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caliboy

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Everything posted by caliboy

  1. caliboy
    But could things ever be the same again after her and I have slept with other people since each other and that we've been apart for almost a year?
  2. caliboy
    why not try things again with your ex? obviously the attraction's still there and you said he's a great guy, etc.
  3. caliboy
    so my ex and i are talking more often recently. we were together for 2 years, lived together for a little over a year, were very serious, etc. she broke up with me almost a year ago, and the possibility of getting back together has come up. we've both told each other that we still care very much about each other, we are special people to each other and we are both attracted to each other. she has a boyfriend and i have a girlfriend. so there's a couple things on my mind... as soon as i told her i am seeing this new girl, my ex started being nicer to me and more interested. she's admitted that she's jealous, which is good cause it shows she cares about me in more then a friends way. but when i think about us getting back together, i always think about how she met someone a month after her and i broke up and is with him still. that seems pretty damn fast to me. it's taken me 11 months to start seeing someone on a more then dating basis. she's unhappy with him, but it really bothers me that some other guy has been inside her and maybe in her mouth, etc. if her and i were to get back together and eventually get married, it's disturbing that she's been with someone else since her and i had been together. does this make sense? like if you truly love someone, then you'd want to be with them and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. right? she's always saying how she's confused about what she wants right now, etc, but still. i don't know if i'm just trying to live in some perfect world or what. she's said to me that she wants to take things slow and so do i. her and i get along great and we're both still very attracted to each other. so i guess i'm not sure if getting back together with a girl like this would be a good idea or not. or if i'm just overreacting. i miss her and love her, but i just need something to help me see past her being with this other guy.
  4. caliboy
    first of all, you dont NEED anyone. that just sounds desperate and it's disturbing to the other person. it sounds like your ex is young and confused and doesn't know what she wants like a lot of girls out there. it's obvious she still has some feelings for you, but she needs to do her own thing right now and get things out of her system. she still has some growing to do. all you can do is be her friend and do your own thing at the same time, or else you end up wasting away your life in despair over this girl. give it time and if things are meant to be, she'll be back. don't pressure her and remember, you both need to move on from each other before you can be friends and more again.
  5. caliboy
    Is this possible? Even if you're already in a realtionship, but would never cheat?
  6. caliboy
    not just dating another girl, but sleeping with her. after you've slept with someone else and have feelings for her, your ex becomes more of your past. i'm not saying go out and sleep with some random girl, but meet someone who you get along with, have those 4 hour conversations until 4am, etc. but make sure you're dependant on nobody but yourself before you do this. you don't want to be a monkey like some girls are out there who won't let go of one branch until they grab another. another thing i've done is stepped back and looked at the things my ex has done to me. in your case, she's left you to go back to her ex, what twice now? that's ridiculous. YOU DONT WANT A GIRL LIKE THAT. you shouldn't be all into her, cause she's dragging you through all this bs. and of course, you need a lot of time of no contact with your ex. or else you'll be analyzing things after everytime you talk to her, right? so then don't talk to her.
  7. caliboy
    4 days into dating is nothing, cause it's not serious at that point. not only that, but he told you about it (right?) so he was honest with you. If after 2 years you're still bothered by this, then you need to either talk to him about it or gain some self-confidence. When you're secure with yourself, it makes having a trusting and secure relationship easy. But if there are other things that're putting doubts in your mind, then that's another story.
  8. caliboy
    ya go to the dental appt and just be nonchalant about everything. don't show any feelings and treat her like she's just a friend or even an acquaintance. the whole time you're there, just think to yourself what she's done to you, talking about her new boyfriend, etc. but only if you think you can do this. if you can't (cause seeing someone can be tougher then just talking over the phone with them), then don't go, cause it'll set you back more. about that letter you wrote, sit on it for a week or two and then see how you feel about it. re-read it then and i'm sure there're going to be things in it you'll want to change or take out cause you'll be stronger. i just got from the letter that you're spilling your emotions for her and that's something you don't want to do.
