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ConfusedBloke

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  1. ConfusedBloke
    Michael2, that's probably a bit harsh, what they've done really is horrible, and that makes it worse, cos we know these women, and we know they can be sweet and nice, but i'm far from perfect myself (never cheated on her or anything, but probably didn't give her a lot of support and attention when she needed it most).
  2. ConfusedBloke
    Hey, well my situation has improved in that it feels a little better, but she's still with that guy, in fact they're heading out on vaction to europe together to visit her family. (that hurts a lot, as I know they must have booked that thing really soon after we were through). I'm just trying to get by, being civil to her at work and even spent last night trying to help her find her passport (god knows why i was helping, im a fool).
  3. ConfusedBloke
    Mate, this is horrible, and it gives me the chills just reading it. It's so similar to what happened to me. (3 year relationship, sex life kind of average, she starts flirting with a co-worker by text and IMs etc), only in my case it went in the worst direction possible. I know exactly what you're feeling now, and it's hell. With me i was able to confront the co-worker, as he was also a friend (or so i thought). That didn't work. so i kept confronting her and the more i mentioned it the more annoyed she got, seems like she partially used that to justify what she was going to do. I don't know what to say really, but its hard to win here, the bold move would be to take cecelius' advice, but im not sure i could ever have done that. Now of course it could just be harmless flirting, but whatever it is, you've made your position clear to her, so if she cares bout you then she really should stop this, if not, then there is definitely potential for trouble I feel for you mate, dont know what to say, lets hope someone comes on with some genius advice, till then just try to keep your head
  4. ConfusedBloke
    From what you've said I'm beginning to think the apology might be a good idea. If i put myself in the position of your ex, then i know that i would apprecite a genuine apology from my ex after all the damage she caused, but even if im in a relationship in a years time, it would get me thinking about her again, so you have to be careful of that
  5. ConfusedBloke
    If you have any intention of trying to get back together with him, by all means contact him, if not, then just leave it, you'll only stir up old feelings with him, and maybe get him hoping again. You say you dont want to because it wouldn't work - in what sense?
  6. ConfusedBloke
    good point, maybe the male mind is constructed differently. I just could never see myself doing this to the woman i loved, or even if id just been with someone for a while and didnt even love them. I guess its loyalty or something. good luck with seeing her
  7. ConfusedBloke
    Deebee, I bought that album at the weekend, and completely agree with you. That song just puts it so perfectly, nearly crashed my car listening to it!
  8. ConfusedBloke
    Hey, I'm not sure what to do but iv'e been in the position your boyfriend is in (a while back), and i felt exactly the same. All i can say is that it's a huge thing that he can explain to you his feelings, as I had a really hard time telling my then ex about it. This will play on his mind, and for me would not go away, especially on those bad days that come along. I never did get it figured out while i was with her, so maybe counselling might go some way to help, but there's no substitute to experience, and really the only thing that would have made me see sense was after I'd been with a couple more people (I'm not suggesting that you tell him to go out there and sleep with someone else to get it out of his system, but i'm sure some people might!) One thing that will help is if you make sure to do certain things with him that you haven't ever done before with anyone, and make that clear that he is the only one you have done that with. I could offer suggestions, but you get the picture, and you can both have fun while doing it! hope there's something useful in there
  9. ConfusedBloke
    I really see both points, not sure what to do, yep she left me after a really good 3 years to be with this other guy, just after we moved to a different country (but im not blameless, i most have done something wrong, ive never been over emotional with her, and she threw that at me), but i dont want to look like a sore loser, i want to show that im the bigger man, and i do still care for her, so i do want her to have a good birthday, but maybe she doesnt deserve it...
  10. ConfusedBloke
    Michael2, that is the case, she dumpled me for my friend/colleague, but i dont want to seem like a complete a*seh*le, it's difficult to decide
  11. ConfusedBloke
    So, you've been broken up a few weeks, the ex is seeing someone else, it's her birthday, do you: a) get her a card with a simple non-romantic message b) card with some lovey dovey stuff c) card and gift d) card and really good gift e) nothing
  12. ConfusedBloke
    Oceaneyes, i think you're right, when we broke up I got the blame for not doing this, or doing that etc, so yeah, she was trying to justify it by blaming me. And yep, she did want to be friends (i have since explained that even mere friends wouldn't do this kind of thing - so it won't work), and yes maybe she was thinking that if this new thing didn't work out she may have a place to return to - which for a while i would have loved to happen, but now i just wouldn't want to be second choice or plan B or whatever. Just wish she could understand what she's done or she may do it again and break someone else's heart too
  13. ConfusedBloke
    This is where my Ex and me disagree, we broke up for her to be with a colleague of mine, but she is adamant that she did nothing wrong as the physical act didn't happen until after we broke up (the day after as it turns out ). She insists that what she did wasn't cheating even though she had basically given her heart to another while still in a relationship, as she would text message and instant message with him all the time (I caught a couple of those messages, and they were not pleasant to see), and even go to lunch with him. To me that's emotional infidelity at it's worst, and as Oceaneyes said, yep it led to the physical stuff, although she broke it off first and expects gratitude for it.
