PlayBrat
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Thanks Muneca...and everyone.... I do feel better somewhat. I feel better that I told HIM what I did. I don't want to hear back from him...I really don't. Muneca, you hit the nail on the head. He is toxic..the situation is toxic. He would never have told me to go away..because I know he got ego gratification from me. I can't even say if he cared about me...thats what hurts most. What WAS I to him anyway?? I can see how easy it is to become consumed by poeple like this. How they can suck you in, without you even realizing it. It is also easy to see how people can easily get accused of "stalking" or "harassing" someone when one person is leading someone on and refuses to draw that hard line. I have never resorted to "stalking'....but being so closely involved in this type of situation, makes you realize how easy it is to get in that mind set. It is actually frightening. This is a big thing that has kept me from crossing that line. I appreciate everyones support. I truly truly do. I hope I can be of assitance to those in need as well I will keep you all posted on my progress. ...
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Ok..I got out for a while...took a long drive, with the windows open, to the beach and I feel much better. Being near the water always helps me clear my head. I feel bitter right now...and honestly I don't like being this way. I am a very happy go lucky person, and this WHOLE thing has just sucked the happiness out of me, and it is truly not right. It is just amazing how with a world of billions of people ..ONE person can totally destroy you, or what you think of yourself. Why?? How does that happen? I have extremely high self esteem, I am self assured, I am successful...so why when it comes to this ONE person I feel so small and incompetent?? It's this ONE person I want to want me back and it seems like Mission Impossible. Is it REALLY about just not giving a damn? Because if it is, then I don't want to deal with that. I refuse to apologize for caring about someone, or wanting to show them how I feel...At what point do the games STOP?? I have heard all the advice..."give them space" Do NC....etc etc etc.... and then what? When they come around am I supposed to put on this act just to keep them around?? It becomes exhausting even thinking about it anymore. I will move on, sure. ..I'll find someone ELSE, of course. I don't doubt that for a second...I am pretty attractive, I think I am funny....but dammit this sucks..lol I just HATE this whole stupid process....
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You're right Misery...I probably DO want him to hurt, but he's too self centered to see it that way. He's only concerned with his OWN needs..but you know, it's not that big of a shocK. I am the one who trained him to have this attitude towards me by giving him WAY more than he deserved. Believe me...I played a part in this too. My big issue with this is NOT that he doesn't want to be with me...and until this point he has always sidestepped the answer...with things like.."the timing is off right now" or some other reply to keep me just interested enough to not leave. That is wrong, I am sorry. Just TELL me!!! It's wrong when you blatantly TELL them you like them or have feelings for them and they don't have the courtesy to just be honest with you. Ignoring you is NOT honest..it is being cowardly and again, not having the integrity to do the right thing. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of all the energy and time I put into this jerk that thought NOTHING of wasting my time, my energy and my emotions.
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I am angry because I NEED to be angry...and not see him through rose colored glasses. He hurt me...and unneccesarily. I did NOT deserve this, no one would. I know he doesn't care...that I am well aware of. I gave him a lot more power than he ever deserved..I am merely taking it back. He will NEVER hurt me again, I guarantee you that.
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I agree, I can ONLY control my own actions..and that includes being able to get angry when I need to. God I am SO sick of being the one who needs to be "nice' or to placate, or to kiss [censored]I am done with that. I matter too dammit, and it is just WRONG for people to treat others with such disregard! I just wish for ONCE poeple would consider how much their actions affect other people and not think of their own damn needs.
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I know it sounds ludicrous, but I would have respected him SO much more if he would have had the integrity to say to me in person ..the way I DESERVED to be told, that he didn't want to be bothered...or whatever the case is. YES..it would have hurt me, but at least I would not have went home and sent him these embarrassing emails afterward. I would have respected his wishes....and let him go. Maybe I need to be furious...and not respect him, and not see him in such a wonderful light, because right NOW...I think of him in disgust.
