Punto83

Thanks for the responses people, I've suggested no contact several times over the past few weeks but she just tends to ignore it when I say I want be left alone. It making my parents ill, me ill and everyone around us. I've said I don't want any more contact at all. Silly me still feels sorry for her but it was getting so nasty in the last few months of our relationship with constant argueing. Thank you very much for your help

Cheers mate, everyone was saying a lot of it was "emotional blackmail" all the time and bending the truth. I could see when she did it with members of her family but for a long time not when it was done to me. I slowly started to realise but she knew my weak spots. I've said I need to time and to be left alone to rebuild, she accepts that but keeps messaging me. I'm the kind of person who can't ignore people.

Hi all, So pleased I have found this site, haven't had chance to read through the forums yet but will spend the next few days reading u and will probably find lots of people going through or have gone through this. I will try and keep this brief, about 20 months I met a beautiful girl. She was only just turning 17 and I was 21. After several meetings in clubs we hooked up together and was an official item. Everything was going well, I could believe someone like this could fall for me (I'd been in a couple of relationships before, one serious but long distance) and I was on high. So was she and we got along great. I should have seen the warning signs early because she used to send around 20 SMS text messages a day right from the start. However, I took this as a great compliment. After a month or so we made love and she lost her virginity to me. We were both falling in love and it was brilliant, we saw eachother 3 or 4 times a week on an evening whilst she was at college and I was working in a gap year. Looking back, this is where the "problems" started. 6 month into the relationship she had a family holiday planned for 3 weeks to the states ( I live in the UK). She was dreading it and I was too, but thought it would be ok. She really struggled, ringing everyday with long phonecalls. When she got back, she insisted seeing me everyday. I thought this would feel strange but went along with it, we were fantasising about our future together and were still both happy. Anyway, the SMS's started increasing up to 50/60 a day. I replied to them all even though we would be seeing eachother. I'd get home and the phone would beep within 10 mins. I was starting back at uni 9 months into the relationship and she said how strange it would be. I said with it being my final year i would really have to concentrate on my study and some days I wouldn't be able to see her with the work load. She accepted but when I did try to have "night off" she would go crazy, saying I was putting uni before her etc and not being fair. Anyway this continued up until May of this year where I was seeing her every day and receiving 50 SMS's a day. When i didn't reply straight away (i.e within 30 mins) I was called arrogant. It was getting to the point where I was feeling so suffocated, everything i did wasn't good enough, she wanted more, more and more. she would get very jealous of even my parents. She was eroding my feelings with her temper and i coudln't believe what was happening. She was becoming very manipulative and I was nervous wreck. She didn't like me seeing my friends or going out with them, she denied this but everytime I did, I got so much hassle it was just easier to not even suggest me doing something by myself. I ended up on prozac People were saying that i was being taken for ride and to call it a day. I knew they were right but it would hurt her (and me so much). After 18 months of the relationship I eventually plucked up courage and we split up. she blamed everything for the relationship to break down, me (not respecting her), my parents, my friends, uni, prozac........ everything except herself. I said I would cut her out of my life and wanted to keep in touch because I'm not heartless (whenever I see her, my heart still jumps and I find her so physically attractive). Anyway, after some research on the net, I found the obsession love wheel and all the phases are exactly the same as our relationship. I became suffocated and started to back away which led her to be more anxious etc. Sorry for the long message, I just want some advice. I'm still getting loads of SMS but i can't just say "go away, leave me alone", I don't want to be cruel. A lot of her friends are blaming me so are her family (but they don't know all this obsessive stuff)..... even they say she is a selfish person. What is the best way to deal with a person like this? She is now admitting she craves attention and when we were splitting up she was very nasty to me (i.e, "saying you won't get anyone better than me", "I'll end up happy where as you will be all lonely")......... I can understand her hurt but all this is horrible for me too, because my world is upside down aswell. She is very attractive and gets a lot of attention from males (but she has very low confidence). How can I help her? All throughout this I've tried to protect her feelings etc and just tried to explain how suffocated I felt and so forth. Everyone say's I'm not in the wrng and have done the right thing and suggest i cut her completely off but that seems very drastic. Anybody else been in this situation? It's awful Thanks for reading this 22 (UK)