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PlayBrat

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  1. PlayBrat
    Scorchio...I think these thoughts are very normal...but they seem to be preventing you from moving on. You sound like you are in a lot of pain over her. I broke NC several times before I was able to let go...BUT at least I knew without a doubt I had tried everything before I came to that point. Maybe you haven't come to that conclusion yet....perhaps you need to make an excuse to contact her. If she doesn't want to hear from you...you will know. You need some closure so you can close this book.
  2. PlayBrat
    Hey Confused..... I am glad you are looking toward the POSITIVE changes of being newly single... It does have it's advantages....although it MAY take you a bit of time to adjust to it. As Hope said, working out and focusing on physical changes is always a plus....and it gets you those admiring looks from the women.... I am big into biking, so I like to hit the trail when I can.I can ride for hours. I also think volunteering is a GREAT way to get through this..because it gives you the chance to focus on those less fortunate than you, and it helpsyou put things in perspective. Maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter for the holidays. I did that one Thanksgiving..and I may do it again this year. Hope these suggestions help
  3. PlayBrat
    Great analogy Simon...I completely agree! I read in an interview with Madonna once she said something similar about herself. She said something along the lines of if she were in a room with a hundred people who ADORED her or worshipped her...but ONE who didn't like her...she would be MOST bothered by that ONE who didn't. So it applies to even the most self confident peole out there. Don't take it to heart....what may be great to one person, just might not be another persons cup of tea.
  4. PlayBrat
    Ok...objectively...you are nowhere NEAR being over J. There are a LOT of unanswered questions that you may never know the answer to. I think that the ONLY way your heart is going to heal completely, is for J to be gone for quite a while and for you to have NO contact. I don't believe, from what I have read that anything J tells you is going to satisfy you..because he DID break up with you,....and god knows I know that hurts. You may HAVE to bring closure within yourself....because I think J DOES have just enough feelings for you that he does NOT want to cause you more pain and suffering. He probably does not realize that his "occasional" crumbs of attention are more detrimental than helpful to you. He needs to be "cruel to be kind" in a sense...and just let you move on with your life. As you need to with him. I know this hurts but I am trying to give you honest, constructive advice.
  5. PlayBrat
    I understand that Gradle..I do..... I am not going to berate you for having human feelings. As I said I would feel exactly the same. However...you will not find out what you need to know by demanding anything....or falling apart. Remember...if you ask the question...you have to be prepared for the answer. Are you SURE you are prepared to hear that? If you aren't prepared to handle that ....you can hold off. If you think KNOWING will give you more closure and in some way help you move on...then ask. As we have all said though......J is well within his rights to be seeing someone else if he is.....as you are. Keep that in mind.
  6. PlayBrat
    That's good Gradle...but if you haven't mailed it already...I would change part of it...the part where you said you were wondering if someone snagged him....I would change it...to.. "I hate to admit, but I would be envious if some lucky girl has snagged you ....ALWAYS do it in a playful way. This is paramount..because that is appealing. He needs to know the mood is INDEED light..... Otherwise, it's good...
  7. PlayBrat
    Well...you can start by BEING the bigger person, and not making demands or accusations. Think of how you would LIKE to portray yourself to him...and project that in your email. J needs to KNOW you will survive HAPPILY with or without him..THAT is an attractive quality. He needs to know no matter WHAT he says to you, you can handle it with dignity and grace....and NOT make him feel guilty for his decisions. Simply put..he needs to know he is FREE and you can accept that. Human psycology really is NOT that hard to figure out. The less you hold onto something and the more you let go....the more it seems to remain there. Everyone needs to feel free...or they can never FULLY appreciate being where they are. Make sense??
  8. PlayBrat
    Gradle...... IF...Thats's a BIG IF...you DO ask him if he is seeing someone else...because face it, sometimes we just HAVE to know. Please, keep it LIGHT and playful. There are ways of finding things out without coming off like a psychotic ex. Make it sound like a joke..or be coy. Something like.."I have been wondering about you lately..just about some things we used to do, and I hate to say, I would be envious if some lucky girl has snagged you already". See? You can make the statement...without accusing him, and leaving it open for him to reply...IF he wants to..but you cannot DEMAND an answer. Make him feel OKAY with telling you, without thinking you will be devastated or fall apart. I totally understand how this would bug you Gradle..it would bug me too...but you are NOT in a relationship anymore. The less defensive you make him feel....the more he will WANT to tell you. It works believe me...
  9. PlayBrat
    Hey all..I hope everyone is having a great day Things are better for me today. I had a relapse the other day...but it was fleeting. Anyway, I just have a question. Has anyone met someone they may have liked a lot after a breakup...and because of the bad timing , it just didn't work out? Did you ever end up with that person at a later time? Did you just end up being friends? I am asking because I am talking to someone right now who seems nice..but right NOW, it's not there for me..although I like him. He knows my situation....I guess my concern is that he will move on by the time I know I am ready again. Does that make sense? I don't want to jump into a rebound thing I guess. Thoughts?
