justagirl

yeah, I understand about the weird situation, all you can really do now is go day by day. Looking forward wont get you very far...and the only time you should look back is to try to resolve what happened for you 2 to break up, other than that, no looking back. Keep doing what you are doing and you'll be better in the end. Justagirl

Hey bubba, I agree with bdub. if you feel you can't talk to her as much, so you can heal and figure things out, than don't answer the phone as much when she calls. Trust me, the point will come accross eventually. Don't alieniate her from your life, especially if you want there to be a possiblity for you 2 in the future, but keep it simple between you 2. Don't base the friendship though on the possibility of you 2 getting back together. You'll most likely end up hurt. If her and her rebound break up, don't be by her side too much. If you do get too involved with comforting her, she'll use you as a rebound to the relationship she just got out of. Don't let yourself get hurt. Hope all goes well, Justagirl

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hey everyone thank you for replying to this. I will give him space, and try to not worry. I just want him to know that I'm not trying to be pushy or annoying, I just, I think, ahh, ok....I don't really get why this is happening, i understand why he's needing space and all, but I don't get why all of this happened. I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't know was going on. I want to tell him, but whenever I say sorry he tells me to not appologize just understand..and I do, but I want him to know I'm all mixed up and I don't mean to be a big old pain. Argh...but I talked myself into being a tough cookie and giving him space. hopefully I wont cave after 3 days...knowing me...I will, haha...I'm a mess *~Justagirl~* Thanks again guys, I really do appreciate it.

Alright, I'm sorry if this gets lengthy, I just really need to know what the heck I'm doing, I'm so frustrated with myself and whats going on, I'm so lost. This guy and I have been friends for almost a year. September we started becoming much better friends. I felt so comfortable talking to him. We talked constantly and it got better with every conversation. He has been dealing with something for a long time now and I've tried to be there for him as much as I could and as much as he wanted. Then things got...well different. Endish of October he just stopped talking to me, I had no idea why. He emailed a week after it started and told me he was confused. So I figured ok, I'll just do a friendly little "morning" email occasionaly...I probably did it more than I should have but it is hard to go from constant communication (from both sides) to nothing at all. Sometime around Halloween we talked online and he told me why he needed his space and such. I still didn't understand but I didn't want to push it. We talked online about 3 days ago and I finally just gave up and asked him to explain what was going on. So he did and I was a mess. He didn't know I was a mess, but oh believe me, I was So anyway, after that conversation I went outside and sat there, trying to figure out why this was all happening. I felt bad for what was going on with him, happy with some reasons he had, but confused as to why he'd want to push me away if he had those feelings. So here I am now I hadn't emailed, texted, called, nothing until tonight. I figured he wants his space, I'll let him have his space, hoping he'd call. Well, I ended up pretty much talking to myself after the "how are you's" were said. So I'm really confused. I keep asking myself how this happened so fast, out of nowhere he stopped talking to me. At first I thought it was me, like I did something extremely wrong for him to dislike me that much. I guess I'm just hurt. I feel like such a pain in his butt. I want to give him the space he needs, but I feel that if I give him what he wants, space, he won't ever talk to me again. I know I've probably made things so much worse by trying to get him to talk to me, but I didn't know what else to do. I have been so confused and flustered that I can't make sense of it. I understand what he wants, and I know that if I'm persistent in talking to him and annoying him I'll make things worse ...maybe to the point where he really doesn't want to ever talk to me again. I so do NOT want that to happen...I just wish I could be all tough and hold out long enough to give him what he wants and show him that I am good...I can give him space...i'm sorry grrr ](*,) ~*Justagirl*~ [/b]

LoL! Well I am one woman who is definitely not a monkey. but that is such a cute saying...and I do agree with it. More than half of the woman out there are like monkeys. ...ahh that was cute... ~*Justagirl*~

I'm glad to be of help. You most likely took this so hard because of as you said, you 2 were living together, and she mentioned marriage and things often. I'm sure she knew you loved her. Just remember, you cant change the past, use what you know now to learn from and make sure you do things differently next time. But also remember, its not your fault entirely that SHE broke up with YOU. ~*Justagirl*~

You shouldn't have to worry about looking weak in her eyes. It shouldn't matter what she thinks. It takes a whole lot to tell someone whats on your mind, so you should be respected by her for expressing whats going on in your head. So no worries about how you look in her eyes. *~Justagirl~*

It doesn't sound strange, it makes sense...because the dog was part of the relationship that you 2 had shared together, so it kind of seems that if she doesn't care about the dog than she doesnt care about waht ya'll had...or something like that. Or I could be amking a bigger deal than you out of it. but giving yourself time will fix things *~Justagirl~*

