SilverCloud

I know what you feel... thing like them dating a loser makes you question your own sanity and question how a stable person fall for a flake. But here is the thing, love does not question whether the other person is an idiot or jerk. My grandmother used to say a great thing...but since i am translating it, i hope it still means the same, soo here goes. "When love has to come it can even come for a donkey" Lol... hope that cheered you a bit... i mean my terrible translation(hahaha) Keep your chin up, I am sure you will now be carefull of not falling for flakes. Take it as a lesson learnt, to be more careful for the people we fall for. Yes it feels like a burn, but some of us are kind and naive to not realize such things till we get burned... We are here for you as always(*hugs*)

OK Everyone, Now you all know about the struggles i have gone through in the past 3 1/2 months. So here is one from me... And remember you will feel hurt... and no matter what i say or anyone else you will get out of it in your time.. Let yourself bleed the hurt but trust me time will create clotting for your hurt too.. I miss my ex everyday, hate the fact that he has someone new but then love also means learning to let go of the one you love and find happiness in seeing them happy with someone that is actually making them happy. I truly feel this song represents me.. I was a cleft palate baby in a time and area when they didnt have all the right technology to even feed such a baby. I survived that. Before i met my ex i used to believe that i am a fighter and i will survive through anything and now i am starting to remember that about me.. I am a fighter and i will survive and gracefully accept that my ex will find happiness elsewhere.... lol, i am not gona say more cause i will have to eat my own words on the days i feel low... but for the time being here is what we need to listen too... I Will Survive ~ Diana Ross (F. Perren / D. Fekaris) At first I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong And I grew strong And I learned how to get along And so you're back from outer space I just walked in to find you here, with that sad look upon your face I should have changed that stupid lock I should have made you leave your key If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me Go on now, go walk out the door Just turn around now 'Coz you're not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I, I will survive For as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive I've got all my life to live And I've got all my love to give I'll survive I will survive Hey hey I, I will survive Hey hey It took all the strength I had not to fall apart Just trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high And you see me, somebody new I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free But now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me Go on now, go walk out the door Just turn around now You're not welcome anymore Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I, I will survive Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive I've got all my life to live And I've got all my love to give I'll survive I will survive Hey hey

How is everyone doing? I am doing ok... dont know what i feel anymore. Somedays i wake up dreaming of him, and wanting to go over to his place and others i just dont give a s***. Maybe i am getting over him.

Leave him alone...i got strung along and given false hope three times cause of probably the same reason you feel that you should start things up with ex again. I didnt appreciate the false hope, cause i believed it.. while he had the oppurtunity to have me as seasons(meaning oh i will be with her cause i am having a hard time, and doesnt matter if she believes it to be true). So if you want the advice then here is it: Leave him alone... more hurt is not needed... only proceed if you are certain as the day you met him otherwise save him the pain.

I think the idea of alone time is good. I am currently doing that too, by choice not looking for anyone or going on dates to find myself. I had totally forgotten how much fun i am and what my strenghts were. I wish that you also find the serenity that comes with being alone by choice...

no i dont mind you saying what you did. It was not butting in. You are right about having to hear about him from friends. I dont know if there is a proper way or not.. I think i have reached a stage where my only solution is to go to a phycologist. my mind has too many questions that refuse to silence and it seems like my life revolves around him more now then it did when i was with him. Thank you for your advice i think i will let the mutual friends know that i am not interested in the information.

I would love to be the one to say that i have completed 3 months of NC and doing wonderful but i am not. Yes it is less painful as before but i still find myself thinking of him. As you can see from the post i made here earlier today, i had a great weekend, didnt think about ex as much as i do everyday and then boom, ex sends pictures to a mutual friend who tells me about the fact that he sent her email. This friend has always been the supporter for me day or night and i didnt think i should hurt her by saying she has set me back on my progress. Part of me feels that maybe i didnt say anything cause i want to know what pictures he sent. Why am i still looking for crumbs of his life? I want to move on and thus doing activities that i wouldnt have done before to show myself that i am a new person but i still find myself missing him dearly and wish things hadnt been tarnished between us as they did cause they have left nothing to go back too. I feel i am too sensitive for relationships... I have only seen heartbreak in it, and quite honestly only find myself suffering from them, rather then learning from them.

The worst reason to break up with someone is over something that can be fixed...this is fixable. the things that i consider most likely not fixable are cheating, total loose of love and not being happy in a relationship. If you have one of these then by all means break up with her, and also give her the proper reason. Breaking over something sooo small is cruel and then you shouldnt even care about doing it before you start resenting her. Relationships take work and you just seem to be running from it. I agree with everyone else if her expectations are too high then its reasonable but not trying to reach a median and just quiting just makes you a quiter. I am sorry to be harsh but i got dumped without reason too and to this day i wonder what happened and at times even feel low self esteem cause of it.

How is everyone holding up? I had a great weekend didnt think about ex at all through it ... and then this morning i walk into work and a coworker who is also a mutual friend of mine and the ex, says that she got pictures from the ex today....ugggghhhh My heart sunk to the bottom again... she is aware of all my struggles that i had with my ex and the pain i went through afterwards. She keeps saying how wrong my ex was and has been a piller of support when i feel weak. I know she didnt do this intentionally but oh God why would she tell me... she knows that last weekend was the first weekend with no pain. Uggghh probably sent her pictures of new girlfriend... S*** i should tell her not to mention him, but there are sooo many times when i mention him to her and seek comfort...

first of i am glad you have found someone that special... second it should not matter... stop worrying and enjoy what you have been blessed with. Ailec1987 is right be honest with her and dont make up stories.

