Venturer
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I find it interesting that my previous post in this thread addressed to Belle went unaddressed... tsk
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Annie24, haahaha! the crazy things family members say to each other...!
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Belle, you say: It's not about the money. It's about how much a guy likes us. For the sake of a constructive discussion, would you please explain something to me. Has it occurred to you that whether a guy pays the entire tab or lets you pay your half has absolutely NOTHING to do with how he FEELS about you? That's how it is with me. So maybe you are writing off good guys too prematurely just because he let you pay your half? Do you think that might be possible? Where did you get the idea in your head (and maybe other women's as well) that whether a guy pays the entire tab or not is a reflection of how he feels about you and his interest in you? Also, let's say you meet a guy who pays the entire tab every time you go on a date with him. At what point do you say to yourself, "okay, he proved that he likes me by paying the full tab everytime, so I'll pay my half from now on" and then when he gets the tab, you pull out your purse and put down the cash or you insist on paying this time. The guy might protest, but how do you know you won't write him off because he let you pay this time? I'm trying to make sense of this "who pays" issue... because it is NOT a big issue to ME, but apparently it is an important issue to women who think as you do.
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Fine, if it works for you, more power to you. But it did not work for ME, and I seriously doubt that it's due to bad luck, bad timing, and bad people. Man, that's just a cop-out... you know that. That kind of thinking only serves to avoid responsibility and accountablity for yourself and how you conduct yourself. Look, I don't want to waste any more time being oh so sweet and understanding when all the girl is doing is stringing me along and making excuses to spare my feelings, only to have a bomb dropped on me in the end! Now, I don't want to hijack this thread by this back and forth between me and Shysoul... so Desolate update us on your situation. And Shysoul, if you REALLY have to get the last word in, PM me instead of posting to this thread. Thanks.
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Amen! Great post!
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Well, Shysoul, for the past few years, I did EXACTLY the things you advise guys here to do... and I thought the same way as you do. Where has that got me? Nowhere. At worst, I got burned badly. At best, it kept me on this board asking for help with women. Now I've learned my lessons and I'm ready to do something different. That's why I disagree with most of your posts, or at least I think you make some good points but for the wrong reasons or within the wrong context. Anyway, the "hesitation" before this guy said the word friend may not necessarily be a bad thing because they were already spending 24/7 together. They surely cannot keep that up forever, so sooner or later someone has to pull back and get a breath of air. Had he spaced it out and stretched it out over a longer time period and saw each other twice a week, he wouldn't have freaked out over her "pull back" because they only see each other just twice a week as opposed to every night for a week straight. And as far as I know, had he not freaked out and played the friend card, everything still would be fine - unless he's not telling us something important.
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obviously he has something to say... so relax, go hear him out, and wait for him to start talking. don't press him for it, just let him tell you. I'd be interested to know what happens.
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Certain Dri... I'll check it out, but might be wary because anything too powerful might not be good for the body. It doesn't cause any chaffing or skin irritation does it?
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Interesting... I went and got myself a cup of water, and drank it. After a few minutes of finishing the water, I stopped sweating in my underarms. I also try the antiperspirant before bed and see how more effective it is. I should also bring it with me to work just in case. Thanks all for the ideas.
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Not sure where to put this, so I put this here in General. I'm looking for a deodorant that keeps me from sweating in my under arms. I currently use Speed Stick, but it does not help, not even in the winter. First of all, I've spent several winters in upstate NY near the Canadian border/Great Lakes for school, where subzero temps were the norm. Now I live in DC, where the winters are relatively mild in comparison, but still is cold. But even on a cold day during the winter, I still sweat in my under arms when I'm inside a building. I tried different deodorants, and now I use Speed Stick antiperspirant, but nothing seems to work. The effects last only a few hours, then I start sweating a little bit and it makes me feel uncomfortable particularly in the winter because everyone's inside and its easy to stink up the place. Any suggestions on how to reduce the perspiration or even a new deodorant? Thanks...
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I don't even bother trying to pick up waitresses when they're on the job. No matter how hot they are, it's business as usual.
