confused70
-
Posts
50 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by confused70
-
Ok, I finally filed for divorce last week. Of course, she is devastated and says she doesn't know how she can possibly live. I feel very bad for her. I know how she feels because that's how I felt when she started all of this insanity. She says she's better now and wants to move back home. I'm pretty confident that's a bad idea. Thoughts?
-
Ok.. I've been seeing a psychologist... (and a psychiatrist... and a therapist..) Anyhow, I finally heard something that makes sense. I've been torn up over this and confused for a year now. The psychologist told me that human love is a composite of caring, trust, and respect. While I probably have care for her, I may not trust or respect her and this would confuse me (because the emotion is a composition). Does this make sense to anyone else?
-
Am ready for a straight jacket.
-
2006 SUCKS!!! It is by far the worst year of my life. All of the other stuff in this post has occurred. I was digging in to force my way through the Holidays. The 14th is my oldest daughter's birthday, the 24th is my mom's birthday, and the 26th is the crazy wife's birthday. We always have dinner (with a group of about 20 or so) at my mom's house on the 24th. This year it fell on Sunday and I'm a season ticket holder for the Detroit Lions (which is bad all by itself). I try to take my little brother (he's 27, and not little at about 6'5 / 330.. ).. Anyhow, my youngest two daughters had stayed the night over there saturday and I was to pick them up sunday and him and we were going to go to the game. The guy I buy the tickets with couldn't go, so I was trying to get those two tickets through ticketmaster to take my oldest daughter, Sunday morning. The phone rang and it was my little brother's wife a little hysterical saying she couldn't wake him up, please come right over. I thought little of it, it's always hard waking him up. But, I gathered my things and drove over anyways. As I turned the corner, I saw the Fire Truck and Ambulance, my heart sank. I ran up the stairs to find a now blue-shaded brother in his bed with sticks in his mouth. My sister-in-law told me that he stopped breathing right after she called me. She had put my two little ones in their car to keep them out of the way and hopefully from being traumatized. The five of them carried my brother down the stairs and into the ambulance. They left to take him to the hospital. I took the little ones and left to drop them off at my wifes house so I could go back to the hospital. On the way I called my mom's house 20 times until she answered to tell her to get up to the hospital. I pulled into ER and sat in the car for a minute. He looked so bad, I didn't want to go in to find out. I parked next to my mom's car and went in. They let me go see him. They got his pulse back and he was on a ventilator but had incredibly low blood pressure. He was in critical, but stable condition. The lab results came back. He had low blood sugar. They thought he may have choked due to Apnea, but they couldn't figure the blood sugar. After a few hours, they moved him to Intensive Care. He coded almost immediately. They worked on him for a long time. We were so loud (crying) they moved us to the nurse's locker room. The doctor told us they would try to give him an IV of TPA (blood clot remover) as a "last hope". (Maybe it's a blood clot.) They did and his pulse came back! The doctor came back to tell us that the TPA drug is so rough that only 6% of patients live after using it. Additionally, his heart had not been beating for 45 minutes, major organs have probably closed down not to mention potential brain damage. The doctor also told us if he coded again, they couldnt do anything else because the risk of using it outweighed the potential for good. He coded again. He died. at the age of 27. my best friend. I pretty much raised him. My mom and sister-in-law work in that hospital. My sister-in-law's sister works at a physician where my brother went to. The physician assistant came in and talked to us for a bit. He told us that he had told the physician he thought Kumadin would be in order. All I knew about that was that it was a blood thinner. When I went home and looked it up, I realized it was specifically to reduce the likelihood of clots. Obviously that bothers me. With all of this other stuff going on, I haven't spent much time with my brother at all this year. In fact, I feel I've really neglected him. If I couldn't talk I'd try to call him back, but sometimes I would forget. In talking to people he has really made his rounds in the last two weeks. I wonder if he knew something was up. He had told me Thursday (or Friday) night that he needed a really big favor, but that he was going to ask mom first. I told him to go ahead and ask mom, and see what she sees and then come back to me. I wish, really wish I had found out what the favor was. As destroyed as I was earlier, I'm just obliterated, now. I'm thankful, very thankful my daughters got to the spend the last 12 hours with him. They're young, I wish they were older so they would remember him.
