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sukerbut

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  1. sukerbut
    i am ashamed to say it..i tried getting her back for 6 motnhs...its funny casue the first 2 months after the break..i was good, but i guess i could not deal with the friendship part...i mean this chick broke myheart 3 times in 5 years with no mercy each time, and i was goign to be friends with her after we discussed marrieage etc..so then i went to i cant believe its over mode..and try winnign ehr back through masterfully written letters and e-mails..that self distructed in ym face..lol..never again..so yea i beggede and pleaded , but i really dont care , i really am not ashamed of myself...i fell deeply in love, this one in my sick warped head was the one...its hard to just give up on something that is so special to you, plus i know my self worth..it helped me get everyhting off my chest, i said what i had to say...the truth is if i did not find out she moved in with her new man i still would of had foolish hope...but that news liberated me..i am really feelign good now. how does that song go? Everybody plays the fool sometime ...
  2. sukerbut
    oh man KARMA came to bite me in the buttocks ... i have payed fro all the hurt i have caused to my others exes with this one..wow..i got my * * * kicked...lol...i deserve to taste the poison i was administering to my other exes...yes my friends karma is very alive and kicking very hard. In terms of exes...i have no ill will casue i broek up with them and they probably would be happy if i lost a limb or 2..now i feel the same for this piece of dog * * * * i dated...i want nothing but bad things to happen to her, not becuase she broek up with me, but becasue she was a self centered monster and hurt me badly 3 times in 5 yrs..she is manipulative and nthing but a user
  3. sukerbut
    if someone emotionally hurt your mother you would not hate them,,youwould forgive them...please...hate is teh only way..this guy has made you feel liek a piece of crap...he deleted you from his life swiftly and mercilesly...and you want to forgive..whatever .. soembody chops your arm off...you foirgive but you dont forget..please..HATE!!! you ll feel much better...there is a fine line between love and hate..there is a reason why that terminoligy came about. I know everybodu that i broke up with hates me..rightfully so..casue i broke their heart...they dont say..hey pete you made me go on paxil for 2 yrs and i forgive you..they dot say hey u waisted 4 yrs of my life and now i am 33 and need to get married , but i forgive you..and i sure as hell am not goign to forgive my ex for doing this to me 3 times and then dumping me on my assss after she knew how much she meant to me and after she easily bamboozled me into believing her again...so my dear youi go whatever rout you want to take..you want to heal faster i suggest you hate....took me seven months to forgive and forget ..you knwow ere it got me...nowere..it got me reedicouled and humiliated
  4. sukerbut
    my dear keep the H but change the other three letters... when hope is lost then you must hate....i started ..it took me 7 motn hs , but after hopeless attempts i decided to hate and it has helped me out alot..hate is a great thing
  5. sukerbut
    major you are right..i did everything right...and till last month i chased her..what the F!!! does she have to offer me..i gave her my all.(love , support, entertainment, shelter, vacations, gifts)..everything i had and it still was not enough , but since i am an idiot i chased..wrote letters..boo hoo come back i lvoe you, i changed..changed??? why do i need to change your the nickle and dime * * * *!!! seven months i belittled myself to this kid...yes she is a kid....i inflated er head so much and for what...so i can be ridicouled and humiliated to her friends and family by her...i wish i had my dignity back..i learned from my mistakes the hard way...to think that once we were in love..what a joke...and for hard showin affection, sometimes you become someone you are not becasue you are dealing with a self centered monster that eventually breaks you and makes you become this ugly and clingy unsecure person...sometimes you get so infatuated that you froeget whom you are..and the only reason you have become this bizaro you is becasue they made you liek that...i got bamboozled. BAD!!!
  6. sukerbut
    i was having relapses weekly for seven months unitl i found out she moved in with her new man .. i found this out about two weeks ago...now i am thankful i found out this info cause i am repoulsed by her...so yes i relapsed for almost seven months...every time i thought i wss getting better i would trick myself with hope...youll get better
  7. sukerbut
    A Farewell to False Love by Sir Walter Raleigh Farwell, false love, the oracle of lies, A mortal foe and enemy to rest, An envious boy, from whom all cares arise, A bastard vile, a beast with rage possessed, A way of error, a temple full of treason, In all effects contrary unto reason. A poisoned serpent covered all with flowers, Mother of sighs, and murderer of repose, A sea of sorrows whence are drawn such showers As moisture lend to every grief that grows; A school of guile, a net of deep deceit, A gilded hook that holds a poisoned bait. A fortress foiled, which reason did defend, A siren song, a fever of the mind, A maze wherein affection finds no end, A raging cloud that runs before the wind, A substance like the shadow of the sun, A goal of grief for which the wisest run. A quenchless fire, a nurse of trembling fear, A path that leads to peril and mishap, A true retreat of sorrow and despair, An idle boy that sleeps in pleasure's lap, A deep mistrust of that which certain seems, A hope of that which reason doubtful deems. Sith then thy trains my younger years betrayed, And for my faith ingratitude I find; And sith repentance hath my wrongs bewrayed, Whose course was ever contrary to kind: False love, desire, and beauty frail, adieu. Dead is the root whence all these fancies grew.
