Ghosted or busy?

[Mmtea]

I feel a bit ashamed to even discuss this but it's been a while since I've felt this feeling in my chest and I need some raw feedback. So I've been chatting with this guy for over a week, I know just a week. But we hit it off immediately. I haven't really dated after getting out of a really long relationship and I've been very very selective with who I talk to. So I connected with this guy on social media, he lives in another State so we simply sent messages back and forth throughout the day, which eventually turned into voice recordings, video recordings and it seemed like we had a mutual attraction for one another. He would send me replies as soon as he could, always mentioning how bad he felt if he couldn't reply right away. I never understood the need to respond instantly through text, sometimes people get busy. Except now I'm a bit in my head, because I haven't heard from him for almost 4 days. He hasn't blocked me from what I can see, it seems like he hasn't been online, but hard to say on an app where you can hide your status. I haven't checked in on him because I don't want to come off as pushy or needy, but I'm worried I said something that may have put him off. Currently, I just left it as I want to respect his space since we haven't been talking long. I feel like if someone likes you they'll do whatever they can to keep that communication going, and the message is pretty clear. But part of me is in a bit of denial. What is okay for me to do? Should I continue to leave it and wait for a response? Could it be that he ghosted me without blocking me? Should I send a message seeing if everything is okay? 

I hate that I am feeling this way, as I've been able to keep myself rather distanced when getting to know someone initially. However, he made it incredibly easy to be openly myself and I'm feeling more sad about it than I'd like to be.

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, Mmtea said:

Should I send a message seeing if everything is okay? 

No, don't do this. 

He's virtually a stranger. Asking if everything is okay will come across as too needy in these circumstances. He will be in touch if he wants to keep communiction going. 

I also wouldn't assume you said something that put him off. It's likely as simple as someone else occupying his time these past few days. I would get busy exploring other options too, especially since it doesn't appear as though you two live near each other. I would focus on keeping those options more local as well. 

It's disappointing when someone suddenly goes silent, but that's also why it's important to not to message too much and get too attached to that communication before even meeting. 

[Cherylyn]

Try contacting him one last time.  If he continues to ghost you, then he's deliberately ignoring and rejecting you so get his message loud and clear by moving on.   I'm sorry.

Also, remain realistic.  LDRs (long distance relationships) tend to fail due to obvious reasons:  Infrequent get togethers, expensive, time consuming traveling back 'n forth, impractical, inconvenient hassle to see each other in person and drifting apart due to excessive absences.  It's more practical and enduring to date someone local. 

 

[boltnrun]

His real life is probably getting busy so he has little to no time for online only communication.

Don't allow yourself to get overly attached to words on a screen and a voice over an electronic device. The real world where you can interact with others is much more fulfilling.

[Coily]

 

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

His real life is probably getting busy so he has little to no time for online only communication.

Don't allow yourself to get overly attached to words on a screen and a voice over an electronic device. The real world where you can interact with others is much more fulfilling.

I think Boltnrun is really touching on something here; in these LDRs a lot of people (myself included) get more attached to the idea of someone, or the relationship, than reality of what is going on. OP, you are wanting to keep the illusion going, and this hiccough is more disruptive to you than to him.

 

 

[Kwothe28]

53 minutes ago, Mmtea said:

I feel like if someone likes you they'll do whatever they can to keep that communication going

This. If he wants to reach out he will at least invent some reason to sent a message

Dont get invested into this things too much. If he reaches out, fine. If he doesnt just look at it as no big deal especially after only a week and only social media. I would assume that his interest is pretty low. It might not even be something you said, just that maybe somebody else turned out. Especially if you met him on some dating app.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Mmtea said:

he lives in another State so we simply sent messages back and forth throughout the day, which eventually turned into voice recordings, video recordings

Try to avoid this type of situation. There has been no real or live interaction. This has many red flags for a scammer, catfish, someone in a relationship, etc.

 It's always a red flag when someone contacts from afar and uses recordings to communicate.

 Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

 Instead get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and promptly meeting local real-life real-men.

[SherrySher]

You responded to him last, it is now up to him to reply to you.

If he doesn't, accept that and let it go.

Sometimes it doesn't always work out as we hoped, but no worries, there are millions of people in this world, you can try again with someone new.

