JSMITH

good for you. and yes, i know it hurts. i broke up with my ex-G for the same reason. i was in love, she wasn't. sure, we love spending time together. she likes me alot ... but .. it's hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. if i had stuck around longer, sure there's a chance that she would fall in love with me ... but no ... i couldn't afford to invest any more of my time. (even though it wasn't as long as your relationship) i told her i would have to leave her in order to keep me sane. she cried, I cried ... i cried none stop for 3 days. she called the other day crying ... how she now sits at home doing nothing all depressed, and all that ... it hurts. i think about her every single day. i so want to call her every single second asking her back to my life. but we all know ... it's not the right thing to do. LOVE hurts. we just have to deal with it ... somehow. too bad, there isn't any quick fix for heart-ache. good luck to you good luck to me

just got out of 6mo relationship with a girl who i loved dearly. heck i still love her and would take her back in a second. she was beautiful and everything to me. anyway, the next day we broke up ... i met another girl. ya, ya ya ... go ahead .. whatever. it was all planned on my part. i knew i had to have something or someone else to keep my mind off of my ex-G. so there. shallow ... maybe so. but don't we all do what we need to do? anyway ... so, i met this new girl. who was ok looking. cute to say the least. great person. totally honest and totally giving. we met for a drink, but led to a very nice 2 hour dinner together. I drove her back to her place. and ... yes, we started to make out in the car ... and she invited me in. no, actually i invited myself in . and you know the rest. sexual act itself. everything i look for in sex. a lot of foreplay, wonderful BJ, totally open to sex in general. problem ... i was thinking about my ex- while i was having sex with this new girl. Hence my performance wasn't as good as should have been. i used to do a lot of picking up girls from bars, and other places. so, casual sex isn't really something new to me. however, for the last 6mo while i was with my ex-G ... my ex- taught me about LOVE. I was in LOVE. I am still in LOVE. For the first time, I connected LOVE and SEX with her. I couldn't make love to my now ex- if I anything in my mind. I had to talk to her about it, before we would be able to have mind blowing sex together. So ... with this new girl ... even though she is EVERYTHING I or any guy would look for sexually .... I am still having a hard time .. because I compare everything to my now ex- .... small things like ... her face isn't as beautiful as my ex-, her smile isn't as beautiful as my ex-, her voice isn't ... her body isn't ... you get the picture. Is it un-fair to this new girl that I am seeing her and having sex with her? sure, i guess. Am I going to give her up? ... well, ask any guy.... you will get the same answer. So, I need to get over this somehow .. and keep having the wonderful sex, we have. 1st problem to solve ... she loves it when I go down on her. well, much like most of girls ... she has slight odor down there. (and yes, my ex- NEVER had any odor whatsoever... at least i didn't find any) Since I don't go down there enough (due to the odor - even though it's not bad, it's just very very slight hint of it) ... she doesn't get as wet as she "should or would" .... and since I am NOT in love with this girl ... I tend to do the intercourse longer than I would usually do (something about not going over the edge when you are not that into the person).... and condom ends up drying up before I get to finish ... LUBE ... solution I suggested to her. she said .. i am being lazy ... if I spend more time down below, i wouldn't need any lube .... and i am just looking for a quick fix. i suppose she is right. but, hey ... what else can i do? so, bottom line ... looking for a lube that will solve the problem. i guess any lube will do it, but i am looking for a slightly scented lube maybe even flavored little bit so that i can apply some and go down on her for a little before the main act. help a selfish guy out please?

latex free relationship? what do you need to know before hand? i have been in many many relationships, but never latex free one. well, considering my relationships never really lated that long .. anyway ... i wonder when and how to go latex free.

i just want to throw this one in for whatever it's worth. she is NOT a gold digger. i know the kind. i've been with the kind. yes, she is responsible for her own life. but .... dame emotions!

