PregnantLesbian

I did not ask to be judged by all of you. I simply stated my case and asked for advice. Obviously my situation is complicated and unconventional, and as I like to call it "Outside of the Box". It was clearly a mistake asking straight people for advice on a lesbian/hetero relationship. You all seem incapable of understanding the fact that my relationship was not, is not and will never be, seen as "morally correct" in many people eyes. Thus the reason for my posting the tread in the first place. I see now, this was the wrong venue to choose, Most of you are too caught up in the circumstances of my relationship, how his wife feels, and how much of a creep this guy is, to give me sound advice for the sake of my child. Next time I want biased, emotionallyt fuled advice, I'll be sure to come here. My situation carries with it enough emotion given the parties involed. I'm looking for un-biased, un-emotionally attached advice. It's like you all don't think I've already considered everything you've said. I'm not crazy, I know about the real world. In the real world this is my life. I know about the judgement and the hate my situation causes. I didn't ask for that. I asked for sound advice.

I'm a true believer that most people go through life feeling instead of thinking. That's the equivalent of walking through life blindfolded, only going in the direction, and doing what "feels" right. Sure, everyone wants to feel good, and shy away from hurt, pain or indeffernce, but life simply, isn't that simple. The best things come from hard work, sacrifice, struggle, chance, elbowgrease and willpower. None of these things are guaranteed. But in the end it makes you a better person, and one who get respected. Think... and then feel. Then think about how you feel. Stop being selfish, step outside yourself, and watch what you do. Everyone else is watching what you do, in fact, that all they can see.

I like your thinking, as you are the only person whom stimulated a response from me. Honestly I was speaking of future tense in reguards to him divorcing his wife and it doesn't nessisarily have to be him leaving her for me. Given the current state of thier relationship, I kinda figure that's where it's headed. As it stands now, I live my exsistance in a lesbian relationship with another woman, and I am not carrying on a sexual relationship with this man. Like I said in my first post, "we had sex in order to Pro- Create". He simply is the father of my unborn child. I don't think I could have chosen a more sutiable circumstance for me to have a child. He is unable to have children with his wife. In return for me having his child, he will finance my life. My childs father will come around when his availability allows him to do so, as far as I'm concerned this is a business agreement. I don't see anything wrong with him paying the mortgage on a house in my name, as long as I take care of his child properly. He would do the same for his wife. Notice I said " Modern Day Polygamist" not just "Polygamist". In todays conservative culture, I think his covert actions to cover up our relationship is realistic. It's no differnet then him hiring a host to carry his child for him and his wife. Some things are none of other people's business. The only difference is that I get a hand in rasing my child any way I choose, and he get's to know he has a child that is his, that he made the "natural" way. Now what type of fertility techniques he chooses to go through now with his wife is between him and her. Or he could choose to do nothing at all. This is all about freedom of choice and carrying on both of our legacy's. I'm not sure if I would have ever had a baby If I had never met him. I never even considered it before he came into my life.

If you feel like he's cheating then he is. Don't ignore the signs, or your feelings and intuition. That's what your instints are there for. Face it, men like {mod edit}, especially the kind that comes on a regular basis and without much effort. Now, all is not lost, Diss him like he dissed you. Make him sweat, and not just for one or two days. Make him wait long enough, and beg until you feel he can appreciate you and the sex you give him. All men are the same, and unfortuantly most of them do cheat. That doesn't mean he loves you any less, cheating it's enate in a mans DNA. LOL. If you can make yourself comfortable with that idea, and make and effort to teach and train him not to cheat, then he's the one for you. If he's not worth the effort or time, then don't waste it on him. Bottom line is this: All men want you to give them direction, they want you to run them, but not run over them. Men are like children, they will take advantage if you let them. Don't let him.

I agree that this womans husband is having his cake and eating it too. I also understand that his wife chooses everyday to allow herself to be lied to and cheated on. As a woman we have a thing called intuition, and as humans we carry around with us something known as pride. His wife chooses to ignore the fact that his patterns have changed, and his attitude toward, and respect for her is indifferrent. I honestly feel he does not need to be honest with his wife because she does not require him to do so. Granted he would be a better man if he told her, but if his wife chooses to live her life ignoring the truth, obviously she has become accustomed, and is more comfortable doing so. She is simply displaced from reality, who is he to bring her out of her comfort zone, just to confront her with hurt and pain. Can you understand what message this must send to her husband. That she doesn't care enough to even ask questions about his comings and goings. If she wants to hide the truth from herself, I can see how he has become comfortable doing the very same thing. His and I's relationship, on the other hand, is based on honesty, truth, and trust. When he is not with me, I know where he is. Because I do not ignore, and I allow him to tell me the truth. He's with his wife, in a non-communicating, loveless marriage built on a foundation of deception and lies. As all of you Judge and Bash me, let me just remind all of you that divorce does happen everyday. It's never pretty. But it does initiate somewhere, usually with an affair. Use your head, this man started the family that he's always wanted, with me. That's very signifigant.

Paternity lawsuits. Child custody battles, somethig beautiful, turning really ugly. His wife possibly finding out...all kinds of protection I need.

Let me start by saying that I am a realist, and I live in reality even though so many people choose to ignore that it even exsists. I spend more of my time thinking, rather than feeling. Also, I think about how I feel before I act upon it. I use my feelings as a guide to how others will react based on how I would feel in any given situation. Rather than using my feeling as a weapon against myself. This allows me to live my life alot more freely than most people know how. All this to say, I have been Lesbian since High school, and I am now 27. I met and allowed a married man to court and persue me. Please believe my dating a man, and being sexually attracted to him was very new and quite mysterious to me. I met him in another state, 60 miles from my home, only to find he was my neighbor. As well, we discovered on our first date that we are both, if I may "Free Spirits". We were finishing eachothers sentences. That has never happened to me as long as I've lived. He accepted the fact that I hadn't been with a man before, only women. I accepted that fact that he is married. He explained to me that both of his parents had passed away, his mother, around the time that we had met. He also expressed to me his strong desire for a child and his wife's inability to give him one. He explained to me that his wife of one year, long before they were married (during college) had gotten pregnant by him and had an abortion. Once they started trying to conceive again, she wasn't getting pregnant. They both were examined by doctors and basically, his wife is unable to carry a child. Serves her right because she didn't tell him about the pregnancy until after she had the abortion. Needless to say, this set the tone, and took a toll on thier relationship. He's a good man and he married her anyway. Now back to this wonderful man of his word. The day I met him was the day after his One Year Anniversey with his wife. She decided to take a trip to Barbados with her girls that weekend, instead of spending it with her man, and well, her husband and I have been happily ever after since then. We had sex in order to pro-create, and it just so happens that the baby's due date is the same day as their anniversery. Everything happens for a reason, and well his child's birth and birthdays there after, could possibly become the biggest conflict of his life. Financially he has made it so I do not have to work and he is purchasing a home for his child and I. I have already gotten a new car, and I explained to him I did not want to go through this pregnancy without a ring. I'm just about 3 months pregnant now, and so far he has been a man of his word. He expressed to me that he has no plans on leaving his wife, and no plans on telling her about his infidelity or our baby. I'm okay with this because I see him 3 to 4 times per week for hours at a time. He's a mondern day polygamist. My question is what can I do to protect myself and my unborn baby in this unconventional relationship. Any suggestions?