  8. sukerbut
    same boat here ev en though i know my ex for 5 yrs and we have dated before this was the first time we were officially a couple..we went out for 15 motnhs b but only nine were officially b/f-g/f..we had so many unbeleivably memorable moments..we even went on a unbeilavable vacation to costa rica in mid aug..by late sept..we had our prob lems and she ran for the hills...its hard because i felt a bit short changed..i wanted more out of the relationship she just finished school..could not find a job and had me hounding her..(rightfully so though) now she moved in with her new b-f after geting a job...that sucks because that was the relationship that i wanted but bad timing tore as apart...i am in my sevnenth month, just broke up with the girl iw as seeing for 3 months because i just was not that into her...and i am not going to lie she definatly did not wow me like my ex...but everyday i seem to forhet more about why things happened, how she looks etc. its tough dj i know we will get through this..n o worries
  9. sukerbut
    first and foremost i would like to say i have moved from the healing after break up section to here becasue of my own jealousy issues with my ex. well teh bottom line is this ..if you are here then your gut is telling you to watch your back..and if thats the case..i have been in major relationships and never had to worry about people cheating on me..becasue i felt the love and the security...my last ex though..(the one that i loved to death and would of moved mountains for) .i just did not feel that love there..lots of male friends every were, calling hanging out, i mean i was very secure, but towards the end it just started breaking me down..till one day i calle dher twice with my phone, no answer then with a restricted number she answers, i hang up call with my phone number no answer, call with a restricted she answers.(i even gave her the benefit of the doubt by calling her twice, to make 100%sure she was avoiding me)..i mean how stupid can you be right,,,she calls me back and i was like i called you twice she was like oh i probably did not hear it cause my phone was in my bag i just finished eating dinner with my dad....well you can tell what happened after that..the trust was completely destroyed and 4 weeks later we were done...if you feel it in your gut then something is up..and even though she might have not been cheating , that restricted number was more important than me..and that is not cool!!
  10. sukerbut
    see i had the similar issue with my ex..towards the end i got very jealous and i drove her away, my problem though was when me and her met the first time (5yrs ago) she cheatedv on her b/f with me...and all i could remember was her telling him all the time..pete is just my friend..it sucks for you bro...i dont care what all these super confident people here with a gazzillion posts will tell you. your life will continue to be in upheavale with all these dudes lurking...you know at any given time men are animals and will attack..i am successful , 31 super confident (but that does not mean i am going to sit here and get played by anyone dont care how much i love them) have a great life, i am in shape, yet towards the final 9th month i just could not deal with it any more...it got to the point of disrespect...so my friend handle your business like a man..calm and confident, but tell her this is what the deal is...its called peace of mind and right now you dont have any...i bet when she is out with her friends at night and your not with her a million senarios run through your mind..no way to be ina trusting relationship...maybe you should go find some female "friends" and hang with them..see how she likes it...
  11. sukerbut
    FOOLISH HOPE will get yu no were , 7 months after the break and i was still trying to win her back till i found out she has moved in with ehr new man 2 months ago...no i feel like a complete moron...
  12. sukerbut
    well thats a different story then
  13. sukerbut
    i dont agree with any of you folks AT ALL! I am not a jealous person at all in a relationship, but my last i became i crazed lunatick, you know why? cause of all the so called male friends acalling early morning, night time...I was understanding at first, and tried to tolerate it, but the truth of the matter you talkign to guys while in a relationship is very disrespectfull...How would you feel if he had a bunch of chicks calling him every day..oh they are just my friends.and they hang out and go to dinner etc. what do you enviusion might happen next??? .please after a while it breaks you down...so save it on the insecurity issues and jealousy act...I am not saying guys and girls can not be frineds, but if you are in a serious relationship i think its totally disrespectful to the other party to have eveyday contact with a member of the opposite sex...you would feel ? about yourself and the realtionship...pleeeease !!!but on the other hand if he was not a good mate its a diffrent story...but if he was good to you, then i think it very disrespectful to have other males calling you and taking you out....