not going to get into a hugh detail, but here's the skinny. met a wonderful girl about 10mo ago. totally fell in love with her. she meant everything to me. she was struggling with finances. working at a dead end job, etc. etc. she wanted to go back to school (speciallized intense course) her dad agreed to pay for the tuition, and I agreed to cover her living expenses. nobody knows about our arragement about the money everything's been great. i love her. but just like any other relationships, we had our fair share of problems. last weekend was the last straw of it. we ended up yelling and screaming at each other over 3 days over the phone and in person. i sent her a letter telling her my side of story. and if she's willing to try again, i will be all game. well, i knew it wasn't going to happen. things i ask are too much for her to handle. not because i ask too much, but that's just the way she is. see, she's always been different, unique .... never never seen any other female like her. that's probably what draw me to her at the first place. anyway long story short ... she called me today. we confess to each other, we like each other, we care about each other .. and all that. but still comes short of what i am looking for. i want more than what she;s willing to offer ... if that makes sense. i've been crying non-stop for the whole day. every 3 second i think of her ... i cry. biggest thing to me right now is that (besides the face that she's no longer with me) ... she quit her school. yes, the school her dad paid for. only 4 more month left into it. if she finishes, she would have a special license to go work almost everywhere in a field that's pretty demanding right now. she quit school because she needs to make money full time in order to live, since i am no longer covering her expenses. she asked me to call her sometime. i said ... no. she can call me when and if she needs me or want to talk to me. she said she will. i have this very strong urge to call her and ask what she would need in order for her to go back to school and finish her studies. i feel like i screwed up her life. bottom line is that ... she is a wonderful person. i love her. she doesn't love me as i love her. sure she has special feelings for me ... but it's not enough for me. that should tell me. ... it's her life ... not my problem anymore. yet, it hurts to think i screwed up her life. like i said ... i know what the right answer to this would/should be ... but would like to hear from you. thanks

No. Yes, I understand she is under no legal obligation to pay. It does not mean that I need to "let it go". I was more asking this question in terms of ... ok, we are done. do i just forget about everything and move on? or do i want to make her life little harder by pressing with this issue. I am not bitter about the money. It's only 2K. I am bitter about the principle.

this doesn't sound like a gift, does it? total amount is about $2K.

each of their own. when I was in a relationship (yesterday! ) I loved the person. I would have loved to spend every single second together. But we are all busy. We could only have made time to spend together once or twice a week. work, school, other family commitment, other activities .... a long time ago, i was in 4+ yrs relationship. I was super busy with my new businesses back then. We talked about it, and made every FRIDAY night our date night. that was it. However we kept in touch with multiple phone calls almost everyday. Again, I may be the ODD one here. But, it's not about how much time "we" spend together it's not about how many times "we" have sex it's all about KNOWING "we" are with each other.

Hello, I am in about the same situation. Well, no ... i meet ton of opposite sex from my day to day life, but they are all "client" .. so, no chance of dating what so ever. anyway ... 1. i heard from many many people that eHarmony does not work and waste of time and money. 2. i have 2 very close friends that met their SO through LavaLife. in fact one of them just got married. 3. funny thing... I used CL to post an ADD not listing what I am looking for, but listing what I am NOT looking for. To my surprised, I got 20+ emails back in 2 days. Exchanged a few emails with few of them ... already met 2 in person (we didn't really find each other attractive) But, I am meeting someone tonight for drinks (we had great email exchanges so far) and meeting another one sometime next week (we also clicked it online at least) so ... take whatever you like from it ... but all i have to say is .. don't be despirate, but keep your eyes open!

exactly! try, 'honey, I will need to stop by at the pet store on our way back. Will you come with me?' rather than "we have to get some food from the pet store" try, 'what should we bring over for the family dinner tomorrow night?' rather than "we have the family dinner tomorrow night" I am not saying you ARE nagging him, but if you want to marry this guy and things to work out .... you might have to find different approach.

don't mean to sound harsh .. but get your education. never a bad thing with that ... better bf comes around.

I maybe the odd one, but I think you are being needy. take a look at a few things you noted. needing to spend more time together (4 times a week) needing her to show more affection and others sign of being needed let her live her life. but be there for her when she really really need you. isn't that what BF is for? specially if you are the ONE everybody look up to? again, it could just be ME being the ODD one.

sure she "should" have called you. but why can't you be a bigger man to overlook that small part?

