caliboy

I agree with SwingFox. Girls like nice guys, but not nice guys who are too nice. Be caring and supportive of them, but make sure they know that if they weren't around, you'd be fine - you don't need them to survive. When it comes to a serious committed relationship, a girl wants a guy who's nice, but secure and not a push over and not a jerk. I think the younger nieve girls like the assholes, until they get burned and realize more about what type of guy they want. A woman wants a guy who's nice, who'll call the shots and be confident in his decisions because she is experienced. A girl wants a jerk because she is either young, inexperienced or both. ??? Although girls are different (yet all of them are messed up in the head - or a least they just have a different type of brain then us guys), so you have to just play it by ear. I may be off on some of this, but this is just what I've formulated so far, although I'll never fully understand the female brain.

Well it's been about a month since i started this post, and things between me and my ex are a little better I guess. We talk almost everyday, we both use our baby voices, when I tell here I miss her and love her, she says both back (although sometimes says she isn't sure if she's IN love with me). We talk to each other in bed over the phone and always end those calls with "Sweet dreams" and "I'll meet you in my dreams." I ask her about her and I seeing each other again, and she keeps telling me that this summer, when her load is a little less, we'll see each other. These are the good things. The bad things are that even though from a third persons point of view, one would think we're a couple based on our phone conversations, the calls are still empty. She still tells me that she's still dating other guys and is going to continue to date other guys and still doesn't want to have a relationship with me. She tells me to be patient, I tell her I have been for over four months and she acknowledges this. Although she says we'll see each other this summer, she says that it'll just be as friends, and that if I go into it thinking we're more then just friends, then when should see each other at all. I'm curious to know if a girl who is doing what my ex is doing with the lovey dovey mixed signals, and who once was so persistent about getting engaged and married, can do these things with me, yet be out there hooking up with other guys. I've asked her if she's slept with anyone (stupid thing to ask - I know), and she gets angry asking me if I think she's some kind of slut. I tell her of course not. I guess I wanna know how intimate she's been with other guys, so I can use that to turn me off from her and move on. In fact, she's told me she's kissed other guys, but only on the cheek. Is she being honest about any of this, or is she sparing my feelings? So I've been giving her time and space, but we're still apart and she doesn't give me much hope that things will get better. I support her with everything she's now doing, and I occasionaly ask her if there's anything I can do to make her happier. She gives me a lot of mixed signals, and it's really giving me a different perspective of her. I keep reading in other posts that "she'll never be the same sweet girl you fell in love with," along with writing out a list of the things she's now like that turn me off. I'm at a point where I'm thinking of breaking off all communication with her on my part, so that I can get on with life and meet someone who's gonna love me and is prepared to stand by me. It's just difficult to actually commit to something like this, because we still talk almost everyday, and most of the time she's still that same sweet girl she was when we were together. As for the guy who posted right before, I would recommend you stick to not contacting her, but not ignoring her if she calls. Let her be the one to bring up the topic of your relationship. Support her with whatever she's now doing, and basically be her friend. I'm curious to know what happens if you do these things. Don't propose to her, cause no girl wants to be proposed to in your guy's situation and it could end up turning her off. But you can still let her know somehow that you care for her that way, and if things were to ever work out between you two, a proposal would not be far away. I'm not sure what to say about her family's influence on her. When it comes down to it, it's you two who are to be together not you two and her parents. But having the family not like you won't help. My ex reassures me that her family and friends still like me a lot, although I'm still confused as to whether or not she says things to me to spare my feelings. Give an update here and there and I'll do the same. Good luck with your situation bro.

