SilverCloud
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Everything posted by SilverCloud
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Yes there are always signs but when you are under the spell of love, you honestly believe that there is a way to make this work and it is worth all your efforts...in other words love is truly blind... Your being angry is a good sign it means you are coming to terms with the break up... yes it sucks, it sucks big time
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Question for everyone doing NC?
SilverCloud replied to didyoumissme's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I returned everything to my ex too... I feel no matter how much i hurt it was still the best thing i did for myself when he was hurting me soo much... I do not think i want a reminder of my time with him it will only bring up feelings that i am trying sooo hard to loose now... I dont want to be reminded of the pain i went through to get over him.... I dont want to be reminded of a person who broke my heart... I know i sound like i am not over him... and yes i am not over him but with all the love i feel for him and all the pain i feel, i prefer not ever coming accross things that meant something at one point. I dont want to be reminded of who he was especially when he turned out to be something else.... i just dont...but thats my case... -
Question for everyone doing NC?
SilverCloud replied to didyoumissme's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I wonder if they have a post-it that comes with that printed hahaha!!! no in all honesty that is a brilliant idea... -
Thanks everyone i was really low today, even cried...your words are very encouraging.... my mood swings in regards to this breakup sounds crazy to me... Dako, i had no choice but to NC, but yes it also made me realise that if he doesnt care to come after me then why should i let my self be hurt for the sake of love. luvagain, thnx for the prayers, i need them a lot today Sugarcube, i know that i should not blame myself but sometime i wonder what i could have done to fix it...what did i do to push him from saying 'will you marry me' to 'I am not in love with you anymore'. I feel that the reason i want to find out is because it will make me do things right the next time. red10, thank u, i just loose hope sometimes and thats when i dont know whether to cry or call him. Sugarcube, i know i had a life before him, but the whole time i was trying to make a life with him, i lost mine and yet he made me feel i did not do enough. I dont even remember the person i was before him anymore, for so long i have been trying to make one with him, i dont even know where to start. All i know is i can do anything and i still find myself thinking of him. And i know he has moved on otherwise i would have heard from him but nothing. Today is my tough day...hopefully tomorrow i will be positive like past week...
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When do you stop missing them? I have been on NC for 2 months 1 week and i still hurt as day one....only thing i feel that stopped me from contacting him was that i fear that he will hurt me more.... how can i miss someone i feel will not hesitate to hurt me? Why do i care for him sooo much, i should not be feeling the dispare i feel right now, atleast not after so long of NC... i dont even want to meet anyone new cause i am sooo lost in him... please help... tonight i need words of comfort...
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you are in the obsessive boat my friend... just like me... we cant let go cause we want it to work but its not meant to work otherwise we wont be breaking up . You can only be her friend if you can imagine yourself not feeling this burn inside that is called jealousy when she is with someone else... this the reason i cant get myself to be my ex's friend... i dont wana be his friend cause i know in my heart how much it will hurt to see him being with someone else. Only answer is time ... nothing else, wish there was...
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You need to make a decision and stick with it. Most people calculate their pros and cons or follow their heart. You will never know which option will work or which one will not. Only way to find out is to pick one side and learn to ride it through whether it has bad weather or good. Bad things happen and you know what life is not a bed of roses, we will have our share of pain. Pick your poison and live with it, just don’t hurt others while doing so. No one deserves to be hurt cause of your indecisiveness. One person with indecisiveness can F*** up others mental and emotional health. I have been on the receiving end of someones indecisiveness, its painful, it only shows that person does not care for you and is highly immature. If you care about any one of the side then you would put your feelings aside and do the best to save pain to that person. Make the decision soon, rather then prolonging the pain you are going to end up sending to the ones that you claim to love.
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Don’t worry you are not the only one with such feelings... I am about to hit 2 1/2 months of NC and i still miss him dearly.. either i am obsessive or maybe i love to deep to get out easily...what ever it is... I would suggest what i am doing letting the feelings flow out of the system... Some days are great and others when you miss them to the point that its unbearable... but i know one thing, if its meant to be it will be if not then we will find the strength to someday not think of things we do now... hang in there...
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Sorry to say this but in my experience when a girl goes for a guy with that much age difference its normally cause she is looking for a father figure and will probably do a lot of things your way just because subconsciously she wants the older guy in her life to be pleased by her .... sorry but thats true to some extent... just like guys go for some one way younger... the only guy that i know of who when for an older woman was ashton Kutcher You have to realize do you really wana deal with her based on such conditions?
