lovelynns

Sorry. I didnt mean to be rude. I just misunderstood what you were saying about the rebounding comment. Thanks for all the advice. I must say that moving on like it's over is the best. because that may definitely happen - who knows. so I will start with that mindset. its over. thanks for the comments

I completely agree with colors. wise comments. try and think about the good in the situation not the bad. You will hurt for awhile but... when God closes a door he opens a window. You will be fine soon and great again.

He didn't tell me we needed two months. I did. We were going to do 3 or 4 but his Birthday is coming up in Sept so I decided mid sept wouldn't be bad. He agreed that it would be a good idea for us to think but he also told me it would be very difficult for him and he really didn't want to do it. So even though he might have no intention on returning with me. I asked not him. I want him to decide. He told me the break up was because he's not sure if we are meant to get married - he said this was the biggest decision of his life and he needs tim to think. He finally told me this when I said NC is necessary. So far I agree with the comment about taking the two months for myself. Why do all the men - say I should get a new man? I don't need a man to fulfill me. I just love this man. A rebound would be all it could be. I was with this man for 2.5 years and am by no means wanting to use a man to fill the gap in my heart. Thanks for the responces. any more advice?

Hi all. I've been writing on and off during my break up and no contact decision. well we agreed on 2 months of NC and then go on a date to see where things go. anyway, I understand how to get through NC - you just do it. no excuses. but if you're in love with this person and secretly hope he will come back to me. This is not healthy. I don't know how to stop having these thoughts. the entire point of the NC is we broke up and then was acting like we were still dating and completely in love. I told him he needs time to figure out what he wants. Any advice on how to move on when you still love them. I know that this NC is best that's why I have no intention on breaking it. However I need some encouraging words. Its only been 4 days and I have so many more to go. thanks all

alright. Im with you on the money depending how much the amount was - if it was me (im a broke college kid) I would drop it if the check was under 50 but anything over I would demand to be repaid. You need to be strong. You need to make yourself clear that he MUST return the money within - - days and is no longer allowed to contact you. You need to make it clear that you will have a friend or someone continue to contact him until he pays the money - however you will no longer answer his calls or call him. You need to take control. He isn't being kind to your heart, he's being careless. these situations always aren't pleasant, but necessary for you to continue NC Be strong for yourself.

Hello all, I have been going through a confusing break up. I was writing about it a few weeks ago. So if you read most of the story and gave advice -THANKS!! It helped me a ton. I just wanted to check in and let everyone know i finally took your advice - I told him NC for 2 months minimum. We started today. I must say - as much as I didn't want to do no contact. . . It's the best way for us to know. See the reason why our break up was so confusing was that he was saying one thing and acting another. He kept going back and forth with what he was saying - it was aweful. BUT the truth was. . we were at a place where he was asking himself the big "question" "is she who I am suppose to spend the rest of my life with?". I took 2 weeks of hanging out as friends after he broke it off and alot of really emotional conversations including he crying about he might lose me after this break - because I might find someone else. I'm telling you all this because it was for the best - we broke up for a reason. I now know he was scared - as much as I wish he would have expressed himself clearer - I respect him for his choice. I don't now or will I ever want him or I to settle. I want him to take as much time to realize that I am whats right or I am not. I no longer look at this situation as myself being rejected. I now look at this situation as a blessing. I had to tell myself over and over that whatever happens is for the best. I love this man and whatever happens I will always have a place for him in my heart for him. My point -- I wanted to share with everyone the most valid thing I've learned over this heart breaking time. I think this will help all you as it did me. "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." I believe this with all of my heart. If this only helps one of you get through the hard times - this post was worth it. Thanks to all you awesome people who care for strangers - you helped me get back on track. I'll let you all know what happens when we meet up again. He asked if after these two months we could go on a date and see where both of hearts were at. Who knows what will happen. It's in Gods hands. kindest

hi everyone. Im sure some of you have looked at my postings the last week or so about my ex and I. I am having the worst time. I am alone, crying, and wondering what the hell happened almost every day. Its been a week tonight since he ended our relationship. my question is truthfully how do you guys heal emotions? Ive never been this heartbroken in my life - Im not good with dealing. besides the whole you need to move on with your life NC thing. how do you deal with the pain. you're not able to keep yourself busy forever. esspecially nights. please some advice would be wonderful. Im in love with him and its no longer in my control. Im hurt, sad, and lonely all at the same time. thanks all

so how damaging is it to be friends with benefits? we have only been apart since sunday and thursday night we became friends with benefits. I was just wondering how common this is? Is this healthy? How long can this continue? Thanks all

