music lover 88

oh no! its only after the yo-yo thing the past couple years that I've finally settled at losing 30 pounds from my original weight. I guess I just have to make sure not to gain anymore, its so hard to be consistent though! I am working at it though, trying to make my eating habits better, etc., and I definitely drink lots of water, so I'm glad about that.

I haven't noticed any excess skin, its kinda hard to tell though. I guess I was worried if I lost alot of weight again then there was bound to be some excess. I mean I have lots of stretch marks and stuff, it seems like there's too much for it to go back where it was 6-7 years ago.

I've been trying to lose weight for a while now, and have finally fell into a consistent routine. I heard that if you lose weight gradually then you won't have excess skin? Is this true, will my skin shrink as I lose weight? I've lost about 30 pounds in the last two years, after going back and forth with excercise and diet. I want to lose 40 more pounds but I'm going to try and do it consistently, not going back and forth for a couple years. If I make it a goal to do this with in the next 5-6 months, is it too much too fast for my skin to keep up?

I've never been one to take vitamins. For some reason I always thought it was something people my parents age needed. But I will look into taking a mult-vitamin, it can't hurt and will make me healthier, thanks!

Faeries- Thanks! I'll try the NutraOx. I had been using Pantene ProV "Thick and full" and it works better than other stuff I've tried but I never felt like it was doing the best job.

I'mthatgirl- I can really say for how long, its been continuous through college, but it just feels like to a point where its the thinnest its been, and I don't want it to be any thinner. I never thought about a vitamin deficiency, what kinds of vitamins would help? I dont have insurance, otherwise I would make a doctors appointment.

Yes, its definitely thinning. When I put it up in a ponytail or something, I can tell it feels less full when I go to put the hairtie on.

Yeah I just graduated college last semester, and I had a LOT of stress going on at the end there, and trying to graduate. But things have mellowed out so, I'm not sure why, still this is happening. I know that naturally people lose hair daily, but is there something I can use to make my hair stronger? Has anyone tried a certain shampoo or spray or something thats made their hair stronger/thicker? I'm female, by the way.

Ok, this has been freaking me out for a while, and I've tried different shampoos, but I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I wash my hair or brush it, there is SO much hair that falls out. I used to have really thick hair when I was little, in high school I did alot of different things with my hair--coloring, highlighting, different styles, and I think that may have caused some irreversible damage. And now, I'm so afraid to do anything to it because SO much of it falls out. Help! Does anyone have any suggestions?

They followed my every gesture, all eyes were on me. They trusted that I would guide them, they worked together, fed off of each other and me, and achieved something great. What an amazing feeling. I had to hold back the tears, I didn't want to cry in front of them. I'm still in awe as to how great these kids are. Its sad that I can only be with them for a semester, I'm done student teaching in a few days and will graduate soon. I always loved performing and treasured the feelings I experienced while playing. It was through live performance that I first discovered how exhilirating it is to completely "let go." To have a convincing performance, to make a real connection, I can't fake my emotion. It has to be real. Which means there can be no barriers, no hesitation between me and whoever it is I'm playing for. I have to trust completely and take the risk of expressing what I feel inside. Then comes the excitement of taking that risk and knowing that you've connected with someone on a deeper level. I was unsure as to whether being a band director was right for me, whether I had chosen the right major. Just because I enjoyed performing didn't mean I would like teaching. But today I'm up on the podium, conducting a piece with my advanced group, and something clicked. I gave everything I had and they gave back. They listened to each other, worked together, and put their trust in me to create something beautiful. Every student was engaged, they were so loyal, watching me eagerly to see where I would take them. Its amazing to have that kind of connection with the band, and know that you are working with each other on a much deeper level. I was worried teaching band wouldn't be as satisfying as being a performer. I thought I wouldn't find the same thrill or excitement. But I feel now, it will be just as, if not more, fufilling.

Wow, I have been feeling this need for affection ever since I my ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. I'm glad you started this thread, because even if we haven't exactly figured out how to deal with it, it helps to hear people talk about it...and it has been so incredibly hard for me these last few months too. Ren, I am studying to be a teacher as well, I'm interning at a middle school right now and it helps to be around kids. They aren't "huggy" like kindergarten kids, but I receive attention and recognition which is nice. The massage idea sounds really good, if I weren't having financial trouble then I'd be finding the fastest way to get one. I've never heard of the "cuddle parties," I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I think I will look into it.

