annie24

Yes they should , but they can't !! We do not live in a Utopia, don't try to be an idealist, there are dangers out there and we need to be aware of them. If you want to be safe then you need to be careful. You need to accept the truth!! You can't just say that something should be this way or that and live your life asuuming that is how it is. You need to realize how things really are and live your life according to that! This is a big problem in today's society. People do not want to be responsible for their own actions! If someone goes running down the sidewalk in the middle of winter without looking where they are going and they slip on an icy patch and break their leg, what do they do? Do they accept the fact that it was their fault for not being careful in the wintery conditions? NO! They find someone to sue for not putting salt on the path!! Watch out for yourself and be careful, as much as you don't want to admit it, life is dangerous !! Funny you should say that - I broke my ankle last year after a fall on the ice, and no, I didn't sue anyone. But what you never ever ever do is blame the rape victim. If you read sexychiick's other post, it's very clear that she was drugged. Sex isn't consensual if a person is drugged. And furthermore, these are guys she thought were her best friends. Haven't you ever had drinks with friends. So, would that make it ok if you passed out and they did terrible stuff to you? I think that in the future, Sexychiick will be more careful who she calls her friends. I'm sorry that at 16 she had to go through this. To go through this at any age is terrible. Listen to me: The last thing any rape victim needs is to have even 1% of the blame put on her! Do not judge a person until you have walked through their shoes!

You've put together a great plan Keefy - keep it up!

I think you should be honest with your boyfriend. Don't give him "a line." That isn't fair to him. What about saying something like, "I don't feel enough romantic feelings for you to continue this relationship." Just be nice to him about it. I think if you see a breakup coming, it's better to do it sooner, rather than later. Don't worry about being the only single one among your friends. Like you said, go out and have fun. Romances in high school don't always last - chances are your friends will soon be single too. Good luck!

PS - I really want to commend you on your strength for going to the police. Trust me, it's not the first time these guys have done this, and it certainly won't be their last if they don't get the message LOUD AND CLEAR. Don't feel bad for them if they get locked away. Do you want them doing this to other girls? Because they will...

Oh he sounds like such an insecure jerk! It's ok to feel hurt - it's normal. Think of it this way ... every day you feel hurt is another day closer to feeling good again. Everyday the hurt will be less, but yes, when you see them, it starts those pangs of pain again. He really doesn't sound like a rational person - you tried to tell him you loved him, and he didn't believe you. I think that you're soooo much better off without him! Good luck - you will heal in time!

If you think that no one likes you, other people pick up on that vibe and they decide not to like you. If you project an aura of, "I'm a good guy - I'm a good friend, I'm a nice person to be with," people will respond to that. I think that your self-esteem may be at the root of things. Read some books, talk to some about these things. I know on this website there are several articles on self-esteem. You may want to dissect your actions. Are you a show off? Are you always putting down people? Are you a "one-upper?" Well, good luck!

Hi - I'm with Muneca on this one. Keep it light. If you're afraid you might spill your guts out to him, then maybe you shouldn't see him tonight. Don't say anything you may regret later. Since you two are slowly back in contact, good. As the other posts said, be patient. Revealing all your feelings at once may just overwhelm him and push him away. I think just the fact that you two are talking again shows him that you care for him. Good luck!

I'd have to disagree with that one.. I'm a student and have a crush on my course administrator (read my post in love with a married woman) although in this case i'm 28 and she is 26 lol It may be acceptable in India, but in the US, crossing those boundaries is not OK! I know profs who have been fired that way!

Yup, time for the girls' opinions. I agree with spoon - if a guy isn't all that good looking, but I get to know him and I see how nice and kind he is, then I'll go for him. Do you have any female friends? Maybe some of the most honest ones could give you a hint if you're doing something wrong. If you have acne, clear up your skin. If you are overweight, lose some weight. Make yourself as attractive as you can. Maybe it's your clothes. I don't mean to sound shallow, but you do want to put your best face forth to the world. But as the other post said, don't try to be someone that you are not. If you're the class clown, don't try to act shy, and vice versa. It's a turn off when a guy tries too hard. Be true to yourself. But yeah, you're in high school. You'd be surprised how much the social status thing gets turned around once high school is over. I remember the quarterback of my HS football team. He didn't go to college right away - he sold shoes. (Is he Al Bundy or what!?!) I'm serious. As for the Michael Jordan quote, I like it. It's true, you can't beat yourself up over a failure. You just have to keep pushing forward, and be optimistic and work harder. Dating is a numbers game. You have to keep meeting people until you find one that is right for you. Good luck!

That's sweet of you to say Maggie! But, they're all Greg and Liz's ideas. My life would have been so much easier had I learned all of this stuff years ago...

If this relationship works for you xmrth, then that's great. However, it appears that Fif Angel is unfulfilled in her current relationship as it stands. Now, you can either accept being with a guy who calls you every 3 days after 2 years, or you can find a guy who will want to hear from you more often. Here's another quote from Liz and Greg: "Here's the little secret about some guys who travel: They look forward to leaving. The quite like having the frequent flier miles and the built-in escape hatch. It's hard to hit a moving target. There are ways to travel and be in a relationship, and there are ways to travel and make sure you stay out of one. The easy way to know the difference is if the guy tells you all the time how bummed he is that he has to keep leaving ou. If he is not making a serious effort to make sure that while he's out of town you don't go out and find someone else, then I think you've boarded the he's-just-not-into-you jet. Buckle up."

Yes, I agree with Muneca. I'm a grad student, I'm officially broke. But, I wouldn't go out with a guy just for the food and movie! Geez.... I too can afford my own food and movie. I really don't think that most girls would go out with a guy for that reason.