Anytime Bubbamackdaddy69....cute name by the way..haha Being with the other girls wont be the same because you're putting your heart in 2 different places. Even though you may have sincere feelings for the new girl, half of your heart is focusing on the healing from your breakup. You will get over her, the no contact thing works, it just has to be honored by both people. I'm pretty sure when she contacted you your feelings were stirred up even more. Causing you to feel the pain, frustration, love and more all over again. It will be a few more months until you are over her enough to go without thinking about her. It'll get easier as each day goes on. ~*Justagirl*~

I agree completely with bdub.... you don't need her to be happy and dont let her control your feelings. You arent there for her to have a backup plan in case this rebound doesn't work out. There are numerous girls out there just waiting for you. *~Justagirl~*

I understand the drop in conversations has you down. But there really isnt much more you can do but go on and let her call you. Its going to be extremely difficult to wait it out, but the explanation will be worth it in the end. She'll call back. *~Justagirl~*

You are 100% right, you deserve an explanation. Maybe she got scared about the feelings she was having and she is afraid of what will happen. I'm really not sure. only she can tell you what is going on in her head. She will have to tell you what happened and yes, you deserve an explanation because you cant go through your days wondering "what happened" and "what if I would have asked her, what would she have said." I say leave a message on her phone, telling her you 2 need to talk, if she doesnt respond try your best to move on. That way it will be on her whether or not she wants to call and explain, you have no burden on your shoulders whatsoever. Wishing the best ~*Justagirl*~[/b]

If she truly cared and loved you, she wouldn't talk about her new relationship. I would say move on. Send the letter whenever you are ready to deal with either the good or bad that come with it. If you send it and she doesnt respond how will that make you feel? If you send it and she responds negatively by saying she doesnt feel that way or cant think about it because shes involved with someone else, how will that make you feel? Right now the best thing for you to do move on. She is with someone else. I can imagine how difficult this is, and I truly feel bad for what is going on with you. But make sure you live the life you are supposed to and don't base your day around thinking of her, or what you should and shouldn't say to her. If she wants to be in your life, she'll say something, but don't wait for her.Shes not your life now, you are. She isnt worried about how you're feeling, if she was, she'd never have mentioned her boyfriend in the first place. I wish you all the best ~*Justagirl*~

I can understand why you are becoming frustrated and not understanding of whats going on. Calling her 21 times in a week without her calling back was probably not the best idea. I know you were only doing it because you were trying to figure out what was going on, you were/are concerned about her, she is your girlfriend and you are so used to talking as much as before. I know for a fact (previous experience) that calling as often and not getting a response is a sign that you are not giving her the space she needs. It will only make things worse. I know its incredibly hard to not contact someone you care about, but you have to respect their wishes and back off. I understand she is your girlfriend and you 2 are supposed to be able to communicate and such, but maybe she is trying to push you away without her feeling bad about it. It would seem like a 2 minute "hi i'm okay" call wouldn't be that much to ask, but to her it may possibly be asking way to much. Give her the space she needs, hopefully things will turn out good. I really do understand and I wish you all the best. *~Justagirl~*

If both people have acknowledged the feelings are pushing to more than just friends, than wait for each other (no matter which sex is waiting). Both people would know in their hearts its worth the wait. So yes caliboy, it can be switched. ~*Justagirl*~

Hey there, I somewhat understand where you are coming from. He most likely doesnt know what he wants because he is confused, and its very possible for someone to not know what they want. I understand it being confusing and stressful to deal with, but the only thing you can do it be there for him and do what you feel is right. If you feel you want to be with him enough to be by his side no matter what confusion and no matter how long it takes than stick with him. If you feel you don't want to be lonely/single anymore than go on. I personaly would wait it out, it will help him knowing there is someone by his side no matter how confusing he gets and no matter how complicated things get. You can't make a guy realize what he has in front of him.Either he already knows and has no clue what to do... or it will dawn on him one day and everything will finally be clear and make sense. The most important thing is be there for him, letting him know you care and won't run when things get difficult, being by his side shows him what he has, and hopefully he'll realize it without it being too much longer. I hope things get better, just be patient, and try to not stress. Trust me I know not stressing is hard, but keep smiling for him and being by his side...it will make things a bit better for him. Take care, hope this helped a tiny bit ~*Justagirl*~

Hey there, Well, I have never been kissed. I'm 18. But I really am not worried about it. I know it'll happen eventually and I'll be glad. So no worries about not being kissed yet, it'll happen and it will most likely be worth the wait. So just keep smiling, a great guy will come along and sweep you off your feet and give you a fabulous kiss. Thats what I always tell myself anyway ~*justagirl*~

