malinka

Yes, I gave in to temptation - big mistake - NOW I know. I feel SO guilty for sleeping with my friend's ex-girlfriend. He wasn't a best friend, he was just someone I talked to once every few weeks. They broke up a year ago so I thought it would be OK. He warned me that she (the ex-girlfriend) is a psycho and a commitment-phobe, destroying relationships with no warning but I always fantasized about sleeping with her even though he told me these things So after we slept together, 3 months later she did the exact same thing to me - broke up with any notice. To make things worse, I was using her to get over another relationship I just got out of. (rebound) How can I get over this awful guilt? I can no longer talk to my friend because my nerves eat me up anytime I think about him, and I no longer talk to that girl because I was only interested in the sex, but I can't get them both OUT OF MY HEAD!! PLEASE don't tell me I should talk about it with him, we now live in different cities and I don't even have his number. It's over, I just want them to stop entering my imagination. Uuugh! Just the idea that they were sleeping together fuels my blood. I just don't understand why I was never attracted to that girl, until the day my friend told me he's sleeping with her.

But how do you guys deal with the social pressure of not having a girlfriend even if it's just for a while? These days, people make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you're not banging someone every night. I would like to dedicate myself to science and study for the next 3 years and put all that energy into it, but I feel like a loser if I'm without a girlfriend??

I woke up this morning with a proposed solution. This may get technical. Ok, it's obvious that I'm extremely pus*sy-whipped to the highest degree like in that movie 'whipped', and the more I hate her, the more I get under her spell. So in my mind, I'm still trying to be that perfect man - I'm still doing everything to keep her happy in my head. 1) From now on, I'm going to do the exact opposite of whatever she liked about me. When she said that all her ex-boyfriends were slobs and losers, and I was the first intelligent one, I'm going to purposefully pretend that I'm a slob and loser - everything to preserve that image of her being UNhappy in my head. 2) I'm going to discover and deprogram all the 'triggers' that cause me to think about her like turning on the shower, switching on the TV, writing an email in the evening, opening yahoo messenger, checking my voicemail, eating dinner alone, reading any poem, lifting weights, walking on the beach, telling a joke...

I hear ya man. I thought she'd eventually evaporate from my mind but here I am one year later still looking for help. She just keeps popping up in my head no matter what I do. I feel strangely loyal to her especially since I worked so hard to try to be the perfect man. Usually I'd just forget about an ex and get on with my life. I thought that maybe I was being too shallow about the whole thing- I mean it's "just sex"?? So I started reading literature, philosophy, even going to opera. But she constantly creeps up in my head, and shows up in my dreams. Also, part of the problem is the inherent difference between the sexes: A woman needs to be in love in order to have sex, while a man falls in love while having sex. It's just like in that movie Dr. Zhivago, where Komarovsky, a treacherous lover get sexually hooked on beautiful Lara and keeps coming back to her even though they're completely incompatible outside of the sex. BINGO! I know that my ex did the same thing to every guy before me. She would just dwarf into a psycho-bot right out of the blue. Even if she dated Brad Pitt it wouldn't change anything. But that thought of sleeping with her again is ready and alive no matter how hard I try. Women with NPD are the worst because they use men like sex toys.

>Problem: You've built up this chick in your mind as the pinnacle member >of the female sex. I'm sure she was hot and great in bed and all that, >but dude, there is nothing that she did which someone else can't do --> Good point. I'd also add that since I was the one that dumped her, I could literally call her anyday and get all that sex back. This is particularly frustrating because every time I see someone who looks similar, or watch some movie, I'm tempted to make that quick phone-call. >Medicine: Hook up with some chicks for 1 night stands and short term >sexual relationships. True, you'd be lucky to find someone who can do >things as great as your ex did right off the bat, but if you concentrate on >looking, eventually you will find a chick who does things even better! That would definitely solve the problem with the ex, but as I'm approaching 30, I'm through with fooling around. All my friends have gotten some serious VDs, and I got out lucky. I can't sleep with someone unless I love them. I do flirt with women, dance with them, go out on dates, but I see that ex-girl's face with every single one. Vicious cycle...

Sure, as humans we all make mistakes. I've learned from mine, mainly in realizing the signals of a psycho person, but in general the good things she did for me were only the crumbs of a pie. I traveled a long distance to see her several times, I made surprise vacations for her, I made her a calendar which put something nice about her on each day of the year (she cried after that one) but I also wasn't a doormat and retained a sense of mystery. I was ready to move in with her... However, after 3 months of honeymoon-like fantasy, she suddenly called to cancel all our plans, including a trip to Italy which I had proposed for our 1'st anniversary of our relationship, she gradually started cutting off all contact with me and telling me that she would love to marry several men one day because she LOVES flirting. As Hrtlessbabe said - she was a typical attention *hore. So she proposed that we take a break and then come back together in a few months - and that's when I dumped her. The ONLY thing that connected us was mind-numbing sex. It was like a drug that eased the stress of our life. And my question, is how do I get rid of all these side-effects? The fantasy of that sex always gets greater power than the reality of why I left her.

Can someone give me some honest advice on how to let go of an ex-girlfriend once and for all? I went out with my ex-girlfriend for only three months and already one year has passed and I cannot let her out of my mind at all. Let me start off by saying that she was a confirmed psycho and female player- I met one of her ex-boyfriends and realized that she is indeed mentally ill. She was incredibly sweet in the beginning, like an angel, showering me with gifts, compliments, even travelling 1000 miles to see me. But she treated me terribly as soon as she realized that I was 'hooked' - made fun of me, flirted, cheated with tons of guys, but managed to act super-innocent anytime I told her we're breaking up. It was actually I that initiated the breakup and I even got some good revenge back on her. I changed my numbers and everything, and I know she was heartbroken. She cried like crazy when we broke up and did everything to try to get me back - even a surprise phone call on my new number 6 months later. The main problem was that the sex was UNBELIEVABLE. This was like the pinnacle of ecstasy. Even though a year has passed, I see her face on every single girl that walks past me, I remember her sweet smell, we did it in the strangest places at the riskiest times, she had a body like a model, she knew how to build up that anticipation and literally made me beg for it, the kisses were always in the perfect places at the perfect times, she had a way of using words that made me shiver, we were in each other's arms sweating for hours all night long, she said I was the first person to bring her to an orgasm - it was Perfect. I have tried EVERYTHING: I started dance lessons, I threw away everything of hers, I workout everyday, I have a new set of friends, I'm learning a new language, I moved to a different city, I started a new job, I took a long 3 month vacation!! and I still think of her and see her in my head every day. I'm not a sex addict, I don't even masturbate anymore! I can't sleep with other woman after her, in fact she was already a rebound relationship. I discovered her only 3 days after breaking up with my previous ex-girlfriend. I could technically become a player now, and just go from women to women, rebound to rebound, but I don't want to become that type of person. The truth is that I hate her, she was an awful human being with a typical Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder, but is there anyway to let go of all that hot sex we had, or am I now stuck with that image for life ?? I read once, that the best sex we'll ever have is with a psychotic woman. I really, really hope that that's not true.