It's not about tit for tat or playing games. What I'm saying is that he appears to be pulling away - so don't chase him! As you said, he used to be a good communicator - he knows how to use and phone and be a good boyfriend. And now, he's choosing not to be. And you're putting up with it. Now, surely a guy who knows how to drive through the night to see a girl he really likes can pick up a phone too. Here's an excerpt from my "bible," "He's just not that into you." by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo: Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy days to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

Well, since you've already talked to him about it before, I would just start becoming a little more distant myself. Don't be so near the phone! Don't let him think that you sit around all day waiting for his call. Get busy, do stuff, go out with friends to dinner and turn the phone off! If he starts trying harder to get a hold of you, great! If he doesn't, then let him go. I don't know... I just think after 2 years of being together, talking on the phone everyday would happen easily. Like I said, even when you are on a business trip, there are phone in hotel rooms, even when his cell phone battery is dead....

Well, call up your local gyms. They tend to offer aerobics classes, just ask them what type they offer. Also, if you are in college, you can go to your recreation center and ask what exercise classes they offer. Or, even if you're not in college, you may still be able to sign up for them (It may cost $10 more though). I took at cardio hip-hop class at my old collge - It was a great way to get in shape!

Sorry girl - I'm going to have to agree with the other posts. There's only one man in the US who is busy enough not to call, and that's George W. Bush. However, I have a feeling that he never says, "Laura, Sorry I didn't call you for 3 days - I was busy." Bill Gates too. I'm sure he gives Melinda a call, even when he is making multi-billion dollar deals. So, unless your bf is Tony Blair.... Sure, he may think of you, he may like you, but if he doesn't physically pick up the phone and dial your number, how much are you really on his mind?!?! Ok, so, I say this allll the time. There's a book you should read, "He's just not that into you." You say that you guys are having other problems, he may just be trying to distance himself from you to break off the relationship. I went through something similar a few months ago. My bf's phone calls started getting less and less frequent, and shorter. The breakup followed soon after. Now, it's obvious that you're not getting your emotional needs met from this relationship. No, a phone call every day is not too much to ask for. You shouldn't even have to ask. It should happen naturally. So, I think you should find someone who will meet your emotional needs. Good luck!

Dude! Sorry on behalf of all female-kind! I don't care if you did or said something really mean to her - that's assault!!! She can get arrested. Go to the phone book, look under "Hospitals" or "Health care." There's often a 24-hour a day nurses' number that you can call for quick health advice. I don't know what they'll say - maybe ice. Ask a doctor too! Geez... I hope you're not going to talk to her again.

Ok, well, I'm one year over your age range (20-23), but my opinion is this: I'd be more comfortable dating a fellow grad student who is 34, than a man who as a "professional" job who is 34. Since you're at "their level," the age difference is a little less awkward. If they're staring, they're probably checking you out. Go talk to them silly boy! For example, a guy who is 28 recently asked me out. That's a perfectly fine age for me, however, he is a brand new prof at my university!!! A prof dating a grad student, even if it is in another department, is completely unacceptable! So, go for it - you're a college guy!

I object to that comment. The guy and the girl were broken up with for 2 years! So what if she started getting involved with a new guy? I don't think that necessarily means she moves on pretty easily! In fact, I would say that the fact that the guy and the girl were "friends with benefits" for 2 years means that she took quite a while to move on!

Hi - I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. For what it's worth, I feel for you. As for your relationship, it doesn't sound like it was much fun when you couldn't get a hold of her, that you would get jealous and assume she was cheating. Relationships should make you happier, not turn your stomach into knots. At least now it's over. Imagine how difficult it would be if you married her, and spent the rest of your life agonizing everytime she didn't pick up her cell phone. Is she cheating, or is she just using the restroom? Only time will heal this wound. I'm sorry - I hope things get better for you!

Yeah, single4good is right. You don't have to get out there and find a new guy right away, it may not be a good idea to jump into a new relationship too fast. But, do get out there and do stuff! It's a new year - take up a dance class or something. Cardio hip-hop or something like that. My favorite is bellydancing - it always makes me feel feminine and great!

Whenever I get a crush on a co-worker, my friend's response is, "Don't s**t where you eat!" Getting involved with a co-worker is kinda dangerous, because then you have to deal with them everyday, even if things don't work. Plus, you become gossip fodder for everyone else. I guess it's possible to date a co-worker if you both are discreet and don't act like a couple during work hours. But, about this guy... he sounds like a freak. What is he, 8? Back in elementary school, when a guy liked a girl, he would act like he hated her. I have no idea what this dude's deal is. Forget him and find someone who is always nice to you.

Hi - Sorry to hear about your toe. Go to a different doctor! If it is interfering with your day to day life, tell them that! In the meantime, wear more comfortable shoes.

Ok, I'm going to have to disagree with Jimbo on this one. I don't like the sound of guy #1. He's told you "he's not ready" to be your boyfriend. 5 months is a pretty reasonable amount of time to figure out if you want to be someone's bf or gf. It's not like you two are getting engaged!!! From what you wrote, it sounds like you like #1 more than he likes you. Which is why he is so "gracious" about letting you date other men. My vote is for #2 (winner by default). But, don't be afraid to meet other guys too! Good luck in your decision!

Don't worry about your date's finances. He's the one who asked you out and it sounds like he wants to make it a special night. Like Muneca said, he wants to make you feel special. It's his pleasure to take you out on a nice night on the town. I mean, you don't know all about his finances. He may have been saving up for a special event. If you feel uncomfortable about letting him pay for everything, offer to pay for something small along the way, like parking, or leave the tip. Just be ladylike, say thank you. Later on, you can make him a special dinner or take him out somewhere. Have fun!!!