-
Yeah.. I was hoping to keep you updated, but I'm sure it wont be a surprise to learn that my mob and classes (and children) have suffered all year long and I am trying to rebuild... So, I had to take a few weeks off of here..
-
***UPDATE**** Things haven't changed much. She's been discharged from the hospital for a few weeks. The day she got out I thought she'd want to see the kids.. As it turns out, she wanted to go home and get ready for work.. As it REALLY turns out, she wanted to go home and get ready to go out with somebody she met in the psychiatric ward. That person stayed every night at her house until he was readmitted where he has been since (going on week 3). The guy at the beginning of the story that raped her has now contacted her and she told him where she lives so he can come over and visit. (?). Two friday's ago, I finally had a date, and she texted me and called all night long telling me she hates me (and my date), she's going to drink and drive and will hopefully wind up in the hospital so I will feel bad. She told me she was done with me (blah, blah, blah).. It was so stressful for me that I haven't gone on a date since. Since she's getting the help she needs, I've decided I will create a spreadsheet of all assets and all debts (our debts exceed our assets). I've calculated the child support. So, I think I will talk to her and show her the stuff and get her to agree to a settlement so we can just go finish this in court without having to get too nasty and involve too many people / lawyers.. Thoughts?
-
Well, I dont think she's a danger to the kids any more. I think she's realized a lot while she was in there.... but.... She got out yesterday, I'm exhausted from watching the kids alone all week and running to the hospital after work every day, etc... She came home about 2 PM yesterday, and said that she her stomach hurt, she was tired, and wanted to be well prepared for work. So, she wasn't taking the kids, and was going directly home. My daughter called about 8 PM to tell her good night.. Along about 9, I was wondering if she too her prescription. So, I called and there was no answer. I figured her phone was off and charging. So, I sent a text message so she would get it when she turned it back on. I received a response (meaning the phone got the message, and that it's on).. Well.. her charger still lets it ring and beep if it's charging... So, then I started to worry that she did something stupid.. So, about 10, I hopped in my car and drove to her apartment. I came in, and SHE WASN'T HOME! She was logged into myspace. I didn't really look around her account, but I did look through her history, and I see that she located one of the guys that was in the psychiatric ward with her. (The guy in the post that got put on a different floor.) I sat there kind of dumbfounded for a few minutes and my phone rang. I said, "hello." She said, "hello. what are you doing." "Nothing, what are you doing", I said. She said, "WHERE ARE YOU?" Well, I figured she drove by my house and saw my truck missing. So, I said, "I'm sitting in YOUR LIVING ROOM. WHERE ARE YOU?" Then, the mood changed.. "None of your business." "Who are you with?", I asked. "None of your business!!!" was the response. So, I thought for a second, and said, "What city are you in?" She said she was in the same city as her apartment. So, I said, "Ok.. I'm leaving." I went to the car and moved it so she couldn't see it and waited for about an hour. She never showed up. At this point, I was really upset for telling her I was at her apartment. My senses now are that she would've came back with this guy from the ward, and that would have been final closure on everything. I should've not said anything... Darn it.. I called and texted several times. No answer.. Finally, about midnight, she turned her phone off. I had driven up and down the street, looked at the bar parking lots, and the hotel parking lots, no sign of her. She called about 12:45 AM... She said that she had visited her friend and had told her the whole story about what she's done for the last year, and why she wound up in the psychiatric ward. I said, "was that all?" She said, "yeah.." I said, "how was the guy from the psychiatric ward, today?" She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "dont screw with me, I know everything." Actually, I didn't know anything, the only thing I knew was that she had found his page on MySpace. Then, she said, "he was fine, I met him for coffee after visiting my other friend." I said, "yeah, right." That was last night, I didn't get to bed till almost 2 AM, and had to get up at 6 AM... She went to work at 7 AM, and hasn't gotten out yet... So, we haven't even talked about this yet. I'm exhausted.