Im sure your right. but for right now. I can pray and pray and Im not feeling relief. I have never felt this hurt before. Im alone in my apartment wishing my housemate was back from vacation. I know I must trust in Gods will. I know this was to make me focus on changing some things in my life. but I cant help feel that he is still who God wants me to be with.. this is soo hard and such bad timing. I am literally all alone. I am trying to become independent but Ive been with him for so long - he was my best friend - we would talk about God and his plans for us. Now I have no one. Im in city I moved to - to be closer to him and all my friends are his friends. I know Im like a broken record. I want to stop feeling this way - I want to accept that this was for a reason - I want to not hang on to hope - but since I got no clear reason for the break up and it was sudden that we went on a break in the first place this is sooo hard - to accept never knowing but hoping. "God help me. Help me put all of worry onto you." this is so much easier to say than do with your entire heart

lonestar_80 you are right on the dot. thank you for your help. thanks to all of you. I just thought I was lead to him for life. God guided me to him when I was in need and it was the same for him. maybe the purpose was to strengthen eachother at the time and be ready by the end to take on Gods challanges. Anyway, Thank you

I was in a 2.5 years relationship he just ended it because he said he couldnt see himself growing with me, even though he still loves me. it ended officially father day. he send me this today. Now Im not great at getting the exact meanings out of artistic writing. Can someone please tell me why this helped him. What is he saying? ... "Hi, i know we're not supposed to be speaking, but my mom sent this to me and it helped, and I thought it might help you, too." Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. Love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. -Kahlil Gibran (he was an artist, like you) ... anyone please help me understand!!!

sadness well after most of you saying it was over and I needed to give up... he ended it. his reasoning was he didnt see himself growing with me. which doesnt make any sense. We have grown a ton. he wouldnt say it though if he didnt really mean it. he doesnt mask things to make them easier. my ex wrote... "Because it's going to turn into what it turned into last night. You saying why you don't understand my reasons, us both crying, and then re-hashing it all over again" when I asked him to have one more conversation with me because I want to understand. I can start to move on if I understand. he then says ... "If you need to vent one last time, I can handle that. If you just have some things you need to say, I can handle that, too. But I'm going to tell you right now, what I can't handle is a conversation, you asking questions of me and expecting me to respond. I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with that. I'm just being honest with you right now" I dont understand. he said then... "I'll tell you what. Give it three weeks. If you still feel like you need this conversation, we will have it, in person." he tells me he loves me and cant stop crying and then he just says i dont think we should see eachother anymore because I dont see us growing together. I have hope even though I shouldnt. Im moving on but Im still completely heart broken. I thought I was meant to be with him forever - and I still do (less though now). so he now wants three weeks before speaking with me about this anymore. Do you think he could be using this time now to think about us again or do you think he is completely out of the picture and I need to stop this. its just that hes my strawberry cheesecake and I want him. I havent contacted since that conversation yesterday. and Im not going to until three weeks have passed. but what do you all think? I am moving on, but should I still think there might be a chance? I love him. he wanted space and I didnt give it to him. maybe this is his space? he send me this today. Now Im not great at getting the exact meanings out of artistic writing. Can someone please tell me why this helped him. ... "Hi, i know we're not supposed to be speaking, but my mom sent this to me and it helped, and I thought it might help you, too." Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. Love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. -Kahlil Gibran (he was an artist, like you) ... anyone please help me understand!!!

well after most of you saying it was over and I needed to give up... he ended it. his reasoning was he didnt see himself growing with me. which doesnt make any sense. We have grown a ton. he wouldnt say it though if he didnt really mean it. he doesnt mask things to make them easier. my ex wrote... "Because it's going to turn into what it turned into last night. You saying why you don't understand my reasons, us both crying, and then re-hashing it all over again" when I asked him to have one more conversation with me because I want to understand. I can start to move on if I understand. he then says ... "If you need to vent one last time, I can handle that. If you just have some things you need to say, I can handle that, too. But I'm going to tell you right now, what I can't handle is a conversation, you asking questions of me and expecting me to respond. I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with that. I'm just being honest with you right now" I dont understand. he said then... "I'll tell you what. Give it three weeks. If you still feel like you need this conversation, we will have it, in person." he tells me he loves me and cant stop crying and then he just says i dont think we should see eachother anymore because I dont see us growing together. I have hope even though I shouldnt. Im moving on but Im still completely heart broken. I thought I was meant to be with him forever - and I still do (less though now). so he now wants three weeks before speaking with me about this anymore. Do you think he could be using this time now to think about us again or do you think he is completely out of the picture and I need to stop this. its just that hes my strawberry cheesecake and I want him. I havent contacted since that conversation yesterday. and Im not going to until three weeks have passed. but what do you all think? I am moving on, but should I still think there might be a chance? I love him. he wanted space and I didnt give it to him. maybe this is his space? he send me this today. Now Im not great at getting the exact meanings out of artistic writing. Can someone please tell me why this helped him. ... "Hi, i know we're not supposed to be speaking, but my mom sent this to me and it helped, and I thought it might help you, too." Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. Love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. -Kahlil Gibran (he was an artist, like you) ... anyone please help me understand!!!

