Hello. Sorry for resurrecting an old thread but I need some more advice and to vent as I am still hurting.
I would like to start off by thanking everyone for their suggestions and replies from way back. I did manage to talk to her and everything had gotten better. She had not realized what she was doing and has made an effort to prevent it from happening again.
This may be a long read and I apologise for that. I just need to get this off my chest and hear some advice if possible.
It has been approx 1 year and 3 months since that happened, but now something else has come up.. something worse.
She is now 20 years old and I am 26. We work in the same department and recently, I had taken a 2 week vacation just to relax at home. This week was my first week back at work.
Two days ago on Wednesday, she had called me up near midnight. She was upset and crying so she asked if she could come over and of course I said yes. When she was over, I did not want to pressure her with questions, but she just wanted to be with me. She fell asleep crying and in the morning, she woke up crying. I was trying to think of all the things that could have happened and was getting a worried, but I want her to tell me when she is ready to.
Last night (Thurs), after work, we came over to my place and she started crying again. She said that she loved me and wants to be with me... then she told me what had happened. I think I would have preferred if she told me that she was pregnant...
When I was away on vacation, another coworker (one of her friends at work) had come up to the floor and started hanging out more and getting closer with her. I have noticed in the past that she had driven and dropped this person off to his car. She even invited this person to our department party our manager through at her house even though he is not in the same group/department. Anyways, on that day 2 days ago, he was going to be at the library studying and according to her, he had asked her to drop by on her way home. She went to fill up gas and dropped by since 'it was close by'.
Instead of dropping by quick, she ended up staying there with him for 2 hours, doing some work of her own. Near the end, they were talking and then he held her hand and confessed that he liked her. I don't remember but she might have told him that she liked him too.. He put his hand on her back and went in for a kiss. She claims that she said no, so he kissed her forehead... and then went for the lips anyways. She did not resist.
Shortly after, she started crying and said that she had to go. He walked her to her car and said something like "I can't let you leave like this, etc, etc"
She said she would be fine and so he left. She told me that she had cried in the back seat of her car for an hour before she went home and cried some more. A few hours later is when she had called me near midnight. She had initially started to cry because she said that she thought of our emotional talk 1year and 3 months ago where we were both crying.
She told me that it was curiosity and that it was an "in the moment" kind of thing. I don't know what to do or to believe because right now, I do not trust her at all. Things were going great. Our lives have been heavily intertwined and I can't believe that she would put it all on the line just like that. So that brings me to the conclusion that she likes the guy or doesn't have some common sense and is naive.
I wanted this relationship to work out really bad.. and it was for the longest time. Maybe things were going to smoothly in this relationship...
Anyways, she is a nervous wreck right now. She has not eaten since Wed afternoon, has missed some classes, almost missed a midterm, work, etc.
She told me that she had gone to the other guys office and told him that they can not date because, although she likes him, she loves me. She told him that they should not talk for "a very very long time".
Riiiiight... I don't know what to believe. I can see that she is clearly upset and that she *seems* to regret it, but how can I trust her anymore? It has been only 1 year and 8 months since we started dating but something like this has happened two times now. I am just glad that it is now and not later, or when it is an affair or something. My Christmas present to her was a 10 day trip to Maui for Christmas too. Hotel and flight is booked and non-refundable.
I had said some very harsh, but truthful things to her last night. I was shocked and numb. I am still shocked and numb. Since then, every waking moment and sleeping moment, I keep on envisioning them together at the library. I am pissed every time I think of it and I can not make it go away. I don't want to picture that anymore.
Please. Any advice would be greatful because I don't want this to end, although I may be setting myself up for something much worse if I let this keep on going.
I do respect her courage for telling me and how bad it made her feel afterwards. She could have kept it to herself and I would have been an oblivious idiot going "La, la, la"., but I am sick and tired of going through this BS. I thought she would have learned after the first time.... *sigh*
Once again, please lend me your advice.
Thanks in advance.