-
No.. I've called her psychologist no less than 12 times.. He hasn't returned a phone call nor made himself available to me. Also, out of the blue I went to the website forum of the place for gastric bypass to find out if this was common from weight loss surgery. In the spouse support area, there were quite a few spouses that were upset with the attention seeking that ended in divorce. I was surprised. It caused me to post a message asking why they dont psychiatric post-op..
-
I posted this.. and this.. and finally this.. She's been locked up for a week, now. She'll probably get out tomorrow. Going to visit her has been enlightening. When I visited her on day 2, there was a guy that would give me dirty looks. He was probably 23 or 24. And.. he would stare at her.. I told her that I thought he liked her. The next day when I came to visit her, she was sitting with him coloring when I got there. The next day, his hair was in pig tails, which is her trade mark. While I was visiting her, she told me that she had done that. She said he is bi-polar and scares her. I told her that she should probably not get too close, then. The next day, when i came to visit her, she said that he and her were the last ones up the prior night. An orderly came into the room where they were watching tv, and said, "this ain't no hotel". She told me she was confused and had, "no idea", why they would say that. The next day (last night), when I came to visit her, this guy was gone. I asked her where he was. She said he was moved to a different floor for "hugging" one of the female patients. I said, "was it you?" she said, "no." She told me that she "made out" with one of the female patients. She said they couldn't do much more because the medication made her "spot." I said, she should be doing much less. Messing with these people is a very bad idea. So... tonight, I came to visit her. She was wearing a simple ring, an arm band, and her hair had blue and black streaks (she has blonde hair). I asked her what that was all about. SHe said they were from the lady she was "making out" with. I said, "wow.. she's marking you, huh?" She said, "yeah, I think so." I said, "well, I think you are making a big mistake, and if you have any plans on maintaining contact with her when you get out, you are as crazy as she is." She said, "oh... she's a good person." About this time, the girl was standing in the hall (I had my back to her). My wife was concentrating on the hall. I turned around to see her standing there mouthing something. She came to a dead stop when I turned around. So, I said, "what did she say?" My wife said, "the guy upstairs called for me again." I said, "again?" She said, "yeah, he called 4 or 5 times today." Then, she said, "today in group therapy, she sat next to me, and they brought the guy down from the other floor and he sat accross from me. I leaned over and the woman accused me of trying to look at the guy. She got up and stormed off, leaving her seat empty. When she was half way out of the group, I invited that guy over to take her seat because it was empty. This made her very upset." I was pretty shocked at this. I told her that I couldn't believe she was playing mind games for attention with the people in the psychiatric ward. She was really biting off more than she could chew here. Then her "girlfriend" came and told me visiting time was over with a big smile. I told her that she certainly wasn't the one in charge of telling visitors when it was time to leave. The orderly came in about 5 minutes later reiterating her message. Before, I left, tells me again she loves me and wants to work things out and asks what I think about "us." I told her that I thought the guy got sent upstairs for making out with her, and I dont nor will I ever trust her as far as I can throw her. This has gone from mean to bizarre to crazy to... I guess comical.. I don't even know how else to describe it. Jerry Springer meets the Farrelly Brothers. Any thoughts?
-
You already know she has "loose morals" and is showing these kind of symptoms... I'd say move on. Her deleting certain text messages and phone calls is ridiculously obvious. Especially if this all started after you were reluctant to jump right into her marriage and kids plans.. Just my two cents.
-
I guess it would probably appear that way... The only thing I can say is that she is the ONLY relationship I have ever been in, it scared me very much to lose her. Additionally, she was neglecting the kids. Because she had no job or skills, i would have to move out to break-up. That would have left the kids in an exposed condition (unless I moved them out, too).. Anyhow, it seemed pretty hopeless. Also, since 2005, I've been very dizzy, forgetful, and indecisive. I've been to my doctor like 5 times and had my blood pressure medicine changed constantly. Finally (this sounds funny), I couldn't sleep, and there was an infomercial about stress and anxiety that I identified with. I got some literature and that was definitely it. That was about the same time this happened, I got to a therapist towards the middle of it. Things aren't what they always appear in those situations to one with those conditions. Yes, though.. All boundaries were violated.
