FreeYourMind

I admire the way you think and the way you live. Moral and emotions sometimes get in the way of many beautiful things. Pragmatism is sometimes difficult to live by but it makes life easier for those who achieve it. I live in Canada so I'm not sure if what's legal where I live is the same where you live. First you need to decide if you want him to put his name on your child birth certificate. Here if a father don't declare himself as such when the child is born then his claim to have custody of the child is that much difficult. Next you need to think about making everything legal. By that I mean legally signed papers that will take care of everything in case something turn bad. Hire a lawyer for that job. You need to know who will be the house owner (the one you live in) and what will happen if ever he decide to take away your child from you because he thinks you're not a fit mother. You need to protect yourself from the situation where he will take your baby away from you to raise it with his wife. Trust is something you might not afford in this case because if you don't work because you're raising your child (right after the birth) and you're not the owner of your house he might push you out in the street and just take the child away from you. Be careful. For the rest I wish you the best and congratulation for the baby

He texted you? Then you should just text him back saying something like: "I'm sorry but I can't go out with you friday night, my new boyfriend already invited me for diner". He let you down, you moved on and now you're into something new. Cut it short and sweet. He should get the message. You owe him nothing so don't be ashamed.

Well somewhere I really agree with Agent, if you're with your gf but you don't love her anymore there's no point in staying with her, especially if there's no chemistry between you two and also because you're cheating on her. Those are sure signs you don't love her enough to even respect her. The other one on the other hand is trouble. As long as you stay as you are it's fine, but since she's high maintenance it might not be worth it. Yeah the sex might be great but you'll have great sex with someone you truly love someday and it will also be "out of this world". I don't know what your income is but a high maintenance girl cost a lot. The other point is that even if she leave her fiance for you, you will never be able to trust her... she cheated on him and when she'll get tired of you she'll cheat on you too... Dump your gf, have fun with the girl you're having an affair with and stay out of her reach... She sound like a maneater to me... Also be carefull with her because she might be manipulating you into thinking that you're the one she love and that she want to live her life with you, if ever you give her the green light she might put you off on hold for a very long time, always having a good reason not to divorce. Read others posts about this in this very section, you'll see that a lot of people have been manipulated that way...

Like everybody says: tough call on this one. Personally if the wife of my best friend mattered to me more than him then I would simply write an anonymous letter (no mail) to her saying that I'm a friend that want to stay in the shadows but who can't stay silent anymore. I would Point to her some facts and maybe the person he's having an affaire with and I would let her decide if it's true or not. In any case I'm sure it would spark suspicion from her and that it will make her look for signs that it might be true. Just saying: "I know you're having an affair with X" could be sufficient for him to confess I'm quite sure Since you're not supposed to know you won't be blamed for it and you will let them sort this out. I know it's tricky but you are in a tricky situation where you could lose a lot more than a friend...

I just turned 30 and even if I became a father at 20 I think I began to act like a men at around 26-27... Not that I wasn't responsible or lazy, it's just that I wasn't in the mood of being like my father was and I just didn't see life the same way I do now. One exemple of this: When I was 20-21 I had on my budget around 200$ each pay for partying and alchool, for me and my g/f, so we could go out during the weekend and get blasted... Now I buy a pack of beer every once in a while, when people come over to my house for the week-end barbecue and I drink one or two out of the 24... and boy was I foolish to spend that much on drinks but God it was fun and I needed it. Now I earn about 2 times the salary I was earning back then but I feel almost bad to buy alchool when I could be buying a gift for my 2 daughters or a night out at the restaurant or at the movies. Priorities change with time. A lot of things change for a guy between 25 and 30, some illusions go away, maturity kick in and hormones kick off a little. Don't turn him down because he's acting this way, especially if he never lived any other place than his parents house. Maybe you need an older men? If you can't stand him like he is now and don't have the patience to wait the years it will take him to mature then you should really reconsider the fact that you two will live together. Women tend to be mature a lot faster than guys and it seems to even out between 25 and 30.