  14. sukerbut
    hey bud..i actually want out of this sight for now but i could not help feeling for you and responding since i also came out of a toxix relationship with a similar type of self centered monster..if you read my threads you will realize that. I commend you on doing what you did..i wish i was strong enough to do what you did..only i became a pathetick fool to her...sure enough we broek up 6 months ago..she is already living with a guy that she started dating 3 motnhs ago.,..these types of people are parasytes..i am sure you saw the red flags a long time ago but you did not want to act on them becasue you were so amoresly in love with ehr as was i..bottom line you did it the right way and i the wrong..so i give you kudos to that...put ehr ina coffen and say good bye...she will just hurt you even more if you get back with her..took me three trys to realize that i was continously being used by her......cut her off completely and dont pine over her like i did for 7 months..not till a couple of days ago i was sending texts on reconciliation without knowing the situation..now that i know i feel like a complete fool..which in turn helped me realize my mistakes...parasyted will feed of their host till you are no longer needed..then they will bounce to another and suck them dry as well...congrats, i bet even though you are hurting and in pain you sleep sounder at night knowing all this uneeded drama is no longer destroying your self through your insides. good luck my friend..i knwo this sucks and i know your pain...its brutal to be betrayed by someone you love so much..but unforunatly that is how life works. it cant be biscuits and gravy everyday...heal and move on..i knwo tis hard, but its the only way..you have been saved from this cancer that was destroying you..I PROMISE YOUTHIS...just a question are her parents happily marreid or does she come froma broken family?
  15. sukerbut
    Glad to see you guys have hijacked my thread lol.(elctra your words are so soothing haha) ..anyways no worries. Despite the long painful and disappointing 7 motnh haul, I have come out a wiser and stronger man....This is not even about her any more..she is dead to me ! its about me. Blender i was going to type something similar to what you said but there is no reason for it since you worded it so spectacularly perfect.and so on the money...I will never settle to down grade my wants and needs be it values , life style and respect to try and salvage a relatiuonship that i should of broken a long time ago....I became a slave to the relationship..I knew the love was wishy washy and yet i tip toed gingerly through it...not wanting to stir up any dust..in turn that led me to frustration and that led me to act like an attention starved jealous little boy...I am confident to say that I am a top shelf guy...My actions the past 8 months were not that of a confident successful man rather a pathetick loser..which i am not...the outcome of this toxic realtionship would of been the same..no matter what...i know what i was dealing with, an unstable, littel girl with mental problems and fantasy issues..but my love was selfless...and i did want it to work so bad that i allowed myself to become this frail weak individual..never again...I also realized that fear is the ultimate killer in anything you do..if you fear you are going to fail you will go through the motions of failing and in turn you will fail...Thats about it..I am done..Done pining over her, done reading threads about other people that are miserable, done beating myself up, done thinking about what if's, done worrying why things happened ...Who cares...this news has finally meade me delete her from my life. i have learnt so much , I have soul searched i know who i am how to act..etc..thanks to her i also have my body back ... do i wish i was this person when she was arround..hell ya..do i think it was an even exchange..Me losing her to find myself...I think I made out on that one...Listen i did what needed to be done in the relationship on a boy friend's side..i even went above and beyong my duties..that was not the problem..she was the one continously messing up, but instead of me handling my business in a controlled confident and composed maner i dealt with her anticts in an immature patehtick way. The 7 months of torture were more than worth it...the pain will linger for a whil longer i am sure..but this news has given me the ammo to completely shut the door forever. RIP CRIS 5/5/06...
  16. sukerbut
    Wow just found out they moved in together after dating for 3 months...she knew him from high school..she just turned 23 in jan. I really am left speechless...good bye folks...i will never be back..she was such a waste of my time..i knew she was up to no good..when she came back i questioned her..i said cris i know you are out of school..i know you dont like your mom and you want to move out..thats why i question your motives on why you came back..her reply was i would never move in with a man unless i was gettign married to him...i dont know what i feel right now...foolish, empty, disappointed, elated, i just do not know wat to feel...i am numb..jesus to think i was still trying like a fok en azzzz holeee to try to show her how much i loved her...i am ashamed of myself for hurting people that loved me so i can be with this self centered monster .. she feested of me...i wanted to give her my life..imagine if i did..thank you god for making me who i am..thank you for letting me experience this pain now and not later..this was the final nail in teh coffen..i just dont know waht else to say...all this time wasted 7 long months of my life that i will never get back..for this parasite..i feel like such a fool
  17. sukerbut
    still seeing her...she is a good woman..i am not taking anything away from her..giving my all to her...its hard cause now i find out she was molested by ehr uncle when she was a child but i am trying to be supportive adn undersatanding..but its hard especially when we get intimate but ir espect her ... she is a fun loving gilr with a good head on her shoulders..electra..i dont wan to be held down by ehr..i dont pine over her becasue i want to i just cant let it go fo some reason...IT SUCKS BALLLLLS ....I wanted to give this woman my life, when we re together we have so much fun, whatever..time will leet me heal i am sure...this is the third time...please save the preaching I KNOWWWW!! UGH i am just mad that i trusted ehr this time, just to be in a worst place than i was the other two time..i feel like a fool. Women fall in love with me..this is the first one to actuall have this strong hold on me...and the power..best part is that I created this monster...Its all in my head..how great my life would be if she was in it..of course minus all teh distactions..but thats just me fantisizing..its not reality...
