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tommyJ

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  1. tommyJ
    Help! I have been taking Alesse for a couple of months but stopped last month. I am due for my next period but it seems to be taking a long time to start. While on the pill, my PMS symptoms were alleviated and this month they have started up again - irritability, anger, bloating, etc... Could it be possible that stopping the pill screws up your cycle? I am worried as I have had sex with my bf and he has "pulled out" but this is no means of birth control. TommyJ
  2. tommyJ
    Hi, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year. I was wondering if anyone takes this anti-anxiety/anti-depressant and if so, how do you respond to it. I've read quite a number of horror stories about this drug when withdrawing from it. I know for a fact that when I miss a day, I start to feel horrible, nausea, head spins, feeling out of touch with reality, anxiety, etc... when I am on it, I feel like I can deal with anything, although, my emotions are very supressed. I had a friend even ask me when the last time I cried was and I couldn't remember. In my opinion, I need to be on something because I have a very hard time dealing with society the way it is today. There is so much pressure on people to succeed and be wealthy, have a home, a family, get married, etc... I never feel like I measure up. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I can't help it. It seems the only way to cope is through medication. Please share your thoughts, I am really curious to know if anyone shares these feelings. Jackie (TommyJ)
  3. tommyJ
    A similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. I was chatting with this guy on a dating site and his picture didn't look too bad. He had a nice profile and seemed interesting. Looks matter to an extent in my opinion but they are not everything. I find sometimes a person can grow on you if they have something else which gives them sex appeal. So I decided to go on a coffee date with him. When he picked me up, he was driving a beat up car which was really dirty inside. When he got out of the car, he was overweight and had a huge scar on his head. I felt bad because I knew right away that I didn't want to spend the next 2 hours forcing conversation. However, the guy turned out to be good company, although like you, I could not see myself with him for the long term. He asked me out on a second date and I replied and said although I had a good time I did not feel that important "Spark". You can let them down easily, hey it happens with really good looking people too!
  4. tommyJ
    Love is a mutual respect for one another which takes time to grow as you get to know one each other. You love the person regardless of their shortcomings and would do anything for them. Love is something that develops over time. Infatuation is when you get those initial "butterflies" when you first start dating. People mistake those feelings as love but really it is your adrenaline pumping and the excitement and thrill of a new relationship. It can also be known as lust.
  5. tommyJ
    Haha, Dako! Thanks for calling a spade a spade. Honestly, I've had enough dating experiences to know that some guys need to know they are still attractive to other women. I just spoke to him and he actually "admitted it!" He checks to see who still looks at his profile!
  6. tommyJ
    teacup, I hear you. I am going thru something right now where my boyfriend is spending alot of his time on the internet looking at porn and dating sites. I love him, but it's bothering me. I also went out with this guy for 6 months and he dumped me but when he found out I was going out with other guys, he made a temporary comeback. They like it when they can't have you and seem to push their limits. I think men in general like a women who is a bit aloof and will keep him guessing. You should read "Why Men Love * * * * *es by Sherry Argov". It really put things in perspective for me when I was going through what you are. TommyJ
  7. tommyJ
    Hi there, I could really use some advice here, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over 1 1/2 years now. He seems to spend alot of his free time surfing the internet and alot of it is porn sites. Last night, I was online and in the websites which get stored in the "address" bar, I saw two "Swingers" sites. I took a look at them and the site is for "alternative lifestyles". He also chats with other women on MSN, and claims they are "friends". I realize alot of men do this, but should I be concerned? He treats me well otherwise and says he loves me and is still very sexually attracted to me. What else could it be? Does he need the visual stimulation or attention from other women?? I am not the best at communication as I tend to get quiet and make him wonder what's wrong - not the best approach. Anyway, some takes on this would be appreciated by girls and guys. Thanks!
  8. tommyJ
    What he is doing is immature and a waste of time. I would tell him you are busy and don't have time for that crap. If he would like to schedule a date with you, then tell him to be a big boy and pick up the phone and ask and commit to it, otherwise move on to someone who is more mature and not into Text Messaging games. I myself am not a fan of this means of communication, especially when cyber text is used (i.e. what r u doing 2 nite?). I am very old fashioned in my ways, probably the way I grew up.