  14. ConfusedBloke
    Aside from the question of weather I should ever get back with someone who left me for another person. Is there anyone out there who's ex left them for someone else, and then got back with them? If so after how long? I guess I'm just looking for something to give me hope...
  15. ConfusedBloke
    Well if either of you guys want to talk about this type of situation, send me a message and i'll give you my AIM screenname. Btw, how long has it been for both of you since the break-up, Im around the 5 week point now I guess, and just when I thought i was getting better, it feels like its getting worse - maybe cos i just found out they booked a holiday to europe for the summer, and they're going to visit both of their parents, that hurts...
  16. ConfusedBloke
    Like Mr Good man, that sounds so much like how i have been with my ex (which is what led her to find a new guy). This advice telling you to find a guy who will look after you probably isn't what you want to hear, as you want to be with this guy, but back to how it was! Well looking back what I wish my ex had done, would have been to speak to me before it was to late, as i knew what i was doing, but felt secure in that i had time to come round, so just kept doing it. If she'd have said something along the lines of, "i love spending time with you, but you dont want to anymore, i think this is causing a big problem in our relationship, maybe we need a bit of time apart to think about it" well then i would have had the shock i needed, but still had time to make a go of it, a second chance if you will. Joni Mitchell was right... with us guys sometimes "you don't know what you've got till it's gone.."
  17. ConfusedBloke
    As our ex partners and their new partners work with us, have either of you guys thought about taking any action, like reporting them?. I know a lot of work places don't allow this type of thing. I hadn't even thought about that before, but now i've reached the angry stage...especailly as with me its my boss that's involved, what do you think?
  18. ConfusedBloke
    well guys im in kind of the same situation, 3 year relationship, gone due to her wanting be be with another guy at our workplace (my boss and friend). Sounds like she has the same personality as your ex, very flirty especially with him. She said we broke up as she'd lost the feeling, but i know (from reading some text messages) that it was so they could get together. So yeah you have to see the rejection everyday at work, which makes it so hard to move on, i too have thought about leaving, but i just think, why should i?, if anyone should, then shouldn't she?, but i really dont know what to do
  19. ConfusedBloke
    I would say its a fine balance, ignoring it too much might have the negative effect you mention. I guess really do you feel like you are now strong enough to have a quick chat and be able not to bring the relationship up? if not, then i would wait, if you can then next time he calls, just have a fun chat, tell him about cool things youve done, be friendly, but dont talk too long or it will inevitably steer towards the relationship, then try to end the call at a good point on a positive note, and it should go well
  20. ConfusedBloke
    phx, you asked how long it took me to realise, well the sad thing is i knew all along, but i was just figuring (naivley) that once i popped the question id feel better, so just went along with the feeling. I never thought that it would end so i felt secure, i needed that kick to wake me up Unfortunately by that time she had found someone else, i really could kill myself sometimes
  21. ConfusedBloke
    well, im feeling exactly all those thisngs you mention, and yep its killing me. looking back i do wish id been different at certain times in certain aspects and situations, but what i did or didnt do was me being me at that time. So if the girl im with cant love me for being me then maybe its best that im not with her afterall...
  22. ConfusedBloke
    If only there were a way of (for want of a better word) educating people to this fact, but the sad fact is people have to learn for themselves, and as my ex is attractive, intelligent, etc its always easy for her to find somewhere else to go once the feeling has lessened, rather than allowing herself just to love
  23. ConfusedBloke
    wow thats tough, Im on the other side of the fence (my gf broke up as her feelings had gone), but as much as I would like to still be with my ex, that's only if she wants to be with me, so its probably best she told me how she felt. The only weird thing is that i have been through the period of not feeling anything, but for complicated reasons i stayed with it, and eventually my feelings returned, not to the same intensity as before, but more of a warm enduring feeling, but thats just me
  24. ConfusedBloke
    well, it's good advice to move on, but you're obviously pretty cut up about her kissing some other guy, so if you do move on, then you will have to accept that the next guy and her would likely do more. So you need to mentally decide if you can handle that if you ever were to get back together.
  25. ConfusedBloke
    I dont know if this helps much, but ive just split with my girlfriend and part of the reason was caused (indirectly) by me preparing to pop the big question to her). Basically I had booked a long weekend to a place we once visited and planned to ask her there. As soon as I had done that looking back i can se i started to act distant from her etc and generally unloving, which was so far from the truth i was just scared. The sad thing is it turns out this led her into a new relationship, as her feelings for me lessened while i was acting weird. Basically my point is, he might just be scared, that's all, and may genuinely just need some time
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