Ok, so *we* are done. No more of *us*. Fine. What do I do about money? I bought her something she needed not too long ago, which she said she will pay back. Plus there's some cash involve in it. Not much to my standard. But it is quite a bit for her standard. I am considering sending her a letter to pay the money back by a certain date, but knowing her situation ... not sure if it is the best course of action.

that's exactly what I said. Guys are stupid when it comes to sex. and yes, that's including me.

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then say "thank you" try not to make anything out of it. if she DOES call, that means that she remembers your B-day ... and she cares about you. if she DOES call, that doesn't mean that she wants to get back with you or she wants to give you a b-day sex. if she does NOT call, that means that she doesn't remember your B-day ... like million other people. if she does NOT call, that means that she doesn't really want to talk to you ... like million other people. .............. sorry, if I sounded harsh. But, I know how you feel. Being in a situation that you are in ... trying to "over-analize" situations. Don't .. it will only drive YOU crazy. like someone else said ... "stay strong"

ya! just like the name of this section. I had been enjoying casual sex for the past 9 years. 9 years of being single, I was able to have different sexual partners almost whenever I wanted to. about 1 yr ago, I met my current GF. And became exclusive with her. At first, it was purely physical. She's hot. love her body. love the sex. All were great. With all that above, I used to do it for a long period of time. Not counting foreplay, I am talking about at least 30+ min. of pure sex. On top of that, I was ready to "do it" again within 10min. I enjoy it. They do as well. Well, with my current GF ... as we develope more into "relationship" as I completely fell in love with her now. a small problem came up. I noticed our "sex" time was getting shorter and shorter. Decided to "time" it one day. came up with amazing 7 freaking min! "time" it for the next 2 weeks .... averaging between 7 ~ 14 min. max. what's wrong it me now? and no... I can't do it more than once. I did however noticed ... each of her touch gives me extream sensation. her kiss, her gentle touch ... just fly me through the roof. Hence I don't last .... I read other posts about how sex is that much better with someone you love ... I am little lost on what's going on.

"role" would have been a much better word to use. sorry.

as a boyfriend as a girlfriend sorry about the stupid question, but i am really having a hard time with this. I came out of 3.5 yr relationship about 9yrs ago, and been single ever since. i never really had any reason to be in a relationship. never felt lonely or anything. Until I met my current girl a few month back, ... she had me at HELLO! ... ever since I saw her, I had strong desire to wanting to be with her. Spent 4 month left and right to get her to go out with me. Finally that we are in a relationship ... I am having a hard time! ... isn't life wonderful!?!? She's not doing things that I thought she was supposed to do. (But, that was ONLY my thoughts! ) I think I am doing everything and more that I thought I am supposed to do. But, I really feel like I am giving 100% and taking 10% back. Some tell me, it's not about how much you give and how much you take. I guess that's true. If you will ... please don't ask any questions about my current relationship (people tend to ask questions .. in order to give better answer to the original question .. but ...) Just simply type what comes to your mind ... to a simple stupid question of ... "what is your job as a boy/girlfriend." thanks all in advance.

wow ... totally not the answers i was expecting. but opens up a whole new chapter! thanks! well .. let's see. we are both smart people.. while there're educational difference between us .. that's not really big issue. well, last night i was talking about certain mathmatical theory .. but she had no clue what i was talking about .. but who talks about mathmatical theory on date!