Hey there, I don't know if you have already done this, but I think it'd be awesome to have this happen. Alright, well first thing is you set up the bedroom. Clean anything flammable off the shelves and such and decorate the room in candles, but don't lite them until about 15 minutes before she comes over. Next find something she can lay on (a somewhat firm surface) so she can lay down while you give her a massage. Use oil or not, its your choice. Just don't set up that stuff near the candles, don't want anything to go up in flames. Of course make sure the sheets are clean and all the general stuff. Next is the bathroom, clean the tub and the bathroom. Again have candes in there. The idea of the bathroom is to give her a massage and than take a bubble bath. So don't fill up the bath until you are almost done with the massage, so that way water stays warm and bubbles stay bubbly. From the front door to the bathroom/ bedroom put flower petals all over the floor, maybe add those candy hearts you get on valentines day, the big ones with the sayings on them, to the petals on the floor. On the front door where she can see it before she comes in, using the candy hearts, write a little something to her, something you like about her, or a little hint to what she should expect when she comes through the door. OK** so the whole thing from her veiw would be this She walks up to the door with a candy heart note on it saying something totally sweet. She walks in to a house full of petals and candy hearts leading their way somewhere. Walks into the bedroom to find candles everywhere, more flower petals and a massage table. She walks into the bathroom to see the tub ready to be filled and a room again with petals and candles. Then, her night begins, she loves it, youre happy, once again you blew her away with your romantic side life is good I really hope that wasnt extremely confusing. If you have any trouble understanding I'll try to explain more clearly. Sorry in advance for the confusion Have fun ~*Justagirl*~ Mars ideas are great!

I hope she gets better and I hope you get the oppourtunity to be by her side soon. Wish you both the best, thoughts are with you both. ~*Justagirl*~ Tape record your voice and some music (harp, piano and instrumental soft music is theraputic, it stimulates brain cells that cause different synapsis (sp?) to fire, which is a good thing.) and send the tapes to her so they can play them for her. When my grandmother was in a coma she responded positivly to the music. So if you get the chance, do that, it could help her quite a lot, hearing your voice and the music and all. If you don't know what to say read a book, poetry, funny jokes, and talk about what you 2 will do when you visit during Christmas, give her something to look forward to.

Ok, I'm going to just throw this out there Well, I am thinking that she asked you which of the two you would choose because she possibly wants to be a part of your life again. (Even though I personaly think you shouldn't have to choose between the two I think you should have both, but hey thats just me) I think she backed off from that question because she was afraid of showing her feelings without knowing how you feel. She could be afraid of the rejection or of hurting what you two have going right now. She might not want to push you away in fear that you don't feel the same. I would see how the conversation goes when you talk to her tomorrow. But if you feel that she would talk about it and you are comfortable hearing what she has to say than I say go for it. But if you want to wait until you two are face to face and see what happens than do that. Whatever will make you feel better and puts your mind at ease, while at the same time making sure shes comfortable in giving out the information she was trying to get out the other night, than I would say go for it. Whatever your heart is telling you... Wish you the best! ~*Justagirl*~

*I am with hero on this one, go with what feels right. Just smile and say hello, don't force anything. If she doesn't respond positively to your hello, smile again and sit down. The next time you are on the train (I'm assuming you will take it everyday next week) just smile at her and see what happens. You left the door open by giving her enough spcae to know you aren't like the rest of the guys you arent forcing her to talk. Also, you didn't push anything the second time you saw her, you gave her a friendly smile and sat down, inviting her to make conversation. **If she does respond positively to your first approach make casual conversation, mention you've seen her a few times and ask her where shes off to. Let the conversation reflect the mood between you two. Have fun and relax! ~*Justagirl*~ ***Remember if you feel she is getting uncomfortable or its feeling uncomfortable, excuse yourself politely from the conversation with a "well it was nice meeting and talking with you, have a good day." or something in that nature.

Hey there, Well, I say go talk to her...but tread carefully, if she really did roll her eyes, she may act rude/ stand offish when you approach her the first time. Hopefully she won't. But if she does, just be really nice and show her what a fabulous guy you are, be different from the guys that are (possibly) all over her. Wish you the best! Oh and remember smile, it'll make her wonder what you're thinking Have fun! \ ~*Justagirl*~

Hey there, If you feel its right, be strong and wait it out. You 2 will eventually be together in person and all the waiting will be worth it. If you feel you are meant to be with your long distance right now than stick with what you feel. Temptation is only as strong as you let it be. Thinking about being with another is not technically cheating, but its not a great thing to be thinking at all. *But, if you feel you can't handle the distance and your feelings are stronger towards the one thats closer to you, do what you feel is right. Who would you rather be with? Why? Are you afraid of what you will do being so far away from your long distance? If you and your long distance lived closer/ together, would you feel as strongly for him or do you think the temptation would still be there? I hope this helps somewhat. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Feel better ~*Justagirl*~

As long as you feel you are treating yourself right, than go with whatever decision you feel it best. Taking time for yourself and not concentrating and worrying about having feelins towards others will be good for you. But remember, if you do have feelings for someone and they are strong feelings, don't push the feelings out of your mind completely, you may be missing out on a great relationship oppourtunity, one where you could learn about yourself and what you want in others. Best of Luck ~*Justagirl*~