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I ended up breaking NC with him...I sent him a brief email... just saying Happy Fathers Day on Friday. No reply. Then another one... saying I was just a little curious if I scared him away...no reply. This after seeing me 2 weeks ago, and saying how "beautiful" I looked... so I sent him yet ANOTHER NICE email Saturday night. I checked the status of the mail, and see it's "deleted". Now I am furious...so this is the email I sent him...and now I am DONE... I know you deleted my last email to you..not that I didn't expect it after just ignoring me the last week..I get the message loud and clear, believe me..my only real question is why didn't you just do this five months ago? It really would have saved you and me a LOT of time and aggravation. I am not mad....but I am hurt.I would never do that to you. I also have to wonder why you even bothered telling me I looked "beautiful" the night you saw me? What was the point in even saying that..in fact what was the point in saying anything at all? You had the opportunity to tell me what you wanted to in person...and yet you choose to just do this. I have to say I have lost a lot of respect for you for this. I thought you had a lot more integrity than that. I guess there's a lot about you I really didn;t know though.... Please don't email me back. Was this a good response to his...Non response? Yes I realize not sending him an email will be the standard answer..but I did this for MYSELF more than for him. I feel like a total fool right now....
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Simon... Been following your posts...and you have been torturing yourself over the what ifs....Meanwhile exi Poo is on a cruise, sipping margaritas , and having herself a merry old time. Don't you think it's time to think about YOU now? Your ex has had every opportunity to TELL you what she wants...or to be civil..and she chooses not to. This game could go on indefinetly. You know what you need to do....so just do it.
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... Accckkk...yardwork??? First of all...contacting someone under the "guise" of business is STILL contact. I would even eliminate that if it's possible for you to do that. Is there anyone else that can take on some of the projects that might involve interaction with your ex? If he doesn't see you...even in a work environment, he might wonder about you a LOT more. Also...if he ever happens to contact you for anything...tell him you're busy cleaning your oven...
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Thanks everyone who has replied... "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP" LOL I am going to take a break from thinking about all this..at least for the weekend. So I'll be taking a break from the forum. I want to wish all the dads out there a very Happy Father's Day Have a safe and Happy weekend!!!
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Hey all.... This is day 9 of NC for me...yeah I know that's not much but can I get a ..hell yeah?? LOL I initiated NC as a way to disengage myself from someone I've known for about 8 months. He's not in a place to give me what I want, so I needed to distance myself. It IS hard. I would like to send him a "Happy Fathers Day" email...but I won't. Just my little mind trying to talk me out of this, but I won't allow it! For all of you doing NC.just keep reminding yourself of WHY you are doing it..and not WHY you shouldn't. Don't do this as a game, do it as self preservation, and as a way to protect yourself and heal. Good luck and stay strong everyone!!!!
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Help!! I'm close to breaking NC? DO I or DONT I?
