debaser

Hi Iori... well, I rarely post here, in fact I tried to post a reply and realised I had forgotten my password and had to get my account re-activated. So that just proves you're not worthless and people do care about you I know it's hard when you fall in love, or even just really like somebody and then find out they don't feel the same. There isn't a lot I can say to make you feel better right now, apart from that you could turn this into a positive thing. I think perhaps you could concentrate on making yourself a bit happier with your own life...study hard, do well at work, take up a hobby etc. You'll find that this might help take your mind off things and also it might make you more confident which would help when you're dating. As I said, there isn't a great deal I can say to actually make you feel better, but you can make yourself feel better, I promise Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself time to feel better...and don't forget that people do care it's just people aren't very good at showing it a lot of the time. Take care.

Yeah, I also think you're over reacting a little bit, but its ok to be worried... the easiest thing to do would be explain to her! Just say something like "you remember the other night when I said looks aren't important? well, what I meant was that personality is more important to me. But I just wanted to tell you that I think you're very good looking and you have a great personality as well." Well, you know what I mean - just explain to her and it'll all be fine

Um...I don't remember ... it was probably my fiance but it was a long time ago lol

Wow. Show her what you just wrote, and make sure she knows there's no rush and you're not going anywhere. I think that's all you need to do

Ok, this might sound dumb, but maybe you could try learning some new things? I have had very bad depression and other problems for years and it has nearly got the better of me a lot of times..but I'm learning to try and accept it. Well, anyway, I found it's good to keep busy, so I started learning new things - even things I didn't have much of an interest in. I just tried a whole bunch of things online. Well, after everything I found design and art and music....well, now it keeps me busy and it gives me goals. And it's nice when people are impressed with what I do, so that helps with the confidence side of things as well. Hope that might help some. Take care x.

^ Well, let her know that if she doesn't want to date, there will be no hard feelings and you would still like to be friends. I'm sure it will be okay, you seem a lovely guy

Tell her That's all the advice I have - just tell her. You could email her if you're unsure, then you have plenty of time to think about what to say etc. And if you're worried that she doesn't like you back - well, at least if she doesn't, you'll know and then you can find time to move on. Good luck and don't worry, life's too short

Sorry to hear you have felt like you had nothing to live for, and I'm glad you're now past those times. Well, I love my partner very much, I have been with him for three years. But he has a temper problem - he doesn't hit me or anything like that - he just gets angry and finds things hard to deal with. He isn't a bad person, it stems from his childhood (and also the fact that our lives have been very stressful lately), and he's going to start anger management classes soon. But, at the moment, it's too hard to talk to him about how I feel as he gets too worked up in himself and it makes me very upset when he's like that In my past I took drugs and drank heavily. I quit drugs and drinking 2-3 years ago now though. And also, people get the wrong idea about me My partner's friends and family think I've ruined his life. And people I meet on the internet just don't understand about my illness and it hurts me when I'm treated like I don't exist by everybody. In regards to your last couple of sentences, I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm trying not to be selfish, I've been trying for years, but I really have nothing to live for. I can't think of one thing.

Thank you very much for the compliment....but I fear, I'm not a caring person in real life. I find it easier over here to try and be a nicer person, I don't know why. I mean, I try to be kind, but...I guess I just have a past/present that makes me seem bad.

Well, there is no chance I could get help. I have tried everything over the past two years to try to get better I'm not really sure, if there was a chance now, whether I would take it... I'm tired of life and I have no pleasure in anything. To be honest, I see no point in my life anymore as I have nothing and I'm just overwhelmingly miserable. Thanks for posting, by the way, PAdreamer.

Hi, no I haven't as I can't get to a doctor. I am agoraphobic to the point where I can't leave the house and my agoraphobia also means I cannot bear to be around anybody (apart from my partner) so I cannot even manage a house call. sorry.

I have had nothing left to live for for the past two years or so...not one thing And I wish to end my life... do you think it's justifiable, seeing as I really don't have anything left to live for. I have no pleasure or enjoyment or even tolerance of anything. Is this ok to anybody...I mean, is it reasonable to do this? Thank you.

Well, I don't really have any advice about your current situation, sorry...but I just wanted to say this. I was doing things really similar when i was a bit younger and I met my fiance that way... but, please, be careful. There is nothing wrong with flirting and having fun, especially when you're young, but if you're not careful it can lead you into bad situations Trust me. So please, take care, and I'm sure someone with better advice about your current situation will come along soon lol

Well, I didn't read your previous posts, but I'm guessing congrats are in order I've been there myself recently, and its a scary time! 8-[ So...Congratulaions! 8)

Hi, I'm in the UK as well... Like the others said, she isn't underage so there's no problem there. I think the only things you should be careful of are, firstly, make sure she really is 16. I don't want to put you off, but that's not a risk you want to take - meeting her parents as little242 suggested is a great idea Secondly, try to remember that she may act very mature but she is still only 16 and may find some emotional situations a little harder to handle etc, so bear that in mind. Oh, and make sure she isn't drinking in the pub or anything like that lol! I hope it all works well out for you

