Empathy

Well, I think the only effective treatment for cellulite is lipsuction? Did you do that yet?

Yes. You are in the exact same spot as me. And it seems that you had the same kind of connection with your ex as I did with mine. I've also given up hope on ever finding anyone else. I truly believe that (minus all the rough spots in our relationship) I had the best (connection wise) and once you've had the best, what's the point of settling for less? I sincerely don't think it's possible for me to find a connection like that ever again. I either have to find someone better or I'll remain alone. I'd rather be alone than settle for the next best thing I can get. I'd go my entire life telling myself "The connection is strong, but it's nothing compared to my ex..." I know there's still time to find someone. I'm in no hurry by any means. I just don't think I'm ever going to find someone good enough.

Well, then clear that up for him. Let him know that you're going through a very hard time right now and that you need a friend more than you need a fling.

I think you should listen to your friends and enotalone. For one, your friends know him better than your family does. All of my friends HATED my ex and they warned me about him. I knew that there was something wrong with him but I kept giving him chances. My family LOVED him. Needless to say, my friends and I ended up being right. The point of NC is not to make them come to you. That's just a bonus that COULD happen if you don't contact him. Sometimes it can make them start to wonder but you should not invest too much into this possibility. NC is crucial because it is the only way you can heal. It's the "protective bubble" that's put around you to block you from all the bad "germs". It's the band-aid with the antibiotic ointment that helps you to heal. If you don't have NC then your wound can't heal properly. Contacting him will only reopen your wounds.

That's perfect! That's one thing I did and I completely forgot about it. Good call.

This is the harder part...but I know you can get through it. When you see him you have to do your darndest to act as if nothing is wrong. I'm assuming you have to see him at school. If you run into him just smile and say hey. If he asks how you're doing tell him you're doing fine. That you've been really busy with school work and friends and such and then tell him you have to go. This is when you have to do some of the best acting you'll ever have to do in your life. lol. But I know you can do it. Don't let him see the hurt. That's one of the reasons why NC is so important. Don't let him see that you care.

All I can say is DON'T DO IT. And TONS of other people on this site will back me up on that. Breaking NC is one of the worst things, if not the worst thing you can do. Whatever healing you have done, however small, will become worthless if you break NC. It might make you feel better at first but it's an illusion. You always end up feeling worse in the end. It will only bring you back to square one. So don't do it. Block him and sign off line if you can. If you can't sign off then at least block him. It will be hard to do but very worth it in the end.

I was giving advice based on my own experience. As being the one who was cheated on. I personally wish I never knew... In that case, for me, ignorance truly would have been bliss. It was only the fact that he engaged in unprotected sex that makes me glad he told me. At the time, it was the second most painful thing I've ever experienced next to the suicide of my brother. But it's also hard for me to disagree with you totally. You DO have a very valid point.

Raykay is right. BellaDonna, your post was PERFECT until you said that he should tell the girl that he came clean to his girlfriend. This might be a stretch but what if the girl decided she felt guilty too and wanted to apologize to his girlfriend for what happened? It's been known to happen before.

Well, after I got past the CONSTANT crying stage... Reading helped me a lot. It allows you to escape in to another world even if it's just for a little while. It gives me a chance to become someone else. But before you start going on your little mental vacations the best thing you can do is talk about it or write about it. Talk and/or write about it so much that it makes you sick! Also, having alone time can be good. It gives you time to sort out your feelings and really do some deep healing. But it's also impertative that you get out of the house and spend time with your friends. You need a reminder that you can still smile, laugh, and feel like you're worth something without him. Because you are worth something without him. Someone on here put it the best (I can't remember who). They said, "You were fine with out him before and you'll be fine with out him after." Or something along those lines. lol. And if you feel that you have no one to go to, then try to meet new people. And if meeting new people seems too difficult for you then you need to try to achieve something to make you feel better about yourself. Work harder in school. Create something! Or help other people. That's one place enotalone has helped me A LOT with. It's given me a chance to help others and that has made me feel better about myself more than my ex ever did.

I think that living with the guilt is the perfect "punishment" for what you have done. I think it is more respectable to endure feeling like a fraud than it is to hurt your girlfriend just to ease the guilt that you feel. What I suggest you do is write your girlfriend a letter confessing all that you've done and how it's made you feel. Then tear it up or burn it. It will make you feel much better and spare your girlfriend the INTENSE pain she would feel if you told her.