Thank you for your replies. And I know I shouldn't think about him...but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't always be that way. I dont want these memories to always be painful. He is an amazing person, I respect him so much. I guess I just need to give myself more time. I called him today because I felt so bad. I know he was surprised to hear from me because it had been so long. I told myself I wouldn't call him unless I was ready. I don't know whether this is going to backfire yet, I called him during a weak moment. But it felt good to talk to him. Like I had someone on my side again, something familiar in this foreign life I seem to be leading.

I swore this exact same thing about five years ago. And I know exactly how you feel. I was in a similar situation to yours. Being able to leave the house was almost impossible. I was so incredibly angry with my parents and the way the treated me. When I was 18 I decided I was going to be independent and they didn't deserve to have any part in my life. I transferred to a college where I could live on campus. Moving out of the house was the best decision I ever made. I was able to do exactly what I needed---to be independent of my parents. It made them realize that I needed a life of my own and that I was no longer a child and they needed to treat me as such. I know things are difficult for you right now. But if at all possible, I would suggest trying to save up to get your own place. Do you know anyone you could room with or are there dorms at your university? I found that when I moved away from my parents that my relationship with them improved, over time. I never expected that to happen...I would have bet someone money that my parents would never again have any part in my life. It took a long time, about 3-4 years before I could finally let go of all that anger and repair my relationship with my family. I don't think it would have happened if I hadn't found a way to remove myself from the situation I was in.

Every night before going to sleep, I used to think about my boyfriend, if I wasn't already laying next to him. I thought about how me made me feel, and the wonderful memories we shared. I wanted to fall asleep remembering those things, hoping my dreams would be as sweet. Since the break up, this has been one of the hardest things for me. Because I couldn't think about those things anymore, it hurt too much and I didn't want to be reminded of them. I've been doing ok for the last few months. I've been getting on with my life, moving to a new place, starting a new job, and finding myself again. I used to have these crying fits, rather sobbing fits, where everything would come crashing down and I couldn't control the pain. It was horrible to endure, but I feel like that needed to happen. I would feel somewhat relieved after crying that much, like I could finally let go part of a burden I'd become used to carrying. In the beginning I would cry like that everyday, then every few days, then once a week or every few weeks. I'd reached a point where I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried so hard. I felt like I was healing, I was finally becoming strong again, becoming independent. Recently I let myself think about him again. I was feeling overwhelmed with my job, feeling alone like I didn't have anyone to turn to. I needed comfort...so I let myself think about how I felt when I was with him. I wanted to remember the simplicity, the happiness, comfort and security. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have someone love me so much and care about me like that. Then, I couldn't stop crying. I felt worse. I don't know what to do. I think it was a mistake to revisit those memories and emotions. Dont people say that you shouldn't hold things in and suppress your feelings though? But in this case would it be counter productive to healing? I have spent so much time trying to move forward, making myself a better person. How long will these memories haunt me? When will it be okay to let myself feel again?

Hello Notanymore, I've read some of your other posts, and I want to say I admire your strength and willpower! You have come so far! I don't know if I would be as strong having to see my ex everyday in class, and trying to get on with my life. Three months is a long time yes, but the course of healing doesn't have a deadline. I've been broken up with my ex for almost 5 months, and have maintained NC for roughly the last 2 months. I know my life is better now, I can feel it, and I'm sure you can too. But there are surely times I wonder if I passed up "the one" for me. Those thoughts decrease with time though, and the more time that goes by, I become more confident that I'm going down the right path. Think about why things didn't work, you said she lied to you. Sometimes we have to remember the bad, to remind ourselves why infact the situation was unhealthy for us. I think you should continue NC, especially if you feel your emotions are unstable. This hardship will be well worth it when you come out feeling better in the long run.

Thank you for your responses. When I saw him a month ago, it wasn't painful to spend time with him. The reason it got complicated is because he couldn't handle it. He thought I was being a different person, when in reality I was the same, but just had clear boundaries in my head. I think about him, but I don't obsess over what hes doing. I guess I can take little steps and see how it goes if I continue contact. If he so much as insinuates that I'm not trying enough, or why I'm not acting like his friend, then I know he doesn't get it, and he's not ready...or we're not ready.

I've been broken up with my ex for 4 and 1/2 months. I started NC two months ago, and broke it half way in bc I thought I was ready to talk to him, only to realize I needed to go back to NC. It wasn't hard to start it the second time...maybe because I knew what I was getting into. The first time really hit me hard though, I wasn't prepared for such a huge change, but then again who is? So the deal now is...should I try talking to him again? We made an attempt about a month ago, and it was a really awkward meeting, I think mostly because he hadn't learned how to let go yet. I guess I should say I've already contacted him. I did yesterday on instant messenger and we talked for a few minutes, just caught up on whats been going on in each others lives...and that was it. It was pleasant, and non-stressful. I would like to be able to talk to him once in awhile, just to see how he's doing or just share stuff thats going on. I don't know if this is a good idea, like if its gonna mess up the progress that both of us have made.