back in my uni days, this is like the basic of ... "logical thinking 101" but must be love .. i am blinded. can't decide. I've been in an interesting relationship for the past 6mo. interesting in a sense that we beat all the odds of not making it through .. but we pulled through. been through a lot .. of course with a lot of hard times. we are 2 totally different people. different background, different culture, different personalities, different taste in almost everything (music, food, idea of fun, etc. etc.) .. it's safe to say we don't really have anything in common. She is total happy-go-lucky type of person. I am total serious business minded type of person. She is always smiling .. while I always don't have any expression on my face. Her cell phone goes off every hour from various her friends want to talk about something funny ... my cell phone goes off every hour from various business clients/contacts about serious matter. you get the picture. how are we together? who knows. ... she wants to be with me. she says .. "i like you. we have fun. etc. etc." remember? happy go lucky type person? I like her. heck I love her. but i do know that she doesn't LOVE me. yet ... at least. do i see her falling in love with me? ... not in my life time. she just wants to get together, have fun ... have needs taken care of ... i don't know .. i started asking myself a question ... if this relationship isn't really going anywhere .. other than getting together a few times a week .. talk little bit, go out for dinner, movie, play whatever else ... have sex .. but really no future, nothing really meaningful ... then what's the point of me spending time, energy, emotion, and money on this? with this limited info ... what's your take?

rather than thinking about ... "communication problem" how about a simple nice question ... "honey, i would like to take you out for a nice dinner for your birthday. Which day would be a good day? " "we can make it just two of us ... kindda romantic ... or invite whole bunch of your friends!"

ya, i drop the bomb last night. we were out having drinks and talking last night. i asked ... >"was i ok last night?" .. "around your friend?" >>>>>>"ok? ya ... why .. were you not ok? >"i tried." >>>>>>"you tried? what?" >"no, nothing ..." smile >>>>>>"what do you mean?" >"no, i was just littler nervous ... much like when you met my friends last week" >>>>>"no, i wasn't nervous ... as soon as i met them, they were great!" >"ok... cool" >>>>>>"did you like my friends?" >"sorry?" >>>>>>"did you like my friends?" >"who? sarah? .. i loved her. she;s very cool gal" >>>>>>"and?" >"and what?" >>>>>>"do you like Jason?" >smile.... >>>>>>rolls her eyes >"what?" >>>>>>"it's * * * *ing ovious you don't like Jason." >"well, i am trying. I am trying to like Jason, because he's your friend." >>>>>>"whatever" >"well, i did see a few things i didn't like last night." >"i did hear a few things i didn't like last night." >>>>>>rolls her eyes. "like what?!?!" >"the way you are calling Jason, the way he's calling you." >"the way he's touching you." >>>>>> surprised, caught off guard look. >>>>>>laugh ... "oh * * * * ... that's just the way we are. I have nothing to hide. can't you see?" >"no, i am not talking about trust or jealousy. I am talking about respect." >"i am sure that's the way you guys are for however long you been friends, but doing that in front of me was totally not ok." >>>>>>"oh * * * * ..." >>>>>>"I just wanted to have fun tonight. not this. my friend's in town... and ..." >"I am sorry i brought this up tonight. but it's been on my mind all day." >"it's obvious we are not going to enjoy each other's company tonight. I am leaving." >>>>>>"what? you are leaving me here? you are going to walk away?" >"what? you want me around you tonight? with your friends? dancing?" >>>>>>"....no..." >"so, i am walking away now. I will get the tab" >"oh ... i need to get back to your place, so that i can grab my laptop." >>>>>>" * * * *, no ... i am not going anywhere. you can come by tomorrow morning before your work, if you want." >"you want me to buzz @ 9am on Sat.?" >>>>>>"i don't care" >"fine" walked away. this morning ... i stop by at her place 9:30. guess who answered the buzz. yap. Jason. >>>"hey buddy, i am bringing your computer down" he comes down ... >>>"hey, listen ... she said she doesn't want to talk to you right now, but she will talk to you soon." >"that's fine" walked away. .... Jason lives on the same building. No, I don't think nor believe Jason spent the night at her place. .... whatever. I guess she will call on Monday or Tuesday when her friend leaves town. whatever.

thanks again for your reply. like you said ... it's not fair for him/me/bf to .. you know... i am just afraid when and if i snap ... i think you hit the nail on the head ... consideration / respect / etc. etc... but given the situation ... hope you can understand this is hard for me to deal with. can't just let it go .. because that's not who i am .. and i don't like it! can't really talk about it ... because ... it's no-win situation. ahh .... !!!