-
HOw's about with a selection of guys available, she chooses to spend time with you. THat makes YOU special.
-
She is upset.. She wet the bed last night and hasn't done that in years.. I've been taking her to therapy. She seems to be coping, and as far as she knows mom is in the hospital because "she doesn't feel well." Only my oldest daughter knows, she is 16 and can handle it easier... Although, she has said that mom is an "attention * * * * *." One more thing that's been making me uncomfortable. When I come to visit her, she is all over me, and I feel... nothing. no connection. She'll say things like, "when I move back in" or "you love me and want to work it out, I know..." I'll say something like, "I'm willing to go to therapy with you, but we dont know how it's going to go, and you have to be prepared for that." I dont know how else to respond, because that's the truth.
-
I visited her in the hospital. She's the only patient with only "depression", most others are also bi-polar. I wonder if she will be diagnosed with the same.
-
How very ironic that you should mention that... Last night I called her after I saw my wife, and told her that I felt very guilty even talking to her. She of course, had her feelings hurt. She said even though my wife "set us up", she has felt like a home wrecker. I JUST got off the phone with her (girlfriend) when she told me I need to take care of my stuff first, until then she wouldn't see me. I know that's the right thing to do. I hurt so bad right now. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and am so lonely. I can't breathe... (hard to believe I'm 36 and acting like such a baby..) 2006 sucks.. a lot.
-
Well.. I'm doubting myself now.. When I visited last night, I was very uncomfortable, people were singing, talking to themselves, etc.. She's depressed, not the same as them. I'm allowed to visit for one hour per day. When she checked in last night, the clerk had her sign privacy papers. She stopped to read them, and the guy said, "Just sign them. I'm not making you sign your life away." I haven't had the chance to talk to her doctor yet. I called at 9 when I was told he would be in. They said he should be in at any time. I called at 9:30, 10:00, 10:30, 11:00, 11:30, 12:15.. Then they told me I just missed him. I called him at his office. My wife called from that place. She said she asked for some liquid tylenol and was told it wasnt prescribed, she couldnt have any. Because she's had bariatric surgery, she cant have many pills, and the doctor scheduled her to take pills tonight. So, she was a little worried about that. She said the doctor visited her for a few minutes, told her she would be there for a week, and left. I went back to calling his office. I called several times, finally I left a more menacing message, and his assistant returned my call. She said that he was aware of her bariatric surgery, and his prescription was fine for that. I said ok, please have him call me when he gets a chance, I would like to discuss the longevity of this arrangement. No call back. I'm happy that I dont have to worry about her, but this is out of control. Before I checked her in, I was confused about my own emotions, unsure of what to do. Not sure if I could ever feel good about myself again, not sure if it mattered. Now I can throw a strong feeling of "guilt" into the hat for how she's being treated now.... ;(
-
Thanks for your comments, everybody.. I can't believe how insightful this crowd is. I just got back from the psychiatric ward, and feel very bad for her. There's obviously people with many problems, there. It seems weird that they would mix depression in with the other stuff as they might get more depressed. She's very unhappy there. I think you are right, though, and it was the best thing to do with the knowledge I had.