  9. tommyJ
    You know, I don't believe in the whole "friends with benefits" thing. How can you be "friends", have sex and still hang out without feelings. Someone always gets attached and it ends up ugly. I have had one such friendship. We started out dating and then he said he was not as attracted to me as before (after one week of dating). We ended up doing the "F with B" thing where we would hang out, go to a pub and people would ask if we were a couple. He would say "no, just friends" and then would want to have anal sex with me that same night. Yuck. I came to my senses and realized I would never do such a thing again. I could go on about guys I met who had the same intentions but I"ll save that for another post, LOL! Good luck and respect yourself!
  10. tommyJ
    When I look at myself in pictures, I see someone very attractive with a beautiful smile. This in and of itself is what matters most. End of story. You may not see it now, but as you get older and through the turbulent twenties, you will see it. I did.
  11. tommyJ
    So true. When I broke up with my ex, I kept saying "I just don't know right now". I knew all too well that I didn't want to be with him anymore. My roommate is in the denial stage right now and wants to believe that she will come back after a period of no contact. I just don't think that will happen.
  12. tommyJ
    Dako said: "One tip that was unofficially given to psychotic patients (not being treated for depression) was to hide your condition from most people. It was found that contrary to popular belief, keeping your symptoms to yourself has some benefits. By not openly discussing your problems with everyone within earshot, it does keep others from reinforcing your fixation on your problem. I have a relative who has gotten two college degrees (She's an RN and a C++ geek) and works as a Silicon Valley programmer, all while hearing disturbing voices. She just tries to appear in control and usually succeeds. She confides in close friends and medical doctors, but otherwise keeps a low profile. She's pretty amazing." Being a lifelong sufferer of depression, I made it a bad habit to talk about it to anyone who would listen. I drove alot of people away from doing this and it really got me nowhere. Now being a bit older, I have withdrawn into myself and spend alot of time alone, which doesn't bother me. I like to have the time to think. Your post sheds a very realistic light on depression and you've given some very helpful tips. Thank you. TommyJ
  13. tommyJ
    Darkblue, I agree with you cause I am taking Effexor and so far the result of it is that it seems to be a "mask". The medication has a numbing effect on my feelings. I don't feel sad and I don't feel happy, sort of in-between and indifferent. I am also on the medication to ease anxiety and so far it's been effective, however it would be good to get to the root cause of my problem which will probably take alot of work. I'm not sure how people get through life with this illness. It is so disabling as it wreaks havoc on your self-esteem. I'm a fairly smart person but my self-confidence is non-existant. I feel that everyone else seems to be more far ahead than me. I'm 31 years old, don't make a great deal of money, don't have kids, I'm not married, etc... I really feel that if I had more self-confidence, I would have accomplished these things alot sooner.
  14. tommyJ
    Ok, I need to know what people think about this. My roommate was going out with his girlfriend for 2.5 years. He is 27 and she is 22. She has just completed University which she was away for 4 years and they had a long-distance relationship which was hard for him, however he stuck it out because he loves her. The guy would give her the moon if she asked for it. So she completed school, and then went to Europe for 3 months. He still stuck it out. So she comes back and "doesn't know what she wants to do and doesn't want to put him through that". They have also had sexual issues in the past where she didn't want to have sex with him. She would make excuses. My question(s) are: If you really love someone, wouldn't you want your boyfriend there to support you no matter what?" Is this just the easy way of letting someone go, because you really were not that in love with them?
  15. tommyJ
    For as long as I can remember, the depression is always right behind me--taunting me, poking me, then overtaking me. It's eating me alive, and I feel like I can't get any relief. So true. Even on days where I think I feel better, it always seems to creep up behind me. I have no energy or drive. There are times where I feel like taking a week off from work just to hide away from the real world. If I could make a career out of watching television or surfing the internet, I would!!! Lol. What I would do to feel energetic again.