Ailec1987, no one chooses a loser to be the one to spend their life with... you can be as careful as you want but the heart can fool the brain far more strongly, and that strenght of the heart is not explainable even by the sciences. If it could be explained then people would be able to come out of heartbreak cause they would know what got them there in the first place.

thank you keena i dont think i could have put it in more politely as you did..

I know i should not think this way but i cant seem to get this question out of my head. I keep thinking that if it was soo easy for my ex to move on, while i still cant imagine myself with someone else, does that mean i didnt matter to him at all? The only way a person would just move on is if the situation didnt even matter to them... but he said soo many things that made me feel that he loved me more then me.... Really makes me wonder... i keep thinking of this over and over again... and its not like i havent made my life busy enough not to think about him at all.. but still i manage to... No one has managed to give me a reason to explain this thought... maybe they have but i refuse to take what they say cause its not what i wana hear... its not like i could ask my ex, he is just gona say something that i will not find hurtful... plus i have NC with him for 3 months now.. please any comments... i am starting to feel that i am loosing it

my question would be how can you tell a guy is shy?

You are right it hurts when you trust someone with your whole heart and they still hurt you. I had that same thing happen to me. My ex in the beginning had told me that he loved me sooo much and wanted a life with me soo bad that he cleared his debt from the divorce and bought a house before ever mentioning me to our common friend. And this same person told me to get out of his house when he was breaking up with me. That was hurtful, imagine being told to leave by the one you give you heart and soul too. I can forgive his being on dating sites when we were engaged to be married in our friends and families eyes but never the part where he told me to get out. you will be ok and you will find someone better, cause he was never worth it. He did hurt you but he cant anymore.

i dont think you are crazy to miss her... when we fall in love we are not looking into falling out of it.. so this will take time. I have been in no contact with my ex for 3 months now, but still get thoughts of him. As for being with someone else we all know when we are ready for it, and you should date based on that. I know i am not ready. I want to care for the next person as completely as i did for my ex, and since right now i am not able to, i will hold back on that for the time being and work on myself first.

That is such a good thought i will make sure i think of it the next time i miss my ex.... didyoumissme glad to hear that you slept well... and yes we can give up we are much stronger then that...

lack of sleep... you will get through that dont worry, your body will force you to go to sleep on of these days. but you are doing good soo dont give up..

How is everyone doing today? I am a bit down today but should be fine soon

Thank you jl301. I guess my strenght for being able to make it to 3 months is based on the fact that i had tried very hard to make the relationship work, three times before. The forth time i got dumped by my ex i realised that i need to get a grip of myself. I also got through by seeing that in all this time not once was my ex even trying to contact me. You should realize this that it does not matter if she forgot you or not, what matters is that what is she doing to make the relationship work. Please do what ever you can to see that you stop hoping for her to call.

Oh my God , you reached day 20 i am soooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you... I feel good today i have made plans with some new friends to go indoor rock climbing(Florida has no hills ). I would have never been able to do that with my ex, he always had a bad back, also cause of many other reasons(partially my faults too). I think i will do something new every weekend, cause then i spend the weekdays thinking about all the great things i will be doing, instead of what ex is doing with new girlfriend(ugh sleeping with her and many other things that would hurt me even if he is not). I am actually more happy... i ask people who i would not ask before if they wana come and we actually end up having fun. I wish we all could have a enotalone adventures hahaahaha would give us all to do something fun and company when we need it the most, the weekends...

my ex also had same kind of complains of me... but then i was the one constantly running to see him.. and yes i was busy too but i made time to be with him.. he was my priority. Him just complaining about it did not help our situation. I suggest you try to come up ways to meet her half way. I feel that as much as my ex complained, he never put in even half as effort as i did. Try to find ways that you can go meet her instead of hoping for her to show up. I would suggest try making calls to her just to say hi. My ex wouldnt call even call me to ask me if i reached back home from his place safely. If the boyfriend does not show interest in caring for you and is always complaining, it can be quite disheartening and yes can make you not wanting to go our to the boyfriends place, hoping this might cause him to give some attention to you instead of constantly complaining about what the girlfriend is doing. My suggestion get a hobby to have a life of your own and try to put in half the effort. Since I have been there I just think the person complaining is usually the one who has nothing to do but see the other persons short comings. Ask yourself what you have done to help her if she is too busy, and no just sitting and waiting cant be counted in that. And yes she could be waiting for you to stop complianing for once and ask if she has any fears of the relationship. I am sorry if i sound to harsh but i hope my openess helps you two.

you are doing great, and thoughts of him will take some time to go away... try something like what i did today. I have made a new friend at work, today she and i went to mambo gym today, and then shopping.. It was a lot of fun just us girls. I did think of my ex but today i felt i have a new life and it was easier today.. we are going out tomorrow again. I think its good to make more friends that would have same interest to spend time with. I am also glad i have put off my plans of finding a replacement for the ex that way I can find myself again. Also i am planning on going for sky diving next weekend or the first weekend of april, i have saved money for sometime now to be able to do that it will be a awesome change.... oh wow i feel great today i want this feeling to stay for ever...i wish the same for all of you too.

As of today it will be three months since i last heard my ex's voice or saw him. Even though I was dumped on bad terms, and everything said and done i still miss him...why? There are so many here and in the world who break relationships that were existant longer then mine. I was only with him for a year and half. Why do i not manage to let go? Others do, then why not me? maybe cause he was my first but is that good enough reason for me to not forget him. He has moved on, i honestly believe it was easy for him, its not like i was his first in anyway. I wasnt the first girl he slept with, i wasnt the first girl he broke up with. Why do i keep thinking about how much he claimed he loved me? Why do i keep thinking maybe i need to go back to him? Why do i keep thinking that maybe while he is with someone else he would think of me? It hurts today as bad as the first day.. ](*,)