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Thread: She wont grow up!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Well this ball of resentment has had a long time to grow, so it may take some time to work out all that stress.

    I'll just share what I've learned about managing resentment. There's a few aspects to it really. Self awareness is one. If you can't go deep into why you are feeling this way, find a safe spot to talk or write about it until you do understand the root.
    Another part of it is forgiveness. It can be forgiveness inside for another, towards yourself, or both. Forgiveness to yourself for not knowing how else to deal with it until now, and for causing yourself harm by way of stress and bitterness.
    Forgiveness doesn't mean agreeing. It's deciding to unfurl that toxic clot building inside you.
    And there's the problem solving part. Actions you can take to prevent it before it starts, turn things in another direction when you see a sign of it starting.

    So with a long standing one, I'd start with feeling and identifying what's underneath the anger. Is it old hurt unresolved from when you were a little guy? You didn't get direction and care, you got abuse. To see them working to the grave to care for her may be causing all sorts of feelings that aren't really about what is going on now, but then. Resentment is often about the past. Something unexpressed, unresolved.

    I am so sorry you were mistreated as a child. I really do believe you can work through this, to the point it won't be a cause of resentment for you.
    I'm cheering you on. Do it for your own health because you are worth that kind of loving care !

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Itsallgrand Thank you for your kindness and explanation, instead of telling me to "get over it" 🤨
    I now have some direction as to what I need to do :)

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    You get over this by living your own life even if it drives you nuts. Learn to separate yourself. It's their life and you have your own life. There is nothing you can do about it so you might as well just remain a peaceful, civil person and mind your own business with all due respect.

    I was once in similar shoes to yours and I've since learned to back off and get busy with your own life. Do what you enjoy, take good care of your health and immerse yourself in your day-to-day activities and busyness. You'll drive yourself crazy if you are consumed with your sister and your parents' lives.

    Don't allow your sister to have a grip on your life. Learn to let it go and be free from undue stress. Get busy living. Create your own joy. After a while, you won't care anymore and will feel numb to it just like what happened to me. Then you'll actually begin to feel happy and not have a care in the world.

    Make your troubles light by having a light heart instead of a heart filled with angst. This is what I do and I've never been happier nor more giddy. Change the way you think.

  4. 04-17-2019, 05:46 AM

  5. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    I don't see People telling you to just "get over it" they are telling you to stop letting it eat you inside out, to distance yourself and focus on YOU, and your happiness. Once you do that, you will find peace....it is all about letting go. Part of the serenity prayer is:
    to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.


  7. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    That does not mean you are a beneficiary. Abdicate. The way your parents set it up is a legal nightmare. You could get stuck doing all the legwork, baring all the costs and still end up with nothing. An executor is not necessarily a beneficiary.

    No one can force you into the headache legal hassles and cost of being an executor. In fact even if you did accept this headache, it does not mean you can legally change what they have outlined, including your sister staying in the house and whatever things they put in her name or leave to her. They may well do that because she is "there for them" in their old age. Keep in mind there are no laws that entitle either one of you to anything. First the surviving spouse inherits everything.

    In the meantime her life is her problem. Do not bother with it.
    Originally Posted by OneLoneClone
    My parents are getting up there in age and I asked them if they have a will, and they said both of us are executors.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Have you seen the will?

  9. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    OK, so your sister is really not living a happy life. although you see material comforts. If I were to guess, she is a failure at romance, at providing for herself, and looks at you as a success in comparison.

    Your parents may be enabling her. However, there is likely some kid of mental health issue going on. it is no accident that your father made you a co-executor of the estate. he knows you will not allow assets to be frittered away.

  10. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    You’re the one who hates her, not your parents. So why would you expect anyone to cater to your unkindness?

    If you opt for hate, the one you’ll harm is yourself. Have you noticed?

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