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It's better to ask her out on a date rather than just "hang out" and let time pass hoping for something to happen. Ehh, I would rather keep my personal affairs to myself instead of divulging it all to a friend who MAY be involved (as you'll find out later). Sure, tell a friend who doesn't know the girl, but THIS friend you call John knows her and he's INVOLVED. How do you know to trust him with everything you tell him? I would not tell him anything that he could use against me. Bad sign... if she's trying to set you up with another person, and when you press the topic of getting together, she changes the subject, she's essentially dumping you. She doesn't want to tell you "what's up" because she wants to spare your feelings. If you had clued into this one, you would've walked and spared yourself the hurt later. Wait, wait a minute... you talked on IM with her friend using her account on the same pc? It's a BAD idea because anything you say could be used against you. Once you found out you were talking to her friend and not her, you should have said "hey, sorry to cut this short, but I gotta run" and sign off. What is not true? Could it be that the girl was ALREADY with John and you didn't see it? Given what you've just said, this guy is NOT your friend. Ditch them both, never speak to them again. You told him everything, and he told you nothing... and he used what you told him against you to get the girl. I think it was doomed from day 1, and you might have found out all this much sooner had you asked her out on a date... if she said no, I'm taken, you would've known all this and been fine with it. Intead they both strung you along and dropped you like a rock. That was mean on their part, but I think you might have seen it coming and steer clear if you simply asked her on a date a loooong time ago. Best case scenario, she'd accept and go with you, and maybe be with you instead of John. Worst case scenario, she'd turn you down and go with John... her loss not yours.
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I actually agree with Shysoul this time. Too much too intense too fast. Hanging out with her 4 nights in a row, 5 hours each night? Wowza! You might want to space it out more, and stretch that over a longer time period. Hang out with her 2 times a week, a couple hours each time... unless you actually have a HOT DATE and end up spending the night with each other ;-) but that's besides the point. The point is to not hang out with her everyday for hours and hours a day, which is too much too fast. And it also makes you look like too available and that you're dropping other parts of your life to be with her. You guys may have been on cloud 9 during that time, but keep that up, it'll tank from there. And what the heck where you thinking when you told her if she wanted to just be friends it would be fine even though you admitted that you were falling head over heels in love with her (again, too much too fast)?? What did you have to gain from telling her this? I don't understand why you had to tell her this. Did she pull back, and you started over-worrying, and is it possible that your worrying manifested in your actions, and those actions created this "mess"? Maybe I'm missing something? No wonder she's confused. She thought you really liked her, and she really liked you... but then you played the "just friends" card. You know how you feel when a girl you like says she just wants to be friends? It stings, right? Yeah, that's how she's feeling now... and even though she still likes you, she's put up a wall between you and her so she can keep herself from getting hurt further. As for what to do next... well... I'm not sure. I'll hand it off to PocoDiablo from here, if he reads this thread He'll tell you what you might want to do...
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And I must add... whether I pay the bill or half of it has absolutely NOTHING to do with my interest in the girl. Because I keep money and personal feelings separate, as anyone should do.
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I agree with the guy above. Any woman who complains or even takes issue with money early on is a gold digger. And it's easy for me to steer clear of them because I'm just a broke graduate student these days. ;-) Belle, I also can see the obvious and blatant hypocrisy in women wanting "equal" treatment, yet they expect the guy to pay her way... its mind-boggling to me. I would pay sometimes, and sometimes she'll pay, and IF she's a good girl with a good head on her shoulders, it's no big deal when she doesn't consider money to be an issue.
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Noggy27, now that you see her true colors when she dumped you by text and sent you a barrage of hurtful and mean text messages, you are right to drop her and move on.
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yeah, I agree with annie. If he wanted to see you, he would come and see you. we men are simple as that! ;-)
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YIKES.. oh boy!
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I think its fine. Maybe he just doesn't want to rush things.
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That seems trivial to me. Are there anything else that might have been a bit more severe than this one? Like telling her something about yourself that might have been too much information... or some comment that offended her and you didn't see it at the time?
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I Am So Confused And I Don't Know What To Do Anymore
Venturer replied to mikeyjr123's topic in Dating Advice
If I were in that situation, I would not date the women that I've dated before. It ended for a reason, and you're bound to run into the same issue that caused it to end before. Why not start off with a new woman on a clean slate instead of a dirty one? -
nothing too expensive...
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do not go back to her! I, for one, absolutely cannot tolerate the disappearing act. I'd be gone and never speak to her again. but that's just me...
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why did you leave him in the first place? just because you got scared? I don't blame him for not wanting to be with you anymore.
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Problems staying excited....NEED HELP!!
Venturer replied to Spartacus2004's topic in Sex and Romance
Oh yeah, this happened to me twice, both with different women. One of them was understanding, and and the other didn't take it very well. It's normal for this to happen... and women would do themselves a favor if they can be more understanding.. That way, it takes the pressure off the guys.