-
I posted this.. and this.. I'm trying to figure out how I feel. Meanwhile, my wife threatens with suicide. She keeps saying that she's worthless and needs to just go away. She says that she's not worth it for any of us. She keeps texting me that she loves me and knows I want to work it out, too. I finally texted her back to leave me alone, when I'm with her I hate myself, and it will never work out. She texted me that she was getting my middle daughter out of school, and taking my youngest daughter to nursery. That was a red flag to me. Her and my middle daughter have a very special bond. So, I called her from work. She was crying and told me that she was going to visit her mom. Her mom is dead. So, I didn't know if this meant the grave... or...... I asked her why she was getting my middle daughter out of school, and she said, "to take her with me." I said - WHAT? She then told me she planned to drive to the grave, od on some medicine and rest on a blanket with my middle daughter, telling her she was "going to sleep." It was about 10:30. I told her I had an 11:30 meeting, but please dont go anywhere, I'll call when I get out. She said, ok. I hopped in my car, drove home, and came in the backdoor. She had written a "goodbye" letter to each of my daughters, but I caught her before she did anything. I loaded her up and took her to the hospital where they admitted her. She says nothing good can come of this. She seems humiliated and ashamed. THe hospital has assigned a "baby sitter" to watch her. I feel very bad for taking her up there. This whole event has caused me to realize I do love her. When I'm around her, though, I feel bad about myself (see other post)... I see her differently than I used to. I dont see the flawless beauty that I used to. I see blemishes now. I dont know what to do, did I do the right thing by taking her to the hospital? I dont know if I see her "blemishes" because I'm in love with my girlfriend or because my wife has hurt me so badly I'm done with her. I will say that when she moved out, I felt an ease I haven't felt in a long time. I feel bad, now, for feeling that way. Any thoughts?
-
Thanks for the response! I thought about a midlife crisis ,too.. she's only 33, I think it was more triggered by her weight loss and the attention she was getting. I don't know if I want to try again, I don't feel good around her. She has never gone to a therapist (except for mine), I've gone to a therapist and a psychologist and go to a new therapist in two weeks. She has stopped the behavior (three weeks ago) as abruptly as she started it. But, two Sundays ago, she did give her phone number to a guy at the football game to "make me jealous and show me that I still loved her." She responded instantly to his request of her phone number, I think she liked the attention and it had nothing to do with an attempt at jealousy. Unfortunately, a vacation is out of the question right now. If I give it another shot, I will definitely make it clear that this behavior will never again be acceptable. Thanks again for the reply!! Food for thought..
-
For some background on what I've been through in my relationship: Now.. I cant tell if I'm in love, out of love, whatever. SHe wants very badly to move back in. All of my kids want for her to move back in. My kids are mad at me for holding out. I dont feel I want to spend time with her. When I look at her now, I dont see the flawless person I saw a year and a half ago. I see the flaws. Does that mean I no longer love her? How can I prove or disprove my love for her to myself? Any ideas? If I do love her, will i ever regain my pride and self-esteem within this relationship? Is it truly time to move on? The responses to the attached post have been very valuable in helping me determine how I feel about what she's done. However, I'm having GREAT difficulty determining how I feel about her and our relationship. Thanks for your time.
-
I hate to plant thoughts in your head... but I think she's showing symptoms of guilt.
-
The same thing started happening to me last year, and it got worse and worse. I saw my doctor, a therapist, and a psychologist. Turns out I had severe depression. My memory is slightly better, but I've found if I keep a journal of discussions I have with people that I think may be important it seems to help me remember a lot more than just that.
-
I'd say they get quiet and then walk away... Sounds like he was either cutting you privacy.. or he is shy. This is 2006.. Make a move on HIM. or.. say something deragatory about the guy who was flirting with you and see if he jumps on the bandwagon.
-
PLEASE save me from my own insanity..
confused70 replied to confused70's topic in Trust and Relationships
That's quite possible. I've now had sex with two people. My wife and the woman she set me up with. Being so inexperienced is my problem here, I think. I really miss the other woman and I think that's still taking from the clarity. Thanks for the advice Juliana! -
How to confront without getting caught spying!
confused70 replied to savigota's topic in Trust and Relationships
No matter what, you need to confront him. Something similar happened to me. I saw my wife's email to other men. I wanted to wait for something bigger though.. So, I waited and more emails went by. Finally, I waited for a the appropriate fight, and I dumped everything on her. That was the most inappropriate way to handle it. I now feel guilty for not responding immediately and have had low self esteem during the duration. You should respond immediately, but sensibly.