poloplayer

Each time I have been out at a bar and displayed any frat boy antics I am practically a magnet for women, and not all of them are drunk. Somehow they see my pompous and obnoxious behavior as fun, and most of them are hot. There is a thread "How to meet guys in college" which talks about some of this stuff. If your younger, then this is what people do, and this is what many people are attracted to. As you get older, "life of the party" is annoying. Signs she interested: 1. Looks at you 2. Touches you 3. Positions herself towards you 4. Plays with her hair 5. Laughs at everything you say 6. Tries to get your attention with an emphasized "Hey" 7. Smiles 8. The list goes on. Generally, any sort of "interest" (for lack of a better word) in you, your comments, etc., is generally a sign of interest. Many of times if you see these things and you are not interested in the other person then you might think "S/he is acting pretty dumb or silly" Not interested: Generally the opposite of each of the above, plus 1. Unintentionally avoids you Caveat: There are people that show signs of interest but are NOT interested in you romantically. They are just friendly, positive people towards others.

Nice post. I definitely agree. I had someone explain to me the purpose of life is to be "of maximum service to my fellow man and others." Everything else is ancillary. Apply that attitude in everything you do from work, to play time, to dating, etc. It helps create a sense of purpose and accomplishment, instead of focusing on things which will drag you down. I like money and nice things, but the point of my life is not to accumulate as much of it as possible because that would be a miserable existence. I like girls, but if I don't have a girlfriend at the time I can think of someone that has never been kissed, instead of compare myself to a friend who does have one and envy them. The same thought process goes on in other situations. In reality, it's reacting to situations in a way that looks for positives, instead of, I don't have this or that. Bad mood? Not happy with an outcome? Make a gratitude list. I've complained in the past, and one person told me, "Well, you still have your limbs, your health, a roof over your head, food in your stomach, etc." It's very easy to create a void in oneself by taking so many things for granted. I found that there is no better way to pep up than to be grateful and appreciate what I have. This is usually what gets me to "snap out of it" when I am thinking a little loonier.

Well said Annie. I think lvlyldy will have more success as she grows older, and in the sense of a couple of years. I don't think you need to find someone older than you - it's just harder to find someone your age that is at a similar level of maturity and similar priorities. It may just take more time, not necessarilly for these guys to grow up (that can be the case), but to find that right guy. It seems like this is all a bunch of frustration more than anything. Your friends all have a bf, you're so darn busy, and well, the little time you have leftover you'd like to spend with someone special. It makes sense. I'd say keep doing what you're doing. You have a bright future ahead of you. Keep the faith that you will meet someone special one day, and in time it will happen. Just don't let it make you jaded or miserable.

I clicked a link somewhere by accident and I saw a picture of your pom. Those things are cute, but I don't think I've ever met a crazier dog with so much energy. Maybe get a routine of walking with it in a park or somewhere?

HA! Well said. You either find the die-hard partiers, or those that don't speak with anyone because their focus is narrowly honed in on studies. Sure, I've met combinations of both, but that's all there is. Maybe try joining a club at school? Ever consider volunteering at an organization? Or get a P/T job somewhere that you would enjoy to work and maybe meet some like-minded people. I agree that college (and graduate school) can be tough if you are not into parties. At times it can seem like this is all there is to do. But it's not. You just havn't found your group of friends, or your niche yet. That takes time. I met some gorgeous women that were interested in me. They would get straight A's and seemed so innocent. Sounds great to me! Then we'd hang out and they'd hit the pipe each night and then hit the bars afterwards. Ew. Not my idea of a girlfriend because thats not me. At the same time, the bookworm that had zero social skills and would retreat to their cave each evening wasn't my type either. It can be tough, but you're not alone. There are many people in yoru shoes. If you don't mind my asking, why are you in school anyways...maybe keep that in the forefront and the rest will fall into place in time.

