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silvanesti

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  1. silvanesti
    i didn't met him on a dating site... and i am in no way, shape or form on a dating site. he and i met through a friend on icq. we started off as friends, and then our conversations became more frequent, and then i realized that i really did like him. sex we just never talked about... and the one conversation that we did have about the subject didn't even involve the two of us. i think you need to realize that not everybody is like that. you seem like you are a very cynical person. and i wasn't even really talking about physically cheating... i was thinking more along the lines of emotional cheating. but i have made my decision and thanks to those that gave relevent advise.
  2. silvanesti
    horny? ... nu-huh... me and this guy have been talking for six months now, and averaging four times a week. that's more than most marraiges i know. During all this time, we have talked about sex one or two times... we just aren't that way. And this whole internet dating thing doesen't always have to be about sex.
  3. silvanesti
    Hi. When I moved out to go to college, I developed a relationship with someone. And it was great. But I never really wanted to bring him home to where I grew up, or to meet my old friends. You see, when I went to college I changed as a person. I left a lot of emotional baggage back with my parents. But whenever I went back to visit, I always seemed to adopt the same old character traights that I hated in myself. What I am getting at is, maybe there are some issues in his life that you are unaware of. That he just wants to keep you separate from his home life. That isn't an insult towards you, maybe he's just not ready to mix both lives. It also sounds like he is just as confused as you are. How many serious relationships has he gone through? Maybe he isn't as experianced as you origonally thought. I think that all you can do is give him time to work things out. Let him know that you still care about him. But don't let him use you either. Try holding off on the physical, and work on the emotional bond. I hope that helped a bit. If there is anything else, please message me. And good luck.
  4. silvanesti
    Hi. I don't think that you should change your self for anyone except yourself. In my opinion she has no right to ask you to change such a major aspect in your life simply because she is feeling insecure. I think that she should learn to trust you and herself. Heck, I had a boyfriend one time that was a gynaecologist. And what right did I have to ask of him to switch professions? I think that you should be firm, but gentle with her. Convince her that she has nothing to worry about. And don't give her reason to worry. Hopefully she will understand.
  5. silvanesti
    Hi. First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. Taking that step with anyone is scary the first time. Secondly, don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do. Make it clear to him that you are capable of making your own decisions. That you do not need someone else to make them for you. And in my opinion, you should tell him that if he doesn't stop pressuring you, there is no chance of getting any, ever. If you're only 17, and you and he have only been dating a half a year... that is way too soon.
  6. silvanesti
    Hi. Now, I don't know what had motivated your wife for that 180 degree turn. But I could tell you why I did that with my last boyfriend. And it all came down to one thing... fear. He was my first steady boyfriend. My first lover. My first everything. And I loved him to death. For a few years we had a great relationship... it was literally heaven on earth. But then I woke up one day, and I looked at him. And it all hit me. The mere prospect of doing this for the rest of my life, (we were engaged) was terrifying. Being that close to someone for so long just seemed unreal, and I thought "better quit while your ahead". Also, like I said earlier, he was my first. In some ways we had adopted a teacher/pupil relationship. And I didn't want that. I wanted to be his partner... not his student. I left him for a while so that I could grow up, and become a stronger person. And you cannot gain strength if there is someone who will bail you out, or take care of you. I say just give her time. This is were that old cliche could be used "If you love them let them go. If they love you they'll come back." I cannot imagine what it must of been like for my financee, but I am truly greatful that he gave me that time. I hope that helped.
  7. silvanesti
    Hi. First of all, everybody is different. And because of these differences everybody goes through things at different rates, degrees, and speeds. Just because your brother has more of a beard, says nothing about how soon you will start to develop yours. And I may not be a guy... but I do know about what I am saying. I was a little late in developing my breasts. And it only mattered to me as I was developing them... once i caught up, all pain is forgotten. Hey, growing breasts, and growing facial hair can't be too different . The bottom line is, your body will go at the rate and speed that it wants to. You just have to let it take its natual course.
  8. silvanesti
    By the sound of it, you have already made the first move. She knows how you feel about her. If she is interested in furthering you relationship, let her make the next move. That way she won't feel pressured into make a decision right away. I know that this must be really hard for you, but all you can do right now is wait. The kind of relationship that you are looking for, she might not be ready to give. If she is cheating on her boyfriends, that kind of says she has some commitment issues. And to her, the kind of relationship that you propose might be really scarey for her. Unfortunatley, all you can do is wait for her. But if you want to find out where she stands, don't do the hypothetical questions... cuz we always know who the "friend" is. And do it as subtle as possible. If you haven't mastered the art of subtlety, then don't. I have a feeling, that when she is ready, she'll come to you. Right now, I think you've done all you can. Just be there for her. And be what she needs you to be.