When my boyfriend (now fiance) and I got together he lied to me about things. I was 18 and he was 19, and he lied about things like that - he was just trying to make me like him more... perhaps seem "cooler" in some way. The thing was, he didn't admit any of this to me until a year later and it really hurt after all that time. For example, he told me he had had sex before when he hadn't...he lost his virginity to me and I didn't even know about it My advice would be this: It's not a big lie - so tell her the truth. Tell her you weren't trying to be dishonest or anything, just that you wanted to kind of impress her because you like her I'm sure she'll understand and it will all work out fine. Good luck

Thanks, hurt+abandoned... you described Peter perfectly lol. Well, I did it - I spoke to him about things and it was really good. He didn't lose his temper and we came to a mutual decision to take a break for a few days and have a think about things, and then see how it goes after that. I feel relieved, and much happier. I think this is what we both need to help decide about the future. Thanks again for replying and giving me advice. x

There is every chance you will meet a wonderful man....who isn't violent and who you can love. But, your son may never get over being abused/taken away from his mom (if it comes to that). A man who feels the need to hit a child, isn't a real man. Just my opinion. Take care of you and your children x

I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation - as you grow up, everybody moves in different directions and, although you're still friends... you're not really close anymore. Perhaps you could take up a new hobby and meet people that way? Or, if there's something you enjoy doing maybe you could join a club/class? That way the new people you meet would probably have more in common with you - be following a similiar path in life as you

First off all, thank you for replying OhJeeeez Yeah, you're right I think....I think I need to find a way to make myself happier, regardless of who is or isn't in my life. It's been a really tough 3 years and I need to do my best to get my head/life back together. hurt&abandoned Yes...I have been thinking about ending things with Peter for a while - not because I don't love him, but because it's such a "hard" relationship (not sure of a better way to put it). I have tried to sit down with Peter and have a heart to heart, as you suggested...but it always goes the same way: he'll get defensive and argue, then he'll start listening after a while and he always says "I'll change" or "It will get better soon" (something like that). But, it never does - it always stays the same after we've talked about it. kdreger Yeah, a lot of reasons I became agoraphobic were to do with Peter, I think (but it wasn't just him). And I was very surprised how much strength Rob gave me.... I didn't think I was ever going to have contact with other people again, but he's really been helping me. I don't think I stayed with Peter entirely through lack of options/guilt, but I think it plays a part. By this I mean, I put up with a lot more than I would if I was healthy and able to walk out. Again, thanks to everyone for replying, I really needed the advice. I was thinking I would like to sit Peter down and try to have a proper chat. I'd like to ask him if we could "have a break" for a few days - I think this will help me decide what path I should take. Do you think this would be a good thing to do? Take care all x

Hi everyone, I'm new here...I hope I'm posting this in the right forum. Apologies if I'm not. I was hoping you guys could give me some advice as I really need it. This may take a while, sorry, but I'll try and make it as short as I can: I've been with my fiance for 3 years next month. We moved in together after about 3 months and got engaged around the same time. I love him to bits and he loves me very much as well. We've had a hard relationship with lots of arguments - mostly trust issues etc.. but, anyway... I am severely agoraphobic - for the last year and a half I've been completely housebound and haven't even spoken or seen another person apart from my fiance (I'll call him "Peter"). Peter has a short temper (he's not violent at all by the way) so I think he finds it hard to have patience with my illness, as you can understand, and even though I think he tries his best, he can be a quite selfish at times. I go on the internet a lot because I'm obviously limited with what I can and can't do. I met this guy in a chat room (I'll call him "Rob"). Well, it turns out he lives in my town and I kind of know him...very vaguely - he was a barman at a club I used to go to - we'd only said hi once or twice maybe and he knows a few people I know. Anyway, we got talking and I told him about my illness, and he said his Dad had had the same illness years ago and he wanted to help me get better. He said how bad he feels for me and how he wants to help me get my life back - how no-one should have to live like this. I was very grateful but I didn't think he could help me - after all, it's been almost two years and nothing has made me feel any better. Well, since I've been talking to him, I feel a lot less depressed and I even managed to go outside into my garden (that was a huge step for me)! And, bigger than that, I had "contact" with someone other than Peter for the first time in two years - Rob drove past my house and I looked out the window at him, then the next day I opened the window and waved to him when he drove past! I know that probably sounds stupid, but it really is a massive step forward for me. Here's where things get hard. Rob has feelings for me - he says I'm his perfect partner and how much he cares about me. So, we talked about this and he said he wants to help me get better, and he would love to be with me one day. But, he said either way there would be no hard feelings and we'd remain great friends. He said if I ever split up with Peter he understood if I needed space, or if I needed him around - he could help with my rent etc, or he could give me space, whatever I needed. And, even if nothing ever happened romantically, he'd still be around for me... he was so nice to me about it, and there was no pressure, it was just a relaxed open conversation. But, now I don't know what to do. I love Peter so much, but we don't have a great relationship... he doesn't pay me much attention - he spends all day playing his computer or something. He's always in a mood and often says or does things that hurt me. We love each other so much though. When we've argued and one of us has said "that's it, we're splitting up" in the heat of the moment or something... we've both cried our eyes out. I don't know what my life would be like without him, and I don't know if I could cope with the hurt of losing him. I don't know if the pain would be unbearable. But, we argue a lot and don't have a really happy relationship a lot of the time. I have given it three years to improve - I didn't just give up on us. I guess I'm just looking for an outside opinion. Do I stay with Peter or do I try and get a happier life (maybe with rob)? I need help on how I decide this? Thank you for reading...I hope I explained okay and sorry it's so long.