Jump to content

PlayBrat

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    189

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by PlayBrat

  1. PlayBrat
    Hey Doc...I agree with the previous poster. I think you might want to have an honest talk with the new girl and let her know where you stand. She will respect your honesty. It's not fair to you OR her to see her while you're in this state of mind. Women have a tendency to put more into a relationship right away than men do...so while it's still fairly new is the best time to tell her. This does NOT mean you need to tell your ex about it. She needs to assume you are living your life happily without her. Don't make declarations of your love for her...this should come from her. You can SHOW her...just don't SAY it. Go to the wedding, and have a good time. This day is about the people getting married, so focus on THAT. Best of luck!!
  2. PlayBrat
    My take on it is...IF your goal for doing NC is to get them back or for them to contact you...and they do...then I say yes, call them BACK, just don't initiate the calls or contact...and end the call first. Leave them wanting MORE. If your goal is to get OVER them, or to gain perspective on things...then wait to call back until you feel like you are strong enough emotionally to contact them. Again, only if THEY initiate contact. Hope that helps...
  3. PlayBrat
    Thanks Gradle.... After my experience with going against the NC thing, I am trying to be diligent about it. As YOU know, it's NOT easy...but that's where our perserverance comes in right? I know what you're going through. I also think you are too close to the situation right now to be able to heal properly . You have said you've driven by his house, etc...while I don't agree with that, I TOTALLY know how hard it is NOT to. It keeps you stuck. Being in such close proximity to J. may actually be hindering you, which is why I suggested getting away for as long as you could. Even a long weekend. Some of us have not had the opportunity you have to make things better with our "ex'es"..you are being given this opportunity, and if you truly want this it's best to maintain your strength here. As I said before, this is really very temporary. Remember Gradle, you DO have options here. You DON'T have to wait around for him either. You have the right to NOT live in limbo, and that's exactly where you are. You need to have forethought . What if J. decides he DOESN'T want to get back together? What if he doesn't even give you an answer but decides to just leave? I am painting worse case scnerios here, but they are still possibilities. People do very strange things when it comes to matters of the heart. I know we are telling you to be patient and understanding, but you also need consider every single viable option here...and do what's right for YOU. Don't live your life for whatever J may or may not do...that's all I'm saying. I hope you understand what I'm saying...
  4. PlayBrat
    Awwwww..((Gradle)))) It sounds like you need a big HUG!!! I feel your pain I truly truly do. Do you have a girlfriend you can just hang out with when you get down?? It sounds like you need some REAL support there, I mean we can only do so much. If it's at all possible,can you get out of town for a few days, just for a change of scenery? I know when I lived in another state a few years ago and went through a BAD breakup..that seemed to take forever for me to get over...I took a trip back home, to be around people who loved me. It helped tremendously and I went back with a much fresher and BETTER outlook. Being around people who are not at all involved in the situation and who just love you for you is a very healing thing. If that's not possible...maybe you could volunteer somewhere helping others. How about a battered womens shelter? Seriously....seeing those types of people and situations really DOES help you realize how good you REALLY have it. Don't mope, and don't et down on yourself. Take that negative energy and do something positive with it. You have SOOOOO much to offer.... I hope you're day gets better
  5. PlayBrat
    Hahahaha Cassy...good one I am shocked I didn't think of that one! LOL Yeah PLEASE don't use that one!!
  6. PlayBrat
    Hmmm I disagree Roy. As an "EX" You are not required or obligated to remember any special occasion with regard to an ex. Why should he acknowledge her birthday after she snubbed his last attempt at contact? To me that's counterproductive and may only set him back. Acknowledging an "EX" on their birthday or other special occasion is merely an excuse to make contact...plain and simple. Remembering or NOT remembering someone's birthday is hardly going to get someone back or maintain their respect for you. Either it's there or it's not. I maintain my stance to do "NC"..but that's just me...
