Cadence308

I've emailed with mgirl and I know that she's a lesbian and this isn't her first same-sex attraction. I'm not sure how I would handle the situation, but based on my past experiences, if you are interested, pursue her and find out if she feels the same. I would get to know her. Is there any time at work when you are both working that you can joke around and work your way in that way? Does your work have a Christmas or holiday party? That would be an opportunity to get to know her when she's not busy working. Then after you get to know her at work or during a work social, I would find common ground with her like a movie that you both want to see or something like that. Then I would just say, "Hey, we should do that some time," or "We should see that movie some time." Then those will be opportunities to get to know her further and see how things progress. It sounds like you approached her at work at a bad time: when she was busy, so it's hard to say if she knows that you are attracted to her or what you wanted. She may have just thought that you wanted another beer or drink. Plus, since you were short with her that one time when she was standing so close she may think that you don't like her and may have been surprised when you tapped her on the shoulder just to say hello. You have sent her conflicting signals, so she's probably confused. I know that I would be. I would just start smiling at her, being friendly, noticing her, and saying hello to start with. Then try with the joking and small talk at work or holiday party. Then ask her out.

So your friend has never had an intimate relationship with another woman that she would classify as exclusive? Has she ever been married? It sounds like your friend is probably gay and probably has feelings for you, but she's still in the closet. Until she comes out to herself nothing further will happen between you and her without her regretting it or feeling guilty. Is she a religious person? Has she sought out counseling? I am a bit younger than you and your friend, so I think people my age and younger might have an easier time of coming out to themselves and others, although coming out is always hard. I just came out to myself about 6 months ago and there's only 1 other female friend whom I've told face to face about my crush on an older woman. Other than that, only the people on this site know about me, so I'm still in the process of coming out. There's always stereotypes no matter what the situation. I also think that upbringing and religious beliefs have a lot to do with being in denial about one's sexuality.

samwiseup, We are wondering what happened on your date and how it went? Since we haven't heard from you can we assume it's all good?

I'm not a guy and I don't care much for porn, but based on this site it apprears that many guys are turned on by gay porn and don't necessarily want to act on having sex with a guy and still desire women. I think that you are gay curious or bi-curious right now. I would guess that an indicator of when the line is crossed between being curious and knowing, you will want to act on your feelings by having a sexual relationship with a man. What I've learned about attraction is that it occurs on a continuum and people have different levels of attraction for people of the same sex and the opposite sex and everyone is so different. If you think about attraction as occurring on a scale with 0 being totally heterosexual and 10 being totally homosexual, there will be only a few people at either end of the spectrum. But, if you think about all of the numbers in between 0 and 10, those all represent other degrees of attraction, so people are all over the place. This helps me think about attraction and why everyone is so different. I hope it helped you!

Yours is a very sticky situation. This woman is your boss and is married with 7 kids. I think I would be running the other way. If it were me I would accept the ride home from her and get to know her a bit.

I agree with cosqui32, 35 isn't that old! I have a crush on a woman much older than myself. I'm 26 and I think she's 51. I have 2 posts about my situation on this site. My first one is called "older woman attraction," and my 2nd was an update on the situation that I posted like a month ago titled, "Help! What does this mean?" You can read both if you like. I don't think that you should do or say anything to this person unless you are getting strong signs that she is interested in you in the same way. Your situation is complicated because she is your boss so based on that, it's going to be really tough for anything to ever happen. But, you sound so infatuated with her! I know how that feels, man do I know! Can you work somewhere else? If you can, I would do that and then out myself to her. Is she married? Kids? Do you know anything about her personal life? Do you ever go out for drinks or dinner with her?

YES, this girl sounds like she really digs you. I think the signs are pretty obvious that she likes you. Flrit with her and ask her out! I know I wouldn't waste time asking her out if I were getting those signs. Good luck

So your therapist said that there's a chance for you to find someone and to find some happiness, huh? The chance thing sounds a bit dreary. Congrats on coming out to yourself! I just recently came out to myself and I'm still uncertain about many things. I wouldn't worry too much about finding "the one." I think that if you are open to meeting new people and letting people into your life then the rest should be easy. I have been attracted to a woman whom I believe is 51 yrs old, so people can still be beautiful and sexy at any age. Good luck and keep us posted!

It sounds like she wants to kiss you and if that's the case, then she likes you!

It sounds like this girl has a thing for you if she's calling you hot and yes, the chocolate spread thing sounds like it was flirting. Even if she is straight it sounds like she is flattered by your attraction and attention. You should ask her who she likes.

