Fif Angel

When you think about it, 5-10 seconds is actually quite a long time to eye up a girl. I mean count to 10 in your head, whilst looking at the same object-it's just blatant staring!! I suppose it is natural for guys to look at other woman, but if they're being blatant about it, i.e turning their head right round, actually staring as opposed to a discreet glance then it's time to have a quiet word with them, just tell them you find it disrespectful. One thing though, I have found in the past that if you go out with your man, assuming he will be eyeing up other woman you will find it everywhere. Even if it is a perfecetly innocent glance for half a second at, say, a painting or a building you will automatically think `right, who is he looking at now?!` Our imagination tends to fill in the gaps. It's good not to get too paranoid about it. Also, if you're fundamentally happy in yourself it tends not to be so much of a problem. Yes, she may be pretty but is she funny, witty, clever? If your man actually struck up a conversation with this girl he might find her hideous. Attraction is about so much more than looks.

Yep, definitely, playing it cool is always the way to go The first few weeks of no contact are always the hardest-keep doing what you're doing and all will be well

Seriously, 16 is so young-when I was your age I felt exactly the same-I was a complete failure, I was the oldest person in the WORLD who was still a virgin, single etc . 5 years later I look back and see how silly I was being. There are plenty of people out there, some of them my friends, who didn;t even kiss someone until they were 18/19. Just relax, you will find someone eventually trust me Oh and btw with regards to your friend and the girl you like, just swallow your pride and be happy for him. Girlfriends/boyfriends will come and go in life but your friendship with him is far more important and will probably last a lot longer.

Personally, my atttitude these days is that I would rather be alone than settle for anything second best. Being happy with your own company is a great gift to have-it shows that you are fundamentally a secure person and have accepted your hang-ups. I find a lot of people would rather be with anyone than be alone: with a partner you don;t have to confront yourself or your failings. One of my friends is constantly selling herself short, going out with guys who are way beneath her. She also has a lot of emotional issues and a very poor self-image. One time I asked her why she was so obsessed with being in a relationship. Her reply was `Because I don't have to think about myself`. Says it all really-she was so lacking in self-esteem that she would look to any guy for validation, rather than have to be alone and deal with her problems. She was so desperate for an escape from her issues. I respect anyone who is comfortable enough to be single and accept it. Society is constantly telling us that we have to be in a relationship. It's not true!!!

You need to sit down with him, calmly and have a long chat with him- present him with all the `evidence` that you have i.e-this parcel she sent, the fact that her number is still in his phone etc. It`s all starting to add up and make it increasingly unlikely that he is an unwilling victim of her stalking. Incidentally-Im curious: how did he react before when he found out that you had opened his parcel? People don`t like to have their privacy invaded but if he reacted particularly angrily then chances are he was dealing with a guilty conscience. The fact is-if your boyfriend was an entirely innocent party in all of this he would a) tell you about the parcel he received from her and b) delete her number from his phone. He is definitely taking you for a mug and you need to sort it out. Sit down, talk to him, ask him all these questions. It seems to me that your boyfriend is pretty much taking you for granted just now. It is highly unlikely that he intends to leave you for this girl accross the pond or indeed have any form of physical relationship with her so it is probably more a case of him wanting to have his cake and eat it too. A secure, long term relationship with you and a little flirtation on the side, safe in the knowledge that nothing can ever come of it given the distance etc If nothing else, it`s a blatant lack of respect. Deal with it sooner rather than later

Best thing to do: no contact Don`t phone her, don`t text her, don`t e-mail. Yes I know it`s the hardest thing in the world-you love her, you miss her you want to talk to her to try and make things work but no contact has to be the only solutions. For two reasons. First of all, it sounds like your girlfriend is in two minds about the state of your relationship right now. On one hand, she broke up with you. You accept that you treated her badly and she was probably fairly justified in walking away. One the other hand, she texts you so clearly misses you. She probably misses the caring sweet guy you were in the first seven months and can`t inderstand how you became, as you put it yourself `verbally abusive`. By not contacting her, the onus is on your girlfriend to communicate. This gives her a chance to think about what she really wants-if she wants you back, if she`s willing to give you another chance. She can`t do this if you keep in touch-it`s a bit like that old country western song `How can I miss you if you don`t go away?` No contact will give her (and you) the chance to think about what went wrong and allso work out if you actually miss each another enough to want anoher relationship. Second reason-if you don`t get back together ( and you have to prepare for every eventuality) no contact will give your heart a chance to heal and move on more quickly than you would do if you kept in touch. Incidentally I`d be interested to hear more about this verbal abuse. Having someone you love put you down is utterly soul-shatering and chances are, after a year or so of this, your girlfriend is worn out and utterly lacking in self-esteem. This is something you are really really going to have to work on if she does want you back. Ask yourself why you became like that? Are you insecure yourself? You need to get to the root of the problem and deal with it otherwise if you get back together it will just be the same repeat pattern. Ultimately it has to be your girlfriend`s choice. You treated her badly and it`s going to be a long rocky path to getting back together. You have to prove to her that you`re a changed man. It`s going to be very tough either way.