  18. sukerbut
    My life is good ... The only distraction is that I cant have what i want....I know the writing was on the wall...I never said it was not..but for some reason i have been stuck on her...for a long asss tiem...I cant wait for the summer to come...Plus you knwo the financial markets are slow so i do nothing all day 10 hours a day..all i do is think about her and how i am going to survive by not making any money sitting here lol
  19. sukerbut
    paco i must admit you have softened up since the last time you bashed me lol
  20. sukerbut
    dude you are 100% correct..i know i guess thats why i am so hung up over this..becasue for the first time in my life i became weak and i dont like that..truth be told..i haev dated quality woman..iw as just stuck on this one from day one...I would of never tolerated this crap from some one else..like my cousin said she is my kryptonite..and i know i did not act like a man..believe me...I KNOW and i think thats what really is bother ing me inside...what you said is on the money..i guess that is why i am beating myself up so much...becasue i allowed for this to happen..i have been in meanignfull relationships before with very good women and yet i wanted this one so bad i allowed my self to become the bizatch..it makes my stomach turn
  21. sukerbut
    i mean i gave her the benefit of the doubt he was a loser and she was only 17 at the time..that was 5 yrs ago..we reconnected after not seing each other for 4 yrs
  22. sukerbut
    I know it does not matter but it does to me i just sent her this: how would you feel: if it took me 6 months to realize i wanted to be with you after i casually dated you and i went and had a fling on vacation and i told you oh i thought i had a future with this girl...how would you feel if you stumbled upon an e-mail that was dated 6 days before we bacae official that read i can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you . love jessie..if i continously had my old stripper friends calling on my cell at all times of the night and morning...how would you feel if after all this you still loved me and treated me like gold and still allowed me to go visit my female friends alone at 11 at night .. how would you feel if i did not pick up your phone calls rahter to pick up a strippers phone call after all you did was love me and treat me with nothing but comapsion and respect...i was never insecure cris you made me into this lunatick..and yet i still wanted to ake ti work..I made such a big mistake in falling in love with you but i did and now i am paying the price..and i am the crazy one right..RIGHT!
  23. sukerbut
    at that point we were casual so i was alowed to see other people..we were not officialy b/f - g/f..cause love sucks thats why..i mean iw as also seeing other people but only becasue it took her 6 months to officially say i want you in my life consistently
  24. sukerbut
    I am sorry i just have been shouldering alot of the blame for the break up recently..and i need a smack in the face. Would you not be fed up if: the way you met was by cheating on her boy friend 5 yrs ago. the we you casually date this person for 6 motnhs 4 yrs later and it takes them 6 months to finally realize they want to be with you..in the meanwhile they go to miami and have sex with a random dude and they tell you oh i thought it ghad a future but the guy was a a hole..then you become boy friend and girl frined and you stumble upon an e-mail dated 6 days before you became official from her ex in the army serving in korea that ends ..can t wait to come back home and make sweet love to you..continous phone calls from a friend from jail nad then realize that he is realesed 6 motnhs later and they casually hang out without you...then to top it off more random male friends calling..og course all plutanick..even if its the truth...i mean after 9 months would you not start going crazy...and then you are the one being called insecure becasue you called her twice and she does not pick up but when you call with a restricted number she picks up..am i crazy here feeling insecure? random restricted phone calls in the middle of the night..in the morning...I mean I cant take it any more cause i keep thinking i smothered her but how can someone feel secure after all this? and to top it off you were as understanding as possible..i wzanted to trust but after a while it just gets to the point that its too much..and i am the crazy man here..serioulsy i know i should of not did the restricted phone call thing but i just could not take it any more...i am sorry i just am tired of putting blame on myself , why cant i see that it was not my fault...I was as undersatnding as i could be , but everyboidy has their limits no?
  25. sukerbut
    do what your heart tells you..not random stragers
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