I can tell you what I think and what my shrink once told me. What I think is that Lonelyinasmalltown is right. That you need to stop drinking if you can't control yourself. Been there, done that and I ALWAYS felt awful afterwards. I'm still trying to get over the things I've done while I was inebriated and it's pure hell. My shrink once told me that if cheating is done once you shouldn't tell the other person. At first I was thinking, " * * *?" Then he explained and I couldn't help but agree. By telling her that you made this one mistake you are only going to hurt her. I was cheated on and when I told my shrink about it he said usually the only reason someone tells an SO that they cheated is to hurt the other person. And when I looked back on it and evaluated the kind of person my ex was I realized he was right. My ex and I had a lot of problems before hand and I knew that he resented me. The only reason he told me was to hurt me. Take it from someone who has been told that they were cheated on. I wish he'd never told me. But it's also a darned if you do darned if you don't type situation. He not only fooled around, but had unprotected sex with the girl. It's because of that that I was glad he told me. If you didn't have sex with the girl, learn from your mistake and keep it to yourself. If you did have sex, you need to tell her.

Haha. Marriage really does seem like a dangerous thing to do. But hey, divorce is the in thing these days.

Ok. The STD panels that are given DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT test for herpes. What your husband has sounds exactly like herpes. It is a bad idea to go to the web and search for images of herpes because they always show what they call "classic" or "text book" herpes outbreaks. That only happens in an incredibly small amount of people. The truth of the matter is 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men has genital herpes. Approximately 25% of the population has genital HSV2 and 90% of those people have NO IDEA that they have it. The reason why is because in MOST cases the symptoms of HSV are so mild that it's mistaken for ingrown hairs, tight clothing, allergic reaction, yeast or bacterial infections or insect bites. or they show no symptoms at all. Symptoms can take years to develop. In order to be tested for genital herpes you must specify that you want a blood test for herpes. Go to your doctor and tell them you would like the type specific blood test for herpes. This will tell you whether or not he has HSV1, HSV2 or both. Just remember that if it is herpes it's a very common STD. There's such a huge stigma against it and it's only because the majority of people are uneducated about it. Good luck. Everything will turn out fine.

I agree with everything that you've said 100%. I'm sure that a lot of people may reply with a response that negates your feelings by insinuating that you're just bitter. But bitter or not, I believe that these are facts of life. I may be bitter right now due to my my past experiences but I also know that I feel the same way about life even when I'm happy. And it's simply because of the fact that I don't let happiness blind me to the lessons I've learned in life. I've felt way too much pain to get in over my head. I'll add one thing I've learned: If a bad experience has affected you enough it will ALWAYS hurt. If it happened when you were 5 it will hurt when you're 65. Maybe not as much. But the pain will always be there.

And most of you that are feeling the pain of a break up right now are probably not going to like what I have to say. I'll just begin by saying that I feel as if I've made little to no progress at all 99% of the time. Especially recently. It feels as if the break up happened only a month ago. I keep having dreams about him and his girlfriend. Especially the worst kind...I think you all know the kind I mean. Those extremely vivid dreams where the ex realizes he was wrong and takes you back...Yeah...Nothing worse than waking up to the reality. Then there are the random flash backs. The kind where I'll be having a great time with my sister or my friends, just laughing and feeling carefree and then literally, out of nowhere, with no cause at all a memory will hit like a bolt of lightning right through the heart. It's quick, it's hard, and it HURTS. When I tell people, they say dumb stuff like, "Well try not to think about him." And I'm just thinking, "That's what you don't UNDERSTAND! I'm NOT thinking about him! I have no control over the lightning bolt thoughts!" lol. They just happen! I try to do things to keep myself occupied. I try to build walls and the thoughts always find a crack to slip through. I'll also hear something or see something that reminds me of him and I'll find myself falling again. If somebody says anything about Russia I automatically think of his girlfriend...that "insert expletive here"... Then there's the dating issue. Ever since my ex, finding a guy that seems "worth it" is impossible! For some reason, the break up with my ex has not only ripped my heart out but it's raised my standards impossibly high. I know that this is normal, but for goodness sake! How long will I go on being so hard to please?! I meet a guy that I think is great and then I'll realize something about them that I just can't overlook. Something I'm sure I would have been able to overlook before my ex...It makes me feel as if I'll be alone forever. I just want to know how long I have until I'm over this jerk. And I know that I'll never be over him entirely. I know that it will always hurt just a little bit. But I want to know how much longer I have until it stops making up 85 percent of my thoughts. I'm also aware of the fact that no one can tell me. But I just wish someone could.

I respect your opinion as well. And I appreciate you expressing your opinion in a civil manner. I've been around these boards for a fair amount of time and have seen how some people can be. The reason why I say I saw it from a perspective that most women don't is because I tend to be more male than your average female. lol. I myself have a very crude sense of humor so guys tend to treat me differently than most females. I specifically remember one of my ex's buddies telling another guy that I was cool. That I was just like a guy. So they tended to treat me that way and were MUCH more relaxed around me. And I didn't have a problem with it...for the most part anyway.