  7. PlayBrat
    Wow..I am with Muneca on this one. From what you said..I don't think she was being "brave" or putting on a front. I think she was PISSED that you contacted her...and yes the "don't call or sms me again" sealed the deal. She can't be any more blatant than that...I would not contact her again, or you are harassing her at that point. Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes it's all you can do. I wish you well... be strong
  8. PlayBrat
    Hey there Fate... My advice on contacting her on her birthday? Don't. We can think of a million reasons to justify contact. You've made it 2 weeks, and you said the last time she didn't even repy. Are you willing to set yourself back, yet again, on the off chance she MIGHT acknowledge you? Think about it before you make that decision... Think of YOUR best interest. Read my list of why NOT to make contact.. Good luck to you
  9. PlayBrat
    I hope everyone is doing well. I named this topic "Airing out my head" because it's my way of saying I am getting my thoughts out in the open. I have been diligent in not contacting "him" and have directed my focus on myself. Aside from work I have busied myself with exercising. I even bought new weights, and am trying some new healthy recipes...maybe I'll actually start eating healthier..LOL...there's hope yet. It feels good, although, like anyone else I get my weak moments. I find myself trying to stay busy every minute of every day, in an effort to keep my mind occupied. I know the first week or two is the hardest, and this is actually one week for me. I hope it will get better with each day.... I thought of a list of reasons NOT to break contact...and I'll share it with you all, maybe you'll get something from it too. Feel free to add any to the list: These are reasons you should NOT break NC: Because he/she didn't call you You think they lost your number You think they're not interested You have two tickets to a show You need a date for a wedding Your mother told you to call him/her Your friends say "Call him, it's the millineum" Your brother said he'd be flattered if a girl called him You want to ask him why he stopped calling You can't sleep well since he stopped calling You want to get his/her recipe for chili You left your umbrella at his/her apartment You can't live without them You want to ask him/her what about you they didn't like. "Was it my hair? The sex? what was it? You'll change whatever it was. You want to know how he's doing You want to wish him a Happy Birthday or Happy........whatever... Your phone number is unlisted now and you want to give them your new number You're thinking about joining a convent and you want his opinion. You want to know if the new woman is thinner. prettier, smarter, better in bed, or more suucessful than you are. You're just calling to say "hi" You're never home and you're hard to reach. Your answering machine is broken. You're going to Paris (his/her favorite city) and you need some sight seeing ideas. You want to ask them ONE more time "Is it really over"?? He/she said.."call me". What do you think? LOL......
  10. PlayBrat
    Gradle...don't you think if he DIDN'T love you or care about you he would have be gone LONG ago??? Think about it.... The guy MUST have SOME integrity! As one poster said a few posts ago...many of us would LOVE the opportunity you STILL have with your ex....think about it. You KNOW what to do......we are all rooting for you
  11. PlayBrat
    Hey Gradle.... I am with Muneca on this one. J. sounds like he's trying to be patient with you right now...and from what you've told us you have done, I say he has been EXTREMELY patient. Don't get me wrong, believe me...I have been EXACTLY where you are..but believe me when I tell you he is being FAR more forgiving than most people would be. Don't be the one who looks back on this in six months, and says..."I wish I wasn't so stupid, and pushed so hard". I have done that and YES I regret it!! J sounds like a decent guy...so please don't blow this by being selfish right now. Think of J...for NOW. This is so temporary it's not even funny...If you TRULY want J...respect his wishes and back off, as far as you possibly can. Let him come to you. Please please please Gradle....I promise you ..you will be so grateful if you can stick to this. Be strong!!!
  12. PlayBrat
    Hey Gradle.... To answer your question.. NO I don't think J would ask you what you were doing if he cared about you. He is NOT your b/f anymore...it's not his business what you're doing, so I am sure that's how he sees it. Tomorrow night, try to just relax...and have fun. Just dance, and enjoy the music. If you tend to get emotional if you drink, try to avoid alcohol. NOT a good idea. One suggestion..IF you guys decide to go out afterward, is to look for a comedy club. Something that you guys don't have to really have a discussion, but you can sit and laugh together. This can give you something to laugh about later... I personally LOVE comedy clubs. One last thing...wear something sexy...and smell GREAT
  13. PlayBrat