I have only one advise for you: be honest. Some couples don't go over the 4-5 years benchmark and being with someone everyday like you two are can be hard on a relationship. You have to be you inside a relationship and not be there only for the relationship. He have the right to have some friends and go out with them and you have the right to do the same. If he feel he is in a prison and that wathever he will do won't make you happy then he will find a way to bail out. You want to impress him? Tell him you've decided to give him 1 or 2 free evening each week where he can do whatever he please with whoever he choose (except girls of course, only boys) and just let him go. You need to work on your insecurity and your jealousy, if you try to control him he will try to get away from you. Hang in there, it doesn't really matter if you cry or not, what really matters is to understand why he feel like that and to listen to what he have to say.

Yes, maybe he miss you, maybe he just want to see if you're ok. Or maybe he just want a proof that you cannot live without him, that would give him a sense of power and instant gratification. Your silence must make him wonder why you're not chasing after him since he's the one who broke up. I find it surprising too but it seems that we all compare ourselves to our ex's in term of success. If you're doing good and he's doing miserably then he will be the loser. If you're miserable and he's doing good then it means that he was right to break up with you. In fact he will be jealous because there are chances that he still think you're his "property"... It might have something to do about our ape ancestors and making our territory as male... See, if you fall madly in love with another prince charming only a couple of months after the break up he will ask himself: how can she get over me that fast, am I not the best thing she ever knew!?!?! and that will make him furious against you even if he's not with you anymore and if he was the one who bailed out. Don't think much of it, next time he ask you how it's going just tell him you're doing great and that you're seeing someone these days, he is going to get all curious about who he is and what he does, tell him he doesn't know him and finish the conversation quickly. Maybe next time he won't be so quick to contact you and maybe he'll be in for some doubts about himself too.

I understand what you mean, it seems to me that a lot of people around are either inconscient or they are just plain stupid because they make huge mistakes that will take years to recover from. It is sad in a way that so many people just can't see the holes they are going to fall in, but I guess it is part of life, either you learn from it or you suffer. Also, I don't know why but a lot of people I know just want to disconnect themselves from the reality, like it's too hard to handle. I know we all have to make sacrifices to earn a better living and it's never easy to deal with other people emotions, but there's no use at hidden behind drugs, alcohol or a manipulative boyfriend/girlfriend. If you can learn from their mistakes without doing them then you are already smarter than they are. Don't waste your life being disappointed by those people, move on and try to meet people that think like you and go up, always up. I think you're feeling blue and it's normal. Everyone around me is feeling the same way with the fall coming, it's a seasonal thing. Summer is gone and winter is around the corner, it seems like a good time to feel that way. And about your ex, it's normal to feel that way about her, she is probably thinking of you too from time to time. Just let her go, you'll see that in 3 months your feelings for her won't be the same and next spring might see you with another girlfriend. I heard that the best months of the year to find a new girlfriend online are october and november, all the single girls just don't want to be alone for christmas, why don't you give it a try? It will make you meet different girl that will be more like you.

Sadly we live in a world where some people believe that being black or white make a difference, if it's the only worry your parents have toward your boyfriend then I think you're ok with him. You should give them time to see how good he is and eventually they will come to accept him as a family member. I'm happy for you that he is so nice with you and that you found your special someone, but marriage is not something to take lightly. Maybe you could make an engagement party in may and then get married 6 months after that. I will give some time to your parents to accept the fact that you love him and that you want to be with him and you will have some time to live with him and see his true self. I don't believe he is a bad guy hidding behind a mask, but those things happen and you might want to be sure before you swear to God you'll be with him forever... Be careful with your heart and remember Sheryl Crow song: "The first cut is the deepest".

I don't think age is an issue here, yes you are young but not too young to get married. Being in love is often enought to actually make the move. The question I'm asking myself tho is how long have you spend together at the same place actually living together? I mean there are some things that you will discover about him only a couple of month after you moved in with him, what if there's a number of things that he does that make you fell out of love. No one wish it but sometimes it does happen. Also, people around you seems to think it's a bad idea, does any of them want you to be unhappy? What I mean by that is that if they want only your happiness why would they advise against such a quick wedding? Do you trust your parent? I don't think their exemple is relevant for today's life, when they were young they lived in a world where divorce was not accepted and where you didn't have sex outside marriage. So do you trust your family? If yes why ignore them totally and go against their advices? You know sometimes parents do know better and they only want the best for you. Would it really hurt to live with your boyfriend, let's say a year, before getting married? I agree with vfunkera here, I wish you the best and congratulation for that happy news, but if you come here asking that question it's because you have doubts, why don't you talk with someone of your family you trust about them? Don't push those doubts aside too quickly because you'll learn soon enought that sadly love can be blind and that sometimes it make us do things against our better judgment.