  9. caliboy
    don't send that letter. i did the same thing with my ex and it did NOTHING for me. cause what happens when she doesn't respond? you'll be left feeling like crap. it's fine and good that you wrote the letter, but don't send it. you said that you've told her earlier in the break up that you care for her and all that, so that's all you need to do. she knows you care and she won't forget about you, trust me. by sending that letter, you're just making yourself more vulnerable. i know you care about her cause you two were together for a long time and close, but she's BAD NEWS. don't write her, don't call her, don't have any contact with her. you should be angry at what she's doing. talking about her boyfriend with you and telling you she's living with him and stuff. my ex won't even talk about her new boyfriend to me. it's tough now to see cause you're hurting and all, but soon you'll understand that it's way better for YOU to be far away from her. think about yourself ONLY, cause she's not thinking about your feelings AT ALL. GET PISSED
  10. caliboy
    everytime you contact her, you push her further away. not only that, but if you call her, email, whatever she's just going to know she's still got you on a rope. she'll know that she has you where she wants you while she has this other guy too. nice for her, huh? but crummy for you. get angry, cause it's messed up what she's doing. the more you walk around with some anger inside, the more you'll start to realize that what she's doing is messed up. not only that, but the next time you talk to her you won't be so overly nice to her. she'll find that attractive i guarantee. the more you pursue her, the more she'll back away. the less you pursue her, the less she'll back away and might in fact pursue you a little. let her come to you. don't worry about her slipping away, cause if she truly cares about you then she won't let things slip away. if things do, then you'll know she's not the one. good luck.
  11. caliboy
    broke up for the second time? i'd be pissed too. seems like she's making this easy for you, cause now you know you don't want to be with this girl. she's got issues and she's trying to drag you down with them. i think the reasons why she's calling you is so she doesn't feel guilty (ie. by being nice on the phone) and to make sure you're still there waiting for her. it's good you're being strong. she'll soon realize that you're not just going to be there for her all the time, cause you're tired of her shit. i'd understand giving things a second try, but after that, it's too emotionally draining. plus, someone who truly loves you wouldn't break your heart a second time. i know you care for her deep down, but she's got problems that you or no guy would want to deal with. tell her what the last post said to say and then ignore her if she continues. find a normal girl. good luck man.
  12. caliboy
    would you guys offer this same advice if the sexes were switched?
  13. caliboy
    i'm a 24 year old guy and i went through this (kinda still am). in fact, girls go through it too i've noticed. i'm thinknig it's part of the growth process. discovering who we are, etc. we're getting closer to the chapter in our lives when we settle down with someone, raise a family, start a career, etc. so we want to have our individuality right now, hang out with our buddies, do our own thing, date other girls, even have other girlfriends. don't take offense to it. if you guys are still talking then that's good. if things are meant to be with you two then they will eventually.
  14. caliboy
    Hero's right, bro. He's being blunt and that's what you and every guy out there in your shoes needs to hear. I went through a similar thing as you 11 months ago. move on. if it's meant to be then she'll be contacting you one day, but don't wait for this. be sad, angry, confused and all that and then get your confidence back and go meet another girl. it's the best remedy.
  15. caliboy
    hubman's right. you can't persuade her into getting back together, she's gotta do it on her own free will. but do you even want to be with her right now? you don't want a girl who you have to convince to be with you. she should be after you. back off and don't talk to her for awhile. she'll start to wonder about you and she'll contact you if she truly cares.
  16. caliboy
    i went through the same exact thing as you are now, so i'll tell you what i did and give you my advice. we were both really into each other, and my feelings started to fade. she was really into me, i was her first, etc. i broke up with her and she took it HARD. for a few months she tried to keep in touch with me, apologize, all that. i graduated high school and went to college. we talked maybe once or twice over the summer, both times her contacting me. i was feeling great. not tied down and i was doing things i enjoyed without having to worry about someone there. i cared for her and all, but i wasn't in love with her. i had no urges to call her. i was into my own thing. we didn't talk for a few months while i was away at school, and i started to miss her. i debated for awhile on if i should call her or not, until i finally did. we talked and saw each other. the first time in 5 or 6 months. it was a little odd at first, yet comfortable at the same time. we talked more and more until we got back together officially. think about what you're doing here. is it that you just don't want to be in a relationship right now or are there things about her you don't like. cause if you think about her negatives and can't find many or any at all, then you might want to rethink this. take it slow and talk to her about how you're feeling. take some time apart so that you can see what you're missing.