  9. silvanesti
    Hi. Ok... this is how I see it with the information given. Throughout the last three years, it seems like you are her only constant. You are the one that runs to when she needs to lick her wounds. Now when you said You basically hit the nail right on the head. You see, you have a part of her that none of her other boyfriends have. You and her have an emotional bond, that grew out of friendship. Maybe she doesn't want to be your girlfriend becuase she doesn't want to loose you. Like she has with so many boyfriends. As for the dream... I'd say have paitience. Maybe something might happen when you and her have grown up. But if you want the relationship to move to the next level, just remember one thing. It's all aoubt her. She's scared. Let her take things in her own stride. If you force her she'll back off. Oh and about her cheating on her bfs. You know who she is. The person she is now is the one you fell for. Why would you expect her to change just because she started to date you?
  10. silvanesti
    Hi... now don't laugh. But flip a coin. Here's how you should do it... Convince yourself that the person who wins the coin toss is the one you're going to choose. The one you are going to spend the rest of you life with. Now how do you feel about that? Depending on who wins, and how you feel because the person won could be a good indicator of where your heart truly lies. But don't lie to yourself, or this won't work.
  11. silvanesti
    Yes, there are quite a few teenaged girls who could be considered stupid.. Heck, I've called a few of them that myself... but don't you think you are going a little overboard with saying ? You saying that is the same as if I were to say, all teenaged boys are immature and seven years behind the girls. That all the hot guys, are dumb jocks, and the smart ones are geeky nerds. Now tell me... is that true? Maybe you should start thinking with the right head.
  12. silvanesti
    Hi. It's really great how you have been handling this. I know people who have held grudges on lesser things for a lot longer than you have. I'm proud of you. I'd also like to say, he's a jerk. People only call other people psychos, and bitches when there is nothing else to call them. From what you have told us, your ex didn't insult anything specific about you... only that you were hurt a great deal when he cheated on you. He's an just an idiot. And the fact that he seems so unaffected by yours and his break up is, to me unsurprising. He didn't have to go from knowing you were with someone, to all of a sudden being by yourself. He just went from you to her. As for you friend. To me it seems as though the two of you got together on the account of your ex and the breakup. Maybe she can't really relate to you if your ex isn't in the picture. What I mean is, that was the glue that held you two together... now that you don't want it to be there anymore, the glue is gone. If you want to remain friends with her, I think having a good heart to heart is in order. Make it clear to her that you want to leave the past behind you. But all in all, I think you are doing a slendid job of moving on after such a hard blow. And don't listen to him, or what he says about you. He's not worth it anymore. Best of luck!
  13. silvanesti
    Hi. You know... I think that I know your situation. But I am not in your shoes, but his. You see, I started dating someone, in person, and at the same time I started talking to someone over the internet. What happened was, I fell for the one over the internet, but I didn't feel much more for the guy I was seeing in person. I did care for him, but as a friend. Now as this was going on I felt really guilty. You see, I felt as if I was cheating on D. with my cyberfriend. Not physically cheating mind you, but emotionally. My advise to you though, is don't start spying on him. If you hope to work through these difficulties, this won't help you any. I am a firm believer in honesty. This is why, when I realised I didn't have the right feelings for D. I broke it off with him. Now we are just really close friends. In my opinion, what you need to do is sit down and talk with him. Find out what he is really feeling. And do what is right for you. If he can't give you what you really need, then you need to find someone who can.
  14. silvanesti
    Hi. I don't know what she is thinking, but I do know what I was thinking when something like that happened to me. Well, I was working with a guy friend, and we could talk for hours. He and I saw eye to eye on a lot of issues, and we could have fun together. But then, he and I went to the movies. And then the rules changed. He saw it as a date, I didn't. But for the rest of the evening I went along with it. seeing if it could lead anywhere. And I came to one conclusion... I liked our earlier friendship much more than what it was turning into. So I told him how I felt, and sad to say our friendship was never the same again. So my suggestion to you is, figure out if you really like her... or the idea of dating her. And find out (ask her... or her friends) what she really feels about you, before you start to ask her on any dates. This could just be a totally innocent gesture. But just keep in mind that if you decide to persue anything with her the relationship will change.
  15. silvanesti
    Hi. I have been talking to someone on the internet for quite some time, and i really really like him. But because of the distance between us, we haven't been able to see each other. We are making plans though for later this summer. Well anyhow, my friends here all think that you can't meet someone over the internet. They want to set me up with a guy, and they want me to start dating men here. I do admit though that I am kind of lonely here... and i can't be on the net all the time. If I do some casual dating would that be considered cheating?
