by giving her a letter however, and she was VERY upset and hurt by it, but her anger then subsided and i felt like things were going good again, and we mightve had intentions of getting back together perhaps someday. But then i found out that she got over the anger more so by having the "screw him" type of attitude instead of trying to understand that i just wanted her to take some time. She keeps saying she needs some time, but that she hasnt been thinking about me and her like THAT recently anymore, and that she likes the way things are with us just being friends cuz its less pressure for her and she says she doesnt really know how she feels about things anymore, but shes like maybe in the future, who knows, but i just need some time right now. She still wants to remain friends and wants to hang out with me always, i guess cuz she dont wanna lose me totally and is just hangin on to fulfill her needs for the company. BTW, we also work together, so we see each other alot thruout the week. So my question is, if a girl loses that strong initial feeling she had from during the relationship, if it goes away, is it true that thats it for the girl, like she'll never really feel that way again? She had a really strong feeling for me, she asked me out and pursued a serious relationship and everything, but now she's just like tellin me "it didnt seem like our relationship meant much to you, since you broke it off like that." So it seems like she fell outta it with me, but my question is, do u think she has any intention of wanting to ever get back with me since she keeps saying she needs time, or that just an excuse and should i not even waste my time wondering about it?

Im not sure if any of you have read my past posts, but i was dating a girl from work for 3 months or so, and recently broke it off with her, as i felt she wasnt quite ready for a serious relationship, mainly cuz she was still stuck in her past constantly having a battle with her old feelings from a four year relationship. Her past relationship had ended 9 months ago, but her and the guy were "forced" apart as their parents didnt approve them and he had to go off and marry someone else whom his parents arranged for him. So that ultimately, after repeated attempts to try to discuss the issue with her that it bothered me that i felt like she was still happier thinking about him rather than me and that she would still want him over me if she could have the chance, and it led to me to break it off with her, stating that she needed time to get herself back together. Instead of verbally telling her, i wrote down exactly how i felt in a 3 page letter and handed it to her one night, and she was devastated. She didnt call me that night, and the next 2 days at work she didnt even look my way. We work at a Walgreens, but i work in the pharmacy dept and she's a cashier up front(we're both college students), so we dont see each other the whole time. She was very upset from the fact that i broke up with her in a letter, and i called her the 2nd night and asked her if she was more upset from the breakup or the letter, and she said both, that the breakup surprised her and that the letter made her feel disrespected. I understood wut she felt and i apologized for it having to be in a letter and that my intentions werent to end this like this but that i felt she needed some time to get her thoughts really together. She was acting very angry so i told her to take the weekend to think about things and jus relax. So the next week, we actually were talking on a nice note, just saying hi and bye at work. Then we hung out one night that week, had dinner, and went for a walk by the river and i gave her a card that i wrote out to her, basically an apology card for breaking up wit her the way i did and that im not asking her to get back wit me but that im willing to give her the time she needs to think things over, but that im not gonna act like a stranger and not talk to her in the meantime. I dunno if that was a good idea, but she said that "it meant a whole alot to her, that it feels good to know she can call me if she needs to, she said that she was just angry that first night, but she also said she thinks she needs some time. Now since then we hung out one more time, went bowling, and we were really comfortable with each other(no physical stuff), and at the end of the night there was traffic on the way back and she said "thats alright, we'll jus get to spend more time with each other." Since then, i was away for four days, camping with my friends and family and i dont get reception up there so i couldnt call her. I was hoping the four days would make her miss me and think about me. Ive been trying to not call her so much and take away from things i did for her while i was her b/f and just basically call her maybe twice a week or so to let her know im alive but not let her know wuts goin on in my life. Im hoping its gonna work a bit. Oh also, me and her had planned a trip to six flag(theme park) together with a few friends, she still wants to go but should we go now or would it not be a good idea? Now the problem is this, i do think about her alot, i want her back ultimately, but i want her back in a way in which she really wants me as the main guy in her life and that she's happier her life turned out with me rather than her ex. The other thing is, we work together and are forced to see each other every few days no matter what. Is that a good thing or not? How often should i call her? Do u think me and her will get back together and wuts the best way for me to act in order to make her want me again?

well no i knew u were saying that she needs to be the one to not talk to her ex anymore...but i needed to get outta that realm where im caught in the midst of those confused feelings of hers. When she decides what she really wants, i might be here still and i might not. I also know how hard it is to cease contact with an ex, cuz i was with someone for 3+ years too, and its now been two years since we broke up, but it took us a year to really stop talking, and now we can actually jus IM one another occasionally to ask how theyre doing but with no sort of feelings involved at all, just out of pure concern. I understand that it is hard for her to let go what was such a big part of her life, but at the same time, she has to learn to eventually let go of it for the right reasons, and that would be out of her own will and wanting, and not for anyone elses sake(me), and that is the main reason i broke it off with her.

If you read my first statement, i did mention that i broke it off with her putting her in a situation where she can determine her desires and feelings and take time to realize what it is she really wants. i can see very clearly what you two speak of, and i actually might have mentioned much of this to her, and she actually has admitted that she wants to cut off contact with him but doesnt know how to exactly as he constantly haunts and stalks her with his emotional upbringings, saying "i miss you and stuff like of the sort". I see it more clearly now that is HE who is the direct cause of their situation as he doesnt want to fully let go of her, but it is also her who allows him to do so. And i also like wut you stated in that last statement, its just a matter of how much longer the pain and suffering shes willing to take from this. shes still stuck in a very stubborn, close minded atmosphere that is dominated undoubtetly by his contingency to seek happiness from her in the case that he is not recieving the happiness from his marriage and uses their 4 years together to fuel her into his manipulations. Clearly it does boil down to her whether she really enjoys this and it is enough to keep her going, or as she said "it puts her at ease"...or will she wake up one day and get into the real world and put it behind her and grow a backbone that doesnt rely on him

im going out with a girl now for 2 months, and things are kinda rocky already, and i kinda put things on a break for now, cuz i feel she needs time to get over a past relationship. Her and her ex were going out for 4 years, but being from different religions, neither parents would approve one another, and the guys parents arranged a marriage for him, and he chose to make his parents happy and had to split apart from the girl (this was 8-9 months ago). Neither of these two WANTED to leave each other, nor did they have any reason aside from those cirsumstances, to end the relationship, and neither really left each either but were forced apart. They still keep in touch always, despite the fact that he is married but isnt really happy with his marriage, and they still have strong feelings for one another and still miss each other and wish they could still be together, but she keeps talking about how she needs closure from him but she doesnt know how to attain that, and im stuck on this one myself, and cant help her as my last breakup was quite different. So how does one get closure from that type of relationship breakup?? Any help would be appreciated