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About Afireblue

  • Birthday 11/10/1980

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  1. I love what way you wrote! You are so right! I just feel at a very low point in my life in that aspect. I have already spent a few years before focusing on me, healing, being by myself and actual being happy with it. What threw me off once again was falling for someone who lied to me and I was "the other woman" it brought back a lot of misery I thought I had left behind. I have very high standard for people I let into my life but when I like someone I seem to ignore all the red flags. Thank you for your encouraging words they really really helped❤
  2. I turned 40 a few months ago, I got pregnant at 17 y/o with my 1st daughter who is now 22, then I had a 2nd girl 5 years later. Needles to say my marriage didn't last, we were way too young and not ready, After my divorce I stayed single for a few years, then dated on and off, I have had 2 serious relationships that ended badly The common denominator here is me. I am very needy, I have this horrible need for affection and acceptance that I try for it not to show by acting aloof but deep down I just want to be loved. I fall very quickly for unavailable men who use me for a while or who lie in order to get with me. I feel very lonely, otherwise my life is good... I have a great job, great family, I have hobbies, talents, great friends, I'm just missing someone to share other things with, like romance, company, intimacy... Is there an online therapy any of you can recommend??, I am sick of feeling incomplete and like I'm not good enough
  3. yes, I guess Im confused too, because I wasnt expecting this to be anything but I feel getting attached. The bottom line is that he is not what I want in the long run, I would like to meet someone older who already has his life together, even with grown kids so we have similar lifes, etc, I think my mind is clouded by the romance, I have a lot of thinking to do
  4. Yes, definitely I am wary, at this stage in my life I would like to find someone who is older than me, that has his own kids, so he understands what parenting is like, someone more financially stable ,etc, I think about all this things as I've made so many mistakes before, Thank you again for taking the time to respond!
  5. There's some points I'd like to offer more insight too if this helps, This is so unexpected to me for the following: - I just came back home from living abroad into my city of origin in October 2020 - He just moved into my city from another country in Dec 2020, starting his own design company in the middle of a global pandemic I was not looking for a bf, I did join a meet up group for outdoor activities in my city and met him, we became fast friends even on the phone we would just chat and not flirt, after about 1 month he started flirting with me and I fell for that immediately, It could be that I have not been with anyone for a while, it could be that I enjoyed the attention, I dont know Is the way he treats me that has me going gaga over him, he is super nice, a total gentleman, we have great conversations he is kind, likes to help me, so yes, I've been going with the flow, something happened with my work that under a lot of stress and it happened to be when his friends came to visit, so instead of going to him for comfort, I tried to do something else to relieve the stress, I went swimming and running with my dogs, but noticed my anxiety creeped back big time. We are both starting in a new place, that's why I havent asked any big questions, like where is this going or what he wants out of our relationship. He told me he wanted children just 3 days ago, and I didnt tell him I DONT, my kids are 20 and 16, Im done. I am starting to like him more, definitely feel an attachment because I was so starved for affection that it has made me insecure and now I am afraid to ruin the fun we have been having 😞
  6. After reading everyone's input I have to accept that after therapy, being single for 5 years focusing on me and my family I am still carrying my traumas in the bag, I really thought I have left them behind, I didnt use to be like this, I had a horrible marriage that destroyed my self esteem, verbal, mental and physical abuse, then 4 years later a 1 year relationship with a man who wasnt over his ex and I didnt see it until the end, dates with men who treated me like a piece of meat. Yes, I may have allowed all of this, but I came to my senses, took 5 long years to heal, only to find out that I am still a hot mess, I dont want to waste my life, I am very happy otherwise, why cant I just have fun with someone without worrying if they like me enough, why can't I have a boyfriend, date, just like everyone else without it destroying me inside. I don't want to be alone anymore, would more therapy be recommended for me?
  7. OMG You are right! this is spot on He has arranged multiple dates where we dont have sex, like when he knows Im in his town (we live 1 hour away) he meets up with me just to see me, and I find that very cute He is a very private person and does not offer any information regarding his past relationship nor he asks about mine, but I am more open and I have told him the general info, that im divorced and my ex is not in the picture, etc. He always makes an effort to communicate, for sure, and when his friends were here and I felt ignored I just gave him space but we got together right after they left, he came to see me. I have a very good and fulfilling life, my daughters and I have a great relationship, we foster puppies and older dogs for adoption, we live very close the beach, I have a great group of friends, but at this point in my life I am missing is someone like him, like a boyfriend who I can do adult things with, not just sex, and so far it has been really great getting to know him but I am afraid that my insecurities and anxiety will ruin it 😞
  8. That's the thing, we went from being friends/ activity partners, to kissing and then seeing each other regularly, we never talked of where things were going, we just decided to enjoy the attraction, for me it was all unexpected because he never gave me a hint that he liked me, and I thought he was attractive but that was it. I know that he wants to have kids in the future and he is working on being more financially stable to raise a family, I dont want more kids, and we may not stay together forever, but I"m okay with that, even though we have never discuss that, I want to be able to enjoy the present, I like having someone in my life but Im not ready for someone to move in with me, etc I havent had a boyfriend in a long time and so far I like how he treats me and I think we could have a nice, healthy relationship because our personalities are so in tune, minus my traumas and my anxiety... lol
  9. You are right, but I have to do this when I am not in an anxious frame of mind, thank you!! ❤️
  10. Well, I have met only 1 of his friends, I went hiking and invited him and he came with his bff and his son, and we spend the whole day together, it was so nice, he texted me that night that he enjoyed my company huge!! However, he had friends visiting from abroad last week and he did not include me in anything and we barely talked that week, but he send me photos of what him and his friends were doing. of course my anxiety went to the roof but I gave him his space and when his friends left he called me and said he missed me. He also plays front tennis at the same arena where my daughter trains for volleyball, so we have coincided there a couple of times and he asks to come see him play
  11. You are completely right, my anxiety is pretty bad because I've had horrible experiences with relationships, abuse, cheating, etc... I have had therapy before and have gotten a lot better but this feeling I have proves I still need improvement to do
  12. For your own mental health you need to set boundaries with her, you have feelings for her but for what you described she doesnt reciprocate, in fact, she is going through her own struggles. Its nice that you want to be there as a friend, but dont expect anything more
  13. Hi amigos, I've been dating this guy for 2 months, we met online as friends, discovered a tons of things we have in common and have similar personalities, ideas and get along fabulous! he's very affectionate and treats me like a lady, chemistry is off the charts and sex is great. We laugh a lot and talk about deep things too. I know is very early on, still honeymoon phase stuff, but I'm wondering when to bring that topic up. I am a very insecure woman in general but I dont act it outwards. I have been burned badly and I'm working on improving that about me, it has been a couple of times that he leaves me on read and that fires up my insecurities We are both 40, I have 2 grown daughters he's never had kids Im not looking to get serious too fast, and I am actually enjoying our casual whatever this is, should the question be how to calm myself down or to bring exclusivity talk so I feel better ...
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