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Hate Me (Medley) by Blue October Miss Me Baby by Chris Cagle The One I love by David Gray I will survive by Diana Ross Like we never loved at all by Faith Hill Behind these Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson Addicted by Kelly Clarkson Where is your heart by Kelly Clarkson The Reason by Hoobastank Blind by LifeHouse Come Back Down by LifeHouse Savin' Me by Nickelback Try by Nelly Furtado Such Great heights by The Postal Service(soundtrack for Grey's Anatomy) Where does the Good Go by Tegan & Sara(soundtrack for Grey's Anatomy) Unchain my heart by Ray Charles Walk on by(Master S&K Mix) by Seal Fool by Shakira Illegal by Shakira Letter to God by Sheryl Crow
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yes it is more understandable i shouldnt be concerned of what he thinks anymore... I just wish that he would not have picked cheating as one of the reasons... but then again thats not what happened .. Anyways thanks for you advice i had been thinking about this for a very long time now.
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NJRon, I dont want to prove that he was the bad guy... I truly believe that we both had our faults... but you know how you care about someone and thats when it matters to you what they think of you...i guess that is the feeling i am getting.. dont know.... I dont even know what results i truly seek... all i seem to think is how terrible i feel thinking that he thinks that i cheated... i dont know ... u have any idea why i am getting this feeling ... just want to know why i want to and if i should...
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No problem about the misread. you are right maybe i am not over him... thus the self questioning. But the fact that he thinks that i did bother me a lot... But then on the other hand i feel that he was registered on the dating site while I was thinking about being married to him, so maybe he said it so that he can justify his own behaviour.
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Icemotoboy I never cheated on him ...i think you think that i did... As for him healing i really dont have answer to it... all i know is that he has been looking around on the same site since our break up. I just dont like the idea that he believes that i did, it bothers me that he does. infact it doesnt bother me infact it hurts me that he would think that i am the cheating kind of a girl. I love him, i didnt even go on dates when we were not together cause i miss him. As for him healing all i know is that he has been looking for dates on the same dating sites, since we broke up.
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ok it has been 2 months since i last talked to my ex, but i keep getting the urge to tell him that i never cheated on him. Here is the shorter version of what happened. Ex and I are back together for the 3rd time, we were engaged in our friends and families eyes. Things are going well till he starts being arrogant again. I get suspicious only to protect my heart and check his favorite dating site for his listing(he had taken it off once we got back together, we never bought it up, cause i felt he did it when we were not together). Anyway the day i check the website, we had both decided that since i had assignments to submit, i will not go over to his place. So out of suspicion i check the site and see him signed on . Instead of calling him I go over to his place. When i get there he was extra nice to me then he had been in some time. I knew why, GUILT!!! Anyway we chit chat and i never asked him why, cause we ended up having a fight anyway, plus cause i dislike confrontation. At which point i mention that he does not talk to me about his past, and even though it doesnt matter to me, (i swear it didnt) I would like him to be ok talking to me about it, be able to realize that i would love him beyond anything good or bad. He instead gets even more angry and says its none of my business(doesnt a fiancé have a right to know, whether she asks or not?). One argument goes to another and he states that the coworker(male), i talk to so often is my secret f*** buddy. At this point i know i should have asked him about being on that site, but i remember myself defending myself over his claim instead, telling him that he(coworker) is like a brother to me. The reason this bothers me is cause he was my first and he knew that, even though i was not his. His ex wife had cheated on him and i loved him tooo much to do the same to him(also cause cheating is wrong). I want to be able to tell him that i didnt, cause he probably believes that i did. But fear that any contact i make with him at this point after two months will only seem like i am trying to get back. Also i am questioning myself if the urge to tell him is due to some hidden reason with in me. Sorry about the long(so called short) details. But any suggestion would be appreciated cause i have been thinking about this for a very long time now.