PlayBrat replied to urbangentleman's topic in Getting Back Together
Urban.. if your mind is made up about contacting her...I would advise the most non intrusive way of contacting her...so she has the choice to reply or not. I would send her a brief email...not a long winded one about what you have been doing. She needs a reason to call you back, and have things to discuss. A text would also suffice. If you happen to call and she's busy and can't talk or something, it might discourage you or deflate you...so send her an email or text then just go about your day, and get busy. If you obsess about it or check your phone and email constantly, you will go insane... Hope that helps some. -
please, i really need help. i love my ex more than anything
PlayBrat replied to gradle's topic in Getting Back Together
Hi Gradle I wanted to reply to your post. I think these people are giving you really sound advice. Annie is right...your ex has a phone too. If he wanted to talk to you he would make the call. His fingers aren't broken. Can you and he work out?? That remains to be seen. We are not psychic, we are just strangers giving you objectiove advice about your situation based on info you are giving us. I think you have not given this enough time yet. Although you are trying to convince us you are doing "much better" and not "that bad"...your post are dripping with being on the edge of obsessive. I am not being mean, just honest. You need to REALLY think about what YOU want to do. Don't even worry about your ex...act as if he doesn not even exist. Easier said than done but seriously...what would you be doing if he didn't? You would be living your life as usual , right? What about when he leaves? If you're this upset NOW, what happens when he DOES move away?? You cannot continue to pin your hopes on this "relationship" . You calling your ex as often as you say you have is in NO way going to make him miss you, nor bring him back to you. He needs to think he has TRULY lost you and he is not able to do that as long as you continue to pursue him. Believe me I KNOW it's hard! I have been there quite a few times, but listen to what we are saying to you. Let it sink in. I would advise you to not contact him again ...let him come to you. There is a saying..."Love is like a shadow..it runs when chased directly..but when you turn away, you will always find it chasing you". Apply this to your situation ..it is very true. Keep us posted and good luck! -
Congrats on Day 7 Itry... I'm on day 8...so we're kind of on the same timetable in the healing process. It was MY choice to do NC because the guy I am talking about is going through a divorce and he just is not where I need to him to be to give me what I want right now. Things didn't end badly or anything, and I do miss talking to him ..but I am doing this for myself so I can become less emotionally "invested" in him. I am trying to not think too far in the future or get my hopes up IF we talk again. If you need to talk, PM me anytime...I will help as much as I can And...keep your clothes on!!! LOL
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Hey I hope everyone is having a great day today. I started doing NC with someone 8 days ago and I have been reading a lot of posts on here the last week...and trying to give advice to those I feel I can help in some small way. I want to say this forum has truly given me SO much more perspective and strength than I would have without it. It makes me feel NOT so alone, or NOT so pathetic...and that in the end it is ME I have to live with. I know without this forum I would have broken down by now, or been weak and contacted him. It is nice to know there are others who are or have been where you are..and who don't judge you because you just can't "get over it". I think that is what keeps so many people stuck when they are going through a traumatic breakup..is that they don't feel like they can break down or truly be open about their pain or hurt. That is a neccesary and vital part of healing and moving on. Last week I had a REALLY REALLY bad day emotionally. I took that day to grieve and cry and mope....yeah it was an ugly one. LOL Anyway..I just wanted to say thanks to everyone. I am so glad this forum exists. I will continue posting until I get through what I need to, and I will try to continue to post and hopefully be able to help others the way I have been helped. Thanks again.
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Am I doing the right thing to get her to reconsider?
PlayBrat replied to settinuplife's topic in Getting Back Together
Man OH man....I guess some people read what they wanna read..... Settinup....here you go... Go ahead call her....tell her you want her back and that you are so much better than her ex, but don't stop there. Then confess your undying love and that you are lost without her. THEN......make sure you tell her how wonderful and beautiful she is...THEN tell her how much you have changed and how PROUD she would be of you.... Then just wait....you'll get your REAL answer.... -
What makes your ex worth going back to?
PlayBrat replied to benevolent's topic in Getting Back Together
This is an interesting question...considering one thing many stress is why NOT to go back to an ex. Well...first it depends on WHY you broke up..of course. If there were no third parties involved or any irreversible damage, then you can usually assume there are MANY reasons to go back to an ex. If it's because you were just ambivalent and needed some "space" or time it is worth considering taking an ex back. One thing many people..myself included ...do..is NOT give someone the appropriate space or time to think things through. We all want instant gratification..and we want it right here right now..on OUR terms. That's not how it works. So to answer your question...when to take an ex back..itdepends much on your situation. Do you feel like that person is a highlight in your life? Do you feel that person completes you? Or are they a hindrance? Do they respect you? Can you live withOUT them and be 100% happy? These are all things you need to consider before you come to this decision. Hope that helps... -
Itry... Don't feel too bad....I have broken NC too many times to count lol. No one is keeping score but you...once you have had enough you will stick to it...you just have to get to that point...and you will, believe me. I am in NC myself right now..it's day 7...the first couple weeks are ALWAYS the hardest. Try not to think too much about your ex...or if doing NC bothers them, or if they care...just assume they don't and do it as if you have no choice, because truthfully, it really IS the only choice you have right now. Post here when you feel weak or needy, many many people here give great advice...and are not judgemental of your situation. So come vent, or just ask for advice if you need to. PM me if you like...we'll help each other out...LOL Stay strong....NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC
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Him leaving the state is a good thing isn't...