HA! Good question! We'll, we all get lazy at times, and I believe it's healthy. It becomes an issue when you are lazy to the core and completely unmotivated. In the past, this is how it would work for me: 1. I conquer my goals 2. I now get complacent 3. I have the easy life 4. I get bored 5. Now I get lazy 6. I bask in my sloth 7. I continue to bask in my sloth 8. Life has a way of throwing obstacles in my way 9. Things aren't exactly as easy anymore 10. Parents, friends, S/O is complaining to me about me 11. Damn, I have to apply effort and work again because I'm sick of hearing this Now repeat. What I have learned about myself is to continue to stay challenged and set up goals for myself. This isn't just with work or school, but work and school is a good place to start. I would start each semester with a goal of straight A's. Some courses required more effort, so I strived to meet those goals, and did it in the end. With work, it's having the right attitude and not thinking, "This is mundane" or "This task/job sucks." It's looking at the big picture. Sometimes those admin. tasks, or boring chores, should be left to someone else. But who am I? I've learned to accept the fact that it is part of my job responsibities, and they need to be taken care of. When I go into work, I want to place 100% into everything I did because: (A) Sense of accomplishment (B) Knowing I did a great job on it © Not hearing anything from others other than "Great job" and people do take notice If necessary, make a list, and just work your way down that list. Outside of work and school, it's all about keeping busy with hobbies or interests, and setting goals up. For example, I work out quite a bit. I'm a pretty avid runner and swimmer, so when I hit the treadmill I set up distance and time goals for myself. When I'm in the pool I focus on # of laps as well as time. If I don't meet those goals, then I need to (A) work harder, or (B) devise mini-goals to reach the goal I originally set. Usually it's a combination of both. Of course I can sit there and think "Man, this sucks" but that won't get me anywhere. I can quit, but then I have given up and ultimately failed. My mind played a trick on me thinking "This isn't worth the effort" and I have convinced myself to walk away. Negative thoughts don't lead to success with my goals, and don't make me a better person. If working out isn't your thing, then try reading, a sport, some sort of class like dance or art, etc. Pick something you want to master and go for it. I'm sure there is something which you'd like to do or master, but don't really know how. Learn it. Eh, feeling lazy? Look at the big picture. What is doing X, Y, and Z going to do for YOU one day? Goals aren't reached in a matter of days. Little goals can be, but set them up as part of a large overall goal. It's hard to say what will drive your motivation. It's different for everyone. When I was in school, I started to get good grades to prove my parents that I can. I'll show them! In time, I started to do it for myself. When I quit smoking years ago, it was to prove to my then-boss that I can do, because he never thought I could. In time, I wanted to stay smoke free for myself. For me it was others that motivated me many of times. I wanted to (A) prove them wrong, or (B) get them off of my back. In time I discovered that all this time they were jabbing at me to benefit ME. I was to dense to understand that they knew what was best.

Plato's The Republic analyzes your question in depth in one of the chapters. While not necessarily using "karma," they discuss the issues of ethics and morals, and who really benefits by using them or not applying them, or faking them. I'm not going to write a thesis about it, but should you have some free time, check out the book. Some parts can be rather dry, but a good book overall. Academics aside, I'm a dualist on this. I'm idealistic, but sprinkled with dabs of reality. Ultimately, karma does occur, but not how we want it to or when we want it to. I think, for me at least, that others that have caused me wrong get it when (A) I no longer care, and (B) I don't think about it/them. It happens after I have truly moved on from the person or situation, and am healthy and happy with my life, and not dwelling or living in the past. In reality, what might have happened to them were (A) things out of ones control, (B) they were not prepared if they could have been, and © they did not handle the situation(s) correctly.