    Hey everyone... Just wanted to say that after posting this past week under "Ok I screwed up it's done"... I feel almost like a new person. I think mainly because I DID get closure by emailing him and telling him to NOT mail me back, and just basically because I took the reins and refused to let my self be treated like crap. I think if I had NOT mailed him , and just went NC, it would have made me feel more like a victim, but you know WHAT? We ALL have the power to not be "THAT" person. The way I see it is like this... so what if I mail him and he thinks it's because I care?? I have a right to feel the way I feel and dammit it's because of HIM that I am feeling this way, so YES, I think I have the right to vent my anger or frustration to the source that caused it. Who cares what THEY think if you aren't over them yet?? We are all human , no?? That's why they call it "emotioanl involvement" Let me tell you...this week I have been happier than I have been in months. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am no longer checking my email, or even THINKING of emailing him or contacting him, because I truly don't want to. I have been SO productive at work, and laughing a lot..so this is how I know I did the right thing. otherwise I know I would have been wracked with guilt. It feels good to not give a sh** anymore..it really does. I hope everyone is having an amazing day
  14. PlayBrat
    Yes..it IS possible to have feelings for someone you've never met. I like to compare online "addiction" to drinking, because it is something that is so subtle that it can creep up on you, and you don't know HOW addicted you are until you attempt to withdraw from it. One thing you can try is to make yourself busy enough that you are not at the computer all the time. Try to get to the gym, get outside. If there is a certain time you normally talk to this person, be less and less available at these times, because it's likely that subconsciencely you make yourself available at these times anticipating this person will be there. If you don't see this going anywhere ...you are limiting yourself to meeting someone in REAL life , which is a much healthier relationship anyway. Four years is a LONG time to pine for someone you may never meet. Good luck
  15. PlayBrat
    I hate saying this but you sound kind of obsessed. I know we have ALL done things we regret, with the going to her house , etc, believe me I have had my psycho moments!! Right now ..THAT is the image she has been left with...of you being psycho. That's a hard image to forget. It might take quite some time before she can see you in a different light. That sort of behavior is kind of frightening. I say give her a GOOD six months of NC. I know it's hard believe me. Right now you want to right this wrong and the BEST thing you can do is sit still with your emotions. Suck it up. Learn from this. Do not push the issue. Keep exercising, stay busy, just live your life. In the meantime...who knows what might happen. Also keep posting here, it will help. Good luck!!
  16. PlayBrat
    Sorry you're going through this...but after reading your previous posts, I think you knew this was coming. This guy sounds like he just needs to be ALONE right now, not with one or the other. It's cruel for him to put you through this emotionally. Do you REALLY want to wait this out every single day? Living like this? I know you want to work this out with him but I TRULY and objectively believe you guys should not be jumping back in this so fast. I know you love this guy, but if you are honest with yourself, you know part of the reason you wanted him back was to prove you could get him back from HER. It was an ego thing....but look at the beating your ego is taking now. Is it worth it?? Is HE worth it?? Come on now...be honest with yourself. You are not healthy, you're sick from all this drama, how can you make a rational decision like this?? My advice?? Tell him YOU need time to decide what YOU want. As long as you let the decision be his, then he still has the ball in his court. Tell him you cannot live in this emotional limbo with him..it is NOT fair to anyone. Maybe he DOES need to go back to her...would that be the end of the world?? No, it wouldn't...but this could go on for a LONG time. This is where that trust factor comes in. You are ALREADY doubting him. Give yourself a fighting chance and do what needs to be done NOW. If you wait it will escalate. Take care of yourself...
  17. PlayBrat
    Just wanted to say I am doing good today....not 100%...still sad, but better. I think me being able to see him as he really IS, and not the way I wanted to see him has helped me tremendously. If you give people enough time, eventually they will show you their true colors. That's what happened in my case. I'm just glad my eyes were open to this. I told myself....unless he contacts me and actually apologizes and admits he was wrong, there is NO WAY I will contact him...and honestly, I don't forsee that happening. He's too self absorbed for that. Anyway...I hope everyone is having a wonderful day
  18. PlayBrat
    That's a legitimate question Hope....I have AOL and so does he. You can check email status.
  19. PlayBrat
    Great post Trev.... you are right. You "handled" it with class and dignity. I am feeling exactly like you are right now about my situation. I lost a lot of respect for someone recently as well..and it's amazing how much faster you DO get over it when that happens.It's like someone slapped some sense into you..lol. The turning point for me was definetly in how he had no integrity or respect for me in the end...I can't be with ANYONE I don't respect. Trev..you are doing awesome. You should hold your head high, because you are the winner here.