Maybe he doesn't like reading because he only relates it to school, or something that is a task for him, not fun. If he doesn't like reading books, there is still value in other types of reading material. I had to take a course last summer in teaching reading or incorporating reading/writing into the classroom. My professor was a real advocate in using trade books, a book that is not a text book. So it could any type of interest book, educational magazine or journal, to use in the classroom. Maybe find out what interests him and see if you can find good reading material on that subject, not necessarily a book or novel. I know he's only 8 years old so this may be a little more difficult. But, maybe this will get him interested in reading in general, and then maybe wanting to read a book or things for school? Just a idea. Good luck to you, and keep being supportive!

I definitely have a thing for strong arms and hands...along the eyes and a great smile!

Yeah, I probably would have felt better if the person called me instead of sending me a text. But maybe something came up for her or something happened. I think its ok to ask if she doesn't explain.

From past experience, I know that I've felt better by telling the other person how I feel. Its a relief, you don't have to keep it inside you anymore. Even if you think it might cause problems, atleast you've cleared your head and put everything out there. This way, you can know if she is even interested, before you worry about other things. I was crazy about this other guy who was again, from a different background than me. We were really good friends and would do alot of things together, and started liking him ALOT. I couldn't concentrate, all I could think about was him, but I knew I couldn't date him. So one night I told him how I felt about him, I felt so much better, at least he knew. But I also told him I didn't think it would work so I didn't want us to get involved. He understood why, he came from a strong religious background, different than mine, and could relate to my concerns. It was weird for a while but we were able to remain friends, and both of us had moved on to other people.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. I have been there before. I fell in love with a man of a different race and religion than me and we dated for almost a year. I knew it would be hard before our relationship began. In fact I was reluctant to date him because I knew it would be complicated. But nevertheless, I went ahead and followed my heart, emotions more so. It was through my relationship with him that I realized I could not practice my faith and be with him at the same time. Our backgrounds were too different, not just religiously, but culturally. My family didn't support me either, my parents were against our relationship. We broke up a few months ago, because it was too much for me to handle, for both of us. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started dating him, but I really had no idea. I found out what was really important to me, yes love, of course...but family, faith, tradition, and culture are not easy things to come by and are too far ingrained into who I am for me to have risked losing it. So now I am waiting and looking for someone that I know I share my life with, fully, and both of us be happy in the long run. Ok so--I'm not saying that this is the course you should take. I'm saying that this is complicated and you need to figure out what is important to you and whether those things can exist together. Maybe you should have a talk with her, tell her how you feel? If she feels the same way, then maybe bring up the concerns you have or why you're hesistant to pursue a relationship, and get her perspective as well.

I am so tired I am so overwhelmed I am so incredibly fed up I don't want this I can't handle this Please let me go Its not about love I need to think for myself I have to stop worrying about you I need to stop making decisions based on you Since when did I lose control of my own life?? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just make this go away Please leave me alone, please let me be When will this be over? I can't go through this again I can't live based on whether I'm making YOU happy, I need to make ME happy first. My head is spinning, my vision is blurring, the tears are burning my eyes. My chest feels heavy, my breath is labored, anxiety fills my body. Why must I worry about your well being so much? Why does your being happy satisfy me? Why can't I be happy making decisions for myself? Why must I feel guilty for doing what is best for me just because it hurts you?? When will you understand? When will you stop blaming me? Please stop this obsession Please stop this selfishness I can't take it anymore I can't go through this again I want the craziness to stop I want you to be rational I can't be the only strong one I want this all to go away

I'm only going crazy wondering if he's ok. The whole reason I told him not to call me is because he kept making me feel guilty. He would tell me something to the effect of, "My life is ruined...I'm never going to get through this...I love you more than life itself...You're throwing away the one person who can love you like you deserve to be loved, etc..." All of this after we had talked like a million times as to why our relationship wouldn't work out. He didn't get it, he kept trying to get me back, so I said we needed time apart.

The last time I spoke to him, I said we needed time apart and that I would call him 3-4 days later. I understand better why we can't be friends right now. When I call him tomorrow I don't know what to expect. I hope he says that its better for him not to have contact with me. I don't want to force it on him like I did this time. If I have to again, should I give a time frame, like, "it seems like you need more time, I think its better that we don't talk. I'll call you in a week," or just leave it at, "I think its better we continue to have time apart." Or if he asks for how long, should I say a few weeks later, or tell him until he's accepted the situation? I'm sorry, I hope my questions made sense!