Hi, 1. I like the opening quote - it's a good attention getter. Keep it, and work off of that some more. It sets a tone of an underdog who is hard working with great determination and perseverance. Just add onto it throughout the statement. Give concrete examples that can make a reader think "Wow" and they want to read what happens next. The downside is that this is the most common approach to take in a personal statement. 2. Minor revisions such as taking and tranforming it to something like: "his words have been playing over and over again in my mind since then" To me, that elicits more emotion. As a reader, I would think "why are you replaying those words" and "how are those words driving you" and "what exactly is going on in your mind." It's more of a psychology/personality component. Make the reader think that he or she is in your shoes while they are reading it. They want to be captivated by a story. 3. "I have confronted life differently than most people I grew up with" Everyone has. Don't just state the obvious. Show it powerfully with words and examples. Tell stories. Evoke emotion from your reader. These people pore through hundreds of these letters, and most of them are all bland and the same with the same story "I am different (accept me)." 4. "working menial jobs or taking public assistance" Don't say it - describe the job. Paint it as ugly as you can without making it seem fake or lieing. You want to induce an emotion. 5. I don't like "what are the odds of that happening?" It seems fake, it seems almost snobby. Though the profession of law is snobby, you do not want to come accross that way as you are trying to be accepted into the group. Maybe discuss how you embraced this opportunity for the corporate office and what you did with it instead of "what are the odds..." These are just a few examples. I see many peppered throughout, but a good start nonetheless. Look at it this way. Admission committees read thousands of these letters, and most people play the same tone: I am hard working, I am different, look at me shine, etc. Rise above that. Be honest, and paint a picture that evokes emotions. Do not use cliches. Speak from the heart. This is your sole opportunity to discuss you. Don't focus on anything from grades to academic achievements to LSAT - that is why they request transcripts, a resume, and an LSAT score. Use this little area of words to effectively demonstrate a narrative about you. It's a great way to show someone that besides being smart and ambitious (you have good grades, LSAT, and are applying to law school), that you are a good storyteller and can write creatively. I'd suggest keeping the climax near the end - build up as much suspense as you can to keep the reader engaged. Also, it seems kind of short. Most schools require 2-4 pages I think, double spaced? Always better to make it closer to the max than the min. Is there a word count being used instead? Good job overall

Hi, Teenie boppers don't count. He looks 14, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with one. Ok, that's fine. What's cool at 17 is not the same as what's cool when you're in the real-world. This is the most ignorant part of your post. You should care because once you get out of high school and progress through college and/or go to work, then people do judge you on how you carry yourself. Try to get a real job at most places. It would never fly. Try to meet with a client who is paying you money for products/services. What would they think? Over 95% of the most successful people on this planet are clean-cut. There are very few exceptions were it could be pulled off. People don't look past a bad first impression to see a wonderful personality on the inside. I'm not trying to be mean about this, but that is the way the world works. If you are planning on having a career one day, any of the popular professions, then there is a game to play, and this is a small aspect about it. In high school I rode a skateboard, went to punk shows, and dyed my hair many different colors. I even had a mohawk at one point. I didn't care about what anyone thought of me. I was a nihilist. After going through college and getting a "real job" (maybe growing up somewhere in there as well) there is no way any of that stuff would fly. Even if it did, nobody would praise me like, "wow, he has so much personality and is such an individual." Instead, I'd be the talk of the company. First impressions count. The way you carry and present yourself matters. If you want to be taken seriously, then you have to look and act like it. All we're doing is offering suggestions to the OP. The OP does not have to take any of these, but I think Caer said it best: turning over a new leaf. I've had plenty of image changes throughout school, but now that I'm "grown up" I go with society. Call it selling out, but I've learned that I am more successful when I look and act the part, instead of doing whatever I think would be cool (yes, I'd still dye my hair a different color every few months but there is no way it would fly with work).

Hi, That's not a bad thing at all. I'm 25 and I look like I'm 16. Besides the few wisecracks that ask me when I'm graduating high school, most of the comments are from girls who compliment me on my looks. Certain things about your body are out of your control. Focus on things about your body, and yourself that you can improve on. Maybe start hitting the gym, perhaps a new hair-do or hair style, a different style of clothes, and hobbies/interests which you either abandoned a long time ago or never really started. Sometimes when we get into a rut, we dwell on the negative. But too much of that is a bad thing! You start a downward spiral of negatives, when in reality it's not that bad. Focus on your strengths, work on some things which you are unhappy about, and learn to accept the things you cannot change. Develop some good habits. One thing thay ALWAYS helps me is helping someone out, such as volunteering or service work. It keeps me in check by teaching me that my life is actually great compared to those I help, yet I can easily get carried away with problems I create in my mind.