I've been with my gf for 6 years, have 1 child with her and we're not married. She's pushing for it form time to time and I know she would love it if we could get married right now but I am not in a hurry and I still have a couple of years to think about it. I don't believe in marriage, so many people say they will love each other for ever and then some time later they just file for divorce because it's so damn easy to break those vows. For me it means nothing to be married or not so why should I get married? Anyway that's my 2 cents and it doesn't mean I don't love my gf or want to stay for a really long time with her, I'm not keeping my "options open" by not marrying her, I just don't feel it's necesssary because I'm already giving what a husband give to his wife and more.

Yeah I know and the clock is ticking in her head right now and she tell everyone "we'll do this and that for the wedding but we wait because we want it to be really special"... I still have some time to prepare myself though and start to "believe in it" and make it a special day for me too.

You did the right thing, now that you finally agree with her she feel sad because I'm sure that somewhere she wanted to work things out too. Now that it's official and you finally give up she will come to realise that you're not coming back and that in fact she lost what was left of your relationship. Don't flinch, it really is the right thing to do. You can't be "on the side" like that forever, you still love her and by giving up on her you might just be doing the right thing to get her back, isn't what she wanted after all? Leave her alone, make her miss you and you might be surprised.

Wow, I really feel sorry for you and the situation you're in. I believe you tried too hard into regaining her trust and love and she got scared. Your analogy of the deer and the hunter is the perfect way to describe it. Sometimes too much is worst than too little. I think it might be possible for you to get her back, but if ever you do it will be in the far future so you should stop thinking about it right now. You really need to focus on your daughter now and make some basic rules of conduct for when you will see your her and her mother. You need to put your emotions aside and go along with the situation, you have no choice. The "stay friend" part won't be possible for you I'm afraid, you love her too much, you must consider this as a breakup and go on with your life. Trying to put on the brave face and play at being a family might work for a time, but it will only be make believe and you won't be satisfied by it. What will happen if your ex get a new boyfriend and she replace you? how will you take it when she will take your daughter to the park with her new step-daddy instead of you? Will you still be in the picture then? Also, why pretend being an happy family when you're not... won't that confuse your daughter when she'll grow up? I'm not sure you want to go through that. You have the right to see your daughter, but your ex don't need to be in the picture. Do the things legally and get a part of the custody of your daughter. Make it clear that you have the right to be with her. As for your ex, leave her alone for a while, stop chasing her, no phone calls, no texting, in fact give up on her totally, take her out of your system. Only talk to her about your daughter and never about the past or about the relationship. Take some time to get better, to look better and to just enjoy life. Date again if you feel like it. When your ex will see that you've changed and that you have a good life without her she might have some regrets about letting you go like that, she will think twice about getting back together with you. That or she will move on too, but in that case you will have moved on too and you will still have your daughter in your life. Maybe you screwed up with your ex-girlfriend but you still have time to be a good father and that should become the most important thing in your life.

Guys- how would you feel if your girlfriend..who you are in a serious relationship with.. tells you that she had sex with her first cousin? Seriously, I don't think I would like to know. Some people might think what you did is wrong and some people will think it's not that bad. In fact it's what you make of it that really matter. You had a fling on a guy, you slept with him and you just loved it but sadly that guy will never be for you so you should move on and be true to your boyfriend. By that I don't mean telling him everything you did before him, by that I mean do not cheat on him physically or emotionnally and that include your first cousin. The way I see it your first cousin wanted to sleep with a hot girl and it happened to be you, he talked you into it, he made a fantasm come true and now it's over. Physical attraction happen, you're a girl, he's a guy, you're both young, you had a crush on him and he felt it. I don't think he will bother you with it again and if he does push him away. Case closed. Keep it to yourself, trust me, some truth are not good to be told and this one should go straight to you secret garden and stay there. I know that if my girlfriend ever did that with a member of her family I just wouldn't want to know because it is certain that I wouldn't let her be alone with that family member anymore, even if she doesn't want to do anything with him. Also I would then suspect that she might have done other things she's not telling me and that would cripple the trust I have in her. Totally not worth it just to ease some of guilt I would feel in such a case.