You're right. It's not a good and healthy relationship if the only things that you and your gf can talk about are sex. Do you two have any common interests besides sex? What do you guys do when you are together? Does she feel the same way you do and agree that the only time you guys can talk about anything is when it is about sex or you are mad at each other? I think that you should try to talk to her and tell her that you are concerned about your relationship because you feel that the only times when you can talk to her about anything are when you are mad at each other or when you talk about sex and see what she says. You two should try to work on your relationship by doing things together like take a dance class together or pottery or computers or something to work on your relationship. I hope that this helps.

I think that you should tell her that it bothered you that she shared that with you. However, I agree that it's best to keep things like sexual fantasies and past sexual experiences to yourself because it's not really relevant to the relationship that you are in and it sounds like it's too many details for you. I think you should remember that this happened in her past and it sounds like quite a long time ago. It sounds like the two of you have a great relationship now and you shouldn't feel threatened by her sexual experiences. Then again, I don't think that she should have given you all of the details.

It sounds like this girl is very interested. If you are interested send back the signals. When you see her making eye contact, make eye contact back and smile at her, if you are interested. Then don't be afraid to go up and talk to her. It sounds like she's trying to make herself known to you. Good luck!

I think you need to ask him out and see how things go on the date. Girls can ask out guys in this day and age and it's okay.

I agree with Prosper and Avman. Women are typically more mature than guys at the same biological age. So since you said that she's 23 and he's 30 their maturity levels should be almost equal. Also, compatibility, interests, compromise, trust, and friendship are important components of a successful relationship.

You can't get a disease from fingering someone unless she's on her period and you have cuts on your fingers and one of you is infected. If she is a virgin the chance of her having anything should be minimal unless she's used drug needles or participated in high risk sexual behaviors. Same with oral sex. The chance of you getting something is minimal unless she's on her period and you have cuts and sores in and around your mouth. It's none of my business, but you seem a bit young to be worrying about having sex with someone.

I don't think it's right to make a cake with your gf as the cake batter and this guy as the icing. It's not fair to either of them, especially if you are in a committeed relationship. I think monogamy is the best way in intimate relationships and if you can't be monogamous then don't be committed. That's just my opinion. It sounds like you can't hide your feelings for this guy from your gf and I don't think that you should try. Maybe you should call it quits with her if you are lusting after other people, exp. guys. Tell your gf you need some space to date other people and you are interested in dating men for a while. I don't think it would be fair to expect her to wait on the sidelines while you try other things, though. She should be free to date other people, as well, and maybe move on with her life. As far as the guy, you asked him out and he said no?

What if the person whom you are interested in shows a lot of interest in you, like wants to know everything about you over a period of time, and then tells you things are getting too personal and they can't do it? What do you do then? Does it mean that they might still fancy you, but are involved with someone else? Should you still tell them that you are crazy about them?

Sometimes it can take up to a few hours to a few days to get a response. Sometimes if it's unclear what your problem is or what you are asking you may never get a response. You have to remember this isn't fast food drive threw! I'm not sure I understand what you are asking us. You are bi and you want to date a woman and a man, but the man whom you like doesn't like you back because you are too masculine. I think that you should decide whom you want to date right now; a man or a woman. It sounds like you are trying to have your cake and eating it too by keeping your gf on the side and also wanting a boyfriend. I can understand why she is mad at you for crying over that guy that didn't feel the same way that you did. It's not fair to her and I can't believe that she actually went along with allowing you to do this in the first place.

We all do stupid things we regret. I don't think you should feel suicidal over it or let it ruin your life. I do think it will make you feel better to talk to your friend about it. Who knows, maybe he doesn't feel as guilty and regret it to the extent that you are. Maybe he has feelings for you. You need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling and that you don't think that it should happen again. Then just try to let it go. We all make mistakes and most of us have made stupid mistakes under the effects of alcohol. Just regognize this, try not to make the same mistake again, and move on with your life.