PlayBrat replied to freeindeed's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
This kinda makes me think of how I have felt after I thought I said I didn't want a relationshp with someone...and then when they went away... giving me what wanted I kinda of missed them, even though I knew it was not the right thing for me. Just because you think you want something does not neccesarily mean you NEED it or that it's good for you. I hope things get better for you ...please remember it gets easier. -
need some advice from the men and the women
PlayBrat replied to sundaymorning's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I agree with HeloLadies on this one... Remember the movie Jerry Maguire when the guy took him to lunch to fire him? He knew he would have reacted with hostility. I think most NORMAL people would not react that way. I would have someone else there...waiting outside perhaps to ride along in case she attempted to follow you or something. If you live with her or have a lot of belongings there of course you can't do it this way...if you don't mind taking the loss on some belongings then just take the loss. It's not worth the aggravation. Be true to yourself. Good luck. -
Hey Dan... I hope you are doing ok....it sounds like you know where you're heading...and are doing what you can to get there. That's VERY important. I hope you realize your ex is probably the type who just can't be alone..even if it means she is in an abusive relationship. Quick story...In my early twenties, I dated this guy for a few months, and we broke up, for whatever reason. I took things REALLY personally UNTIL I saw him with someone else...It was this beastly looking chick. Not that I was Miss America..but DAMN!! lol All this time I visualized him with someone at LEAST better looking than me...anyway, until THAT point my imagination made things worse for me than they REALLY were..until I had to see it for myself. After that the thought of him disgusted me. Maybe thats a similar feeling you're having now. I too am on Day 7 of NC...It's tough but I know it's the best thing for ME. We can help each other through this..one day at a time Take care of yourself
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Well you can make all the assumptions you want... I am not saying she isn't trying to make you jealous...but what does it matter? Even if you ARE jealous, does that kind of manipulation REALLY make you want her back? Did she even have the courtesy to at least introduce him as her "boyfriend"? Or did she just let him stand there like a baffoon? None of us can answer your questions as accurately as you want..none of us are there, so all we can do is give you opinions based on limited info...and it sounds like you are not TRULY taking what is said as advice. You poke holes in every thing that is said...so regardless you are going to do what you want anyway. Draw your own conclusions... Good luck.
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Hmmmm..nope...sounds to me like she's a spoiled brat and this is her way of having a temper tantrum because you aren't reacting in the way she wants you to. If she "missed" you she would convey that. I am sorry but asking for a measly two dollars back from you does NOT convey her missing you..it shows that she is keeping score of what you are or are not doing for her. You never once stated she said ANYthing nice or kind to you...as in "hope you are doing well" or I hope you're happy...THAT is what smeone who cares about you would do..even IF they aren't hearing the words they want to hear. Stop trying to pick this girls words or actions apart. Take them at face value because in the end..that's exactly who she is.
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This time she just called me. Suggestions Please
PlayBrat replied to simon_uk's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
No Simon....don't say anything more. Follow up with what you said..and drop her things off...then you might want to text her with something short...like.."Your things are at XXX" Take Care. No need to be mean or bitter...just don't play her game. She won't respect you if you do... As I said...until she owns up and says the words..I want you back" Or admits she was wrong and is sorry...you owe her NOTHING. Hope that helps. -
I wouldn't say he'll think any LESS of you.... but I know from experience that his attitude might be more of "indifference". Which to me is just as bad. Men don't appreciate things that come easily...especially a "conquest". He knows he has you, what else is there to work for? You sending him the email will only confirm that you ARE in fact still "hooked". Hope that answered your question.