  20. PlayBrat
    Hi Muneca...I really don't know where he is emotionally with the divorce. He said his MAIN concern was to be there for his kids, and I truly admire that, because I didn't have a dad who gave a crap growing up. I don't think he HAS grieved his divorce yet, because he is so consumed with other things. I do feel like the timing was just REALLY REALLY bad. Maybe he thought the only way to get his "space" was to just shut me out completely...and if THAT'S the case...he got what he wanted and then some. Thanks so much for your input..it really does help a lot
  21. PlayBrat
    Hiya Marty.... Not sure how much I can help but Butterfly said it well with her analogy.. getting over an emotional involvement is done in stages. You can't beat yourself up if you don't do it over night. The feelings will ebb and flow... you'll have setbacks, but one day you'll come to a point that you'll just be done with it. Hey some people NEVER get over someone...but it doesn't mean you have to act on it either. It's all about controlling your actions and your emotions. You can love someone deeply but it doesn't mean you need to tell them or expect the same thing ..that's when you get in trouble...expecting another person to give you EXACTLY what youa re giving them. Some people can NEVER love, or give in the capacity you need them to. I wish you the best...keep posting
  22. PlayBrat
    Gradle.... Glad things turned out well with your things Small miracles huh?? I am with Hope about J. It sounds to ME like he is trying to delicately balance things and not "rock the boat"..by being nice to you and , and hope you don't get "psycho" on him. I don't like to be harsh, but I could sort of see why he would do that. I think he is feeling a LOT of guilt by breaking up with you, and part of him still feels obligated to be there for you, although another part of him might resent you for continually pressuring him. THink about this long and hard... Do you want to be with someone that is only there out of guilt?? What can come of this? He is afraid that any little thing will devastate you, and you can't hold it together. Could YOU imagine a future with a GUY that cried when he didn't get his way? Could you imagine him being a father to your children? How would he cope?? Do you see my point? These are things J is thinking about when it comes to YOUR emotional stability, and how you would react in the future. It probably scares the hell out of him. J is thinking into the future...not just the here and now. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. I hope you can pull yourself together and focus on yourself...if nothing else but to prove to YOURSELF you are capable of moving on with your life and KNOWING you will be fine with or without J. You can do it Gradle...we know you can.
  23. PlayBrat
    Thanks for everyones support and replies. It really makes it easier to "vent" than holding things inside...and that others can relate and understand how you feel. Today I am feeling sad. I guess just sad that it's finally over, and that I have closed that door, but really I had no choice. He would have never closed it completely...and I am the type of person who would RATHER be told where I stand, than to take hints, or make assumptions. I don't regret what I said to him at all. I do hope however that it sinks in and he CAN see in time, how his actions DID affect me. Do I want him to regret this? Sure, part of me does...but more than anything I want him to be happy...because that's what made me fall for him. He was happy, and fun and playful. Why would I want him to be sad and miserable? I certainly don't want to be sad and miserable, why would I want that for him? I expect i will be sad for a short while, but I expect to bounce back. I am trying not to think of talking to him again, although part of me wants to...when I am ready, not him. Then I wonder...what for? Ugh. So for now I am trying to thnk in the present, and not even think of the future....that's where I am today. Hope everyone is doing well. for a short while. I realize this.
  24. PlayBrat
    Hey guys... I was flipping through satellite tonight, and saw the movie "About Last Night" was on..I have seen it before but for some reason I sat through the whole thing. I realized the movie pretty much depicts the way break ups happen..then the ensuing part where the guy tries to get the girl back...but he has to really work for it. Demi Moore and Rob Lowe are in this movie and play a couple who fall in love quickly, move in together..then realize it's too much and break up...but I like this movie because it portrays the way someone who has been dumped SHOULD react to the dumper, and Demi Moore does that. Of course I know it's scripted and real life is not always end like movies...but it's a good movie to watch nonetheless. Has anyone seen it? James Belushi is in it too...he's hilarious..lol
  25. PlayBrat
    Hiya.... I read your post, and I used to do the same things you do... I still do from time to time, but I catch myself doing it more now. You said you get upset about a lot of things...for no particular reason. Are you impatient? I am. I had expectations of people and when they didn't live up to them I would dismiss them. I am a VERY punctual person.. so tardiness REALLY annoys me...I too would get upset if my b/f's didn't call when I thought he should, or say the things I wanted him to. This all comes down to control. You need to be in control of everything, and the simple fact that you cannot control everything, sends YOU out of control...does that make sense? This can stem from some early trauma that perhaps made you need to feel this way... Do some soul searching and ask yourself WHY you feel such a strong urge to control everything...when you feel yourself over reacting to something...take 5 minutes to cool off and ask yourself if it's really worth getting upset over. Counting to 10 or 20 before you react to something is a way to control yourself...of course this takes a lot of practice. But it's a start. Good luck.
×
×
  • Create New...