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ouch!!!! that is far more hurtful then "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you". Why does this person even 'I care for you deeply'... i would rather that they said i just needed to get laid and you seemed like a good option but now i know all your tricks, soo need a change
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She told me the truth. parents wouldn't let her date a non Christian
SilverCloud replied to Massari's topic in Dating Advice
I am sorry to be the one to say this but it seems like with such little knowledge of each other's temperaments you both seem like you have been bitten by the love bug...but that's my assumption, you both know more then i do about your relationship. Having been in this situation, i suggest you both get to know each other emotionally and mentally a lot. One thing that was missing in my relationship was the fact that both of us did not seem to be fighting the same battle. I know for certain that my ex had a lot of patience but it took a toll on him too, to the point were he obviously could not take it any more. But if you both work at this like a team and try to get to middle points for making it a bit easier for parents then take it. Parents do end up coming around but it takes a strong backbone, to tell them, feel like crap when you tell them, know it is hurting them too and also make relationship work. Good luck, you can ask any questions you might have, i will tell you what happened in my case. -
You are absolutely right... best would be to realise that 'What goes around comes around' (I know it feels like this takes a long time to work but it does). The reason he did what he did to you is his ultimate distruction...
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I had a lot of dreams about my ex initially.. Half the time when i went to sleep i could feel that I am falling asleep in his arms like i used to. lol... but now i feel nothing even if i wanted too...ironic... As for coming back being the dumpee i went back to my ex 3 times (as i keep repeating for all to hear, but did it for love and the 4th time he dumped me, he didnt know i was not gona come back this time(got him on that one hahaha, i know that hurt him cause he knew last time i was back in 2 weeks). I guess i would have gone back had he not blamed me of cheating on him (that hurt), thats when i realised that it was the last goodbye and everytime i went back to him i lost pieces of my dignity and even though i was doing it for love I realized he was not...sad huh... My feelings have not changed for him in this time... i am sure i love him... but i will not make him love me... So in your case it will take time, but you will feel better everyday, some will be good days and some bad but over all they will be better, i say that from experience... And you should not even think about her coming back... cause of many reason that i am sure you have read on this site...
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Yes i got the line "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" from the guy who was the first one to say 'I love you'.. what does this line mean anyway? Am i being clueless? how can you love someone and also divide it into two forms... in love and love you? And also after saying this my ex had accepted me back twice too... does it make sense? if it does please feel free to tell me cause i am to this day confused... there has to be something wrong with me to not simply get it..
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PassionatePices u welcome, I just said what i feel when i come here... and good morning to you all
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**The Struggles of Heatache, and Recovery**
SilverCloud replied to spunkykatt's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
So did you find the right one? I am not trying to be sacrcastic just want to know if the believe of finding the right one has actually happened for anyone... -
**The Struggles of Heatache, and Recovery**
SilverCloud replied to spunkykatt's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
This a very helpful post. But since i am still dwelling over my ex, i found myself defined in this somewhere in the third para. I hope that everything that you state after that does come to me in due time. -
lol yes i guess i am . I have moved past it a bit, but it only has been 2 months since the NC. I miss him terribly, we were planning to get married. I wish i could move on faster but he was my first love and for a very long time i believed to be the only one as well. I know he has moved on, maybe because he has dealt with breakups before (major break up was his divorce), i dont know. Just gets hard sometimes...
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She told me the truth. parents wouldn't let her date a non Christian
SilverCloud replied to Massari's topic in Dating Advice
I was in the exact same situation. Except I am the one who is the muslim and him the Christian. We both had very strong feelings but never asked the other to change their religion. Yes my parents were against it too, and i did try to not aggravate my parents for a very long time (Due to their health). Not standing up to my parents in time caused a lot of damage to my relationship, to the point where my ex was actually scared of my parents causing issues to the marriage and also cause he didnt want issues in life in general (as if life is without issues ever, kind of childish on his part, thats ok i am over it). I regret not being able to stand up early enough but i guess my hesitance also included the insecurities i got from my ex (the constant fear that he will not put in his share of effort to make the relationship work, he was in an 'on again' 'off again' state a lot). I take religion as a guide to do better in life. Yes i don't drink alcohol and i don't eat pork but i do not believe that my religion should stop me from being with someone who loves me (Islam does not recognize a Muslim girls marriage to non-Muslim man, thereforeeee a sinful life, if anyone wants more details as to why let me know i have done research to the max). My suggestion to you if you can see yourself standing by this girls side through all the issues that her parents throw then by all means stick with the relationship, but if you are not a patient person then best to end soon cause there will be less hurt. And by patience i mean patience that will be there for more then a year or so not any less. Patience, to the extent where she can feel safe talking with you, about things her parents say to discourage her, and also provide her your full support at the same time. Inter religious relationships are very hard and there are very few that survive. Also i do not think that changing ones religion is the answer it is helpful in some cases but if at any time either one of you decides that they didn't love the other for so much effort then changing religion wasn't really the answer to begin with.