  10. PlayBrat
    I agree with Eddie on this..... I am a flirtatious woman...BUT I know where my boundaries are. It is DEFINETLY a sign of attraction when a woman finds a reason to playfully hit a guy. ..whether she is conscience of it or not. The guy friend isn't helping matters either..he needs to be more respectful of his friend as well. He could be giving signals to her that invite this behavior as well. I wouldn't be a tyrant about it..but I would let it be known that it bothers me. Do it now...before it festers.... Good luck
  11. PlayBrat
    I guess I asked because I am having a "down" day...and I miss him. I wonder if he misses me too...but I am trying to get out of this mode.
  12. PlayBrat
    PS...excuse the typos..lol ...Sorry!!!
  13. PlayBrat
    Hey all, been a while since I posted. It's been about a month since I had contact with the "ex'....been keeping myself busy, but it's still yough. i still wonder if he even misses me...I don't know WHY I even care, but I do. Anyway, just wondering how long it normally takes for an ex to relaize they miss yu...or to at least realize you're gone for good? Does it happen?? Having a tough today. Thanks!
  14. PlayBrat
    For ME the worst thing about getting dumped would have to be the indifference I feel from the other person. THAT sucks bad....especially when you're going through a REALLY bad moment missing them..and just want to hear that they at LEAST miss you or something, and they won't even tell you that. THAT is tough. Thats also why NC is SO very important to do during this stage.....because it helps you avopid ALL that. Another thing is the days just DRAAAAAG by...it feels like they last forever after a breakup...then I just want to go to sleep and wake up a year later!
  15. PlayBrat
    Yes...I think you should do NC...as strenuously as possible. Give yourself a deadline and stick to it. As long as you wait around on her timetable..you will feel helpless. Don't wait around. make goals for yourself..and say..in a month, I will have accomplished this...or in 2 months I will have done that. Just sitting around and waiting in limbo makes time stand still. You need to get busy with life. If she thinks you are sitting around pining for her, she is NOT going to see that as an attractive thing. You DO have a choice here...you can choose to sit around and blame HER for you not moving on, or you can be pro active and make some neccesary changes. I read an excellent book recently "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person". It basically explains that one reason people tend to cling to a certain person, regardless of HOW bad the situation is.. it is because that person in some way reminds them of someone (a mother or father figure) with whom they had a lot of discontentment with as a very young child..and the person they are clinging to in some way represents that person with whom they are trying to recreate that relationship with. They tend to try to somehow make this person into the person their mother or father could NOT be at a time when they were helpless and could not control the situation. It is a pretty deep subject..but it gets to the root of things. Ask yourself...who does this person remind you of..and why are you clinging so hard to it?? What are you trying to change in this person to suit your needs? Do some soul searching...the answers might surprise you.
  16. PlayBrat
    Hey there Gradle..been reading your updates. I know you're sad, but in a way isn't it good to FINALLY have some kind of closure? I think you feel numb because you were in such limbo for a while. You went through practically every emotion there is in that stage. You were hurt, angry, hopeful, depressed, Happy..etc. jeeze it's no wonder you're numb...your body is readjusting itself. Whatever you do...be good to yourself. Teat yourself as if you've been injured..because you have. Your heart is hurt. I have been where you are. You went through all of these stages in such a short period of time....so perhaps the recovery will be a little easier on you. I hope you will keep us updated , even after you move to DC...it will be good to hear how your transition is going. I think you're going to do awesome ((Hugs)))
  17. PlayBrat
    Scorchio I KNOW how you feel about wondering IF they think about you at ALL!. What helps me ..is I just assume they DO..lol. Hey why NOT? It makes me feel better. It's not as if I'm going to ask if he thinks about me, so what does it hurt for me to think it? I am sure she thinks about you....even if not in the way you think of her. I think being the "dumpee" always puts us in more of a position to long for or want the other person back...or to have fantasies of the "dumper" to come back, begging our forgiveness. Well, we all know that only happens in the movies..lol...but it's always nice to have those thoughts, as long as they aren't holding you back from moving on.
  18. PlayBrat
    Hey Scorchio...congrats on doing NC for 1 1/2 months....that's great! As for your ex having her "away" message up...I ALWAYS have my "away" message up....usually because I'm busy but sometimes because I am hoping "HE" will read it, and get curious. I never put anything to provoke jealousy or anything, just to pique his curiosity. Honestly I don't even know if I am on his buddylist, but I do it anyway..lol. I know it's a juvenile thing, but it's harmless. I think we all resort to those things on occasion. Try to maintain NC as long as possible....it will help you heal.