  16. silvanesti
    I know that I have to tell him the truth. And misleading him is the last thing that i want. But what I am at a loss is how and when. When is the proper time to tell him? Do I tell him at the beginning, when i see him next. Or during and outing. Or at the end of one.
  17. silvanesti
    Maybe it sounds to her that you are trying too hard. That you are pressuring her. It's great that you don't do those things, and that you want to tell her... but maybe you should have let her give you her number. By taking that choice away from her, you took control out of her hands. If she does feel the same way about you let her make the next move. Respect her space. You've already done your part in letting her know how you feel about her... let her make the next move. Now if she does have those misconceptions about you... maybe you should find out where she got those ideas from. And if you want her to change her opinion about you... go to the source. Good luck
  18. silvanesti
    To me it kind of sounds as if he is waiting for you to make the next move. Maybe now is the time when you should get out of your shell, and tell him. If you and he are as close as you say, he will see what it ment for you to tell him, and if he's not stupid, he will should feel very honored. I know how difficult it can be to put yourself on the line that way. But sometimes you just have to risk something for the relationship to move on further. He's worth it right?
  19. silvanesti
    That's a tricky situation. I think that the only way to show her that you aren't as "pathetic" as you seemed is to show her now how you want to be remembered. If you bring up those letters now would just be reminding her about them... and that's the last thing you want to do. You can't change the past. All you can do is change the way you portray yourself now.
  20. silvanesti
    Ok. I work with this guy, and he and I have been talking, mostly at staff outings, and staff parties. We have a lot in common, and see eye to eye on a lot of issues. Last weekend we went to see a movie that we were both looking forward to seeing. I didn't see it as a date. But he did. And I have never had any thoughts of him romantically. At the end of the date/not-a-date he surprised me with a kiss. (That's how I finally clued in) Now, I know that I should tell him my true feelings. But I don't know when is the proper time. We had made plans earlier to get together. And now I don't know if I should honor that commitment. Or if i should go and then tell him. If I do go, do I tell him at the beginning, middle, or end of the outing. I know that I don't feel anything toward him, romantically. But even if I did now wouldn't be a good time at all. He just divorced a few months ago, so he's on the rebound. I'm not sure how I should go about doing this. Any advise?
  21. silvanesti
    This is uncanny... i came onto this site with exactly the same problem, and i wanted some advice too. I know where you are coming from, in fact, the only differance between our situations is our ages, I'm 21, and where I met the guy. Now, I'm not too sure what to do either. All I can suggest to you is what I have been telling myself. That right now these situations are making you panic because you have never encountered them before. And the only way you can get comfortable there is by actually experianceing these situations. Unfortunately that is the only way. Well, I am assuming that this is like most things in life that it just gets easier with practise. The only thing that i recommend that might help is this... if you want to persue this relationship take it to a place where you can control it. If you do that you'll feel a little better. But the rest is just fighting against your first instinct... which is to run away. And that's not what you want to do. If you run now, you'll keep running. Yup... that is what I tell myself... now all I have to do is practise what I preach. And believe me... it's a lot easier said than done. Good luck By the way... it really sounds as if this guy likes you. You under estimate yourself.
  22. silvanesti
    It sounds like he needs a live in nanny instead of a partner. And he doesn't have much consideration when it comes to you. Like he really expected you to give up your whole life just because he couldn't stand to be alone? I think that he needs to figure out why he can't stand his own company. If he can't stand it, why should anyone else?
  23. silvanesti
    Hi Spidey, You know, if I were in your girlfriends postion and depending on how you said this to your girlfriend, my first reaction would to go and hang out with the other guys. Without any more information, I would say yes, you are over reacting. And maybe you need to figure out what exactly you don't trust. Her fidelity, the other guys, or your ability to hold on to her. Your girlfriend wanting to hang out with the guys could also have nothing to do with you. Maybe she just needs to have a life outside of your relationship. People tend to hold on tightly to those that they love... but they end up crushing what they wanted to protect.
  24. silvanesti
    Starting to talk to her is a good step. But asking her msn can be a little tricky. There are so many aspects to a conversation that can get lost over the computer. Things like jokes, sarcasm, or even the tone of what is being said can get misinterpreted. Trust me in this. But i do understand why you would want to talk over msn... if you are a shy person it is easier. All that i can say is if you want her enough then you could keep taking babysteps in her direction. But go at the speed that you feel comfortable.
  25. silvanesti
    I've been very sheltered throughout my life... and i was never really allowed to explore the opposite sex. I am 20 years old now, and when it comes to romantic relationships me experiance is, well, kind of pathetic. Anyhow, I find myself attracted to men, but not nearly as much as my girlfriends. And I have found other women attractive. I'm not really sure where to go from here. Any suggestions?
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