  17. caliboy
    i'm trying to get over my ex. it's been 11 months and we still talk. we email and talk about once a week. I'm struggling, cause I know stopping contact for a loooong time is what I should do to move on and get over her, but this doesn't feel right. I sent her a text message last night telling her I can't sleep and she called me asking what was wrong. she was really sweet about it all and i told her i was angry at her and basically told her everything i was feeling. how i miss her, want to work things out, take things slow and give it another try. i asked if she ever thinks about this or ever wants this and she said yes. she has a boyfriend now who she has feelings for and is intimate with. she's really sweet to me and it kills me inside that i can't be with her. she tells me she doesn't know what she wants. she never says it's not going to work out between us, but just that she's confused, having fun, etc. I tell her that i'm angry at what's going on and that I hate feeling this way everyday. she told me i live far away, and she wants the cuddling, holding hands, go to movies, etc. i guess that's why she's with this guy now, cause he's close. she also said that i'm a jealous person and that she wasn't happy towards the end of our relationship cause of it. she also said that she couldn't change me. i know what she's talking about cause i went away for a couple weeks and I was acting really weird, calling her a lot and accusing her of things she wasn't doing. i was being mistrustful/jealous/insecure. I told her I agree that the way I acted was wrong, but that people DO change. I made a mistake and I'm sorry for it. I started to go into it, but she had to go to sleep to wake up early and said we'd talk about it another time. Basically we still talk, she's sweet to me, wants to be friends, but that there may be potential for us, just not right now. When we talked last night, there was a point in the call where i felt like she was borderline wanting to talk about trying things again. I feel like it's up to me now to do something to win her heart, but I'm lost at this. How do I go about addressing her fears about what she was hurt over and winning her back? I want her to see I'm changed and that she doesn't have to worry. I know what I want and it's her, I just don't know how to go about getting her.
  18. caliboy
    same thing happened to me with my ex. we broke up and although she didn't officially become this guy's girlfriend until maybe a month or two after we broke up, she was still friends with him while her and i were together. she took things slow with him, cause her and i were pretty close and serious. it's tough knowing our exes, who we love so much, be intimate with someone else. 10 months after we've broken up i asked her if she's still with that guy and she says yes, but it's not serious. my ex was/is confused and wants to be on her own and stuff just like yours. this could mean seeing/being with other guys. if you step back and look at things, it's only fair to set her free so she can grow as a person and live her life. she only gets to live once so it makes sense that she wants to be on her own. you want her to get it out of her system now rather then 20 years from now if you two get back together. if things are meant to be with you two, they will. once she gets to the point in her life where she's matured and wants to get more serious, you'll know whether or not if things are meant to be. all you can do now is be supportive. as far as getting past her being with other guys, you should go out and be with other girls. it helps in accepting she's been with other people and it gets your mind off of it. we're all only human after all.
  19. caliboy
    she called me monday and we talked for about half an hour. she was being real nice and everything as usual. referencing things from the past again. part way through, she asked what it was i wanted to talk about and what that email was about. i told her i care for her and all, but when i talk to her old feelings come back and it makes it difficult to have a friendship with her. she didn't say anything to this and went on talking about something else. not sure what that's about. she ended the call with "so you gonna email me in between our phone calls?" i didn't know what to say, so i said sounds good. i don't know if i can be with a girl who's been with someone else since we've been apart. someone who truly loves you doesn't do that, right?
  20. caliboy
    i'm going through the same thing with my ex and she's doing the same nostalgic thing - how's the family, friends, your life, etc. i think this partly has to do with her missing you and maybe things aren't going so well with her and her current boyfriend. you first need to figure out what you want. if you still care about her, miss her and would be willing to give things another try (if that's what's going on) then just go along with things for a bit. play the game for awhile, be coy, play it cool, act aloof and make her chase you a bit. cause if she really cares about you, then she'll play along and stay interested. i know the games are annoying, but it's part of human nature and what attracts the opposite sex. i've been doing this with my ex, but we haven't really talked about anything related to "us". although i told her that i care about her and all, but when we talk old feelings come up and it makes it difficult to have a genuine friendship - she didn't really respond to this, and went on to talk about something else. but she's more interested now then she he has been in the past 6 months or so. and we've been broken up for over 10 months now. if she fades away then there's your answer. if you don't want to try things again with her, then tell her the next time you talk to her and she should understand. good luck.