Sorry, didn't mean to break your heart. Thanks for sharing your story. I know that this might sound harsh and I don't mean for it to, but you need to move on. As hard as that sounds. It's irrational to try to "win" back your gf. She is with someone else now, whether it is a woman or another man. It sounds like she has moved on with her life and it would be really disrespectful for you to try to impose on her relationship with someone else and she may resent you for it in the long run. I t's hard to know how long she will be in this relationship with a lesbian and I don't recommend sitting and waiting around, hoping that they will break up soon because you could end up waiting the rest of your life. But, I actually did read that most first and usually second lesbian relationships faze out more quickly than subsequent ones. It's because lesbians learn from their early relationships and are more careful not to make the same mistakes in later relationships. It's true of any relationship, really. She could actually be claiming that she is a lesbian now and not have any interest in being with a man again. It happens all of the time. So even if they did break up, there's no guarantee that she would want to be with you. She may try to look for another woman. I think the best things for you to do are to maybe seek counseling to try to grieve your loss and move on with your life. Try to go out and meet other people, date other girls, take up a new skill or a new class. You have got to move on. I don't see any way around it. I am in the same boat you are, sort of. This woman that I have a crush on pretty much gave me the brush off two weeks ago. I have known her for 1.5 yrs and thought things were progressing towards a relationship. I thought that I was straight or claimed I was for my whole life, even though I have been attracted to other women, just never acted on my feelings. So this was the first time that I acknowledged my feelings for someone of the same sex. I am also in the process of trying to move on. I am in love with this woman and I would do just about anything to be with her, but from the way that she's acted towards me I'm thinking it's best that I move on. So I am trying to do other things in my life like meet new people, spend more time with other friends, giving people advice on this forum, exercising. I know that if I occupy my time and my thoughts with other things that sooner or later she will go away. Hopefully sooner rather than later! I hope that helped you a little.

I don't think that God ever said that because like I said, I don't believe in the Bible at all. I think some twisted, male chauvanistic, missionary sex style lovin', Bible Belt, homophobic Holy Roller, white trash, racist, pervert wrote that and claimed he got revelation from God. Actually, it was probably a group of "so-called" prophets that wrote it and my description most likely fits all of them. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my descriptive opinion!

I think that since there are no laws or marriage licenses in same-sex relationships there's a lot of gray areas. It sort of depends on the partners involved as to how long the relationship lasts. If I were in a relationship right now with another woman I would want it to last for as long as we were good for each other. I'm not sure if I would get married if it were legal. It would depend on many things.

I don't believe in the Bible, I don't read the Bible, study it, or go to church. The way I see religion is that it is man-made. These ancient guys claimed to be prophets and received visions from god. I do believe in some sort of after-life and I think religion and the Bible is great for people who need to be scared and disciplined into treating others well and obeying the rules of the land. I don't need these things in order to treat others with dignity or respect. I also don't think that people should be tricked into feeling guilty about their sexual orientation and that's what religion and the Bible does. Just think, if everyone were heterosexual and had kids this world would be even more populated than it already is and we would have more waste and pollution, so homosexuality is also a form of population control! It's also not uncommon for many species to mate or be attracted to the same-sex. You would have to do a search on the internet about it, but sexual relations between 2 animals of the same species is very common. The main difference between humans and these other species is that we think about it and judge it too much. Just my opinion.

Wow, I just read your post! You have every right to feel devastated. I have no clue how to get over someone. I just posted 2 weeks ago on here about my same-sex attraction of an older woman who basically perved me for about a year and then told me to get lost. I'm pretty sure that she has a gf and we live in different states so it's complicated, but I KNOW how you are feeling. I knew this woman even though we were never together. I don't think that someone just decides that they are no longer gay. It sounds like she's really bi-sexual and was saying that she was gay when she was in a relationship with a woman. I think this is common in same-sex relationships. It also sounds like she gets bored in her relationships because it sounds like she kind of jumps from one relationship to the next. Also, she sounds really co-dependent. It sounds like she already has a new lover lined up before she lets an old relationship go. You are feeling many things right now, the loss of a lover, the loss of a friend, someone that you cared about very much. I don't think that you should let her control whatever kind of relationship the two of you have right now by letting her call you whenever she feels like it, but you can't call her. And she calls that being best friends??? I think if I were you I would consider doing no contact for a while. How in the heck are you supposed to move on with your life if she's calling you all the time talking about her new relationship with a man? I think that you should consider counseling because you need someone to talk about this with. Sometimes it helps to take up new hobbies, take a class like pottery or dance or computers, something to get your mind off of her and the things and habits that you guys shared. I find it strange that she never came out to her daughter even after her daughter came out to her. That proves that she was never comfortable in a same-sex relationship. I'm really not sure how someone could spend 4 yrs with someone whom they shared everything with and then claim that they are no longer gay and never cared about the person. I think only a cold hearted b*tch could do or say that to another person. I hope that I've helped you here.