  16. tommyJ
    Hi, I'm not sure if anyone here can relate but I find it really difficult to talk about my depression/anxiety illness to anyone. I've been a longtime sufferer of this since childhood and it has affected pretty much every aspect of my life - work, relationships, self-esteem, etc... Really on the surface I have nothing to complain about, I have a loving partner, close family and a couple of good friends (although not many). I seem to have lost alot of friends over the years from just losing touch, differences, growing apart, etc... Sometimes this makes me sad that I haven't kept in touch with some of them. My doctor has put me on so many anti-depressants and anxiety medication. They help somewhat but It seems that when I go off them, my symptoms just keep coming back. I feel trapped in this crippling illness which seems to dominate my life. Life should be enjoyable but I'm so miserable at times. I feel like I have no "spark" in me.
  17. tommyJ
    Thanks SLMichell918. Some days here are great. I realize that usually when people appear annoying, they mean well. Sometimes I think it would be a dream to work alone as I tend to be a bit introverted, however, I can see how it would get a bit lonely, although, I would prefer it to a call centre!!
  18. tommyJ
    Whenever I start to feel like a surly bear, I always come back to this to keep me in check. I used to work in the travel industry which aged me about 80 years. I had to deal with mean cooworkers and even meaner bosses. I ended up having a breakdown and walked out on the job, so by far, this is much better. My problem is that I that I get really moody and have been suffering from insomnia for about a month so this probably doesn't help much, lol!! Anyway, thanks for putting it in perspective. TommyJ
  19. tommyJ
    Ok...I don't know if anyone can relate to this. I work in a very small non-profit office who's mandate is to help impoverished children. A very worthy cause. The trouble is not with my job but with the people!!! Since it is a very small organization, everyone walks on egg shells and no one says *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* if there mouth were full of it. "We wouldn't want to offend anyone". I'm going to sound like a "B from Hell" but I can't stand constant chipperness. This girl I work with is so bloody perky all the time and it doesn't take much to impress her. Every second thing she says is "Totally great. Totally fabulous, etc..." This other guy who is in the office part-time is 25 years old going on 15. Can you believe he is a University professor?? He is a constant distraction and thinks he's funny. He'll peek around my desk and ask "what are you doing??". I hate to sound like a grouch, but I don't like to be distracted at work and I can't even vent my feelings to anyone without feeling like I've "offended" anyone. It's so frusterating. I realize that I can have it much worse as some people are always in a bad mood but I feel that people are so fake here and I always have to watch what I say. ARG.
  20. tommyJ
    Absolutely. Not giving in and calling will pay off in the end. Everytime I have called a guy and didn't get the response or tone that I wanted I would get off the phone and analyse it with 100 different people. Soooo much wasted energy and you are so much better than that. Take it from an old cougar like me (in my 30s) with experience dating. I know it sounds cliched but it's true, there are so many worthy guys out there and you only see this clearly after you've dated a "few bad men". When I was dating, I didn't have Text msging or MSN. There are just way too many means of contact out there which makes it too easy to keep checking to see if he contacted you. It's easier said than done - go to the gym, have a glass of wine, buy some of the books I mentioned and read them. Anything which will distract you from thinking about him. Jackie
  21. tommyJ
    sbrew21, I am new to this posing site and have read your situation. I'm sure a large number of us have been in this situation before (myself, more than once). There are a number of books that analyse this situation from different perspectives. I have read many of them: "Why Men Love *edit *es" by Sherry Argov, "He's just not that into you", "The Rules", etc... My take on it is that if he hasn't called you: DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! No matter what your friends say. I am a strong believer that Man should chase Woman. I know I am old fashioned but trust me. Men are hunters and they love the chase. I dont' think they ever tire of it. sbrew21, waiting for a call sucks big time. My experience with it is that I get so anxious I feel sick and then I give in and call. When I do, they guy sounds distant and preoccupied only to make me feel more like crap. Maybe your situation is different, but 9 x out of 10, this is usually the response I get. Let me know what the outcome is. Jackie
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