Well, I'll put it this way. I spent about 2 weeks in the barracks every time I visited my ex. About three of his buddies were engaged to be married, yet they went to the club to pick up "witches with a b" (they never referred to females as anything else) every chance they got. Two of them urinated on the floor right outside their door at the same time. They stood there right in front of the door way, and urinated in the same puddle at the exact same time. The entire hall way wreaked of urine. I slipped in a puddle of urine that was in the bathroom. Someone clearly thought it would be funny to not even TRY to hit the urinal. And one of them asked me to my face if I died, would it be ok if they screwed me after I was dead. They all thought it was funny. I found it to be sick and disrespectful. Most of these guys were encouraging the guy I was with to break up with me so he could sleep with other women. And even though my ex called these guys buddies, almost every one of them hit on me. And there's SO much more I could tell you about... I lived with these guys. And I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't help it. I'll never be able to look at army guys the same way again. Every last one of them that I came in contact with acted like a savage. Not very many women get to see things from the perspective that I did. And honestly, I hope they never do.

hk87 is right about the chemistry thing. Things just seem...well...right. As if you've known each other for a while. But I know that one important factor in attraction/chemistry for me is smell. You have to smell "right" to me or else I just can't be attracted to you. lol. And I don't mean personal hygiene. I mean the persons own natural smell. I think you get what I mean. lol.

Just wait it out until you two have "the talk". I was seeing someone for a while who was exactly like that, only he didn't wait days to call...He NEVER called. It was always me calling him. We talked online sometimes. But when we were together he genuinely seemed interested...until he slept with me. I'm not saying this will be the case with you. As a matter of fact, since he actually seems to care enough to even SPEAK of having "the talk" with you, he may be an alright guy. Maybe he doesn't contact you as often because he wants to keep your interest. Doesn't want to smother you. As I said, just wait till you have the talk. Just don't sleep with him beforehand! lol. That is if you haven't already. Good luck.

Wow. I seriously thought I was going to get knocked for my opinion of military men. Nice to know a few of you tend to agree. lol. Someone else said something about guys having game and if they have game they can't be trusted. Not necessarily true. The guy that made a fool of me was such a dork. lol. But that's one thing I liked about him. Very attractive, gorgeous smile, smart and just had one of the dorkiest senses of humor. He was just plain dorky. He seemed very down to earth. I had someone warning me about him though. He told me that I shouldn't trust him. But I also know for a fact that this guy had a HUGE crush on me and was VERY jealous of the guy I was seeing. So I didn't know who to believe. Basically all us women can do is go with our gut. If I hadn't let him talk me out of backing off, I wouldn't be hurting right now.

I just experienced a similar situation. First of all, I dated a guy in the army. It didn't start off that way. We were together 6 months before he went away to be in the army. As you can imagine, things ended BADLY after 2 years. I strongly suggest you not get caught up with someone that's new in the military. They become extremely different people. I would also think it safe to say that you shouldn't get caught up with anyone in the military at all. I just recently got screwed over by an airforce guy and my situation was almost identical to yours. Everything was fine and dandy until I trusted/cared for him enough to sleep with him. Then guess what?! He's suddenly not ready to give himself to anyone right now...whatever. He knew about my trust issues. I told him all of my secrets. Told him I was afraid to trust him but he even went so low as to talk me out of backing off. His words were, "I know you may not trust me but you can at least trust yourself." So I did. I took a chance and trusted that he may be genuine... Guys really are heartless. At first I tried to believe that it really was trust issues that he had. He was cheated on by his ex wife. He was telling me that he couldn't trust me because I was so smart and attractive and guys wanted me, etc...All excuses. Then I told one of my other air force buddies about it and he told me straight up that I shouldn't kid myself. I was played. My buddy even admitted to being so heartless as to do this himself. He knows the game. And admits that guys will go so low as to get you to bare your heart and soul to them. They'll charm you into trusting them and then they'll throw it right in your face after they've gotten what they wanted. As much as I hate military men (and I've had enough experience with them to know that the majority of them aren't very respectable. But mostly just army guys.) I'm such a sucker for them. lol. I expect I'll get screwed over many times before I finally find someone that's worth my time. Yes. Men do suck. Even though there are some women out there that will do the same thing, I think it's safe to say that the men are in the majority here. Especially MILITARY men.

I'm not qualified for the peace corps. I looked into it a few months ago.

k...Doesn't the job that I end up doing really determine how stressful my life will be? It's not like I'm going to go infantry. I was thinking something more a long the lines of doing something medical in the airforce or something. What I really want to do in my life is become a physician's assistant or at least just an RN. Would that be any less stressful? Probably even more stressful. I'm depressed because I don't have a purpose in life. I've never had a job and I can't get a job because I don't have a car. I live outside city limits so taxis are expensive and buses don't come out where I live. I have no one to take me to work. All I do is sit at this house and wallow in my own misery. I think the military would be very stressful at first just as any big step in life is. But I feel that I could handle it once I got settled into the new life. The only thing I'm really afraid of as far the military is concerned is the basic training. lol. But EVERYONE is afraid of that at first. I think I can do it. And if there are so many good opportunities out there please let me in on what they are. Because I can't seem to find any...