[Rose Mosse]

3 hours ago, Mmtea said:

I feel a bit ashamed to even discuss this but it's been a while since I've felt this feeling in my chest and I need some raw feedback. So I've been chatting with this guy for over a week, I know just a week. But we hit it off immediately. I haven't really dated after getting out of a really long relationship and I've been very very selective with who I talk to. So I connected with this guy on social media, he lives in another State so we simply sent messages back and forth throughout the day, which eventually turned into voice recordings, video recordings and it seemed like we had a mutual attraction for one another. He would send me replies as soon as he could, always mentioning how bad he felt if he couldn't reply right away. I never understood the need to respond instantly through text, sometimes people get busy. Except now I'm a bit in my head, because I haven't heard from him for almost 4 days. He hasn't blocked me from what I can see, it seems like he hasn't been online, but hard to say on an app where you can hide your status. I haven't checked in on him because I don't want to come off as pushy or needy, but I'm worried I said something that may have put him off. Currently, I just left it as I want to respect his space since we haven't been talking long. I feel like if someone likes you they'll do whatever they can to keep that communication going, and the message is pretty clear. But part of me is in a bit of denial. What is okay for me to do? Should I continue to leave it and wait for a response? Could it be that he ghosted me without blocking me? Should I send a message seeing if everything is okay? 

I hate that I am feeling this way, as I've been able to keep myself rather distanced when getting to know someone initially. However, he made it incredibly easy to be openly myself and I'm feeling more sad about it than I'd like to be.

Is there a particular reason why you would consider someone out of state having any dating potential? I ask because the individuals (people in real life I've asked) who are open to this are usually looking to relocate themselves or leave a local situation or area. If you are open to relocating or need to relocate or are looking for a change it would mean chatting with someone like this could be seen as an exciting opportunity in another town or city. If this is what you really want, why not focus on relocating altogether and put your heart and soul into finding a place and making a move on your own. Don't depend on anyone or a relationship for that or to cushion the transition. Do it because you believe in it, not because someone else is there. 

Otherwise, dating out of state seems like you're trying to dodge something in your own locale and you're opening yourself up to a lot of scammers and weirdos. I would immediately second guess why someone from out of state is wanting to get to know me if I saw a message on a dating app from that person. 

Busy yourself in other ways and get rid of this guy if he's hot/cold and seeming strange or shady. Date locally and meet your dates within a few days (the same week) of chatting or saying hello on an app. Good luck. 

[DancingFool]

I think taking some time off to heal is good, but stepping away too long from dating and relationships leaves people too lonely and liable to make bad dating decisions all over again. It's the thirsty man in the desert kind of a problem, where even a fetid puddle of water seems amazing when it's really not.

Anyway, meeting/talking to someone that you click with can be very exciting. However, when you catch yourself over sharing and becoming too attached too much too soon, that's a huge red flag. A time to take a big step back and check yourself and be sure you don't get lost in a fantasy that's liable to turn toxic on you.

As for what's going on with him and why he dropped off and whether he'll come back? Who knows.....you aren't close enough to be informed or kept in the loop of what's going in his life. That should be your wake up that you got wrapped up in this too much and need to step way back and keep yourself more in check going forward even if he does come back and picks up the chat. You don't know this man from Adam. Keep that in the back of your mind.

 

[SooSad33]

It's fine, you two were just talking.. met up on social media.. but that's it.

So, don't dwell on any of this... play it cool.  Leave it be.

Yah, he's probably got a life, but most likely does not see you anything more than a chat buddy.

Move along.. no expectations.

Consider a local dating site, if you're looking to date again.

Even look up local 'singles groups' eg. on FB.

[Batya33]

Agree with the others. He didn't ghost you -he's a stranger who chatted with you on line for a short period of time until he didn't feel like it anymore.  And you have no idea if the same person was writing to you or if the original person is a male or female. I'm sorry you're disappointed.

[Capricorn3]

Me thinks the guy is married or in a relationship and while the wife or gf was out he went online to find some excitement and fun.  Could be wrong of course but that's what my gut tells me.

One week.  You don't even know this guy. Let it go and move on.  Not worth losing any sleep over it.

[catfeeder]

Has he ever spoken to you in person, or just recordings?

Be careful.

[poorlittlefish]

Nobody is ever so busy that they can't take a few seconds out of a day - let alone 4 days - to send a simple message.  He's not busy, he just can't be bothered.  Chalk it up to experience and move on.

[GB11CR7]

1 hour ago, poorlittlefish said:

Nobody is ever so busy that they can't take a few seconds out of a day - let alone 4 days - to send a simple message.  He's not busy, he just can't be bothered.  Chalk it up to experience and move on.

This.

4 days is too long.

Nothing to lose OP, send him a last message.

[smackie9]

This cyber stuff will mess with your head. You are over invested in a guy that is a total stranger you have talked to for a week, that lives in another state, you haven't met irl, haven't had a date, has been silent for 4 days. You feel ashamed for a reason. Going a little overboard here right? If you had a friend that told you this, what would you think?

Take a step back, take a good look at what you are doing, then reassess your situation. Continue on with your life, go back on the dating app, try and find some nice fellows that are local, and available to take you out on a date.