The best thing to do is to hold back a little. It is natural for the first intense rush of love to die down after the first year or so-it`s a natural progression when you start to really get to know your boyfriend on a new level and your reach a more comforting, familiar sort of love rahter than that dizzying feeling when you think about them 24/7. However, that doesn`t mean that you shouldn`t make an effort anymore. Sounds a bit like he`s starting to take you for granted-he`s probably so used to you being there that he doesn`t feel the need to go that extra mile to impress you anymore. Best advice back a little. Don`t be so eager to meet up with him. Next time he calls for you say `oh sorry honey I`m doing stuff with my girlfriends tonight`. Let him know that you have a life too. When he phones, don`t answer straight away A week should be enough to kick start your relationship again as I can gurantee he will come running back to you when he realizes you`re not going to spend your days runing after him.

Take your boyfriend, sit him down and tell him he`s being inappropriate. The definition of cheating, in my book, is anything sexual or relating to sex that one partner in a relationship is unhappy with. You have a right, thereforeeee, to tell him that this sort of behaviour makes him uncomfortable and ask him to stop. Here`s another way of looking at it. Ask your boyfriend if he would be happy with sone guy writing stuff on your hand about how he slept with you etc. Would he be happy with that? Thought not. In that case, he shouldn`t be letting another girl do it to him. Simple as that. It`s a question of basic respect. When you`re talking to your boyfriend about this, don`t be accusative or emotional about it. Just tell him calmly and rationally that he has to take this girl aside and tell her that her behaviour in inappropriate. He can be polite about it but firm. You need to nip this thing in the bud now or this girl will end up thinking that she has a free reign with your man and starts upping the ante even more.

A very insightful post. Turning 20 was definitely something of a milestone for me-becoming a young adult woman as opposed to just being a `teenager`. When we`re young it`s so easy to use age as an excuse for everything `oh Im still a child,` or `typical teenager`. Once you`re 20, you no longer have that excuse any more-you have to become an adult and accept responsibilty for your choices and situations in life. I have been thinking a lot recently about where I want to go in life, particularly in terms of career. I am going back to university after a disastrous first attempt. I am also finding my attitudes and ideals changing greatly-in terms of what I look for in a friend and what I want from life. It`s funny, 21 is supposed to be one of the big landmarks, becoming of age etc but I personally think that turning 20 is a lot more significant.

Well, guys I am just posting a little thread for all those people starting a university course this autumn who are maybe slightly older than the status quo! I am 20( though pushing 21) so although not ancient I am a bit older than most undergraduates. Im going to study modern languages in September and am feeling incredibly nerbous about it-it seems like the time is getting nearer and nearer. I am quite apprehensive about a lot of things-being older than the other students, financial difficulties etc but after working in various rubbish jobs (call centres etc) I am looking forwards to going back to study ( I started a uni course before but dropped out). A lot of my school friends are getting ready to graduate now and get jobs etc so it is quite daunting to know that I am going to be struggling a bit with finances etc over the next few years while they are earning money and driving nice cars..but it`ll be worth it eventually! Any one else out there in the same boat? Going to uni this autumn and possibly slightly older? Would be nice to hear people`s(not necessarily students)opinions on the matter! xx

Multiple bombs have exploded in London this morning, most probably a terrorist attack. I am shocked and worried for my family and friends who live there. Please please pray for everyone living or travelling in London at this time.

To be honest it all sounds very messy to me. If he really wanted back with then he would be trying his hardest to get back in your affections and that definitely would NOT involve texting this girl. It sounds like he constantly needs something to fall back on-he breaks up with you, starts dating this girl, they break up, he comes back to you but continues to keep in touch with her, txt her etc. It sounds like he doesn`t know what he wants. I think you`ve made the right decision to just stay friends right now. It would be very difficult for you if you launched straight back into a relationsip and, a month or two down the line he decides that he made the right decision after all to break up. You would be broken hearted. If it really hurts you, as Im sure it does, to hear about him dating this girl, contacting her etc then I think the best thing to do would be to start No Contact. Really, it is too difficult to break up with someone and then immediately become `just friends`. Your emotions are still too raw. If you break contact wth him then it will give you a chance to fully heal your heart and you`ll be in a much stronger position to decide what you want from him i.e friendship

I think in many ways it is a sign that they still have feelings for you (not necessarily romantic but that they care about you). I once read that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. In other words if your ex is being mean/abusive/total idiot its probably a sign that deep down inside they still care about you. This confuses them and they feel the need to purge themselves of you, hence the nastiness. It`s an extreme reaction to their confused inner turmoil and paradoxically a sign that they still have feelings for you (note: this doesn`t mean that they want to get back with you). Its a very unpleasant thing to experience but it`s a stage a lot of people go through when they`re trying to get over someone

yeah u sound funky The things you`ve described seem totally normal to me. Just because one happens to be female doesn`t mean you have to go about dressed in pink sequins all the time with a little dog in your handbag! I drink beer sometimes too( I developed a taste for it when I went to spain and found it was as cheap as water)-nowt wrong with that! Just be happy with yourself and have fun!

I had the EXACT same problem with my boyfriend. He would always always have some excuse or reason why he couldn`t see me that evening etc, in fact half the time he was supposedly too busy to phone me. Eventually I realisd the simple truth: if you really love someone/wanna be with them then you MAKE time for them, no matter how busy you are. If you can`t get through to her then I would probably write her a letter or an e-mail explaining exactly how upsetting and frustrating it for you. By writing it down she can`t interrupt, fob you off with an excuse and has to really think about it. The more you nag her/shout at her you will end up pushing her away and making her WANT to spend less time with her so written communication is the key. From what you`ve said it sounds like there`s still time to solve this problem. If you let it go for too long then it can become a habit with her...