#1 point is very true in alot of cases - why is this true though. why cant love beat all? what do you consider a deal breaker? #2 I must admit its not a neediness issue. I am perfectly fine when Im single. I am and have been content and very happy being alone. but ever since I met this person - I dont know I think it might be the fact I know how good it is to be with him, how good it feels to share my thoughts and goals with this man. Its like if your having fat free sorbet and theres a strawberry cheesecake right in front of you but you cant have. When you have your sorbet your content and happy but when you have the same thing and know you can either or both - are you still completely content or happy? or do you want the cheesecake that makes your mouth water? just a thought.

First - if you want to know more details read my topic in breaking up section titled - I need advice under my name lovelynns. I am going to meet with my "boyfriend" kinda on a break still "boyfriend" - anyway... he wants me and I want him. we love eachother. but he's convinced that love isnt enough to hold together a life long relationship. this is where our opinions differ. I think that Love WINS ALL battles if BOTH people are fighting - and he believes that love is essential but also that compadable habits, personality, just general things about someone must be complimentary to one another. I put that poorly but I hope you all understand. so we went on a break simply to take time to think about if we are meant to be in a life long relationship. He feels and I now agree that we need to take a step back in order to make such a comitment. This has something to do about him graduating today and looking forward. anyway here's my problem. I do NOT handle breaks well. he is my best friend. The space issue is a problem for me. Must I deal and give him complete space? or is there a way we can both decide and think together? are there any other options? thanks all - please write back!! Im meeting him in just a few hours.

thank you for all the advice. I'll update you after fathers day. He and I just had a 2 hour disscussion - actually positive. we are meeting father day to talk further. thanks for listening everyone. this has been a horribly lonely emotional week and all of you responding has helped me tons. also - thanks for telling me things i need to know even if i might not want to know or except it. sometimes you need a third party to look at whats going on. I do have one question though. how do you begin to build trust again in a relationship? is there anything specfic to do? I want him to trust me again.

i have more info. so I go to his apartment today - I wanted to drop off his graduation present (the graduation Im not going to). My house mate went with me to go inside so if he was there I would be breaking the space issue. Well what wonderful timing - I pull up and he is walking to his car with a HOT BLONDE! I still am going insane. He talked to a friend of mine and she assures me that they are old friends - which means its this girl I know about but have never met. She lives very farb away. So this means she took an airplane here and is spending time with him - omg i cant stop crying. he doesnt even have the heart to tell me its over. he even skipped work i was told and went with her to walk around the city. i dont think there is anything good anyone can say but please help me. its been 6 - 7 hours since I saw them and my heart wont stop pounding and I am still freaking out

Thanks everyone for the comments and advice. In responce to your question- what would I do if I were in the same situation. The truth is probably the same thing. I dont believe I would end a relationship due to the incident alone. however, if it was "the icing on the cake" then maybe I would end it. I know him wanting serious space is justified - its just very hard to take. I know it sounds as if he has wanted to end it before. but the truth is I am the one that started the questing of the relationship. He even confirmed it that he wasnt thinking of it until I made such a big deal about us being too much in the friends zone. I am giving him space. I hate it. I hate being completely alone. Im even between school breaks and part time work so I have TONS of time to think about this - another reason why this is killing me. Does anyone hear think we actually have a chance or do you all think Im just the pathetic gf hanging on? I need to know if I am making this into too big of a deal or what. thanks again for the help. ohh. one more thing. the statement about trying to have sex to hang on. you might just be right. I would like to say thats entirly false - but in the back of my head it makes sense that I might do that if I knew he would end it. who knows. Maybe during all those years of believing that love would win all battles - I missed out on the truth.