  21. caliboy
    i just want to reiterate what the other two posts said, just so you know that their advice is the best. tell him how you feel. tell him you've missed him and everything else you've been feeling. cause if it's meant to be, he will have missed you too and will express interest back. it'll take a little time to get in the swing of things, but that's fine cause the trust needs to be rebuilt. good luck and hope it works out for you.
  22. caliboy
    thanks everyone for your feedback. i just wanted to say that my ex returned my call on (the day after i left her the voice mail) and said that i confuse her for sending her an email telling her to not talk anymore, then i call her and tell her to call me. haha it is confusing, but only cause i'm confused by her. anyway we talked for only 5 minutes cause i was in the middle of a round of golf, so she told me to call her monday during her lunch break when she's not busy. kinda odd how she asks me to call her on her lunch break when her lunch breaks aren't set in stone. like i know exactly when her lunch breaks are. would've made more sense if she called me. anyway, she was real sweet on the phone with me. whenever her and i talk it's always positive. so i'm gonna call her monday and lay low and keep things neutral. not sure if i'm gonna tell her how i feel about her or not. still confused with things.
  23. caliboy
    thanks everyone for your responses and appreciate your bluntness. no she wasn't expecting this at all. especially after that phone call we had. i kinda of wish i hadn't even sent her that email and just left things where they were after that phone call. part of me wants to tell her this even, but i don't know if that's a good idea or not. i called her after i got that weak response from her and left a voicemail and i still haven't heard from her. there's a lot to the whole story and you can search my name out to see some of it if you want. i still care about this girl, but it's tough just being friends with her when i still have feelings for her. plus it still bothers me that she has this boyfriend. the same guy who she was talking to when her and i were together. the phone call that i made references to earlier i think had a lot of manipulation in it on her part. saying things to provoke a response from me so she can see how i'm feeling. once she saw that i still care for her, then her ego was boosted and she went right back to screwing her boyfriend. she's having her cake and eating it too and it makes me sick. i don't think it's right that she tells me stuff like she misses doing this and that with me and other stuff, yet just wants to be friends and continue to have a relationship with this boyfriend of hers. if i don't hear from her in a day or two, i'm going to send her an email just flat out telling her how i feel about her. that the feelings are still there and if a friendship is all she truly wants, then i'm going to need more time. cause having these feelings for her would only make a friendship impossible to have. i'm sick of having to play games. i don't work that way.
  24. caliboy
    so she replied to my email with "ok...". i don't know if she's going to call or what. i'm assuming no. i don't know if i did the right thing. i want to tell her how i feel about her and tell her that it's too hard to just be friends with her when i still have feelings for her. is this a bad idea to do, even after i sent that email? i miss her! what do i do?????
  25. caliboy
    thanks for both your replies. the thing is i don't want her to think i'm just waiting around for her. cause then she'll just think she can keep doing what she's doing and come to me whenever she feels like it, if ever. when i said "at least for awhile" in my email to her, i didn't mean that i'll get back in touch with her in a month or two. i'm not going to contact her again. i just said that to leave the door slightly open for her, but i don't know how long i'll leave it open before i close it shut on my own. i guess after not getting the kind of response i'm looking for from her after a certain amount of time. but i'm not going to sit here and wait around for her. i'm using this time to move on for good. after all, she broke up with me almost 11 months ago. during that last conversation her and i had, i asked her what the deal is with us. i told her she confuses me and i don't understand why she's emailing me and keeping me in her life. she responded by saying "i care a lot about you and you were an important part of my life. we're friends and i want to keep in touch to see how things our going in your life." so she's told me she sees me as a friend. although i'm still confused why she wants this, when she knows it wasn't a mutual breakup. i don't think it's possible to be friends with an ex when the breakup wasn't mutual. she won't be expecting an email like that. we'll see how she responds.
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