Was with a girl for a year and a half, she broke it off four months ago, and has been dating other guys since then. It bothers me that she's out there with guys doing who knows what, but I try to not let her see this. She says she's not serious with anyone and is just dating other guys. We're 400 miles apart now and have only seen each other once since the break up. Is there anyway to tell if or how affectionate/sexual she's being with other guys? Her and I still talk almost everyday and our conversations are lovey dovey, and from a third perpesctive, you'd think we're a couple from our phone calls. So can a girl be that way with you, but be hooking up with other guys at the same time? Any insight ladies? Anyone?

runthroughfire, I'm going through the exact same thing you are. She says it's a break, then a break-up, then a break, etc, IF you get back together it will be awhile from now, forgets saying things she said that you remember very clearly her saying, she's too busy to be in a commitment with you, etc. Basically you're forced to work under her terms, cause she was the one who was hurt. It's difficult, and I've been going through it for over four months now, and have only seen her once (we now live 400 miles apart). My advice would be to continue to be nice to her. If she's willing, talk to her about the reasons why the break up happened, and listen to her. Then take some time to think about her concerns, and if they're fixable, then fix them and tell her you want to try again. It's tough, but if she truly cares for you, she'll eventually want to work things out. Answer her calls, but stop making contact with her. If she asks why you never call anymore, tell her you still care about her, but need to get on with life and meet someone who'll love you and is prepared to stand by you. Try to be just a friend to her (this is hard) by stopping the lovey dovey and relationshippy type things (baby talk, etc). Eventually after doing this, she will notice this new you, realize she misses you and will want to work things out (the path we all hope she will take), or sadly, she'll not make any effort to reunite. If it's the second option, then you'll know that she's not the one, and it's better you found out about it now then later. After all, you want a girl who wants to be with you and you can't force her to be with you. Hope things work out. All I know is that I continue to talk to my ex almost everyday now (after over four months since the break up) and our conversations are wonderful, but empty. I'm at a point where I just need to be happy again, and I feel I can only do this if I completely stop talking to her. I don't want to do this, but I feel I have no other option.

I'm going through the same thing as you right now. The wishy washy attitude - she loves you and is lovey dovey one minute and is uncaring the next. The mixed signals are because she still cares about you very much (and deep down still loves you) and is use to having you there, but is unsure as to what she wants. What exactly do you mean when you say "lately things have been a little rough"? So here's what you do now, and I know this is going to be hard, but it's the quickest way you can either get back together (if she truly cares about you and the relationship) or find out that she's not "the one". First, always be the bigger person. Be nice to her on the phone (not overly nice) and even act like just a friend, and tell her ONCE (maybe even in a letter so that she has it in writing) that you care very much for her and value your guys' relationship, but that you want to be with someone who loves you and is prepared to stand by you. This is fair of you to ask, and she'll understand it. Don't call her, but don't ignore her when she calls you. You stop contacting her and stop treating her like your girlfriend and eventually her true colors will shine. Yes it's a sick game, but that's how girls work. As for the "other guys", I'm still trying to figure this out, so if there're any girls out there with some insight on this, please feel free to clue us nice guys in. So far, I think the "other guys" can be her way of letting you know she's wanted (and maybe there isn't even another guy), so that you'll treat her better (again... another one of their sick games). She may like another guy (and yes, it's sickening to think about what she might be doing with another guy, but you just have to grit your teeth), but I'm almost positive that she's thinking about you. Your best bet is to not let her see that it bothers you, cause you'll look more secure and girls like a secure guy.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about three months ago, and I want to get back together with her. We were together for a year and a half and lived together for a year, and we've talked about getting married (in fact, she was almost always the one bringing up engagement, marriage and when they'd happen). She's 20 and I'm 23. For about two an a half months after she broke it off, I would call her just about every other day asking her if she wants to try it again, but she got frustrated with me - she never wanted to talk about us, just wanted time and space. These past few months I've been apologizing to her, telling her i miss her and still love her, sending her poems, writing her songs, etc. It got to a point where she felt as though I was harassing her, so I backed off. We didn't talk for a week, and a few days ago, she called me and her tone seemed a little different. She told me she missed me, and she was (for the first time since we broke up) willing to talk about relationship type stuff. I told her I still care for her and that I would like to give "us" another try. She responded with saying that she would like to try this too, but for us to take things slow. She also says she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone right now. It's the right now part that's killing me hehe. She lives 400 miles away, and I miss her like crazy. We still talk 3-5 times/week, and our conversations are good. She says she wants to take things slow, because she's nervous and confused. I want to get back together with her, so what do I do to win her back?