Hi again, I don't think your selfish Weeblie. renaissancewoman101 provided the words that my post was missing: You might feel like just tossing it all over the street or in the dumpster, but down the road when you are over the hurt I at least would feel very good about myself that I handled it in such a dignified manner. Though it's over, I still treated the other person with respect to the very last step of the end with the exchange of items, and I can sleep well on that.

Hi, Nice post blender - I really like that. There is nothing wrong with asking some questions or what not, but the main thing is to stay calm, keep your composure, and do not agree to any post-break up ideas that s/he may have: 1. This is a choice that you made 2. When it's over, it's over - no shades of gray, no friendship, no contact 3. Thanks, and good luck to you I had a girl who dumped me that was raging with these responses that I gave her. She even argued with me about it. I can't say for sure, but I think someone new and exciting came along, and she was making sure to not burn any bridges between us so she can come back down the road. I made sure to destroy the bridges. I'm worth more than that, and I will do whatever it takes to protect myself and look out for what's best for me if someone wants to walk away.

Hi, 1. Fold the clothes 2. Collect all other personals 3. Place them all neatly in a box 4. Write a note - very, very brief 5. Drive to his house with a friend. If you don't want to walk up to the door to drop it off, then sit in the car and your friend will do it. I had an ex do this to me before. When I took the box and saw how neatly all my clothes were folded (and just washed), how everything was arranged, and the brief note, it just made me feel like crap. Had she never returned it, or just tossed it all over the place then it would fuel my negative convictions about her. Instead, they evaporated and I was left with remorse...even all that we went through near the end, the way she returned my belongings spoke volumes about her.

Hi, For me it boils down to my goals and aspirations: Short-term: I want to keep my clients happy, my manager to not say anything to me other than positives, and performance appraisal/promotion. Also, continue to learn so I can achieve my long-term goal. Long-term: I want to have my own business - I want to work for myself. All of my short term steps will lead to my long-term goal. I also would like to teach when I'm older and would like to have a very comfortable life for me and my family one day. My dad: This is my most important personal motivation. My dad came to America in 1975 with a $20.00 bill, 1 suitcase, and did not know English whatsoever. He also didn't know anyone and nobody was picking him up from the airport. He struggled early on, but was persistent. He made contacts, then friends, and worked very hard to where he lives a comfortable life and is happily married with kids. I feel like an absolute turd whenever I get lazy and I think of all that he's done for me. The drive starts back up then.

Hi, It's all in the face for me. I find someone with an attractive face but average body (or slightly larger body) much more appealing than a hot body but an average face. In terms of clothes, it's not just a single item that stands out for me. I look for an overall appeal. Dress well in terms of color coordination and fit, but down to earth more plain dressed girls are more of a turn on than fashion afficianados. The fashion queens are too high maintenance for my taste, and I won't pursue anything with them. The fashion thing goes along with: In an area near me, the happening spots have all the girls in designer clothes and purses: juicy, prada, gucci, vuitton, etc. Nice stuff I guess, and I can afford it if I wanted that look, but not my style, nor am I turned on by a woman that buys that stuff. I see those things and I think "RUN." Including women that are Way too overdone around my area, and those are the cookie cutters to me. Uggs with a skirt was hot a few years ago, now it's way too overplayed by me. When moms, 20-something singles, and schoolgirls are all jumping on the bandwagon it losses it's uniqueness and appeal. Oh, one more thing...minimal make-up is a HUGE turn-on for me. I really love the natural look in a girl. Women patched up with goop can make themselves look really good, but all that work and layers of junk...goose bumps.

Hi, I don't think it's really a gender issue of who gets more dates. I'd say it's pretty equal overall. In getting dates, anyone with looks has a great advantage. An attractive looking person will get a ton more dates than an average looking person. An attractive looking person that carries him/her self well will get even more. If you're cute and are enjoying life then others take notice.