  19. PlayBrat
    Hey guys.... I have a question and was wondering what everyone thinks...well I guess it's more for the guys..but any opinions are welcome If a guy is interested in a woman but not actually 'dating" her...if he knows she is dating other people is it a normal reaction to wonder if she is sleeping with other poeple, or is this not even a thought that crosses the guys mind UNTIL he is intimate with her?? I am wondering because I have been casually dating a couple guys ...and I want to be discreet but also fair to the guys I am seeing. I ahve not slept with either of them...but if that comes to pass...and either of the guys wants to know, what's a graceful way of telling them without sounding like a "ho"? LOL
  20. PlayBrat
    People are very weird when it comes to confronting someone about something that might make them emotional. I'm a fairly logical person...so if I were to use logic and not emotion to give you advice, I would have to say that your ex'es reaction was not that of a person who is ready to have contact with you. You said she was visibly "shaken"...are you sure this wasn;t out of fear of something? You said she pulled away in her car after you asked her to wait. Again, not the actions of someone who wants to talk to you. Not only this but you also said she's changed her phone nimber etc. Why did she lie about the car?? Who knows? Maybe she was driving someone ELSES BMW and wanted to seem like a bigshot. Maybe she is dillusional. Maybe she has a split personality and really believes she has a new car. No one knows but her. What you need to focus on here are the FACTS...and not try to dissect this into something it isn't, Personally, from what you've said...she sounds like she wants nothing to do with you. My advice is to leave her alone and keep moving on. If she wanted to talk to you she would have. I think sending her a letter now would be a serious detriment to you. Chalk it up and move on. Good luck.
  21. PlayBrat
    Ok....this isn't an EXPERT opinion, but I have heard men and womens timing are different when it comes to "falling in love". Women always put more into and expect more EARLIER in a "relationship" whereas men tend to hold back emotionally a lot longer. For instance, when a woman is dating a man she REALLY likes, she is more likely to expect him to call a lot...like everyday or a few times a week, and if a couple days go by ..that seems like few weeks to her. The opposite is true for men...a couple weeks is more like a couple days to him. So he doesn't usually understand why the girl might get upset if she hasn't heard from him. I think this is JUST as true as how fast men and women fall in "love". I think it's VERY rare that the timing is exactly the same on both sides. What do you all think?
  22. PlayBrat
    Oh boy....this guy sounds like a real winner (eyeroll). Sorry...not to be mean but do you not see this guy is such a player?? The guy is still texting his "ex" to get back at her...how mature is that? If you are still in contact with an ex ...even negative contact...it means you still have unresolved feelings. This guy needs to be shown the door...and the door needs to be firmly locked until he makes a sincere EFFORT to "huff and puff and blow your house down" by trying to get you back. If you take him back NOW, there is no way he will respect you...he needs to EARN it. My opinion of course.
  23. PlayBrat
    Gradle... We have been here for you for 5-6 weeks. You ask advice, on what to do, etc..you can't expect us to give you advice and then just totally disregard it, then expect "hugs" and support. I can't speak for everyone, but it's exasperating to see you SO close to where you want to be...and then for you do something that counteracts your progress. It sounds to me as if J is stringing you along in MY opinion. he knows he's going to be leaving soon...and if you reacted the way you did before he is probably afraid to tell you it's REALLY over..because who knows HOW you'll react then? To me it sounds as if J is biding his time, and giving you just enough to keep you off his case about getting back together. What you want to do with that advice is up to you...you are the one who has to live with it.
  24. PlayBrat
    Punto.... Did you see that movie "SwimFan"? Or Fatal Attraction??? Do you want to find boiling bunnies in your kitchen??? Yikes!!! I am sorry but it would have taken ONCE for someone to message me 50 times in one day..and they would have seen skid marks! Why have you put up with that for so long??? I hate to say it but at THIS point, you are somewhat at fault for allowing this to continue, by giving in to her. How the heck did you have TIME to answer 50 or 60 sms'es a day?? This girl is a certifiable PSYCHO...find a sane normal person!
  25. PlayBrat
    Hi all...haven't posted in a few days, been busy. Just wanted to basically echo what Hope is saying here to you Gradle... She is 100% right, and has said pretty much everything I would have. You have posted here for what? Over a month right? You really are still at square one ..at least emotionally. You haven't done NC...well actually you have...but on J's terms. I think it's time to get down to brass tacts...and go complete NC. You need to SHOW him with your ACTIONS that you CAN be without him. He needs to believe he is going to lose you. Right now he could care less because he KNOWS you are there!!! How do you feel right NOW thinking you'll lose him??? Like crap right??? Well, maybe HE needs to feel that way about YOU!!!. If he calls don't answer!!! Drop off his radar! Heck even if you do it for 2 weeks, I bet it will get his attention! You have GOT to do something different, because what you've been doing is not working. If you do complete NC for a few weeks...what ELSE do you have to lose? Really??? cOME ON gRADLE...WE know you are stronger than this!!!
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