Hello. I've been dating this guy for about 2.5 years. We started off being the most passionate people I've ever met. We couldn't bare to be apart. Its slowly turned into a more comfortable zone than anything else. He is not only by bf but aslo my best friend. So this is where it gets fuzzy. He and I spend every day together - at least 5 hours. we enjoy eachothers company and we love eachother but Im not sure if love and in love are the same. I do love him and want to be with him hopefully forever - but that passion has drifted. It returns on rare occasions - but for the most part we act as best friends and then are intimate at night. about a week ago we were simply going to a friends house to drink and out of nowhere I decided to ask him if he still loved me. We both had the same answer that we love eachother but its work and we're not sure if its a strong enough love to last forever. I start crying we end up going to dinner and talking instead of our previous plans. I had to leave the next day to help someone move for 2 days. I returned after those two days and couldnt wait to see him. Thinking the entire weekend how I need to simply put more romantic effort into the relationship and it will be fine. - he sits me down and explains he's been thinking over the weekend about our relationship. He needs a break. He wants time to think about our differences in the relationship and see if us getting married later on is something that would be bneneficially for the both of us. I took it very well at the time - saying thats fine and we would have a date at the end of the three week break and discuss what both of us thought. (we've never had a break before by the way). Also - since we both have all the same friends we would still see eachother once in awhile but would not discuss us and just be friends. 2 days of doing this and I ended up changing my opinion of this break - I felt rejected, hurt, and in pain - all I wanted was to be in his arms. I call him and have him explain why we are doing this again and then since we both kept saying we miss eachother - i love you - and so forth - he asked me to come over and cuddle him. I go over thinking exciting the break is going to be over. We made love and cried in eachothers arms - it was passionate, and perfect. I was so thankful to God. Then the next evening when I call him he explains the break is still on that was just a momentary lapse of judgement. I freak out with anger - I just made passionate love to him and yet he questions our relationship. I didnt understand. I was far away at the time and had to drive 2 hours to get back home. So I chain smoke all the way and call my friend erik (who is my other very good friend and my bf housemate). He comes over and drinks with my housemate and I - we play drinking games talked about my problems and then went to bed. It was harmless. but i had a lapse of judgement while throwing up and asked my friend to sleep in the same bed as me just to be there. NOTHING happened. but I know I was in the complete wrong in asking him to do that. then I wake up this morning to my boyfriend opening my door with our friend in the same bed as me. my boyfriend yells "its over!!!" slams my bedroom door then my apartment door and continues to his car. I jumped out of bed screaming his name and proceed to chase him to his car and his then drives to work. I am beyond upset at this point. I drove my friend home. went back to my place and changed and then drove half an hour to his work and parked myself outside in my car next to his car. I call him probably about 8 times since he originally left. I called and cancelled all of my plans for the day and was intending on saying out front all day if I had to - so he would speak to me. He came out about an hour after I arrived and we spoke. he was furious and was taking it like I had sex with him. I did no such thing. I love my boyfriend and just made a mistake. He saw this as cheating and a flaw in my character. which who knows he might be right. I apologized for everything pleeding for another chance. he was in shoke that this had happened. after the loooong talk he agreed to think it over and get back to me when he is ready. I havent heard from him since. I dont have anyone to talk to - my housemate just doesnt understand because shes never been in a relationship and my other good friend is the one i made the mistake with. Hes finally graduating college on saturday and it would break my heart if im not there to support him because he wont let me - just because we're in a nasty fight that might end our relationship. ahhhhh anyway. Im sick with discomfort. I love this man and now more than ever realize this - i have been in a living hell since this break started and dont knwo what to do. how long do I give him space for? a week? a month? 2 months? good lord. I dont know if I can take that. please any advice would be greatly appreciated

it is sad that they are hurting thier marriage over these issues. but I believe there is more to it. it sounds as if they have different needs at the moment and are not BOTH making sacrifices. reliationship esspecially marriage are not easy.. and they do go through hard spot like these arguments. I dont think there is one person to blame - they both need to sit down and talk not yell - disscuss why they feel so strongly about the side they are backing and work together to solve the issue. this might just be a bump on the road in thier marriage and not the end. lin

I agree w/ DragonGirl724... STOP focusing on getting a good lay. START focusing on the inner you. Build your self confidence by exercising, dieting, and maybe focus on your spirituality Start with you on the inside and then start looking into dating. Loneliness is NOT fixed by sex Good luck P.S. Get a vibrator that'll help the frisk and let you focus on what's important.

please leave him before his "thoughts" turn into reality... which they will. It's just a matter of how long will it take? Do you want to put yourself through this? I hope you think more of yourself than to stay with this man who wants your virginity and not your heart.. this isn't a man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Hurry before you get hurt. leave. God bless

im sorry for the situation you're in.. but.. if you want your husband to understand you need someone to help him understand why your going through this and how you both can help eachother. Try couples therapy.. sex therapy. it might help.

tiger_lilies is right on track. He is not doing this for a friendship. If he wanted a friend he could find someone closer to his age and his own sex. Yes he probably hasnt done anything physical with this girl, but it's still cheating. To look outside your relationship for an emotional connection is damaging your relationship. Why cant he talk to you. You can be his friend as well as his wife. The thing is that he was upset when you mentioned the girl. Would you be upset if the roles were reversed? or just confused as to why you think that and explain yourself. He's hiding something. Dont just forget this happened. Find out as much as possible and solve the problem now. You dont want to find out later what you could have stopped now. OR he really could just be friends with her and in that case he should stop talking to her simply because you'll ask him confide in you not her. Stay Strong.

this is one of the reasons you are too young to be having sex.