Hi, This was my last relationship, i.e., beyond just dating someone for a period of time: It wasn't a single event, but a feeling and a culmination of a whole bunch of events which I never share with just anyone: Things just clicked; I cared about her and was there for her; she did the same with me; we were two peas in pod; everything we did was special; she saved every memento of us - souveniers, receipts from dinners and places we went together, mini gifts such as a bogus looking flower I would grab from the neighbors lawn before I knocked on her door, etc., and then presented me with an "us" scrapbook; I would write good bye love letters to her if she was already asleep and I had to go home; dancing with her in the bedroom after we had sex; the list goes on and on. I knew that this was much more than just "i like her." It was both. She recalled things from our first encounter such as things I spoke about (I was too drunk that night to recall but played along) and saved my first call which was a voice message every 30 days so it wouldn't erase, so I think for her it was lust right away. I was interested as well (not lusting), but the love grew for us over the next couple of months. Nope. We met through friends, and just hung out for a couple of weeks before I was told that she "really, really likes me." She did - I was too chicken to say it. We both knew what was on each others minds, but neither wanted to say it because of how the other would take it. I trapped her into saying it first, and she knew what I was doing. Of course, I said it right back after she said it. We broke up a while back and never spoke since other than a few awkward encounters where we both didn't really know how to act: stare at each other, nervous gestures, etc. It was a very messy break-up. I guess when you fall hard and fast, the end can be brutal and ugly. I still think about her at times, but I got past the negative emotions about her, and hope she is healthy, happy, and doing well. Occasionally I will kick myself in the butt for not speaking with her after we broke up whenever we just stood there nervously and stared at each other, but, I think by now we have both moved on and the rest is up to fate - if we're ment to be then we'll somehow reconnect one day. Ugh...I just re-read this and the mush-factor is like off the charts.

I really like that line Scout. I'll have to use that sometime. It's funny yet charming when said the right way.

Hi, I think this is so true. Education and degrees are tools that take you where you want to go. Don't know where you want to go? Well, that's fine. Take some time off and just work somewhere, travel, speak with people in various professions, etc. Get a better idea of who you are and where you want to go. I think a problem with the whole system is that many people pursue certain fields think they know what they want and what they are getting into. Then they get out and realize that it's not what they planned it would be. I've come accross this many of times. It seems fairly common, regardless of profession. That's why I think time off will help you realize and define where you want to go, instead of spending time and money on education that in the end will not help you. I think many graduate level programs are taking the right steps by requiring at least 1-2 years of full time experience before an applicant can be considered for admission. It would be nice for universities to require this criteria as well. School is important and you will learn quite a bit, but nothing can replace the real world and experience as a teacher.

Hi, First, congrats on such a strong GPA from college. Second, the LSAT and law school is masterable. It takes time and lots of practice. I've met some very smart people - ones that had high undergrad GPA's, and some from top tier schools, but they either (A) scored poorly on the LSAT, or (B) did terrible in law school. The LSAT's and law school are a whole new beast. You need to re-learn how to think, and to think in a very dry, narrow, concrete kind of way. Try setting up a game plan. Like a 2-3 month study plan for the exam. Plan a schedule for timed exams, exam reviews, practice questions, etc. Many of these books and CDs are available at your local library. If you don't have the discipline, look into some classes. These classes will help you focus by giving you homework and a schedule to follow. I don't think the tips will be any better than what you'll find in the books, but do whatever will help you score better. Look into the June exam if you don't feel like you're prepared. DO NOT TAKE THIS TEST IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED. The LSAT IS the main component of admission to law school. You can have a sub 3.0 GPA, but with a top LSAT, you can be at a top school. I think you are frustrated because you have the exam in a month, and you know where you are scoring at the moment. Would you be able to take the exam in June? Perhaps the extra time will give you the time and practice you need to score well.

I agree. People, not just men, cannot accept this one feature, and can build it up to the point where how they feel, how there day is going, etc., right to this one "flaw." For example, I'm 25, and I think my hair is receding because I don't look like I did when I was 16. I freaked out. In my mind I am already completely bald, and I need a hair transplant or a wig. I ask everyone around, and they all tell me that I am not bald, nor am I losing my hair. So I think, "Hhmmm....they're trying to play me for a fool eh...make me feel better about myself by lieing to me." I told my stylest that I need to get plugs or something because this is so not cool. First she laughed, then she called me an idiot, then she told me I am not losing my hair, and finally she called me an idiot again while laughing. After hearing it from so many people, I have accepted the fact that I am not bald, nor am I balding, and that there is not a conspiracy in place where the entire world is lieing to me. AH...the relief. My mind is at peace. In the process I find out that my stylest thinks I'm really cute. Then I think, "Damn, must be my hair." Regardless of the case, girls are not looking at me thinking "OH MY GOD!!! He lost 3 hairs." In reality, they are probably thinking, "He's cute" or ""Wow" or something else along those cheesy lines. Point of my story was to show you that I overcame this stupid fear I had by talking about "my problem" with everyone, and in doing that, people were not only very amused, but I learned that my "high class problem" is an exagerrated figment of my imagination. My hair is fine. Your nose is fine. My friend Jeremy has a big nose and whenever he gets in any sort of disagreement with someone he always throws in a comment about his "schnoze" as he calls it and people are dying laughing. It's because he has accepted who he is, and doesn't let it affect his life on a daily basis. He can laugh about it with others, and, people really like him because Jeremy is awesome. He is not defined by his nose, nor does he let himself be defined by his nose. Now with me, keep my hair out of it.

Hi bud, I think this is the deal here. I used to get so self-conscious because girls would stare at me - to the point where I was frustrated and would complain to people around me. Next thing you know I'm being slapped upside the head and told "DUH! She likes you retard." My response would be, "Oh....ok." It's one thing to catch someone doing it every now and then, but when you notice it on a tighter frequency then you begin to question things about yourself, and for me, I always questioned the things which I did not like about myself. This is the reason why they are looking at me. Bottom line. I'm not a freak, and neither are you. Next time a girl stares, turn and look at here straight in the eyes, make a big old grin, and say "Hi." Generally, when someone is looking or staring over at someone of the opposite sex chances are very good that they find them attractive. People don't just fix their gaze upon something which they don't find attractive. Trust me, your insecurities, are very, very, very tiny things in reality, yet your mind can build it up to appear catastrophic.

Hi, It's possible. Only you would know the answer to that. I've never been married, but was close to it once before. After that break-up I did party and date to try and move on, but it got old very fast for me. Many of the girls I dated afterwards were fun, but I wasn't looking for fun - not even with a 10. I'm not sure what I was looking for exactly. The pain was still lingering, and I knew I needed to place my focus elsewhere. I was emotionally unavailable, eventhough I was meeting women. They wanted to have fun, get to know me, fool around, etc., and I just didn't care. So....I decided to drop it and focus on other things such as work, studies, working out, hobbies, etc. I also bonded more with some old pals, as well as new friends. I decided to just give up dating for a while because my heart was not in it. Funny you mention shy. I dated a woman for a couple weeks during this time, and one day when we were out she says to me "are you a shy guy?" trying to stir me up. I'm far from shy. I'm just not feeling this. I said "no" and just walked away. Maybe take some time off - you might just be reeling from the pain of the seperation and are not ready yet. Place your focus elsewhere for the time being. I don't recommend that you should date people to move on, eventhough so many claim that's the route to take. If you're not ready, then there is nothing wrong with taking a break. In time you will decide to warm up to dating again. And you never know, you just might meet someone special while you are not actually dating.

Hi, This is a very good thread. I definitely agree with this. For example, what happens when things don't go your way, or as how you planned? When I was 16 I was really upset about something. My uncle noticed it in my face, and we talked about it. I'm not sure who came up with this quote, but he told me: "10% of life is what happens to you. 90% of life is how you react to it." I didn't quite understand the depth of that quote at 16, but I've come to learn the power and truth behind it. Be flexible and cultivate a healthy attitude towards life. You will have plenty of bad times. Learn the skills to deal with life on life's terms.

Hi, It is definitely one the reasons that Timebandit & cordelia mentioned. 1) Resentment, i.e., lot's of hate 2) Avoiding guilt From my experience, I'd place my money on the resentment. So much hurt and so much pain leads so many to hate.